View Full Version : $#@#$@! Mania


Spongedaddy
09-22-07, 04:32 PM
Okay so....as some of you know we moved to NJ earlier this year and it has been very expenive...plus my company has been purchased which leaves things up in the air...plus delaing with the BiPolar diagnosis and three med changes..

...well we really need to move and I want to go back to FL and the Mrs. wants to stay close to her family who live in upstate NY...it really is hard because on one hand I want to support how she feels about them....if we go to FL we might see them once a year...and of course the kids like having aunts and uncles etc...but I love FL...anyhoot we didn't know what to do and PA was our distant third choice..well we went to visit PA today and saw a very nice three bedroom that is less than what we pay for two..and..and..and..we took it..


#$!^%# me

I know how much she wants to stay...and now we can...but the job scene is still very stressful and I am having a lot of trouble dealing with the fac that I am doing this for them because of how badly I want to live in FL..

...now my mania is off the charts and I feel somewhat sick to my stomach..I have no idea why I did what I did or how fast it happened (we are moving in two weeks they only had one three bedrrom with pets allowed and it has been hard finding a new apartment...it seemed like it was meant to be)...I just needed to say this here because I am now off the chain...

anyway thanks for reading...

Crazy~Feet
09-22-07, 05:40 PM
Are you able to be still and explain to me what, exactly, constitutes "off the chain" for you? Might be different from my own experiences.

Spongedaddy
09-22-07, 06:07 PM
I guess full blown panic attack would be best...I am starting to calm down, but still feel a bit dizzy...it was hard to focus and breathing was shallow...racing thoughts..etc.

This was very unexpected and doing something this sudden is certainly a trigger. However, we have to move so it was bound to happen sooner or later. I guess it started sinking in that we aren't going back to FL right now and it set me off. I still feel kind of ill, but the constant background noise in a head has settled a bit.

P.S. THough it isn't as bad today as it was yesterday, Trileptal seems to be causing quick shots of memories I would rather not have...and they are random..which doesn't help...I am starting to get back to myself...such as that is...

Crazy~Feet
09-22-07, 06:54 PM
Hmmm how long did the doctor say it might take to see improvement on Trileptal? I seem to remember it being pretty sedating but everybody is different, of course.

Spongedaddy
09-22-07, 07:34 PM
He didn't say. I will say this: while having a bad manic/panic episode I didn't act on any urges to go out and spend more money. I suppose that is progress.

Crazy~Feet
09-22-07, 07:41 PM
Actually, I would consider that progress, Sponge :)...one step at a time, man.

justhope
09-22-07, 08:35 PM
Sorry dude! I had those days Wed, Thurs, Friday....and then slept.......aaah.

I behaved too...but give yourself a break....you are progressing...really you are.

Stay in Chit chat...that will keep you busy...LOL

Spongedaddy
09-22-07, 09:08 PM
Want to hear the punchline? After all the work we put in and the triggers that this caused....wait for it....wait for it...her family doesn't give a poop that we made this effort to stay. If we wont live next to them, they don't care. I got angry, but it didn't send me into a spin so I am glad.

As always thanks for the support. It is incredibly helpful to have all of you around.

justhope
09-23-07, 03:35 PM
AARGH....well the nerve....although I am sure they have NO idea....what they have put you all through....

You did good.....then....


We need you too, don't forget....payback will be coming...no worries there..LOL


Hope :p

Spongedaddy
09-23-07, 05:16 PM
I know it's simply a reflection of what's going on inside of them. Fear....a whole lot of fear. There really will be no payback nor would I want there to be. However, if they don't want to make an effort or want to be mean (her sister was a bit snarky) then we don't have to put up with that either.

It's strange. I had a knot in my stomach all day and the racing thoughts are almost unbearable and yet I every day I become aware of them as part of the condition and not me.

justhope
09-23-07, 05:55 PM
Spongedaddy]I know it's simply a reflection of what's going on inside of them. Fear....a whole lot of fear. There really will be no payback nor would I want there to be. However, if they don't want to make an effort or want to be mean (her sister was a bit snarky) then we don't have to put up with that either.
The payback I speak of is not for your in-laws, silly. I mean all the help and thanks you say to us for the support, will be paid back by you to us....we will need you and do as much as you need us. Paying back others is a waste of good energy that is put to better use somewhere else...LOL


It's strange. I had a knot in my stomach all day and the racing thoughts are almost unbearable and yet I every day I become aware of them as part of the condition and not me.
My friend, Welcome to the healthier side of BP...acceptance, acknowledgement, and awareness ......

Spongedaddy
09-23-07, 06:05 PM
Oopsie, my bad. I was picturing you with a steel chair beating up people ;-)

justhope
09-23-07, 06:17 PM
On a bad , unmedicated day....that could be possible...LOL

No worries!


Hope :p

Matt S.
09-24-07, 11:17 AM
Balance, sleep, eating, exercise, meds etc. They have these WRAP plans that Mary Ellen Copeland formed because she has bipolar and no medication available works for her, The Depression and Manic Depression workbook may help, I am, of course the biggest hypocrite because I have induced mania intentionally, but I can still offer some helpful suggestions.

justhope
09-24-07, 12:07 PM
Mspen....at least you are honest. I can respect that, and even in your "hyprocrisy" you are still helpful to others...unfortuantely your suffering, however self induced can offer the hope others will be so put off by it's ramifications...they will decide they would rather NOT do it that way!

You are still apart of this group, don't sell yourself short.
Mspen..practice makes perfect, and it's never too late....to start over...again!

And Sponge...he is right...about the above advice...


Hope aka DenMother

Crazy~Feet
09-24-07, 03:47 PM
Balance, sleep, eating, exercise, meds etc. They have these WRAP plans that Mary Ellen Copeland formed because she has bipolar and no medication available works for her, The Depression and Manic Depression workbook may help, I am, of course the biggest hypocrite because I have induced mania intentionally, but I can still offer some helpful suggestions.Matt,just keep on posting your honest experieces. Most of us do that here in the BP forum area anyway. You have some very valuable insight and many people can benefit from what you have to share. :)

Have I mentioned recently that I am very glad you are back? I am, ya know!! :)

Matt S.
09-24-07, 04:45 PM
Yeah it takes all kinds to make the world go around huh? On the subject of self induced mania or mania in general, when you are in a predicament like mine, moving to the other end of the state impulsively and living somewhere where you don't know anyone and your first 2 weeks was a homeless shelter (god am I glad that ended as fast as it did) self induced mania loses it's 'kick', no pun intended. And it feels good that people actually like me on ADDforums when I have been warned enough times to almost get the boot, mixed states and Addforums don't seem to go together well for me. Not that it's an excuse for my behavior but now it remains controlled.