View Full Version : How did I miss the sign's
01-31-04, 03:53 AM
I have alway's been more intune with other's thought's and feeling's rather then my own. But, my oldest son and I had an uncanny ability to read each other. But, somehow I missed the sign's or ignored them all together. Today I learned that I had failed my child in the most elemental way.
At first it was small changes in behaviour's. The inability to sleep and when he does sleep, he can sleep the day away. Increased anxiety, stomach aches, headaches, shortness of breath, pressure in his chest, rapid heart rate, increasingly more sensitive and easily brought to tears. After many day's of missed school, extra curricular activities and playdates, my husband and I decided to take him to his physician who said it was just part of his ADHD, so I let it drop.
He started developing a sense of guilt, his concentration level dropped, his grades went from A's to D's and F's, he became increasingly afraid of failure and rejection and became more hostile and violent especially towards himself and his property.
Today we had a meeting with his physician, therapist and his teacher. Today we learned our son is serverly depressed to the point of hurting himself.
When Dakota was small he was terrified of his closet; so everynight he would wake up screaming and we would run to him and do battle with this monster until he was finally banished from Koda's room. How did I not hear him screaming this time, how did I not feel his pain, his fear?
Tonight while giving him his first dose of medication I happened to look into his eyes and he let me see him for the first time in a long time and I felt nothing but terror. How did this happen? He's known no trauma. Why did this happen? How could I let this happen? The only way I can describe what I saw and what I felt is with an analogy.
It was like coming around a corner and finding that your child had been attacked by a monster. He was just standing there with his arms held wide and his face a mask of shock. I could see everything it was as if he had been ripped open from head to toe and everything was left bloody and open for the world to see. I just stared, wanting to scream "this is not fair, why him". Then he closed his eyes, swallowed his pill and walked away and all I could do was watch him leave me.
How do I tell him we will beat this monster too, when I don't know how to win this battle. How do I give him hope. I keep looking at picture's from the last year and I see the sign's so why did I miss them? How could I have failed my own child this way.
I wonder if I will ever see MY son again. Will he get better. I just don't know how I'm supposed to put his pieces back together again.
01-31-04, 04:39 AM
Oh, Futs... I so feel your pain :( :( :(
This is NOT your fault... please don't beat yourself up... (as if such words from me could stop you... but you know what I mean...)
All you can do is live up to your signature.
All you can do is your best.
Into every life a little crap must fall. But you can get through it. There will be something, if not awesome, at least less bad on the other side.
01-31-04, 09:23 AM
I'm down; but, not out. I'm just having a hard time finding the words to give my son hope when I don't feel any right now. And if it's all the same I would really rather NOT tell Koda the other side is better right now.
But, thanks there are times I wonder were I would be without the support of my many friend's not only in the forum's but in the ADD chat room too. I know no one has the answer; but, it does help to know someone has been here too.
01-31-04, 10:13 AM
Standing where I am, I looks like you SAVED him, you didn't fail him. You rescued him from the monster. It was not too late. Your post could have read very differently.
You do not need words to give your son. He already has your strength. He was strong enough to speak to someone and ask for help. That takes and unimaginable amount of strength. If you must give him words, remind him that you are proud of him.
I'm pulling for you guys.
01-31-04, 10:59 AM
You've already done much better than most parents would. By acknowledging his pain and addressing it, you're miles ahead. When I told my mom I was depressed she said, "That's impossible. Children do not get depression. Anyway you have nothing to be depressed about."
You know what he's going through and you will be a great help to him, I'm sure. He's lucky to have you.
01-31-04, 02:23 PM
There is nothing I wouldn't do for him right now,,,including telling his daddy to join the team or get off my field. I would just be happy right now with even a small smile or him letting me touch him. When I asked him if I could hug him last night he said "no the ugly rubs off ma":(
Right now I just don't know if I'm coming or going and I tried talking to a friend in "real time"; her suggestion was to get him excorcised. I personally have never heard of an excorcism curring depression, I look in his eyes I don't see evil---I see pain.
They say the eye's can't lie. After looking thru last year's picture's I have found that to be true. I got a private message today from someone who is feeling the same way I am today and asked what I meant about his eyes. Here is 3 picture's taken in the last year, you can slowly see my son go from an outgoing, laughing boy to confused and lost.
Today I can't conquere the world; but, hopefully soon I will be able to post more pics like the first and second ones. THAT is my son.
01-31-04, 03:55 PM
I think I know what you mean. If you could absorb every ounce of pain for him, you would. That is our instinct, but it is not our job. Our job is to prepare them for the big, bad world, such as it is and you are doing that. Recognize your successes as a parent, however small you feel they are right now. Continue to try to be strong and he will gather strength from you.
Incidentally, if one of my kids ever asked me not to hug him or her because "the ugly rubs off," I would automatically assume that he or she was insulting me. Now there are some children who could stand a good exorcism.;) Hang in there girl.
Big huge hugs futs..I wish kids came with instruction book...with all the things going on line your life right now, I could see how you may have missed it. Just be there for him...you are a great mommy and don't let anyone nor yourself tell you different. The important thing is you see it now. With the love you have for him, and I tell there is a lot, you can help him go through whatever it is he is going through. This may even bring you guys closer than you have ever been(thinking positve which I rarely do).
01-31-04, 10:00 PM
What a cute boy. I love the blonde hair/brown eye thing. You don't see that combinatin as often as the blonde/blue or brown/brown (and your new baby is precious).
Try to look forward. Concentrate on the present. The past has already happened. Nothing we can do about yesterday only today and tomorrow. You are helping him now. That's what is important. Just remember after we have children our middle name automatically becomes "guilt". We blame ourselves for everything that happens to our children and we shouldn't they are little people on loan from God. We do not own them, we do not create them. They are not ours. We just borrow them for a short time and give them back when he is ready for them. If he want let you hug him and you need to do something physical to show him you love him write him little notes. Slip them in his bookbag, "You are my precious boy", slip them under his door without knocking, "Mommy will always love you and I am always here to talk if you ever need too". If you don't want to tell him it will be okay. Don't. But you can give him hope and let him know you guys will do anything to help him feel better. If it means going to the ends of the earth you will do that. Hope is really all we have in times of trouble and crises. He needs to know you will never give up until he well.
Hang in there Futs. I have read enough of your post to tell you are a strong women.
02-01-04, 01:32 AM
FG the first thought that did go thru my mind was "Hey, you callin me ugly?" but, didn't think it was the appropriate time for humor.
Mel, I can see I'm rubbing off on you (positive thinking) told you I was a bad influence.
Just I CAN find the words; I just CAN"T say them without crying. I do really like your note idea though and have left my first one today.
Like I said we're down but NOT out!!!! I think right now we are still in the shock stage; but, I'm quickly going to the mommy fix this stage. Which means while I may NOT be able to FIX it for him I can give him the tools to adjust and conquere.
Influence me Mommy futssssssss thanks for the rub!:D
02-01-04, 01:37 AM
Be strong Futs.
Remember... no matter how badly you feel you are doing, there are still millions of kids out there who would trade their own parents (or lack of them) for you in a second.
another spakespeare quote-Aye there's the rub!
02-01-04, 02:55 AM
Clams ty for your words of encouragment and they did bring a smile to my face. We have no choice but to stick it out or the world would lose an amazing person. So don't give up on us, we have only begun to fight. (can you tell I read too much lol)
Mel I ain't rubbing THAT. and someone should have told you that Shakespeare is depressing.
I never said you were rubbing that Ms Mind in the Gutter:p
And futhermore not all shakespeare is depressing and even the ones that are depressing is beautiful poetry none the less.
02-01-04, 11:09 PM
(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry what you are going thru. I am sort of going thru the same thing with my son, I believe he is also depressed,not severe but thats enough for me. I am calling on some therapists tomorrow. I have heard of so so may children being depressed simply from the effects from their stimulant medication. Is you Son taking a stimulant?
I wish there were words I could say to help you and your boy feel better, I really do. But like the others have said don't beat yourself up about this. I couldn't have said it any better than Justolme! You are doing the best you can, and your getting him the right help. He is a doll! How old is he, he looks like my boys age, which is nine.
Please keep us posted! You guys are in my thoughts, take care!
02-02-04, 12:53 AM
My son is 10 and I really needed to hear that today,,,thank you from the bottom of my heart. Right now I just feel cold and alone and tired omg so tired.
They put Dakota on Adderall and Prozac we had to dc both meds today because they don't know which one he is having an allergic reaction to. He's just been a nightmare today crying all day and getting angry and my husband has been riding his *** all day like a freight train. I told him to stop that he was uncomfortable I mean imagine your whole body itching and nothing makes it stop and he told me to just shut up and stop smothering the boy.
What's left? more pills, more reactions, more lying how long before my son stops believing in me and what I say? How often can he hear everything is going to be ok we'll get thru this when everytime we turn around there's another road block. I don't know anymore.
02-02-04, 02:20 AM
All you can do is take it one step at a time...
There will be a time in his life when he looks back at this time, and remembers the patience you had with him...
...and remembers the patience your husband did NOT have with him... :mad:
02-02-04, 02:29 AM
I honestly hope he doesn't remember his dad this way.
02-02-04, 06:10 PM
Its easier said than done, but try to take care of yourself during this time. Here I am telling you this and I fall victim myself, but he needs all of your strength. Get as much sleep as you can and try to nuture yourself,your mentality depends on it. I felt like I had the Flu last week with all of the stress I had and I noticed when things started to calm down,I realized it was just that. tress.
Your Husband sounds just like mine! It makes me so mad when he loses his patience with our son, so I have to remind him of his adhd. Heck sometimes I wonder that he has adhd too because of how low his frustration tolerance,and how impatient he is! Thank good ness I am very patient.LoL. I can also tell that you are a great Mom with alot of patience,so don't beat yourself up! I wish I had some good advice for you to tell him about things getting better, I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I guess the best thing to do is just lettng him know that your are with him every step of the way, there may be ALOT of steps, then again theyr'e may not be! Like a mystery, you guys are in it to work as a team and solve this thing as soon as possible!
speaking of my Husband ,he broke out terrribly and itched like crazy from Wellbutrin XL and also Wellbutrin (both antidepressants) Now he is taking Lexapro which has been a god send for his irritability, for quiting smoking, he hasn't in three months YEAH! :) Anyway getting off track here sorry. What I am saying is,one med will work great for one person and not so good for another,and theyr'e are so many other antidepressants/stimulants to try. I hope I'm not sounding like a broken record. : ) There is alot of trial and error involved with adhd. I was also taking Adderall week before last and it did not agree with me at all! Coming off of that stuff made me so depressed feeling and irritable, anything would set me off! Then again I know of people who do really well on it. It's so weird. I hope you find the right med/combo soon!
Please take care, and keep us posted. Your in my thoughts! and You are NOT ALONE! We are here for you!
02-03-04, 01:51 PM
On Sunday after my husband had been screaming and putting Dakota down all day I decided I have had ENOUGH!!!!!! I asked Doug to leave for a couple of hours, then took Dakota aside and had him compile a list of thing's he learned from his dad. Here are some thing's learned.
1. I am stupid
2. I am ugly
3. I am fat
4. I can't do anything right
I then had him compile a list of thing's he loved about his dad. And this is what I got.
1. My dad works hard
2. My dad loves my sister and brother
3. My dad loves my mom
4. My dad is good at models but i can't do them
5. My dad is the best dad
So, when hubby got home I showed him the list and asked were do you see that you love him, is how your treating him showing him love? You either become a part of this team or you need to leave. He didn't say anything, just went to bed.
I gave up this is NOT the life I asked for and I want to return it--I WANTED TO BE A PRINCESS. I couldn't bear being near him (he was given a passport in and he just walked away). I have never hated anyone more in my life then I did him at that moment. I ended up sleeping on Dakota's floor; because, of his nightmare's. The next day nothing was different. Doug did not go to Dakota's therapy session with us and all the way home I tried to find the courage to make him leave.
When we got home we had found that someone had scooped the walkway (Dakota's chore), his bike had been fixed (only his dad knew it was broken),there were warm cinnamin rolls on the table(Koda's favorite and my sister's specialty), there were post it notes over the entire house from family, friends, neighbors, classmates telling Dakota how he is special and how knowing him has made their life brighter. But, what made him smile most was what he found in his room (he colored his walls a couple weeks back with sayings like my dad hates me, my dad is mean to me) he not only found a new model on his bed but in huge red letters someone had wrote "SOMETIMES MY DAD IS AN *** BUT HE WILL ALWAY'S LOVE ME"
I don't know what I did to deserve friend's like this; but, I'M KEEPING THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And yeah so he's a big donkey butt (hubby); but, he is beautiful and he is MINE. So, NO this is NOT the life I asked for; but, what does a 4 yr old know anyways.
Are we ok? I don't know about the future; but, TODAY we are and that is ENOUGH for me.:)
If I learn nothing else from this, I have learned this SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF AND FORGET THE BIG STUFF another words it's the little thing's in life that means the most not fancy cars or big house's.
02-03-04, 05:35 PM
Now I have to go do something nice for my son... :( :D
02-03-04, 08:33 PM
If you do something small everyday,,,you won't have to work so hard in the future. And I think that is an excellant idea!!!!!!
02-03-04, 11:22 PM
I played video games and watched wrestling with him all night, and we talked a bit.
It ain't as much as happened for Dakota but it's better than a swift kick in the rump I guess...
02-03-04, 11:26 PM
For the last nine months Doug has been feeling sorry for himself and has given Dakota nothing but grief. He had a lot of making up to do. Like I said keep it small; one little thing everyday is easier then trying to fix everything in one night. Hopefully it's a lesson hubby will remember in the future only time will tell.
Me hopes so futsy....for your sons sake as well as Doug and for your sanity
02-04-04, 08:34 PM
Today, Doug and DAkota got so close to their old behaviour I could see Doug losing his temper and Koda digging in for a fight. Doug started to say something and I'm sure at this point it was not going to be pretty. But, the next thing I know he closes his mouth and tells Koda to go to his room and they will discuss the issue in 10 minutes. :) What do you know you can teach an old dog new tricks. And yes Dakota did need punished but not belittled and yep he got punished.
02-04-04, 11:07 PM
I feel strange cheering for someone getting punished... but WOOHOOO!!!! :D :D :D
02-05-04, 12:57 AM
lol Well if behaviours like his go unpunished (hitting sister for no reason) then he will never learn anything. Good news is I'm getting really good at this gameboy.:)
02-05-04, 02:38 AM
I guess you can teach an old dog Gameboy :p
Sorry futs I had too!
02-05-04, 03:18 AM
OWWWWW lol and NO you can't lol
You said you were getting better at it...Love ya futsy
02-10-04, 10:36 PM
Futs- How is Dakota? Not a day has gone by since I read your first posting about your son's depression that I haven't wondered how he and your husband are doing.
My dad was really hard on my brothers. I'm not sure why fathers are so hard on their sons. Trying to prepare them for the real world I guess. My brothers received nothing but verbal and emotional abuse from my father when we were going up and I see my brothers today and they are exactly what my father told them they would be. Worthless, never amount to anything and bums. Children believe they are what we tell them they are. If they heard they are worthless they will believe it and it will be very hard for them to have the self-esteem to amount to anything.
I'm sooooo proud of you for stopping the verbal abuse before your son really started to believe he was as bad a his father acted like he was. Good luck and keep me posted. I'm keeping my fingers crossed Dakota will be okay and get well.
02-11-04, 09:34 AM
NF, I can certainly relate to your pain and frustration,my son is going to be 16 in Aug.,he was diagnosed in 1'st grd.with ADHD and was on meds until age 12.Here's my struggle;I myself am ADD/ADHD and I guess @ some point (can't remember when exactly) fell into my own lil'world and became so self-consumed with my problems,depression,etc.........that my son's issues have been greatly neglected for some time.It's as If I just can't deal with them,much less mine and his!.I blame my age as I had him so young........(16)all I ever wanted to do was be a good Mother,as mine wasn't and I too look @ him and think what have I done? how could I have let this happen?.Kalen (my son) hasn't complained or shown signs of depression in years but hasn't received any help that he will need for his future either.I see so much of myself in him it's scary!,I know the best thing I could do is to get both of us into see a Psychiatrist but he refuses and says that I'm the one with the issues,and that he can control his
self when he wants too.I observe the contrary,I see it everyday and what do I do?.........nothing!!!!!!!.I'm soooooo upset thinking about it all as he has sooooo much potential and I feel that I too
have failed him as his Mother!.My fear now is that,I have waited too long to again seek help for him and then theres the War of him seeing that he needs help too.I'm just so overwhelmed by It all and yes being ADHD myself,it's easier to just move on to other things for the moment in hopes that things will somehow fix themselves!.Reading your post has made me realize that I have drifted far away from the Mother I used to be and opened my eyes to seeing that I want to find that person in me again!!!!!.
02-11-04, 09:38 AM
Ashley I to am adhd so alot of the time when my husband would attack my son I would burry my head in the sand; but, we can't do that. I beg you to seek help now and if he refuses to go be covert about it. Tell him it's a family thing so you can feel better about yourself. Eventually he will open up. You are in my thought's and prayer's.
02-11-04, 09:40 AM
Dakota is making remarkable progress; but, I find myself constantly standing between he and my husband. Doug is seeing the therapist and can see for himself that he is repeating a pattern and it is just going to take alot of time and hard work to break it. They do get along a little better; but, there are still the day's when Doug treats us all as if we are faulty. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.
02-11-04, 08:46 PM
I know it must be hard. There are times (and I know I shouldn't compare this to your situation) that my husband has been waaaaaay to hard on my daughter. I would rather him spank her and get it over with. Sometimes words can cut much deeper and stay with you a whole lot longer.
The times he has done this I step right in as well and remove my daughter from the situation. I say, "let's go for a walk" or "let's go to my room". I used to "get in his face" and say "How DARE you say that to her" or "Who do you think you are". He normally backs down because he knows he is messing with fire messing with my child (and his). I would throw myself in front of a truck to save her body just as I will throw myself in front of him to prevent him for being emotionally abusing to her. She is just a child and can not possiblity defend herself against him. But I can.
I use to could not stand that my mom would not do ANYTHING when my dad was verbaly or physically abusive to my brothers. I would say to her, "How could you just stand there and watch this or listen to this, do something". She would say, "We have no place to go and he may leave us if I do". Now that I am older I think if my husband did what my dad did to us I would take my children to a shelter if I had no where else to go. I know I'm a different personality than she was and I'm much stronger than her but I have very little respect for her now because of what she put up with while we were growing up.
I don't know the answer but defending your son must make him feel he his worth you getting involved. ;)
02-11-04, 09:44 PM
Thank you Cherity and now that I'm back on my meds,hopefully I'll be able to make my plan of action and follow thru.I also know what you mean about the problems w/dad,Kalen is from my first marriage and so my husband has raised him w/me since he was 3.My husband(Nic) was really good with Kalen until we had our own son and daughter together,then things began to change.Kalen became my son again,and because my son and daughter with him don't have ADHD,there were differences made.Nic claims that his reasons for not being as close to Kalen as he is Jordan and Darian is because Kalen doesn't listen to him or really respect him.I see that it hurts Kalen,and that he doesn't understand why he gets treated differently,so he figures well negative attention is better than none.This issue has always been a problem in our marriage over the last 13 yrs.and I too have had to stand up and let him know that my son is apart of me,and as his Mother will not allow him to be hurt in this way.I have always thought it was because he (Nic) was not his biological father,and that If Kalen was his,he'd be more understanding but I guess that's not always the case.
02-11-04, 09:55 PM
Both of my brothers were my stepbrothers. My dad was not their real dad and my mom always thought he was abusive to them because he's not their real father.:confused:
02-11-04, 11:45 PM
I honestly don't give a **** that is no reason to abuse a child. For years my mother went thru one abusive "uncle" after another. Physically, mentally, verybally and sexually. ABUSE IS ABUSE. She finally met a wonderful man who not only adopted her four kids from different fathers but he was a real daddy.
what ****** me off the most is that these are children and yes I know your son is 16 (still a child) and these are grown men with such low grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I'll have to do this later sorry.
02-11-04, 11:52 PM
OK sorry about that but I tend to get just a little cranky on the subject of abuse.
OK my son is 10 for God's sake yes he's naughty what 10 year old isn't; but, his father does not have to call HIM bad, the behaviour is bad and YES I do punish my son but I don't make him feel like less of a person. I spend so much defending him at home and at school. I have nothing left when my husband attacks me,,,I almost hope he attacks me and gets it out of his system--he has this idea he can FIX us. lol
02-12-04, 08:25 PM
Futs-I'm curious.... Do you think what your husband is doing to your 10 year old son is abusive?
My opinion is if it happens once or twice or even a few times over a long time span it is not abuse. If it is becoming habitual or following a pattern then hurtful words become verbal abuse. This is the stuff that causes heavy mental baggage when we get older and some cases sooner.
Have you tried getting in your husbands face and saying, "If you EVER talk to my son that way again I will have you put out of this house". If he knows you mean business he may stop or at least think about it before he belts out his hurtful words. There is no easy solution to situations like this. Someone will always have to sacrific something if not everyone however, sacrificing your son's mental and emotional well being is certainly not worth it. I wish you could get to the root of why he is saying the things he says to him. You know he doesn't really think he is a bad person, does he? He's just a kid and kids will be kids. He only has 10 short years on this earth we have three times that amount. He should let him grown up before he makes a judgement call on his moral fiber. I have no tolerance for it either. :(
02-12-04, 11:51 PM
Yes, I think my husband was being abusive. Things have improved since he has been seeing a therapist himself. Both Doug and I were abused as children also. Were I have learned to see my abuse as a life lesson to never repeat; my husband seems to be stuck in a cycle he cannot escape. Or so we thought; but, slowly they are both coming around and when things start to get heated I can see he still wants to say things off the top of his head,,,the difference now is he'll take a deep breath and tell Koda to go to his room so he can calm down and not say something he will regret. So, far it's working. And most defintaly I have told him he will be leaving if it happens again. I reminded him that while we both have forgiven our parent's and love them dearly, the words we will never forget and I will NOT allow my children to be abused in their own home. He knows I will carry thru. I hope this clarifies why I still let him stay. People can change and he is showing an honest effort to change.
02-13-04, 12:21 AM
I love to see you making such positive strides forward, Futs. I LOVE it. You deserve these positive changes.
02-13-04, 12:23 AM
Two steps forward, one step back,,,I like the odds eventually we are gonna get there lol
02-14-04, 11:45 PM
Futs-That is awesome. I pray your marriage and family will stay together. Your husband is doing the right thing. Give him lots of encourgement and let him know how much you appreciate him trying to change. This will make you respect him and love him even more. It's not easy to change and it's not easy to pull out of old negative behavoiral patterns, but it sound like your husband is using a lot of self-restaint to take a deep breath and choose to handle the situation that has upset him when he calms down. I'll be rooting for ya!:)
02-15-04, 01:50 AM
Thank you and I am patient with him only because I know exactly what he is going thru. I too went thru an anger period. I shudder to think of all the people I have hurt in my life. Luckily about 90% know me still and are now considered friend's. Unfortunatly there is still another 10% I have to make amends too. But, I'm still young!!!
02-15-04, 03:38 PM
Just be very patient futs.
Be happy that he is at least making an attempt.
You are in my thoughts & prayers, as always.
02-15-04, 10:13 PM
I wish I could say I was thru my anger period. It has gotten much better with medication (Buspar & Zoloft) but I still shoot my mouth off a lot more than I should (not to children but to inconsiderate adults). I have very little tolerance for rudeness and normally my angry mouth has been directed at people that I thought deserved it.
I am less impulsive now, thanks to Buspar, and I am able to stop and think before I speak. My husband always says, "Ya know Sandie, maybe their not really a rude person maybe they are just having a bad day." That helps me realize I should hold my tongue sometimes. Which does not come nature for me- I wonder if ADHD has caused some of my anger problems:eek:
02-16-04, 01:00 AM
I seem to have the same problem there. The problem is when do you keep your mouth shut and when do you let it fly? Now that's the fifty million dollar question.
02-16-04, 10:45 AM
Never let it fly when you are angry.
02-19-04, 08:08 AM
I do agree to a point with you janine; but, have found it increasingly difficult to "play nice" with the school board and my son's teacher. It seem's as if the softer and calmer I talk the more they fight working with my son's special need's. After five year's of going round and round with these same men I think I have earned the right to an outburst here and there.
02-19-04, 11:58 AM
Unfortunately they may be interpreting your kinder and more polite approach as weakness or lack of assertiveness. In this case I would be polite until you hit a wall, then feel free to slowly lose more and more temper with them. :D
Just what I would do -- not necessarily the wise thing! :D
02-19-04, 02:27 PM
lol we are too much alike. I tried nice when that got me no were I tried begging and when that didn't work I became very blunt!!!
03-08-04, 09:54 AM
Update: Koda is doing very well once again in school he does still have a little trouble in the concentration area. But, it has been cut in half by a simple change in seating arrangement's imagine my surprise at that. lol
The issue of the bully is hopefully resolved. And Dakota has joined the Cub Scout's which in his own word's "something I been looking for". We still have day's but he is off the depression med and is learning how to handle these blue periods by the use of open communication between his father and I.
Doug and Dakota are spending more time together thru Cub Scout's and wrestling,,,I think they are finally connecting again and yes they still get mad at each other they are human after all but they have learned to walk away for awhile.
I'm glad things are working out between the two :)
03-08-04, 10:02 AM
Yes, well I'm sure with puberty coming on thing's will start to change daily. But, I'm sure this is a subject Doug know's all about. I hope cause I have NOOOOOOOOo clue. lol I'm not sure if boy's get moody and ummmmmmm cranky? (not my first choice) like girl's do or if it's something totally different.
03-08-04, 11:16 AM
i know where you are at, my daughter is going thru the same thing....angry, depressed, cranky (also not my first word choice ;) ) and more reclusive that usual. i'd like to know..... WHERE IS THE USER MANUAL??????????? i can't figure out if her depression is getting worse, or if its hormones.
but i have to admit that i do think men have the monthy mood swings (just look at my hubby) he he he
03-08-04, 01:08 PM
lol I like to hope I will be able to better gauge his moods and know true depression from a blue period. But, to be honest the first sign's are so subtle you don't even recognize them and yes maybe his doc is right and he has just found a black mail tool to use against me. But, I would rather be safe then bury my child because he carried thru. I will be more diligent in asking how he is feeling and I will understand that right now his dad is the best thing for him which hurt's but when he makes the winning touch down at the super bowl I guarantee you he'll be yelling "that one's for you mom" hehe
I have been reading all the the postings and I really feel for you. It is hard when you seem to be the only one working at it. I'm glad to see your husband is trying to make things better. You are right, sometimes you have to stand up to get action otherwise they will sweep it under the rug.
You seem to be doing a great job with lots of patience. You learn to break the cycle of abuse you suffered as a child. That takes a lot of effort and guts as well as lots of love. Hang in there, I know sometimes I get so down, I don't know if I can pick myself back up and keep trying with my grandson. But your posts and all the others give me faith and courage to go on when I am down. Thanks
11-10-04, 01:10 PM
It's been a long time since I have felt the need to come back to this particular thread. I have good news that many of you who have known us awhile already know but I feel the need to share my joy and hope with those who read this thread and wonder what ever happened to my depressed, suicidal baby.
Well, thru a lot of hardwork, perssitance, meds, therapy, coaching and tons of love. We've finally got our son back, he's going to have times were he'll slide back into depression but we are aware of the signs and are ready/willing and able to catch him when he needs us.
We went from a good natured little boy who smiled all the time to a sour, hateful, suicidal child that never ever smiled. With your support and those around us who love us and Koda he's back to our smiling, happy, go lucky kid. If I ever figure out how to change the size of my picture's I'll post one so you can see for yourselves.
Love ya all lot's
11-10-04, 01:51 PM
wooooooohoooooooooooooo!!!! that is awesome news!! i'm so happy for you :D
12-11-04, 03:48 PM
Thanks AC it's about time and just goes to prove as long as your breathing there's hope for a better tommorrow.
*shouts excitedly* I should write greeting cards!!!! lmbo
01-17-05, 01:01 PM
It sure is good to hear something so positive and to know helping make things better for your kids is possible! Happy for you!
01-26-05, 02:59 PM
Oh Futs, I'm so sad your son is ill with depression. But please, don't beat yourself up with this one. Depression is a silent illness. Come on Cherity, you know this really. I "know" you feel you should have known, but honestly, depression can be so silent even the sufferer does not know they have it.
You're many things, Cherity, and so many good things, but you're no mind reader. Just a great Mom, and a great person to know.
Hugs for your son,;)