Hi forum,

Lets say you're 29 years old. Youve realized that despite your gargantuous efforts to succeed in this world, youre still no where. Despite years and years of higher education, you have nothing to show for it except a huge amount of financial aid debt. Youve watched people come and go. Youve watched them try, and fail, and try again and succeed, often with your encouragement, and you ask yourself, "why can I help other people so well, and absolutely fail at helping myself." You have even asked for help from the people who love you and yet, it comes to a point where they say "I dont know how to help you anymore. You have my love and all the best advice I know and it doesnt seem to help. I dont know what else to do for you."

You know youre not dumb. Quite the contrary actually, as people have always been suprised by your depth and "wisdom", even at a young age. You try and try and try, and despite this renewing sense of hope found through major life changes, you still cannot find your place in life. Its not just that you feel like an outsider, you know it. You know you see a hundred different perspectives when most people only see one. You know that when you're fully functional, youre absolutely amazing. You know this because your friends have told you so. You know this because every job youve tried, and there's been many, your bosses and coworkers cant stop singing praises, at least at first. The jobs never work out in the end. Youve accepted this though and resigned yourself to just working low paying jobs that dont care about a resume that rivals Mike Rowes. Youve resigned yourself to a life of mediocracy.

Then you found an answer. Something you always suspected, but never seemed to be able to follow through on. Something called ADD. You did the research, you read the books, and youre convinced without a doubt that this is the root of your problems. This realization isnt minor by the way, it involved a complete reconstruction of who you were. It was a epiphany on the scale of enlightment. You say to yourself "Finally! This is why I am the way I am, this is the explanation!" Your hope is renewed like never before. You dream about the things you're finally going to be able to accomplish when you get treatment and you set out to get it right away. You dream about finishing all the things you've tried and failed at. You cant wait to finally get on with your life.

Then you realize that treatment isnt cheap and getting a diagnoses may be one of the most difficult things you ever pursued, mostly because it requires diligence, something youre not terribly good at because, suprise, youre ADD. Youre coming to your wits end. Youve stopped the self medication combo of marijuana and prozac and it only makes functioning worse. You dont know what else to do. The thought of even arguing with doctors and fighting for your needs tires you. Everything tires you now actually. You wonder why to even try anymore and how much longer you'll continue trying. You just want to give up.

I want to give up.

Self monitoring?
Executive function issues?

Sounds like there are some issues r/t how you were raised, too. For some reason,you prioritize others over yourself and your own basic needs. Perhaps you learned this from someone early in life.

re: Pot
Pot=bad news. (And consider the antisocial, bad types you need to associate with to find and get and use it.)

Ever hear of Amotivational Syndrome?

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Pot makes ADD worse, as it disturbs your Frontal Lobes' executive function.


Executive Function is probably the largest unspoken impairment that Adults mention on this bored.

e.g. Why can't i get it together in Life?

"why can I help other people so well, and absolutely fail at helping myself."

When you are helping others...what types of questions do you think or ask that help them?

Helping yourself comes from asking productive questions first.
Instead of asking "why" something is the way it is...it is MUCH better to ask "What can I do to improve this situation?" and similar questions.

When you ask why your brain comes up with anything it can to help you justify failing. When you ask WHAT you can do your brain comes up with solutions.

When you ask better questions things move forward seemingly on there own.

Hi SolidFrenzy

I liked your post, many things there that are spot on for me too. I'm trying to get a diagnosis as life begins to resemble a car crash in slow motion....I can see it all happening but can do damn all about it.

Stick at it....its the only thing you have to do, no matter what or how long it takes just stick at it. Yesterday was my birthday.....I'm now 46.....even if I'd started when I was 29 and it had taken till now to get sorted out it would be worth it now...

but instead I had another 17 years of living through what you describe before discovering Adult ADD......and being in the UK its going to take a long long time even to see someone who knows about ADHD.

kilt

It may seem impossible now, but not knowing what great and wonderful things you are capable of would seem to be the bigger loss.

This post seems embarrassing now. What a horrible intro.

Its not my usual me.

I forget who I am so often...

You can probably help others because your esteem for them is higher than that for yourself. That may make helping seem important and important can feel interesting and if its interesting you can work on it.

You will probably mess up a little on the road to a diagnosis (I forgot all the stuff I printed out for the doctor) but your life will act as a very good reminder to keep trying.

I know what you mean about forgetting who you are, I seem to chop and change taking on almost different roles week by week depending on which crisis I have found to worry about.

Graham

welcome to hell. please take a number and get in line.

i know this all too well. i am about to go back to the rank and file and i already see the 4-6 month loop. don't know my employer's name, don't know his company. AIN'T IT GRAND?!?!?!?!

ADD, which I am starting to call Dee Dee, is a lifelong obstacle. Destroyer of employment opportunities and personal relationships.

I love you Dee Dee. and you love me. You love to make me look like a fool in front of everyone, at my expense of course.

ADD may not be the definition of insanity, but I would think it would come pretty close. If I had tears to cry, I would cry them.

ANGER. FRUSTRATION. DENIAL. DEPRESSION. ACCEPTANCE. and when you are done, repeat!

Oh Solid, it was a wonderful intro! I mean that sincerely because as others have said before me, we're been there, done that, and got the t-shirt.

Resume like Mike Rowe? One could only hope! Besides being covered in various types of poo, climbing into dirty wine vats, etc. Blech.

Anyway, since I was diagnosed in Feb/March at age 38, it's like a burden's been lifted off my shoulders. I told my Garypist (his name is Gary and he's a therapist...get it?) it's as though he gave me a toolbox full of tools and said, "Here, learn how to use this." I went and bought the "Driven to Distraction" series upon my girlfriend's recommendation. I read the net (I just found this place Friday...under a rock much, KP?). I talked to friends and family. I cried for my son and me.

But you know what? I have a husband who's put up with my BS for 15+ years. I have a 7 year-old son who rocks my socks. I've stayed employed (granted, I haven't advanced through the ranks while my peers have but now I realise why) for over 20 years. My house isn't the cleanest...so what? My car's a mess (and she's embarrassed. Trust me; I know this). And yes, my ADD defines a HUGE part of me.

I'm quick on my feet with the snappy comeback. At times I suffer Foot In Mouth disease. I'm quick to laugh at anything and anyone, including myself. I can be flashy, ballsy, crazy without the aid of substances (I'm lucky...I don't care for alcohol unless it's a salty margie on the rocks). I'm a great idea person but I need a team to help implement the ideas. I forget to send cards for holidays. I can be insanely private and it drives Mr. KP nuts but damned if I'm not loyal to the friends I have.

Oh, it's not all about me? *grins!*

Be thankful you've found a place where you can be you. You're among friendly people who understand what it's like in your head. You're not alone.

I SECOND what KittenPoker (Geez - I don't like cats either, but . . .) said about yours being A GREAT INTRO POST!!!!! It was one of the best-worded descriptions of my experience that I've ever read!!! Fer REAL!!

Man - It took me close to a year (from initially wondering to my GP "I'm thinking I might have ADD!?!") to receive the diagnosis. And THEN - took an additional YEARS before finding a qualified medical professional WILLING to treat me!!!

In the meantime - I managed to acquire all sorts of complications due to frustration with the slowness of the process!!!!

I know how it feels, honey!! Hang on in there though. You only have to go through this ONCE!!!


Sue

P.S. So nice to have you here!! Please don't be a stranger!

Very well said. And exactly how I've felt many times. It is very hard to follow through with treatment. Heck, it's especially hard getting started. But I'm back on that road myself. Something keeps pulling me onward, I suspect you have that glimmer of hope too, or you wouldn't be posting here.

Don't give up. I won't if you won't.

Solid, you honor us by sharing your pain and frustration. And no one here thinks less of you for not being "up" for our benefit. We're all here to support each other.

And damn, it IS frustrating.

So is that you, that person I can dimly make out next to me in this dark Pit of Despair? Nice to meetcha. Maybe we could have done this at Starbucks or someplace instead of here in this miserable spot.

Keep writing, hon. We're all here to pitch in and maybe you can get some traction, somehow, with the love and wise ocunsel many have to share, here. Hang in there.