The amount of ignorance we must put up with daily is disgusting! My friends brother said this just the other day: "Ritalin makes all kids slow down. I want to slap people across the face who say they have add and tell them to grow up." And this was coming from what I thought to be an intelligent person. (Not so much anymore...)

Called stupid and lazy if we live without medication and criticized for weakness if we live with medication!
I'm sick of people telling me that adhd doesn't exist and I'm just a lazy disorganized idiot looking for an excuse.

So ... I'm wondering how you put up with the ignorance...
Do you just simply ignore it? Do you try to inform people? or Do you live with the irritaiton quietly?

I deal with that kind of mentality daily. I've come to realize they are just ignorant in that they refuse to educate themselves. Their initial response to anything new is negative.
I've long since given up trying to "educate" these people. I chuckle to myself when they make yet another genius observation. They likely think I'm a lunatic simply because I don't share their backwoods mentality.
I treasure the part of my ADD that sends me on a wild goose chase for information on random topics. I have a great deal of information, and I couldn't begin to know why.
The more I learn, the more the gap grows that exists between myself and those that love their narrow minded views. I've come to find it humorous really since educating them doesn't work. They don't WANT to know. So, I just have my private laughs at their expense.
Unless it's causing a very large rift in a relationship you share with someone, I wouldn't sweat it. For me, it's more important that I do educate myself and that I do get the treatment I need, in whatever form that may be.
When my doctor put me on zoloft a few years ago after I had my daughter, my Sister in law freaked and told me I needed to get off that stuff "it would make me kill my kids". :eyebrow:
I also find entertainment in discussing with my in laws my "worldly views" that I know are going to make their hearts stop. lol I can't wait to tell my mother in law I'm on amphetamines. :D

as part of a writing course, we had a segment on public relations. One of the first things or teacher told us was that you can divide people into three groups: the people who already believe what you have to say and can't be changed, the people who refuse to believe what you have to say and can't be changed, and people who either don't know or whose belief is changeable. Our teacher said to ignore the people who can't be changed and focus our energies on those in the middle.

Also, it can get tiring if you feel you always have to engage in educational sessions with those people in the middle. You can come up with neutral responses to deal with those conversations, for instance "how interesting," or "you don't say".

when I'm talking to people who make claims about the reality of various diagnoses, I usually have enough energy to ask them my favorite question -- "how interesting -- where can I see the research on that?" Or "where did you read that?". Or "who told you that?". I find that as soon as I ask for very precise details, we end up discussing the weather.

Ducky

People will complain about a hyperactive, disruptive boy. Then after Ritalin enables him to control his behavior they complain that his parents have doped him up just so they won’t have to deal with him.

You said it , Ergop. These people are ignorant. Even worse, they choose to remain ignorant. They don’t want to understand. They are just looking for excuses to criticize others so they can feel better about themselves.

Criticism hurts but it isn’t true just because someone said it. People who criticize are actually revealing flaws in their own character, not yours.

It is hard to ignore people who make outrageous statements but usually that is the best thing to do. Trying to educate them is like trying to educate a rock and it only increases your irritation.

I gave my little brother RItalin when we were kids and my mother almost had him screened for bipolar until I fessed up, so it doesn't slow all kids down, accept it as part of the ADHD battle, there's always going to be ignorant ones and arguing is not effective.

It's hard isn't it?

When you hear the ignorant statement, it really does take a lot to try to curb that reflex. I don't know if there is anything to stop that.

Personally, I believe it's always good to have a healthy outlook of ADD in the first place. Take the whole medication issue for example. I know what medication does and what it doesn't do. So if someone were to call me lazy because I use it, I know it's not the truth so it doesn't bother me.

You also have to bear in mind that ADD still is a largely unknown disorder. How many of us would really know about ADD if we didn't have it or knew someone who was affected by it? I know that the first image that came to mind when someone mentioned ADD to me was of some unruly boy who couldn't keep still! ;)

So sometimes I 'forgive' people for their lack of knowledge of what I have. Your friend's brother may still be considered intelligent if after being educated, they won't continue to make such statements.

You're right ducky that's all you can do. I've learned that I just really need to get used to people that don't believe the same things as me, it's not worth trying to change some people's minds and it's certainly not worth getting upset over.

Just try and remember what the jews went through in germany during the second world war, now that would have been hard :(

Sometimes I wonder if these same idiots tell deaf people to "just listen," or paraplegics to "get up of their lazy asses and walk," or... well, you get the picture.

Although I regret having been diagnosed so late in life, at least I can say that, prior to being treated for ADD, I literally tried everything to be more attentive, organized and focused, and nothing even came close to working as well as the medications.

I haven't done anything like this yet, but I'm sometimes tempted, when someone is waxing ignorant about ADD and our "overmedicated society," to say something like, "You should be grateful that there are medications to treat ADD, because if I weren't taking one right now, I'd have probably broken your nose by now."

I know this is the Adult ADD forum but I have to share this one with you.

Our son (and I) were dx'd in March 2007. I tried to explain to my boss, who's never had children but raises pure-bred dogs as a side business, about Little Dude's ADD. She had the audacity to say, "Well, my puppies are hyperactive too!"

What. The. ****? You're comparing my son to your #(*&$#& dogs? I'm rearing a potential world leader...you're raising a potential Westminster Kennel Club champion. Who's going to be a more productive member of society? Talk about ignorant...

Oh I've got one. My little brother (who has inattentive ADD like me) was in the playground when a fight broke out. His friend yelled out, "QUICK! Use your ADHD on him!" :P

I think each person needs to do what they are comfortable doing. Yes, it would be great if we could all rationally try to educate ignorant people. Some people just don't have the energy to do this and there are some people who aren't even worth the effort. It's taken me time but I usually try and educate people. There are times though when I just don't have the energy to do it though.

Just go to my latest thread "The ADHD stigma continues" and you're see ignorance at it's best.

Selena

I used to get REALLY angry when people would tell me it was fake. It's like they should look at me and tell that it isn't! I mean isn't it obvious to them when they're around me?

But now I just listen and ignore, for the most part they aren't worth my energy to argue with them. On occasion if the person just seems ignorant on the subject and know that they are, I'll fill them in about it.

Or if they're just really irritating, I just look at them and say "I happen to love my medical meth." and walk away =]

Ignorance is no excuse for not knowing. I can't stand those who think ADHD is fake...people stuck in the past...I can go on and on. I try to ignore and avoid them. :eyebrow:

Hmmm. If anyone has encountered a similar situation to what I just experienced, please offer me some advice. One of my closest friends pressed me to give him a reason for something really trivial that ammounts to my unwillingness to date right now. I lost it and finally told him about having to finally start taking medication for ADHD-combined type in the previous year (which had been diagnosed years ago) and need to work through some things. Apparently, "lay off it, I just have some things I need to sort out in my life right now" didn't suffice.

He looked at me, rolled his eyes, laughed and said: "so, you THINK you need to take medication for it?... How is it?... must be pretty nice..."

I'm stunned. Not knowing what to say, I told him just to please forget I mentioned anything and not bring it up again. The roll of his eyes made me recall all those years of "saying the inappropriate thing" and getting the same reaction.

Then, I did what I've always done in a these types of situations masterfully created by yours truly: I just packed up my things and abruptly left before I did any more damage. I never intended to tell anyone this (aside from family--who has known my dx all along), let alone this particular "friend." I'm concerned he may choose to discuss it with many of our acquaintances, including friends & classmates, despite having asked him in an e-mail I just sent not to.

My questions:
a.) For those out there who struggle with impulsivity, how do you deal with your actions after the fact? How do you grow to accept that you say things you didn't intend to do 1/10th of a second earlier? Do you even attempt damage control?

b.) Are there more effective ways of containing the fire than to scram and avoid the types of situations in which you know yourself to have a probelm with impulsivity?

c.) How do you deal with the ensuing loneliness & isolation that follows? This was one of my closest friends and I knew better than to tell him but how uncanny of me to do it anyway.

d.) How do you grow to trust people again after they really let you down? How do you deal with the judgement of a close friend for personal qualities that you can't change?

e.) How do you justify to others your rationale for depending on a class II controlled substance to live on your own and get through the day without sounding like a derranged addict?

*Heavy sigh* I think I'm going to call it a night and relax a bit. Hopefully this will all blow over by tomorrow morning. At least after a good night's sleep, I'll likely feel better than I currently do now... With my luck, I may not even remember what all the fuss was about...

To bed I go. If anyone can help me or direct me to some helpful print resources/techniques, you would have my utmost appreciation.

Thank you.

nb What others misinterpret as "laziness" is what neurologists and neuropsychologist testers call "executive function" deficits.

As my one classmate used to say about Racism: "It's not my responsibility to educate the whole world".

Boundaries help...

My questions:
a.) For those out there who struggle with impulsivity, how do you deal with your actions after the fact? How do you grow to accept that you say things you didn't intend to do 1/10th of a second earlier? Do you even attempt damage control?

Well that depends - I will try to reiterate if the words came out wrong or in a different way than I intended. If some one can not accept what I just told them then THEY have a problem. How "they" accept my condition is a reflection of who "THEY" are having absolutely nothing to do with me.

I don't hang out with ignorant types and there is a reason for this. I would rather be alone than around people who can not accept me for who and what I am. I am very much a what ya see is what you get kind of person.




b.) Are there more effective ways of containing the fire than to scram and avoid the types of situations in which you know yourself to have a problem with impulsivity?

Not unless one is willing to harness that "fire" and use it to your advantage. This takes some time but my hyper hinney actually learned to use the energy created by this fire from with in to get pretty decent at debates if I have a worthy opponent. It has taught me how to have my perspective attacked without taking it personally. The key ids to control the emotions and not let it control you I "channel it"


It depends upon the situation as to weather or not I engage the person or walk off. Some times I decide to use this ability for not so noble reasons - beating them at their own game which can be a stimulating challenge in it self if the person has enough intelligence to even be worthy of my time.




c.) How do you deal with the ensuing loneliness & isolation that follows? This was one of my closest friends and I knew better than to tell him but how uncanny of me to do it anyway.

Well you are already exercising one of those ways by coming here. The other way is I find better things to do with my time than to hang around people who can not accept me for what I am. I do not require the company of others although it is nice if the others are company worthy of my time.

You would not be the first ADDer to begin treatment for their ADD only to discover that it isn't their ADD flaws that are the problem it is the company they have been keeping. I do not intend to be rude only honest the only way I know how and that is to put it bluntly = judging by your post your friend sounds like a real jerk. I wouldn't waste my time.

If he tells your acquaintances you can always act like he is out of his ever lovin mind, or you can be truthful and let the chips fall where they may. That choice is totally up to you.




d.) How do you grow to trust people again after they really let you down? How do you deal with the judgment of a close friend for personal qualities that you can't change?

If some one can't accept me the way I am they are no friend of mine it is really that simple. IN order for any one to be my friend they must be willing to accept me "warts and all". {read ADD and all} No one is perfect and it is not my job to fit into their version of how I should be.


I trust myself which gives me the self confidence choose who is worthy of my trust and who is not. I protect myself from idiots and jerks with personal boundaries and distance. If they are unable to respect my distance and boundaries then I have no problems helping them become aware of their mistake. I have a gift = if I want people to leave me alone I make it where they want to leave me alone very quickly.

Don't get me wrong I am friendly but I am hard to get to know personally because it takes time. I do not have a lot of friends but the ones I do make are worth their weight in gold. I can tell them any thing and trust they will not use the information to harm me in any way.

It takes time to find people worth calling friend. . . friends can disagree with you but still not judge you. . . friends understand your life is that your life. . . friends respect that and they also expect the same respect in return, friends accept me the way I am as I do them. I don't play mind games this should not be mistaken for an inability to do so I just prefer not to. I prefer not to hang around people who lack the maturity to act like adults. I am an adult and have been a long time now.


Seems like I read you were in college so I know you are an adult. This is in no way meant to be insulting to teens but I gave up stupid junior high crap long ago. I do not feel obligated to be in the "in crowd". It takes a while but I normally can fit into social crowds if I must for work and stuff but in my own way. I am strange and I have learned to embrace that. Being strange or different is not a reason to tolerate abuse or bullying and I am the last person most want to bully because I do not buy into their mental garbage I know their weapons as well as they do I am also as skilled in their use.



.) How do you justify to others your rationale for depending on a class II controlled substance to live on your own and get through the day without sounding like a derranged addict?

Simple = I don't

I do not owe any one an explanation I am grown and capable of making my own decisions and living with the consequences there of. What I swallow and why is my business. Just because some one asked doesn't not mean I am obligated to tell them. It seem like most people who are mere acquaintances would already know that but I would have no problems reminding them.

Meadd, I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful reply to my questions. No doubt your advice will help considerably.

Your strength, conviction, and approach to working/dealing with people is admirable. You've given me a lot of great ideas for things to do differently in the future. Thank you again!

I identify with a lot of what you wrote but haven't quite achieved the level of self-confidence you demonstrated in your post. It was only shortly after starting medical school last year that I began taking medication for ADHD. Despite being diagnosed in junior high, my parents didn't consider medication an option nor did/do they believe ADHD truly exists...

Regardless of their views, life has improved immeasurably. I'm hoping that through continuing to test my abilities/limits (in rational, safe, legal ways mind you) I'll be able to "harness the fire" of which you speak. Before starting meds, I had never been able to follow a conversation well enough to engage in a well-intentioned debate, despite trying (and failing) countless times. Now, I can carefully consider an opponent's words and formulate responses on the fly much more easily. Last night took me by surprise.

Interestingly, most people who know me would say that I, too, am difficult to get know. It takes a lot for someone to earn my trust. However, this particular friend was one of my better friends in my grad program. After last night's encounter, I know my trust was misplaced (clearly).

(Many) lessons learned. Time to move forward. Thanks again for your post.

I tried to inform others but most just don't listen. They all have their own ideas. I remember when I disclosed to my boss and all she could say was "I will not accept that as an excuse." Like I was going to use it as any excuse. Idiots.

I identify with a lot of what you wrote but haven't quite achieved the level of self-confidence you demonstrated in your post.

I was born knowing how to do three things eat, pee and cry every thing else including confidence and personal boundaries I had to learn. Much of my knowledge came from attending the school of hard knocks I do try to help other avoid some of those hard lessons or at least encourage them during the coarse work.


I have no doubt you shall do very well. Misplacing trust that happens and it sucks. I am sorry this happened to you.

Actually, last month when I was diagnosed I asked my team at work if they would be willing to give me input on not only how much work I do has improved...but my ability to stay in my seat and not talk to EVERYONE.

So of course there were those people on my team saying oh you don't need medicine it's all about will power and wanting to stay in your seat and work...

Most of them have changed their minds now, which I think it amazing. Although, one of those people did really get to me the other day. One of my coworkers was telling me how much better I had been doing, so the other one felt the need to pipe in with "yeah...I actually like you now" - first of all I've been picking this woman up from her house to take her to work and take her home after work while her car is in the shop...and if she ever thought I didn't know...then she's completely and utterly wrong. I just wanted to burst and be like ok and you think I didnt' know that...you honestly believe I couldn't feel that...?

But anyway most people have changed their ignorance towards me taking this medication, even my mom.