I have this problem with having a lot of different things come out of my mouth, and I honestly mean well and try hard to handle this problem constructively, I guess it must be mental as well, because I have the same problem on this site, I am, from what I believe "on my last leg". I try to be informative and considerate and someone gets offended, even worse I am letting berate my self esteem to a rather extreme extent. I don't intend to be inappropriate or asinine with my posts or with people.

I do have ADHD with the big "H" but that isn't a good reason for me to be so thoughtless, at least so I think...

Am I the only one on this site that has an issue with my comments being so blunt? I hope someone can relate to this issue, I know only one other ADHDer who is like me in that respect. Please give me some tips, I fear that I am on my way to being banned from this site because of it and I like posting here and get a lot of support and understanding.

I am usually quite blunt when I speak, I don't think I'm like it when I'm writing or typing but when I speak I am ery different.

What I do is before I say something I repeat what I was about to say in my head before I say it, that gives me time to see whether or not its worth saying.

Another thing you could do is to count to 3 in your head before you say something and by the time youv'e finished counting to 3 you probably don't even feel the need to say it anymore.

It can be quite helpful but youhave to catch yourself just before you say something and that can be quite tricky.

It is definitely NOT just you. I have done my fair share of tongue-biting and often failed :o believe it or not. I have also discovered that people in this place get randomly offended...I have had my head bitten off, and bitten a head or two in my time as well.

Hi there Mspen,

I haven't read enough of your threads or responses to know if you really have a problem with diplomacy or not. However, I have to say, that since this is a site where you type your responses, perhaps you need to re-read things before you hit the submit button. Do you catch yourself wishing you hadn't said something *(read typed something, not said) and can't take it back because it is already quoted by someone else? If so, then you really need to re-read things before you post. I have been known as the queen of diplomacy, and often bite my tongue. There are a few issues that will push my buttons, and I have tried to be less sensitive to these issues when posted, so that I don't sound like a raving lunatic when I post. I would suggest that you take a look at the things that you have posted that you are not happy with, and see if these are knee jerk responses to questions that push your buttons. If they are not, and it is simply more how you phrase things, then perhaps I could teach you some phrases to use, that will make you sound less harsh and critical (depending on the topic). Personally I find that I tollerate bluntness just fine, but tollerate rudeness, not at all.

Good luck.

I do have ADHD with the big "H" but that isn't a good reason for me to be so thoughtless, at least so I think...

Nope they do not let me use the "H" factor as a "defense" either.:(





Am I the only one on this site that has an issue with my comments being so blunt

I am wondering if my existence has been forgotten? :p


Here in the forums I have annoyed my fair share of folks, any time you have a diverse group of people disagreements are going to happen.






I have been known as the queen of diplomacy,

Hmmmm I wonder what that is like?

Me, I am just the opposite I am the "Queen of Abrupt". I am frequently accused of "shooting straight form the hip". {it's a family thing}

Two things help me tremendously here

Being severely dyslexic - shodl i desid ot flme anohter wiht uto edting fwe cold raed ti ayn wya.

{spell check translation - Should I decide to flame another member without editing few could read it any way}

The editing time gives me "mental" time to consider the many approaches available to me.




Please give me some tips

OKay. . . . . .remember you asked :D

What helps me with both verbal and written presentations = learning how to word my thoughts in such a way that I communicate self responsibility for my thoughts feeling and attitudes.

Instead of "you are wrong"

Try "I disagree"

Instead of "I don't give a crap what you say"

Try "I was born with just the right amount of ambivalence to not get my knickers in a knot"


If I am really "hot under the collar" so to speak I avoid using the word "you" in my replies.

First of all - You! The word "YOU" alone sounds personal and even some what menacing. When combined with a disagreement especially a heated one it is easy for me to go over the line.

Using "I" statements is a sign of willingness to take responsibility for my feeling and emotions, it is also redirects statements toward me the writer rather than the reader or the member to whom I am responding = it works amazingly well even in debating. Yes I may appear arrogant at times but there are no guidelines against arrogance.

The time it takes me to reword my thoughts into sentences avoiding the word "you", increases the time between my angry thoughts and the submit button, which gives me time to reconsider other possible approaches/presentations.

Misc tricks

writing out how I really feel in word - some time I do delete in favor of a completely different approach. Then there are times I actually go from the original response using the above I statement reword then edit , read re,-edit, take a wiggle break read aloud re-edit ect. On a few very rare occasions I have allowed a few selected close friends/family to read both my original write up and the actual post. Although the original thoughts are still intact the presentation does a 180.

I have saved the most important suggestions for last

Always remember two things when reading other members post /responses

#1 - Never attribute to malice what can easily be explained by ADD.{and/or poor word choices}

#2 - What another member writes in their post is a reflection of who they are having little to do with me. How I respond is a reflection of who I am having little to do with them.

I hope this helps :)

meadd823 (http://www.addforums.com/forums/member.php?u=1891) http://www.addforums.com/forums/images/statusicon/user_online.gif

Brat Moderator

Hey this is what happens when I copy your name and Online button

I wonder if your Online button in my Post goes out when you go offline....

Why dont you go offline meadd823 and check and see and then post and let me know

This will be like the light in the refridgerator --- does it really go out when you shut the door

Sorry kind of got distracted there

-------------------------------------------------------------

Good advise meadd823

Mind you what your saying sure takes the fun out of "Replying in Impulse" but it will sure make it much easier to deal with the "Aftermath " of what you have said................


It sure would be nice if we could all just speak and say what we want to say without "having to SUGARCOAT our words" and if the people who hear our words could recognise that they are the one with the problem because " they are the ones who are taking offence to what has been said "

But that is just a " Pipe Dream " of life now isn't it ....................

By the way I used that " They " word and it is almost as bad as the " YOU " word

The difference is the " They " ,word can upset a whole bunch of people all at the same time instead of just one ...........

he difference is the " They " ,word can upset a whole bunch of people all at the same time instead of just one ...........

I admire a person who knows a good short cut :D


This scary when they let people like me be a moderator = must be the ADD.

How's that? I think your button is still green though!

Oh the topic which is 'er ummmm verbal impulsiveness, need suggestions {now if darn moderator would just stay on the bloomin topic} :o

Yea your offline and its still green

guess it only copied the picture of the green button and not the link

Hey Garry and Brat -

It copied the link too....lol. Not to get too far off topic (sorry Mspen), but I was interested to know if you have read our replies, and if you have tried any of the suggestions offered?

Mindfulness training; breathwork/heartbeat/bodily awareness; various tools of 'distraction' come to mind <LOL>.

I wonder if a Speech Language Pathologist could help?

(Speaking of highly trained speakers who *i perceive* to have had a lot of breathwork training and speech training and mindfulness -- David Caruso of CSI Miami.))

Listen to him and his speech sometime. His verbal prosody ('Rhythm" of verbal delivery), is AMAZING.


I find i am ALSO more verbally impulsive if i am already frustrated (even if i don't know "why").

Are certain PEOPLE or SETTINGS likely to set you up to be more Verbally Impulsive?

I work on recognizing & reducing that. (Otherwise it tends to leak out other ways, like me opening my mouth when I shouldn't!)[I]

I am not discernibly outwardly hyperactive, but my thoughts tend to be, and I do have problems with verbal impulsivity.

I always attributed it to social anxiety, but perhaps they intersect right at the spot, where I open my mouth to say ANYthing that will make it there from my brain.

And yes I usually do regret it. In fact thinking about it I've kind of embraced shock value humor and outrageous jokes perhaps to cover up the unintended ones.

I was out the other night, and all I could do was make one joke after another, interrupting others, and they got less and less funny and more inappropriate as the night went on, and I'm better than that damn it.

When I was seeing the psychologist for my diagnosis he explained that I was extremely verbally impulsive. Up till then I never thought about it but I do say whatever comes to my mind and now I trip over myself trying to stop it from comming out. I can catch it usually before everything spills out but sometimes it is too late because I have said too much already and no amount of back peddeling or fancy talk can get me out of it... especially with my wife!!!

Since I became aware of this I have been working on it and have had some success but it is very hard. I have been told meds can help however after a brief trial and all I have read about the side effects I figure I will muddle through med free... at least for right now anyway.

It is much more dificult when I am tired, frustrated and nearly impossible when I am angry. Written communication is easier to monitor, like meadd suggested taking time before you send it and reevaluating and editing cna make a huge diffeence in how what you say is precieved.

Well I am tired and need to get some work done since I am home with a sick child who is now sleeping so I need to get motivated but that is a whole different topic...

Take care,
Cowboy