Today I met a very lucky child, he's in elementary school and diagnosed with ADHD and takes Concerta. I watched him as his mother sat him down as he did his homework...he read his book really well and his mom was supportive and complimented him often and as he done his math homework..his mom praised him when he got the right answers. Of course there were times when he got confused and started to get frustrated and his mom told him it was ok to make mistakes and reminded him that he was doing well. This kid is really lucky to have such a supportive parent. I have a feeling despite his ADHD he is going to do well in life because of it.

Watching all this, I saw a lot of myself in him when he got frustrated or turned his head to look at the TV every now and then...LOL I did the same thing. It's a good thing his parents earned about his ADHD just in time.

I was not so lucky. From elementary through junior year at high school,to me and my parents,

ADD was just a word used in math class. Because I was not as smart as the other kids and always made mistakes, I my grew up knowing feeling that to my parents I was a disappointment, to my teachers I was a worthless cause, and to the kids in school and in the neighborhood, I was the outcast who didn't belong...(Ya know in PE there was that one kid who was the worst at sports and would be the one who picked their nose not even noticing the

softball was coming their way? Well I was always chosen last for teams after that kid!) :(
It seems nothing I did was good enough for anyone...it was not ok to make mistakes. I was good at somethings, but in everyone elses mind, not good enough.

I find myself wondering not ifthat what little boy is going to be something great in the future, but what great thing is he going to do.

When I think of the support I never had, I wonder how would my life be different if I had been as lucky as that little boy. What if they found out I was ADD as a child and not when I

was in my last year of high school? What if the teachers tried to help me instead more rather be in different? What if my father would have praised me and reassured me rather than

yelling, punishing, and insulting me? What if knew what it was like to be accepted rather than treated like a freak?

I partly blame myself that I am a grown up still living at home, hiding behind disablity because I am afraid to fail again ..without the family of my own that I so desperatly want but to say that the blame lies solely on me is utter bull****! Dontcha think? :confused:

Yeah, I suffered from parent envy for a long time. But remember, things always appear different than how they really are, and usually the grass is greener on the other side.

Some parents are much more nurturing than others, and there is a huge amount of horrible parenting in the US and worldwide. But hey, you do what you can with what you've got. It's not worth getting hooked up on appearances, even if appearances are true. But hey, for all you know, the mom here might have acted this way because she knew she was being watched.

Thanks shugga. I know the grass is greener on the other side, but for me the side I am on is dark and I cant even see the other side, but I know sooner or later, something has got to give...and i'll somehow i'll find it.

one positive thing about having such as ****ty childhood...I not only learn from my mistakes but the mistakes of my parents so I know how not to treat my children.

I also get that way Dragga, even without an example in front of my face. My own mom had ADHD herself and got treatment for it (ritalin) while she just let me struggle. She had a really "hands off" way of parenting that doesn't work so well with an ADHD kid.

I sought treatment twice, and finally got it two years ago. At some point she even tried to tell me I didn't have ADHD!

Dragga, I feel the same kind of bitterness that you speak of. When I mentioned it to a friend of mine whose 7 year old sister looks ADHD to me, she said "but you made it this far didn't you?". I said yes, I did, but not without scars.

I plan on channeling that into becoming a good parent myself and trying to help my kids not fall into low-self esteem and high stress lives as I have.

If you are to become a parent or an aunt one day, maybe you can use your feelings too to make sure it doesn't happen to the next one.

Oh geez, girl...do I wish there was not only such a thing as ADHD, it would have been just as nice had there been such a thing as dyscalculia (when you are tutored by the teacher himself and cannot pass, clearly you have a problem, or at least I'd be inclined to think so) :faint:...and mistakes were unheard of!

My mother is a daily reminder of the parent I never wish to be. :)

Draga, your post; I cried. I think we would all like to be parents like that, and I'm sure most of us do have at least some moments like that which you described. Perhaps that mom has a very supportive and loving husband, and she's not pulled in a thousand directions by one family pet having a seizure and the other dog chewing on the couch pillows, and phone calls from ex hubby asking for the gabillionth time what time an appointment is and having to work 80 hours a week just to make ends meet.

Today, I yelled at my child. I would really like to be that mom. Thing is, we all want what we don't have, and I don't know what else to say.......................
Where's that box of tissues.

Draga, your post; I cried. I think we would all like to be parents like that, and I'm sure most of us do have at least some moments like that which you described. Perhaps that mom has a very supportive and loving husband, and she's not pulled in a thousand directions by one family pet having a seizure and the other dog chewing on the couch pillows, and phone calls from ex hubby asking for the gabillionth time what time an appointment is and having to work 80 hours a week just to make ends meet.

Today, I yelled at my child. I would really like to be that mom. Thing is, we all want what we don't have, and I don't know what else to say.......................
Where's that box of tissues.

Oiy I am so sorry, Frazzle, I did not mean to make anyone upset. Of course we can't control the stress of life and it's hard to not lash out, even though you dont mean to,...it doesn't make you a mean parent, it makes you a human parent. ;)

Maybe my parents were stressed back then and lashed out at me, but if that was the case, they never once said they were sorry. :mad: I swear that's never going to be me..I would rather own up to my own mistake rather than have my kids think they were wrong.

Actually I always say "Show me a person who is stress free and I'll show you a person without a pulse." :eek:

Again, I'm sorry this thread made ya cry and that goes to anyone else who is upset by what I say.

My mother is a daily reminder of the parent I never wish to be. :)


I wonder if your mom and my dad went to the same charm school? :rolleyes:

I wonder if your mom and my dad went to the same charm school? :rolleyes: No doubt! The 1950's- born crowd was utterly charming...the funny thing is, my father apologized, took credit for his lousy genepool and said he had totally let me down.

Mom and Dad divorced shortly thereafter. Things that make ya go "Hmmmmm" huh?

I also get that way Dragga, even without an example in front of my face. My own mom had ADHD herself and got treatment for it (ritalin) while she just let me struggle. She had a really "hands off" way of parenting that doesn't work so well with an ADHD kid.

I sought treatment twice, and finally got it two years ago. At some point she even tried to tell me I didn't have ADHD!

Dragga, I feel the same kind of bitterness that you speak of. When I mentioned it to a friend of mine whose 7 year old sister looks ADHD to me, she said "but you made it this far didn't you?". I said yes, I did, but not without scars.

I plan on channeling that into becoming a good parent myself and trying to help my kids not fall into low-self esteem and high stress lives as I have.

If you are to become a parent or an aunt one day, maybe you can use your feelings too to make sure it doesn't happen to the next one.

Oh Gawd....someone who doesnt have adhd asked me for some adderall so she could get through work and school finals...HAH!!!! I struggled for ten years with no help with my ADHD...needless to say she was S.O.L and she thinks I am being selfish, fine by me but it is one thing to be selfish to someone who doesn't need it but to think of only yourself when others need the help...that's sad. Glad to hear you finally got some help though...hope things are working better for ya :)

No doubt! The 1950's- born crowd was utterly charming...the funny thing is, my father apologized, took credit for his lousy genepool and said he had totally let me down.

Mom and Dad divorced shortly thereafter. Things that make ya go "Hmmmmm" huh?

When I was 15, I went into a mental hospital for depression and it was then that my father said he was sorry and he didn't realize how much he hurt me, and when I got out...we were ok for a while, he may not have said many insulting things to me as before, but...actions (or lack there of )speaks louder than words.

When I was 15, I went into a mental hospital for depression and it was then that my father said he was sorry and he didn't realize how much he hurt me, and when I got out...we were ok for a while, he may not have said many insulting things to me as before, but...actions (or lack there of )speaks louder than words.Maybe that's the difference then, Draga? I was 27 and had 2 kids before I signed myself in...and gave my parents a choice to take it or leave it. Dad took it, Mom left it, and I don't care what she does anymore. She can "kiss this", know what I mean?

Virtually 20 years of therapy and she cannot possibly hurt me anymore. Now my kids are a whole other ball of wax :faint: thank Goddess only one of them does the "I hate you" routine. 2 of them are wise enough to be members here.

Maybe that's the difference then, Draga? I was 27 and had 2 kids before I signed myself in...and gave my parents a choice to take it or leave it. Dad took it, Mom left it, and I don't care what she does anymore. She can "kiss this", know what I mean?

Virtually 20 years of therapy and she cannot possibly hurt me anymore. Now my kids are a whole other ball of wax :faint: thank Goddess only one of them does the "I hate you" routine. 2 of them are wise enough to be members here.


Yeah I know, dad died in 2001, and we left alot of things unsaid...I try not to harbor the bitter feelings now that he is gone..we both had all those years to make amends but we were both at fault in that respect. It's sad that I learned 2 forgive the man when it was too late..but I just cant bring myself to forgive the act. Emotional scars suck, heh...who doesn't have their crosses to bare

Now ain't that the truth! I got plenty of my own, but I am not about to crap someone else's thread...they tell me I am a nice person ;)

Well the good thing about this site is that you dont have to bare the cross alone and since this thread is deals with emotions that is mentally NAILING me to the cross....I would say this as good a place as any to crap a cross...just have Febreeze on hand for after LOL!

LMAO...I'll have to remember that the next time I have to edit something ;) I can just put "Utilizing Febreze" in the reason line....that's a really good one!

Great dragon minds think alike :D

We didn't know what non hyperactive ADD was until my half brother got diagnosed. I finally got diagnosed myself at 21 and yes I always wonder 'what if'. I suffered clinical depression as a side effect of constantly being told i wasn't good enough, too messy, and 'not like the other two'. It wasn't my mum or anyone elses fault, they just thought I was doing things on purpose when I wasn't.

Great dragon minds think alike :D:D You bet, buddy!

Kuso...won't let me post images here...Mukatsuku... so imagine {{{HUGS}}} ;)

:D You bet, buddy!

%#@&* won't let me post images here, so imagine {{{HUGS}}} ;)


Oh you mean images like this <img src="http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c64/Draga28/Smileys/a4nvictory.gif"> or <img src="http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c64/Draga28/Smileys/wedgie.gif">

HI Draga, I just read your reply to what I wrote, and I did not mean to say that it offended me or upset me and should not have been said. It was so very touching to read what you wrote, and after coming head to head with my own son, your words were like a knife in my heart, for how he feels when I do that, and the guilt and the pain for what I cause in his life. It's tough being a parent, and threads can run strong, we parent often how we were parented. I don't, I was never yelled at, so I don't know. I was stressed, I lashed out, I worry too much when he just chooses to not do what he is supposed to. Support is not there, I just found out a friend has cancer and can't get to the hospital for "taking care" of my own brood. I didn't call him anything, I just yelled, and I did apologize and hug and kiss on him through the tears. Still, we both felt horrible. He just sits there so quietly while I yell, is he thinking all the things like what you wrote too? I think I need to run that off and paste it somewhere on my desk for a bit.

So, please, thank you for what you wrote. Being touched is the way to make ammends and make change. YOu just hit me right in the place I needed to be hit.

We all truly do the best we can, even though I think most of us wonder "what if" on a million different things. There's nothing at all wrong with that. Now, where's that box of tissues again???? :-)

That's wonderful that boy is getting the help he needs. No doubt that he will be spared alot of the painful memories we all have.

I do agree with you that one of the hardest things about being diagnosed with ADHD is realizing what you 'lost'. Absolutely my life would have been much different had I been diagnosed 3 years ago..5 years ago.. and so on and so on.

Bear in mind though, no matter what 'better' choices you would have made, the fact remains that you would have still had to struggle with ADHD. So in my case, maybe I would have ended up in med school, but no doubt the struggles to perform would have been insane.

I truly am very sorry that your childhood wasn't a good one. I really do believe that every child deserves to have a safe and happy upbringing, and it's unfair that you were denied that. But I do hope that you're on the way to a time in your life where you're able to let that pain go. Your past can never be changed, but at least your future can be.

Hi again, Frazz;)


Your son seem like a lucky kid too, even if he gets yelled at, the reasurrance & appology after would make a big difference, I think. My parents never appologized and according to them their word was law, so I'm left thinking it really is my fault...I think as a kid that is all I understood.

Your past can never be changed, but at least your future can be.

Aint that the truth lol, only thing I can really do about the past is go back to that past to try to understand the person I have become now because of that past and work from there to be able to change my future.

You know the good thing about this is you have a lot of compassion, I can read it in your post and others who have went through the same thing.

The situation is similar to mine, I've always felt I had a learning disorder but my mom kept telling me I was just lazy and not "applying myself" even when I did manage to get straight A's one semester she still wasn't satisfied because they weren't "high A's". I knew I was smart, but never good enough to do anything right.

When I finally got the intiative and got myself diagnosed, my mother was literally angry with me and asked how I could betray her. Yeah, crazy right?

I work at the Boys and Girls Club and there are so many kids that I see myself in, I always go to them and show them the most support I can without crossing boundries. I keep hope that these kids will be able to become the great things I see in them, because in part it's keeping hope for myself.

When I finally got the intiative and got myself diagnosed, my mother was literally angry with me and asked how I could betray her. Yeah, crazy right?

Parents don't want to acknowlege there's something wrong. Their child is fine the way they are; the kid's just ________ (lazy, won't put forth effort, too smart for the class they're in, etc).

When Little Dude was dx'd my mother wigged out. Have his vision checked, have his hearing checked (he did have hearing issues as a toddler that cleared up with antibiotics and subsequently had 1.5 years of speech therapy). Eyes and ears, just fine. We were able to limp through the remainder of 1st grade but the struggles we're having in 2nd grade...oy! At least the drug therapy is helping with focusing and finishing work.

(we're dealing with anxiety issues now...self-dx trichotillomania and he's taking 10 mg of Prozac)

When Mom saw him this summer her eyes finally opened to the truth. She can see a lot of her father in Little Dude and she thinks he was ADD back when there was no name for it. Plus she thinks she is too but at age 58 and retired, she's cool with who she is.

When I finally got the intiative and got myself diagnosed, my mother was literally angry with me and asked how I could betray her. Yeah, crazy right?


<img src="http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c64/Draga28/Smileys/yernuts.gif"> Now just how in the <img src="http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c64/Draga28/Smileys/u0udiablo.gif"> had you betrayed her? That has got to be the most outrageous normie responce I have ever heard!!! <img src="http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c64/Draga28/Smileys/stupid.gif">

Besides, you would have been betraying yourself if you hadn't gotten yourself diagnosed...that's what's more important. <img src="http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c64/Draga28/Smileys/BRAVO1.gif">

Aint that the truth lol, only thing I can really do about the past is go back to that past to try to understand the person I have become now because of that past and work from there to be able to change my future.Well said.

Parents don't want to acknowlege there's something wrong. Their child is fine the way they are; the kid's just ________ (lazy, won't put forth effort, too smart for the class they're in, etc).

When Little Dude was dx'd my mother wigged out. Have his vision checked, have his hearing checked (he did have hearing issues as a toddler that cleared up with antibiotics and subsequently had 1.5 years of speech therapy). Eyes and ears, just fine. We were able to limp through the remainder of 1st grade but the struggles we're having in 2nd grade...oy! At least the drug therapy is helping with focusing and finishing work.

(we're dealing with anxiety issues now...self-dx trichotillomania and he's taking 10 mg of Prozac)

When Mom saw him this summer her eyes finally opened to the truth. She can see a lot of her father in Little Dude and she thinks he was ADD back when there was no name for it. Plus she thinks she is too but at age 58 and retired, she's cool with who she is.

I find the best thing you can do with the older folk who have never heard of ADD before is to show them websites and other info to educate em...or better still, bring them here..we can teach em a thing of 2 or 3 or 4 and so on hehe! <img src="http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c64/Draga28/Smileys/sasmokin.gif">

Well said.

Y thank you :)

Draga, the funny thing is my mo worked at an elementary school for 30 years...she saw her share of LDs! Perhaps with all the stuff she saw she got desensitized and began thinking, "ADD is over-dx'd and the kids are overmedicated." I'll be that to a point she's right. But when you have a child who wigs out and shuts down because he's so overwhelmed with information...then with help of drug therapy and understanding adults there's a big turnaround...one can't deny its existance.

Dang doods...I'm getting distracted from working. Ack! Back on track, KP!!!

Draga, the funny thing is my mo worked at an elementary school for 30 years...she saw her share of LDs! Perhaps with all the stuff she saw she got desensitized and began thinking, "ADD is over-dx'd and the kids are overmedicated." I'll be that to a point she's right. But when you have a child who wigs out and shuts down because he's so overwhelmed with information...then with help of drug therapy and understanding adults there's a big turnaround...one can't deny its existance.

Dang doods...I'm getting distracted from working. Ack! Back on track, KP!!!

I agree there that there some kids that are mis dx'd ...proably from doctors with webbed feet(quacks)...and I also heard of parents who's kids are just being kids and parents are quick to suspect ADHD or Mania and the kind who for the only reason that they want to medicate them is to just calm them down because they cant deal with the kids. I think it's is these kinda people who cater to the disbelif of others. :foot:

It's sad that medication and therapy are given to perfectly fine children only for the parents peice of mind. :mad:

It seems that when science finally discovered the problem...these parents discovered the loophole to easy parenting...but it's the kids with the symptoms and without who are the ones that suffer. :(

Oh you mean images like this http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c64/Draga28/Smileys/a4nvictory.gif or http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c64/Draga28/Smileys/wedgie.gifYEA!!! Teach me that HTML coding, woman, dragons gotta stick together.

I asked HF once and I even gave him a 10-gallon hat, but he shunned me...the humiliation!! :faint:

(Actually that's a damn lie, he has tried many times to teach me things, but he has this crappy habit of using numbers to try to teach a dyscalculiac...it never works!). :o

Ok I got the perfect solution for that honey...will send you link in PM to a site that taught me all that I know :)

Ok I got the perfect solution for that honey...will send you link in PM to a site that taught me all that I know :)Shucks ma'am, thank'ya kindly!

Hi Draga,

I am glad that you are back. Sometimes bitterness and anger are very hard pills to swallow. I know what it feels like to be disappointed by a parent. I also know what it feels like to wonder "what if". Unfortunately, we can't pick our family. I also believe that in your situation, the best thing for you, would to be learning to forgive. That may be the only way past your feelings.

I wish you peace.

At Heart

I know that is one of my biggest issues is the forgiveness part...the list of people I need to learn to forgive is extremely long, eventually I can let go and forgive the person but the thier actions...well after 20 years of FUBAR wrongs to forgive those would take my whole lifetime.

U Know, thank you, At heart....was thinking bout what you said and something inside my brain just snapped...god I love this forum and the people , good to be back btw thanks again, the medication I take I must remember to KISS my shrink next month..vyvance is really making me think....:D

Maybe why I have not gotten passed these bitter feelings, is not really the forgiveness I needed to work on....but forgetting the horrible feelings, I am always having to remind myself that the past is over and I am no longer that little girl anymore....the voice of wisdom can ease my inner childs pain for a while but the feelings of anger and hurt and hopelessness always resurface again later.

I hope that makes sense to ya'll LOL!

HI Draga, I'm glad you are feeling better. I wanted to apologize for cr@pping on your thread the other night, I know you were feeling badly too. I think we all struggle with being kids, and being parents, at times.

I used to get caught up in teh "what might have been" syndrome too after I was first diagnosed about ten years ago. Yes, it would have been nice to know about this 40 years ago when I was in grade 2 or so, but it is the way it is. Tai Chi has helped me be more accepting of things.

I didn't get a lot of suport from my parents when I was going through depression in college. Mom wanted to put me in a home, Dad was kinda just there. I'm sure Mom was depressed and ADD but not diagnosed. Later when I had another bout of depression her response was "I hope your doctor can get to the bottom of it".

I was angry at them, mostly her, for a long time, but since being diagnosed I understand her better. (This was after she passed away.) Now I look at it as she did the best she could with what she knew at the time. I'd like to have seen her make more of an effort to learn about depression, but I can see how it was probably overwhelming for her.

I can still slip back into the old feelings of what I've missed in life, and see kids with parents who understand and help them. I still sometimes think "what if", but then I have to tell myself you can't control everything and this is where I am now. I don't think I would have this understanding without everything I've been through, it's all brought me to where I am now.

It's tough to get past, but we've all been there and we're here for you.

On a completely different note:
YEA!!! Teach me that HTML coding, woman, dragons gotta stick together.
Me too!!! I've been reading tutorials on some website, it's bookmarked so I don't have to remember it, but I could use other sources too. :)

Yeah, I know there is no real point to the "What If" ...dwelling on it will only depress more, being here at the forums for as long as I have I have grown to understand and accept that this is somthing that I can not change and I make the best of it as nuch as possible...I am not ashamed that I have both ADD & Bipolar..I didn't ask for it...it just is what it is. I may not be perfect but I am not really hurting anyone...I dont steal, bully, kill, sleep around...I just want to get through this life as best I can and make my ADD/BP my strength not my weakness. If I cant get support from my nearest and dearest..the forums have helped me to become adjusted enough where I am the only support I need.