HI,

Well my ADHD clinic dr. is leaving and we have been going to him trying different meds since last Feb. We still have not found the right one or combo. I am very discouraged. He told me that this info will go to his dr. and he can continue on these meds. He also said that at his age (going on 13) there is alot going on so it is hard to tell if the meds are helping or not. Kinda like "well this is all I can do because I am leaving so...."
Maturity seems to play a big part of our problems from what he thinks. I realize that they can be behind by up to 4 years! This is probably why we all are having such problems in dealing with him at home and that he can never seem to make a friendship with kids his age. He is very annoying, like a 9 year old, for the past 4 years! I also understand there is nothing that can be done to "speed up" maturity. When he first was diagnosed and was put on Adderall back when he was 11, he really seemed to improve on his relations with boys his own age. He could "see" his past behaviors were annoying to others. But his meds seemed to stop working after upping dosages, then tried different ones, that seemed to work for awhile.
I guess I just don't know how to deal with his immaturity. It is so annoying, and if it is that or ADHD and the meds are just not working?
His birthday is coming and wants to have a party, but when I ask who he will invite, he gets all sad and doesn't know. It breaks my heart that kids his own age feel the same as we do with his immature annoying behavior. He doesn't seem to be able to control it when I point it out to him when he is doing it, or he gets all upset. I just don't know what to think or do. How do you handle immaturity on top of ADHD?
Has anyone had similar problems with distinguishing between them? or suggestions?
mrs A

Maybe both? Also, from what I understand, once puberity hits, any working dossage of medication can go right out the window. With hormones changing and being all messed up finding the right meds can be even harder. I know, probably not what you want to hear.

I try to catch mine when he seems to be in a more calm, mature mood so we can talk. It's so much better then trying to get him to sit when he's all over the place. Maybe you can work out a "secret" signal with him so he knows when he's being more imature without you haveing to verbally call him down for it.

I'm about his age and although I don't have maturity problems, I'm very involved with others who have ADD and have seen exactly the type of behaviour you describe. I have had trouble with medicine, side effects, and finding the right dose and I can say that getting discouraged does not help. I used Daytrana patches for a while, but I have a personal problem with Ritalin and I couldn't use high doses of it without serious side effects, and low doses still caused mild side effect (although it did help me concentrate). I was very discouraged when i found i couldn't use it for a full school day without a whopping headache and major contact sensizitation. I'm using focaline now which is a newer medicine that was made out of Ritalin. They took the two strands the make the very basis of oRitalin and divided them in half, fining that the left half had the same positive effects without as many side effects, so far it is doing wonders. With my friends who have problems with maturity, I don't label it as maturity problems in general, just more socialy immature. It seems like the people I know found that it was easier to get along socially when they were at that age, displaying that kind of behaviour, and they became used to using those behaviours for social acceptance. I'm guessing your son is in middle school, and I know what middle school is like, it's hell for a kid with ADHD. I was lucky enough to have ADD without hyperactivity and was able to pass classes on intelligence alone. Kids in middle school are highly critical of each other and are always looking for a way to make themselves better than other people. Different groups and cliques also become much more obvious in middle school and if someone can't conform to what one clique thinks is the standard they are labeled as a loser. I convinced some of my friends to join the soccer team after I had made it and I found that they were able to be competitive and make friends alot easier after they joined the team. I recently switched to a Montessori school and have found that they are very helpful with ADD. They check with me in private to make sure that I am not overwhelmed and they group you into advanced classes by intelligence level not orginization. The teachers will stay after class and set up an after school program with you and other students with ADD, or just unorganized, to keep you from falling behind on homework. They inforce a strong sense of community where you don't feel nervous saying that you have ADD and that it can cause you to seem immature. No one will judge you, and most students refuse to let other students become outsiders and not get involved with group activities. As for letting your child become more mature, I would say that giving him a controled amount of responsiblity at home, not so much that he is overwhelmed, but not so little that he doesn't feel mature in doing it. Reward him when he does it and model maturity around him. Give him more and more responsibility as long as he is comfortable with the given ammount. Try to get him to get involved with social interactions without you interfering alot. Eventually he'll start to pick up on traits around him until he realizes that they work better than the tactics he uses now. That would be your best bet in my opinion, though still just an observation. :)

I'd say both, I tend to be very inappropriate with a lot of things that I say when I am unmedicated and it seems immature, I am 26 but yes there seems to be a common trait with ADDer's and maturity levels, particularly the hyperactive/impulsive types, before there's an uproar, I must say I have read that in a few publications about ADHD throughout the years and I may, when I have the time, check that. Just look at my signatures and avatar, that says it all.

Hi all,
I appreciate your thoughts Omniwrath, and I have tried alot of what you have suggested, I guess it is just going day to day. He is on a soccer team, 2 actually, but he just doesn't "fit in" when it comes to conversations, he is in his own world and doesn't get alot of what they talk about, or even cares! If he has something he is focussed on that is the only thing he talks about, even when the topic changes, he just keeps talking until everyone get annoyed and walks away. There is nothing I can do that can help him see this. He finds something else to blame it on, not his behaviours. But from what I have been told, this is both ADHD and maturity. I just see it to be more an ADHD thing as he just hasn't learned the social cues that help you see when you are annoying people, or they changed the subject of discussion!