I went to see the PDoc tonight and described the hell I have been living through the last two weeks. The trileptal hasn't done a thing and he agreed it's time to move off of that one. I did show him that the rash on my neck is still there and he agreed that the lamictal is out of my system so it is probably something else. The impression I got is that he doesn't think I have had a lamictal rash, but he doesn't want me to be uncomfortable with what I am taking so he didn't want to try to force me to stay on it. I appreciate that btw. So we decided to try it one more time and he said if it doesn't work we will wipe it from our memories.

He is starting me small 5 days at 10mg, 5 at 15 and then two weeks at 25 before going to fifty. I hope it works. In the past two weekd I have purchased and returned and re-purchased a gamin machine 8 times. I have been 6-7 days of high manic behavior and then depression. I sought help to lighten that load and trileptal wasn't for me. Let's see what happens now.

I just wanted to stop by...busy busy day here...12 hours is enough....but I wanted to let you know....I am thinking of you and hope this time is it.

I will check in...cause I don't have to ask you to keep us up to date....I like that about you....Until then my friend. I am thinking of you and hoping everything will go well this time around.


Hope :)

Good Luck. I hope that 3rd time really is the charm for you...

Thanks.

No Problem. I know what it's like to be going back and forth with medications. Been on lots before:

Zoloft, Ativan, Ritalin, Strattera, Metadate CD, Clonidine, Tenex, Lunesta, Ambien CR, Risperdal, Invega, Cymbalta, Singulair, Claritin, Nasaqort AQ...

Hope it helps, I have got a list of bipolar and ADHD drugs that I have taken and it's insane

Hope it helps, I have got a list of bipolar and ADHD drugs that I have taken and it's insane
Is what you are taking now effective?

Is what you are taking now effective?I think he may still be tweaking meds, but he seems to be doing well, IMO.

Matt, how goes the Medication Game for you? How about you, Sponge?

Well I still get the shot in the butt, yippee yay, bumping down to 12.5 soon (Risperdal Consta), Back on the Lamictal, off of the other two antipsychotics and that wonderful new "stimulant" that is creeping up slowly to the old "Neurontin/Snake Oil status", Provigil has been tapered down, I was switched back to the dexedrine spansules so now I get to be mute, and lose this 20 pounds I took forever to gain in the 10 months I got dexedrine tabs and I will soon look like a bird with Anorexia Nervosa again :)

I feel a bit calmer although the past two weeks has been a trip through the burning pit. There was a point where I really thought I wouldn't be able to carry the burden any more and just refuse to function beyond eating, sleeping and TV. I still feel like someone took me into an alley and beat the snot out of me, but I am glad to be off of the trileptal.

How are things working out now? Did it work this time around?

I don't know yet. I havn't had anything but minimal depression in 14 days (and that was about two hours worth) but my hypomania remains. My focus is still crap at times as well.

However, I am still at 25mg until Sunday so it will be interesting to see what the increase in dosage will do.

Thank you for asking.

Cr@p, I psoke too soon as mild depression came to visit this afternoon.

I had a micro mixed state today and micro mania yesterday, I didn't even want to be alive, luckily each one was about 2 hours and I was not happy for the rest of the day yesterday because I felt so good. I guess tomorrow on my B-day I should be stable again, goodness a manic birthday would've been a blast.

Sorry to hear about a rough time. I guess the little dips are better than huge valleys of BPness.

Yeah I guess, I wanted to stay manic yesterday and didn't realize it was a micro mania until it was over, so I guess I am just envious of the 'tease' so to speak, but yeah this thread is yours and I am making it about me (TYPICAL NARCISSIST). Are you doing a lot better now? We're all worried

NP we are all in it together. I was really going nuts with the 360/PS3 thing. I think I am so sick of it that I wont be doing it. Unfortunately, today I am just down.

Going to try and watch the Transformers later. Giant robots always make me smile.

Keep on hanging in there Sponge. We'll keep reminding you that these things take time ;). Remember what I said about my Lamictal experience? It might not be your experience, but it did take plenty of time for me and the doc to decide to move towards 300mgs, and it took months to titrate up to that. Small moments are just going to happen for a while, hun. For those of us who take it on the Team? Being patient while working with Lamictal doses has really paid off well.

I'd take a mild depression over a week in The Hole any day, even to this day (remember I have meno-brain to deal with too). I spent so much of my life wanting to die, and I am so grateful for Lamictal now.

I didn't find Lamictal did much for hypomania until I got up over 150mgs and I still needed to titrate up and take an AP to contain it.

Which means confession time for me. I have had to discontinue Abilify, my second AAP, due to that unfortunate rare side effect, and I don't mean extrapyramidals either. I had the same side effect from Risperdal, too. I don't think my body is meant to accept AAPs and that has me a bit freaked out. I don't want to go into heavy APs; I took one in the past and did develop mild extrapyramidals then (mostly drooling), and the two meds they gave me to counteract the side effects of Mellaril had loads of side effects themselves (sudden severe drops in blood pressure, causing me to faint, and blurred vision so bad I could not read printed material, really cute stuff like that).:mad:

So I have got to admit I have been mildly hypomanic for the last few days, and I just touched down last night. No sign of depression yet, though.

I'll stop crapping your thread now, and start a new one of my own addressing this as soon as my dex takes hold. The old man knew I'd need to pay my sleep debt...he's suddenly become interested in how BP makes me "tick" and the support feels wonderful! I slept in very late, though, and just took my dex now.

{{{HUGS SPONGE}}}

I am sorry you guys are going through a rough period as well. At least we are all in it together and I don't know about y'all, but that makes me feel a lot better. Please hang in there and I hope you both feel better.

I am always telling others to be honest so...I am having dreams about my abusive mother, we were shafted out of money by the magazine that lied about my article, we need to get out of NJ in the next few months because it is choking us financially and we don't like it AND the job is not going so well....add to that buying and returning 15 game machines since Friday and I feel like I have been carrying large boulders and now have fallen to my knees.


I have no pretend armor left any longer. I am stripped raw and I think that is a good thing....but man it's hard...I know it takes a while and I am much better than I was when I joined these boards, but right now I would love to go crawl into a cave and hide...with an Xbox 360 and PS3 of course...sorry couldn't resist..even depressed I have to make with the funny..

Oh Sponge! I know what you mean...sometimes you have just have to find a way to laugh, or you will keep on crying. Remember Dolly Parton in "Steel Magnolias":

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."

Damn, I had wrongly hoped it was over but I have cycled again. I am really depressed and feeling that hopelessness. I know it's just the disease talking, but man it feels terrible. I move up to 50mg on Monday and hope that will help.

Right now I feel like all it owuld take is one more thing and it's off to not wanting to deal with life sleep all day land I go.

And as you can see from above dyslexia is here to stay...lvoely...lovely...

Well I hope you start feeling better.

50mg is where I started feeling the difference Sponge. By the second week in...I hope it does the same for you. Major depression is almost a distantly bad dream..the little ones are more of an annoyance than anything and by the time i am sick of it , it's gone again.

Now the mania feels like it's slipping away too....5 days into the Neurontin..so far so good.

Hang in there...you have SOOO many stressors right now..I think you are handling it quite well. Now off you go ....sometimes caves are a good thing, for a short little bit...as long as you don't stay there and make us come looking...
I hate dark closed in spaces....

Don't make me come get you.....dammit ! :D

Hey question - I've been caught in Depression and Mixed Episodes for about four days. Tonight was the increase of Lamictal from 25mg to 50mg and within an hour or two I came out of the depression and into an intense hypomaia. Is this just a slight reaction to the increase or some rapid cycling?

It passed so no biggie. It was strange though. Like someone injected me with instant mania.

I had stated before that I have been having really detailed and random memory flashes. I am beginning to think that part of the reason is because I have had such a big NO to so many things in my life, especially childhood and untreated BP years, that the flashes are more of an opportunity then curse. Maybe as these things come, if I accept them for what they are, if I hit them with a YES instead of a NO, it will change the charge and they will no longer be painful.

Hey question - I've been caught in Depression and Mixed Episodes for about four days. Tonight was the increase of Lamictal from 25mg to 50mg and within an hour or two I came out of the depression and into an intense hypomaia. Is this just a slight reaction to the increase or some rapid cycling?

I really don't think so hon....since the meds aren't instantaneous like the stimulants...it was probably just the timing....

Hopefully you will see some relief by the end of this week ....you might have just experienced my life in a nutshell. Ultra Cycling...same day...sucks...

I think it must be that stress is kicking everything up a notch, because my daily cycling had went away for a bit and now it's back with a vengance.

Internalizing all the stuff going on, will throw you into it, you are correct...

I stuffed for over a month when Kee was going through all his mess, my house was a wreck, my finances...so on so forth....and I managed to stay pretty stable...then the bottom fell out...I have been slowly recovering since then...that is when I spotted the fact the mania was revving up again...had to add the new med...and I believe with the new med side effects, the impending doom of my finances, the coming winter and holidays, and the fact my son is still MIA...I believe the depression is back...it just feels different this time....or I am in denial...I have been sleeping more....but not entire weekends...just coming home, falling asleep and up again...and while I am doing some things...like the photography...my house has been neglected....I am hiding behind my eyelids and in 'fun' distractions...which I believe is a form of depression...never mind I have been kinda snippy the last few days...and feel kind of despondant today....

So see....stuffing....and then stewing in it....not a good thing , no matter the meds my dear...it comes knocking for each of us at one time or another...

It was after a full year diagnosed and on meds, I met the dreaded mixed episode......

I am at the tail end of a medication induced hypomania so I am having a cyclic experience too, yesterday I decided I was moving again, today I have the interview, tomorrow I am most likely moving, gotta love bipolar disorder. I stuff and then I explode, into the mixed state.

I am at the tail end of a medication induced hypomania so I am having a cyclic experience too, yesterday I decided I was moving again, today I have the interview, tomorrow I am most likely moving, gotta love bipolar disorder. I stuff and then I explode, into the mixed state.
I will think of both of ya. Good luck if you do move.

The people at my job are very malicious and some of them have started trying to throw me under the bus for things I didn't do. Luckily I have email proof to back me up, but the signs are all pointing to this job coming to an end soon. It also means we have to move so....

....I have a really big no it shouldn't be this way to everything right now, but it is this way...that's where the stress comes from and of course the f-ing BP adds the intensity...

Tell us how you really feel my friend... isn't venting grand...:p

I hope today was better than yesterday? I will check in later...and see if you have popped in?

Hope :)

Tell us how you really feel my friend... isn't venting grand...:p

I hope today was better than yesterday? I will check in later...and see if you have popped in?

Hope :)
Meaning you can say anthing and it won't scare us, I call it a prosocial f*** you to the rest of the world sometimes.

I am not having a good day....we had an all day meeting and I noticed my name tag was removed..and I started getting all paranoid about them firing me...it took everything I had (+ 50mg of Lamictal) not to go over the deep end...

...on the plus side I didn't return my Xbox today...so that's progress..I mean back and forth 20 times in two weeks must be some kind of record right?

I feel so numb right now.

BTW guys thank you for caring. I really do appreciate it.

Hmm I am in a strange place today. It's not exactly depressed, but it is somewhat lethargic. Yesterday I asked the head secretary, the one who would have authorized my nameplate being removed, if I should start looking at the want ads. She thought I was kidding and played along, but I was serious and htought she was admitting I was fired. After a few minutes she realized I wasn't kidding and apologized. However, that was enough to set me off and I had a major depressive episode where I was pacing all over the house at 11PM and completely gone. I was in so much pain I thought I was going to have a heart attack and stroke. I finally fell asleep at midnight only to wake up at 5AM with my mind running. Fortunately the major part of the episode was gone, but I really feel like quite the...well I am not even sure what word I would use here.

My wife really means well and I know she loves me, but I so need her to take over right now and she can't. She is not a take charge person and soon she might not have a choice. I am hoping the drugs kick in. I am thinking that the fact that I am not totally depressed after yesterday is a good sign. Like I said I feel somewhat lethargic, but not in a ngeative light. As a matter of fact, I finished my first short story in a long time and might share it in the creative forum. Maybe I am just exhausted from all the emotional turmoil and stress. I think no matter what I need to move on from this job in the next few months.

I am in a strange place too, Sponge, some kind of odd and apathetic funk. Maybe it's going around or something.

Maybe Shippuuden will shake me out of it, at least for a bit anyway.

Well apparently like celebrity deaths...these come in threes. I just came off a 3 day funk myself? The first one that made an impact on me in months.
It wasn't near as bad as the one's in the past...it just sucked because it has been so long since I had one....I realized how much I hated them. And then it makes me mad...I slept away the better part of my weekend...and then called off on Monday....unusual for me nowadays....well by the afternoon which I did have off, preapproved....we went off to the boys eye appointments (amazing I made it when dad could have gone) I decided I had , had enough. That is when I called D sd get ready...picked him up and we all went to the park to shoot the pics of the lake and the boys I shared in the photography section. These are small signs I am learning better skillls to cope, and BP doesn't always get to win.

By yesterday, I was hitting the upswing...and a little manic. I even took the Neurontin...that normally sends me off to sweet soft sleep...NOTHING...course by the time I realized it was NOT going to work...it was 2am and I was not taking another one. I only take 100mg now...but have full athority to take up to 400mg....I don't wanna...

So I am sorry you all had crappy days....KZ...happy you are back...the boys noticed you were gone..and were worried, then they got me worried...well you know...I PM'd you, I IM'd you.......I know Den mom's need to have BP days too...but 24 hours...and that is it.......

Well let's see how we all do the rest of the week....hmmm

Let's hope.

One moment at a time my friends. It's damn hard, but it's all we have.