http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4333

why's message struck a chord with me, but, i didn't want to go off topic on clam's thread.

"The trick is to maintain effort regardless of results... and the trick to that is to lower expectations."

so, my personal goal is to be a teacher. i've heard over and over that i am great with kids and would be a natural. not only that, i *really* enjoy volunteering in my daughter's 1st grade classroom. i also have a knack for explaing things without being condescending.

but, self doubt creeps in and i worry that i couldn't handle the activity levels of 20 kids in a confined space, the paper work, the parents, etc.

so, is the trick to learn to be satisfied as a teachers aid rather than as a teacher? or, is this another example of under achievment?

i don't want to mess up again. i've tried many things and am bored within a few years or don't like some aspect of the job (it just doesn't turn out to be what i thought it was going to).

my goal isn't to be "the best teacher ever" and win a bunch of awards. i just want to find a rewarding career that will make me happy and do some good....

"The trick is to maintain effort regardless of results... and the trick to that is to lower expectations."

I agree that it is possible to have expectations set too high, and you don't want to have goals that aren't acheivable, but there is a line! Your job is to decide wheather your goal to become a teacher is acheivable for you or not. I don't think any of us can tell you if it is... but I would definately encourage you to try for it! Obviously you have some skills in the area, and some part of you feels like you can do it, or else you probably would not be considering it at all.

I have so much I want to say...!!

First of all, remember that ALL teachers have to learn... most have a difficult time in their first year or two becuase they dont' have a good set of techniques that work for them yet. I think it's very natural to be afraid of not being able to handle 20-30 kids in a confined space - we are all afraid of the unknown! Dont' forget that you will learn some skills when you go to earn your teaching certificate, and also if you do student teaching or substitute teaching.

Second of all, it can't hurt to try! Even if it turns out that you can't handle the job, you can always quit. but what are the chances of that happening ANYway? Probably pretty slim. But you'll never know if you don't go for it.

I have lots of personal success stories of situations where no one thought I could do somthing, but I went ahead and did it anyway. I've come to the conclusion that my BEST decisions in life have been the times when I have tried an activity impulsively just becuase I wanted to see if I could do it or not... so far, the 3 major things I've tired have led to fantastic results. And of course the results were very unexpected!! I have complete confidence that the same will happen for you.

I really do believe that if you WANT to do this, you should. If you go for it, I do'nt think you will regret it.

Couple of comments:

Not sure I meant that when I said it, it might have been ADHD impulse not-thought-through-or-censored-properly.

*EDIT* I was SURE I hadn't said that, but had to go back to make sure it wasn't my ADHD talking! :D

I do not believe that I am LOWERING my expectations by doing sprints instead of marathons. A marathon runner moves say 10 units of distance every 10 minutes. A sprinter can move 5 in two minutes, but then needs three minutes to rest before they can do another 5. Both of them move the same amount in the end. What I was suggesting was a different PATTERN of results.

However, I DO believe it is important to know what your limitations realistically are... if you can't fly and you jump off a cliff, you are going to fall, no matter how positive your thinking is...

That's not to say that you can't strive to INCREASE those limitations... to get beyond them in time... but it generally involves hard work, learning new skills, changing things about your life, etc...

I can clarify my comment like this:

We all set goals. Sometimes those goals are difficult to reach. Many of us have a tendency to give up and try something else (ADHD). I have no problem with this technique, except some goals are persistent in our minds and giving up on them tends to lead to depression or some goals are "universal" in nature and giving up on them is not possible.

Many goals can be reached by an appropriate application of effort, many can't and are only reached by the fortuitous injection of "luck". Regardless, of which type of goal you're aiming for (effort or luck) the one constant is time (as in the amount of time (effort) you've applied or the amount of time (probability) you've given the thing for luck to strike.

Therefore, most goals can be reached by applying effort over time - a concept us ADDers are notoriously poor at bringing to life. As such, we have two choices - set lower goals (less effort over less time) or work harder (more effort and/or more time). The latter as previously mentioned is very difficult for us - so the former must be the logical choice.

Now, before anyone calls this as being defeatist - most goals can be broken down into sub-goals (and so on ad infinitum) or rather sub-sets of the original problem. If we can moderate our expectations to aim acheiving the sub-goals (of the grand goal) we can then sustain the effort longer than if the expectations were based on the whole. (Notice I said "longer", because failure is still likely an option.)

Essentialy I am advocating "lying" to yourself by adopting a strategy of wanting "less" while hoping for more (Hey, anyone can get lucky!).

"A thousand mile journey begins with one step" - Lao Tze

What I wrote here is no great insight - a truism spoken for millenia - but it is true in a very fundamental way. Just try to keep moving in your chosen direction and try to enjoy the trip along the way. The destination is not as important as the journey - because as we grow - we very often find the the destination changes the more we persue it.

So if the destination is a variable and the journey a constant - there's no need to be so commited to the destination and conversely, a great need to learn to love the journey.

If you wish to teach - take steps to become a teacher, just don't set a strict timeline and approach to achieving that goal (it may not be your goal after all!) BUT! make absolutely sure that you maintain an effort in trying to achieve the goal. Until, that is, it ceases to be the goal (maybe you would be perfectly happy being an aid or maybe working with kids isn't your thing altogether) or you reach it. Despite the outcome - the key question is: "Do you enjoy learning to be a teacher?" If "Yes." - continue learning and enjoying, no problem here. If "No." - maybe you like the "idea" of you as a teacher but not teaching itself - if so you should change goals. Despite what we all imagine, most "goals" are really not destinations but journeys in and of themselves.

I know what you mean, why. I lie to myself all the time and it has done wonders for my self esteem. Not a joke.

most "goals" are really not destinations but journeys in and of themselves.

I definately agree!!

You mentioned being a TA...have you ever tried substituting? If you can snag a long-term assignment (a few weeks or more), that experience would give you some great insights. {Spoken from a former public school teacher's perspective.}

smooch :D

I don't set goals cause with my luck they will never happen cause they are not so realistic..but I do dream about ways I can make it happen...Dreaming about it is the only thing society(who say's "No you don't deserve it" or "no you can't have it" or "Your not qualified enough") can't take away from me.

thanks everyone!

here's something i read tonight in Women with ADD by Sari Solden. "Because of their over-creative ADD minds, they sometimes think through their entire future course and see before them every possible obstacle that they might encounter. This kind of thinking can be counterproductive. What they need to do is to take the first, small step. You don't want to think too far in the future. Just take the first step, because things unfold in ways you never expect them to."(emphasis added)

smoo, i have thought of subbing. i even have the number of an area school district admin. office. i'm just having a hard time taking the next step .... but what the heck, at least i know that the next step is to call the number. so, i've go *that* going for me. :*)

Originally posted by why
... Despite what we all imagine, most "goals" are really not destinations but journeys in and of themselves.
why, i feel the truth of this statement. i'm having a hard time, though, letting go of the *shoulds* which seem to surround me. i need to let go of what i see as societies pressures to conform to some unobtainable ideal of what a woman "should" be. and the question i find myself asking, "what *should* i do with my life."

on to the bigger goal then. how do i let go of the expectations/destinations and enjoy the journey??? how does one break this down into sub-goals?

Thanks why.

I'm about to make a suggestion that sounds a little to organised for adhd'er but ...

why don't you sit down with a piece of paper & write out all the skills/talents/desires you have that work for & against doing what you want

but don't forget lots of people have achieved great things just because they ignored misgivings

they did amazing things because they had the desire & the energy to do it - maybe it's about your desire to do it?

if I'd listened to people & not taken a few risks I'd still be a bank teller instead of a program director

don't forget kids are quite resilient - so a good hearted & caring teacher probably goes a long way

also look at careers that work alongside teaching - perhaps career counselling or special ed - where you have less numbers of kids at the same time

good luck

Originally posted by wheezie
but what the heck, at least i know that the next step is to call the number. so, i've go *that* going for me. :*)


why, i feel the truth of this statement. i'm having a hard time, though, letting go of the *shoulds* which seem to surround me. i need to let go of what i see as societies pressures to conform to some unobtainable ideal of what a woman "should" be. and the question i find myself asking, "what *should* i do with my life."

on to the bigger goal then. how do i let go of the expectations/destinations and enjoy the journey??? how does one break this down into sub-goals?

You've answered both of your questions:

"how does one break this down into sub-goals? -> at least i know that the next step is to call the number. so, i've go *that* going for me..."

"how do i let go of the expectations/destinations and enjoy the journey? -> i'm having a hard time, though, letting go of the *shoulds* which seem to surround me. i need to let go of what i see as societies pressures to conform to some unobtainable ideal of what a woman "should" be. and the question i find myself asking, "what *should* i do with my life" -> forget the shoulds (I know, I know...) try and see what life brings and as you're living it focus on the good things... and there are always good things...

I guess one can't teach optimism, but I can say for certain that there's more pain in pessimism, therefore, if you'd like less pain let go the pessimism.

How? Yes, that is the question... well for me it's a small matter of "going with the flow" and "acting the part". If I wish to be an optimist that takes life as it comes to him - I just do all the things that I think a person like that would do (despite what I would naturaly lean towards). If you say and do all the things that such a person does- you become that person (at least outwardly but over time inside as well). A plan; not perfect but in the right direction...

I can't tell you how to "enjoy" only you can know that, but the common denominator of everyones enjoyment is - staying in the moment (don't fret about the future) and not thinking about bad things (optimism).

You know it's OK to just be "you" and not the "you" you think you should be...because (from the original comment) the destination is a variable and the journey a constant - so why get so attached to a variable (it will change)? and why not learn to like the constant (it's with you forever anyways)?

Originally posted by melanie_cartner
I don't set goals cause with my luck they will never happen cause they are not so realistic..but I do dream about ways I can make it happen...Dreaming about it is the only thing society(who say's "No you don't deserve it" or "no you can't have it" or "Your not qualified enough") can't take away from me.

No one is taking anything away from you...but...it may feel like that sometimes. So to you I'd like to say something that a very smart man, who really knew about suffering and pain, once said:

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances - to choose ones own way." - Victor Frankel

Choose a positive attitude, despite all your hardships and you stand up to all that you think is trying to put you down. No one can stop you from doing that, and as a result you will always come out on top.

thanks for the conversation, why.

this is just what i need to get my thoughts in order. it is so much easier to have a sounding board than to just journal.

i think that talking with my counselor is only helpful to a certain point because i lack the verbal skills to *say* my point succinctly. i also get *so* emotional when i talk about this stuff.

writing gives me a chance to walk away and take a break until i'm thinking clearly again. written words are much easier because if my point gets muddled, i can edit. :*)

so, again, thank you!

so, here's what i've defined as my stumbling blocks to focusing on the good on my journey.

* "shoulds"
* "what will people think?"
* seeing the good

i see that it is *me* holding me back from finding the good.

sure, there is societal pressure to conform, and i *do* have obligations to my children to care for them and love them. but, in the end, it is up to *me* to choose how to face my circumstances.

are my obligations a chore, or a blessing?

well, that's easy to answer. dishes are a chore. children are a blessing.

the trick, of course, is for the dishes to also be a blessing....

Originally posted by prumont

why don't you sit down with a piece of paper & write out all the skills/talents/desires you have that work for & against doing what you want

i've done this in a journal, but, it doesn't *go* anywhere....

i like the sounding board that you all provide here at the forum. (anyone else picturing a bunch of people sitting at desks, wearing togas?)

so, i'll try doing this in the peer coaching section.

thanks, pru.

Ahhhh the dishes.... I can't tell just how long and painful my war with doing the dishes has been... but I think I finally have the upper hand. How? Well... I couldn't find anything "good" about doing the dishes (other than having clean dishes of course) so for me it was a question of routine: being able to execute this routine depite myself has caused me to feel pleasure from having done the dishes. I am very poor with routines but in this case, I just kept struggling through it, until I can now do the dishes without all the angst and avoidance I had to deal with before. Keep in mind it took over a decade to reach this place and I still end up leaving dishes in the sink once in a while - but hey! progress made, life lived, it's all good.

i think the hardest thing about the mundane chores of daily living is the redundancy. "whew, i just got done with the dishes. yeah me. oh, look. more dishes.... :*("

a friend turned the daily dishes into a time for meditation. so, she got to a point where dishes weren't a chore, but, an opportunity to reconnect with the universe.

i'm not there yet....

Try headphones with your favorite music blaring (NOBODY messes with mommy during dish time lol). And have you considered being a special ed teacher sounds to me like you would have alot to offer in advice, sympathy and empathy. We ALL need a cheerleader especially young unformed minds.

Hugs good luck and keep me posted.

thanks futs,

i have considered sp. ed. i think there is a lot of paper work though. especially as the kids get older an have more items written into IEPs. paper work is my nemesis.

first step is to get into a school district. then, see where i'd fit in best. maybe subbing for sp. ed. teachers??? we'll see.

i'll keep you posted in the peer coaching thread. eventually i plan on starting a new thread there .... ;*)

Just remember a ADD'ers favorite word EVENTUALLY and eventually that word will be our down fall lol. Good luck I will keep you in my prayers and I'm sure whatever you set your mind too you WILL SUCCEED.

Originally posted by wheezie
thanks futs,

i have considered sp. ed. i think there is a lot of paper work though. especially as the kids get older an have more items written into IEPs. paper work is my nemesis.

first step is to get into a school district. then, see where i'd fit in best. maybe subbing for sp. ed. teachers??? we'll see.



Just a couple of things:

(1) There IS a LOT of paperwork involved in any teaching position, and especially so in spec ed (like you said, IEPs, ARDs, tracking charts.....). But if it's in your heart, you must follow it.

(2) Subbing is an EXCELLENT way to get your foot in the door in a school district. When I subbed, there were several schools that would REQUEST me! What a pep in the self-esteem! You get to know teachers (valuable contacts if you're wanting to teach), principals (ditto), and other "key players" in each of the schools. Just some input to file or flush! ;)

smooch :D

PS--Call the number! Get them to send you an application...look it over...see what other wheels need to be set in motion. Ignore your fears--by requesting an application, all you're doing is exploring options and possibilities, not committing yourself to the job--yet! ;) :D

Another option would be to do some volunteer work with kids such as assistant coach for little league or basketball. You get to be in charge of lots of kids, you get to teach them many things (life skills vs school subjects) and it will help you develop the confidence in dealing with a group of children.

The risk is minimised by having the real coach, and you will be able to see how easy/difficult your skills are with handling children and teaching them....in a place where there is low risk to both you and the children if it doesn't prove successful.

Just a thought.

Sleepz

thanks to everyone!

smooch, i made the call and got the application today. :)

now i need to break down the requirements necesary to get myself on the sustitute teacher list....

so, i'll take this over to the peer coaching section.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4546

and thanks again to everyone!