i am wondering if you do this the same way with your ADHD child as any other.. the other day my son acted up so we didnt go to Mc Donalds..... well soon after .. self condemnation kicked in and it was like he was crying saying its all my fault.. for like 20 minutes.. i felt bad for him...... I just feel he goes from.. annoying and difficult to too calm and very sensitive.. which he is anyways but its intensified.. i have tried charts and they do work for th most part i just dont keep them up like i should but sometimes i just wonder is it HIM or is it the meds.. how do you discipline if your child really cant control the bad behaviour:cool:

I do it much the same way I would any other child. Sure, there are times I will let something slide because I can tell he's having a hard time, but then again if the toddler is having a bad day I let things slide sometimes too. Other then that, I discipline the same. He has a harder time controling his actions, but it's not impossible.

The second I tell him it's OK because he can't help himself I have given him a green light to act any way he wants, and an excuse all wrapped into one. I am trying to teach Steven that while he has his issues (ADHD/Asperger's), and that makes things harder for him then for those of us that don't have them that he's still responsible for his actions and he does not get to use it as an excuse for poor performance, bad behavior, etc.

There is an excellent Love and Logic CD called "Calming the Chaos" about disciplining a child with ADHD. Lady Lark said it very well.....tell he cannot help himself and you have given him a green light to act any way he feels like. You also treat him like a victim and that is a negative place to go!
www.loveandlogic.com (http://www.loveandlogic.com)

What is your child's age?

Delayed gratification punishments may not work if he is young or if his memory is bad. (ADD is a memory disorder, too, remember.)

The best "punishments" are immediate with consequences ASAP.

Reframing may be an option! During the times he is self loathing, try the truth rather than a formula. "...Yes we were not able to go to Mc D's because you were having a difficult time. We all have difficult times. What can you do to help you manage yourself better next time." Praise and cuddle when your little person comes up with any intervention he/she can think of.

Seems to me that we (parents) spend to much time on decreasing inappropriate behaviors and not enough time accelerating appropriate behaviors. The focus shifts from the negative consequence of not being able to go to McD's to a more solution based mindset.

The good thing about people (kids) with AD/HD is that they are VERY easy to train... the bad thing is: most 'trainers' don't know how.
The most important thing has to do with communications. Negative words like no, not and don't are indirect. Indirect communication is very confusing for a AD/HD child*.

So you'll have to train YOURSELF not to be passive; don't wait untill something goes wrong... praise when something goes right. You'll find that the child will do it more often; AD/HD children absolutely LOVE to please you.
And if something does go wrong (as it usually will ;) ) try to explain what you want, not what you don't want. So say: "please speak quietly" instead of: "be quiet!".

i know how obvious this sounds, but the thing is... we humans are used to noticing stuff only when they are different from what we expect (when they go wrong for example). It is very difficult to change perspective and to communicate in a positive, direct way. Just knowing doesn't do the trick; only practice makes perfect.

Oh and last but not least: if you are going to use consequences be direct in those too. If you use going to the macdonalds as a treat, you can make it clear beforehand that you will only go if the child does something right (behaves well).. stick to this! Don't go if the child doesn't behave!
But if you prómised to go to macdonalds and the child has a tantrum it's too late to use mcdonalds as a punisher. Punishing your child by not doing something you promised does have effects, but they're hardly the effects anyone wants...


*actually, indirectness is confusing for everyone; try this one:"Don't think about a pink elephant!"...see?

I do disapline all my children the same. The have to learn the consequence of their actions, I have a child that is v. emotional at times, but you have to learn to ignore is during disapline, otherwise you are giving them the attention they are wanting, and it teaches them that they will get what they want even if they are naughty, but it also teaches the other children that that one child can get away with things that they can't, so they become jealous and angry, and it isolates the child more.

You have to be strong and stick to what you say, i know its hard but hopefully in the end they will realise what they have done wrong. Also, after they have calmed down talk t them about why they were punished and what they could do next time, i find it helps them to realise what they did wrong, as they may not know.

Hope this helps

Suffolk_katie
Mum to William 5-ADHD and Shaun 10 ADD

i am wondering if you do this the same way with your ADHD child as any other.. the other day my son acted up so we didnt go to Mc Donalds..... well soon after .. self condemnation kicked in and it was like he was crying saying its all my fault.. for like 20 minutes.. i felt bad for him...... I just feel he goes from.. annoying and difficult to too calm and very sensitive.. which he is anyways but its intensified.. i have tried charts and they do work for th most part i just dont keep them up like i should but sometimes i just wonder is it HIM or is it the meds.. how do you discipline if your child really cant control the bad behaviour:cool:

consistency is the biggest component in discipline. nothing is going to work if we only half heartedly try it for a few days. Kids are smart. They catch on. If you try a new form of discipline, you can bet they'll already know they only have to tolerate it for a few days before mom gives up. I am quite guilty of this myself.

So, what if a person has been consistent, like robotically consistent for years. And what if they've done tons of the positive praise stuff too. I'm always pointing out my sons strengths or good ideas. We've done sticker charts, marble jars, earning things, special trips incentives. We have done all the things we've been told, consistently, with little to no results. He seems to be unable to learn the most basic rules and routines of the house. Sometimes I just feel that it's easy to say "The parents must do __________. (fill in the blank). That's what's important". But what about when they have done everything as they've been instructed to do without real results? When that is the case, is it just possible that there is more going on that just ADD? My son is not on meds right now, by the way. We also tried that route as advised, with not so good to bad results. We are getting ready to go to a psychiatrist tomorrow as the pediatrician can "no longer treat him" because his behavior is "beyond her expertise". Maybe they'll have some new ideas for us. Good luck to all of you in your daily lives and have a great week!

We had that kind of problem. As much as it felt pointless we kept at it since refusing to discipline at all was so not an option. Then we found out it wasn't just ADHD, but Asperger's as well. Not saying that's what's going on here, and it's possible you have an above average stubbornness there, but I would look into other "problems" as well.