View Full Version : Inside my mind


Gentoo
10-13-07, 01:51 AM
I think most papers on ADHD are too clinical. They only describe what ADHD LOOKS like. I've written an article that is designed to show people what ADHD FEELS like:

Inside my mind

Fri, 10/12/2007 - 02:18


I think that the stuff published on ADHD is a little too clinical. By this I mean that professionals are trained to identify the symptoms and treat the negatives. They do not know and can not know ADHD like an ADHDer does. This does not mean that we know about our condition better than a professional, but we understand what it FEELS like, not what it LOOKS like. We don't know what medication to administer or who to refer a patient to but I think it is time that people from this website try to explain as best they can what it is like to have ADHD. I encourage others to write an article on this site like mine because those who do not have ADHD and are indirectly affected by the condition should not only know the clinical stuff, but also the stuff that we as ADHDers just KNOW.

To start off with, to all non-ADHDers who are reading this: You must understand that you can NOT entirely comprehend what it FEELS like to have ADHD just by reading the clinical stuff or even reading this article. The only way you can build up a clear picture is by researching multiple works. ADHD is a very controversial subject. There will be clashing statements. Some may be just wrong and some may be right in only certain circumstances where some are generally accepted to be true. I hope that by spending some time here and getting to know the ADHD community at this wonderful website you will be able to decide for yourself what is true and what applies to the ADHDers you know.

To the ADHDers reading this well you know why you are reading this. You are reading this because it is bloody interesting to read about yourself, don't deny it ;) Of course if you disagree with anything I said you are welcome to submit another story like this one in opposition.

My first point is about inattentiveness. They SAY we have poor concentration. This is most likely interpreted to mean we can't sustain our attention to one thing for very long. Not only this but it is observed that this is the truth. On the contrary, people with ADHD tend to have the best concentration. Let me explain. Non-ADHDers are more linear thinkers than we are. They see the word TRAIN and they imagine a little train, chugging along around a green hill. ADHDers see a train and that triggers many, many thoughts all at once. They instantly dive into their own world. If they were to say their thoughts to another person, after only a minute it would seem to the person that they are now talking about random dribble, nothing related to the train. They would be right. That is because when I or another ADHDer sees the word TRAIN, their instants thoughts are of that image of the train chugging along, with a shiny red coat and the steam shooting out, thinning as it rises. A shiny golden whistle. The fat controller from Thomas the Tank Engine shouting "all aboard!" people rushing along, each getting to their destination. One particularly interesting man with a fancy suit and a suitcase. That reminds me, one I heard a story about one of the most baffling cases in the history of unsolved English murders where a man took a suit case containing a body part of his victim and left it on a train then repeated the process at several train stations and they never caught him... What was I talking about?

My concentration is great. I can concentrate on one thing for hours. The trouble is that my mind thinks so fast and so laterally that I have trouble keeping up. Much like a car accelerating. As it accelerates, the driver has less control. Once my mind gets racing, I can't keep up and tell myself "STOP: You should be concentrating on your work instead of daydreaming about unsolved murders!" like most people can. Hang on, but didn't I say I have good concentration? That certainly isn't good concentration. Weelllll.. another thing is people with ADHD have less dopamine. That's right, that naturally produced happy drug. Your body releases it when you are happy. It gives you a feeling of euphoria. Because people with ADHD don't have as much of that, we suffer from constant boredom unless we can find something external to keep us happy. When I sit in maths class I get bored. Something the teacher says triggers a thought about that murder case. Now most people would block it out, but sub-consciously my mind craves the interesting thought and I am helpless. Another maths class wasted.

"That must be so frustrating!" "ADHD is a terrible burden!" you non-ADHDers might be thinking. Well no, but it is easy to see why someone might think this. It is imperative to our self-esteem that everyone knows that ADHD is in fact just one of our traits. Sure, it makes us bad at concentrating in maths class, sure it makes us bad at washing the dishes (I hate that job!) but our lateral, fast thinking minds just LOVE to dive into something interesting! That is why many ADHDers can excel at things we enjoy. We may not enjoy the chore of washing the dishes but we might love washing the car and get it done to perfection. We may not be great at maths but we may be excellent at computing. We might find the sport Basketball dead boring but we may be excellent Water Polo players. Coupled with a high-self esteem and an "ADHD helps me do things that I'm good at!" attitude we can excel in certain areas.

But what about things we don't like? There lies a problem. As with everyone, we are not perfect. Everyone needs to improve but the difference is we have different flaws. We suck at things we don't like. To others this appears to be us not attempting or simply laziness, but even the simplest of tasks like paying attention in one maths lesson or washing the dishes proves impossibly difficult. The key to solving this problem is finding a way in which we can enjoy such dull tasks or at least get something out of it so that we find doing it more bearable. Even if the task has no natural rewards we need to create them for ourselves. With the help of ADD community center, this goal can be more achievable.

Hyperactivity and Impulsiveness are the other traits of ADHD and whilst one would observe them to be unrelated symptoms, they are really exactly the same with a different coat on and a false moustache. The difference is that they are physical. Much like our lateral, fast-paced and all over the place minds, people with hyperactive type ADHD feel the need to do everything at once, running about from thing to thing. We crave entertainment and so we run around, playing when we perhaps shouldn't be. The main solution to this is much the same as with inattention: find a way to make it enjoyable or to get something out of it. Another thing that helps in maths class is to have a small toy, like a knot ball that can be easily hidden from a teacher. Because of our lateral thinking, we are able to concentrate on the knot ball AND our work at the same time, so it isn't really so much of a distraction. All it does is satisfy our desire to run around (which compensates for our lack of dopamine) because we are physically doing something stimulating and enjoyable. Excercising can also satisfy this desire so taking up a sport really helps! Make sure it is a fun one, though, so that the hyperactivity can be put to good use (ie; Water Polo, not Basketball :P)

Impulsiveness is simply caused by us not having time to think twice about what we are about to do. We think so much at once so fast that sometimes we don't really take the time to think twice before we act. This can be good as often our first thoughts are good ones and we get ideas and take action before others. Unfortunately, though, some poor decisions are made when something appears to need a simple solution when really the solution is complex. This is perhaps one of the most difficult situations ADHDers face and the only way to cope is to train ourselves to stop and think about what we are doing. There are many strategies. One that I have adopted is to stop and think "If it seems simple then it probably isn't. I should think more before I reach my verdict". I'm sure that you can come up with other solutions that suit you :)

I hope this has taught you not what ADHD LOOKS like but what it FEELS like and that you give my strategies a try and post any strategies you have learned: I would greatly benefit from them!

Kimmy
10-17-07, 03:54 AM
im laughing
totally envisioned thomas the train before i read it except i went on a george carlin route afterwards b/c he used to narrate the show. then alec baldwin did, then i think about that show on Vh1 with that one baldwin brother, and then another baldwin that was in biodome oh but also in the flintstones with rosie o'donnell. her gay family cruise wasn't sucessful as she hoped. made me sad. i can't stand that elizabeth hassleback on the show. can't wait til shes gone having that evil spawn child. i went to see spawn in middle school at the movie theatre 3 times, but never actually saw it. i still have the movie ticket stubs. etc etc etc etc etc etc

Garry
10-17-07, 04:13 PM
im laughing
totally envisioned thomas the train before i read it except i went on a george carlin route afterwards b/c he used to narrate the show. then alec baldwin did, then i think about that show on Vh1 with that one baldwin brother, and then another baldwin that was in biodome oh but also in the flintstones with rosie o'donnell. her gay family cruise wasn't sucessful as she hoped. made me sad. i can't stand that elizabeth hassleback on the show. can't wait til shes gone having that evil spawn child. i went to see spawn in middle school at the movie theatre 3 times, but never actually saw it. i still have the movie ticket stubs. etc etc etc etc etc etcI'm really not sure what point you are trying to put across here Kimmy


as Gentoo has gone to a lot of effort on his part to address a very valuable point.

It would not be easy to put into words what he has just said ,as I know I couldn't do it..

I feel like you are making fun of him for his effort , which is your right if thats what you choose to do ........

If I am incorrect at my analogy then please accept my apology

but if I am correct

Before you criticize , or make fun of his posting if that is what you are intending to do, then maybe you should " Walk A Mile In His Shoes "

How be you take the time to type out your version of

What It Is Like To Have ADD (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=430568&postcount=127)

This was not written by me, but by

Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.

Copyright (C) 1992


It expresses my thoughts about what its like very well

HelenF
10-17-07, 04:35 PM
I didn't actually take Kimmy's response to be a bad one - I assumed it was meant to be empathetic.

Garry
10-17-07, 06:18 PM
I'm not saying Kimmy post was bad , just that I didn't understand any relevance to Gentoo's post


To me it seemed that she was poking fun at Gentoo and that is why I apologized upfront in my post if I misunderstood what she was trying to do or say...

What is the meaning of the "empathetic"

empathetic

adjective

Cognizant of and comprehending the needs, feelings, problems, and views of others: empathic (http://www.answers.com/topic/empathic), feeling (http://www.answers.com/topic/feeling), sympathetic (http://www.answers.com/topic/sympathetic), understanding (http://www.answers.com/topic/understanding).

See understand/misunderstand (http://www.answers.com/topic/understand-misunderstand).

Garry
10-17-07, 07:51 PM
maybe this is Kimmys story about ADD and how it affects her

if it is then it shows how quick someone else can jump to conclusions about another persons thoughts and ideas

msam76
10-17-07, 08:05 PM
I am still picturing the train and all its passengers....

I agree with a lot of what you posted Gentoo. That was me in a nutshell!

Foxie
10-17-07, 08:14 PM
I think she was only showing an example by posting exactly all the descriptors and correlations than ran through her head. Don't be so sensitive, everyone doesn't criticize.

Garry
10-17-07, 08:34 PM
I think she was only showing an example by posting exactly all the descriptors and correlations than ran through her head. Don't be so sensitive, everyone doesn't criticize.it took me a while and 3 posts to figure out that what she was writing is the movie that was in her mind....

as I said in my last post

maybe this is Kimmy's story about ADD and how it affects her




if it is then it shows how quick someone else can jump to conclusions about another persons thoughts and ideas

this was me who judged quickly and didn't understand what she trying to say

but its also me pointing out how quickly we are judged by other people ( Liner Thinkers ) the rest of society for just being ourselves

HighFunctioning
10-17-07, 08:38 PM
To the ADHDers reading this well you know why you are reading this. You are reading this because it is bloody interesting to read about yourself, don't deny it ;) Of course if you disagree with anything I said you are welcome to submit another story like this one in opposition.

Yes, I very much do know why I was reading that. It was because it was one of the shorter paragraphs in the text. :D Well, I will admit, that was the reason why I read that paragraph the first time. :)

Seriously. I mostly agree with this just like the others here. I do like to generalize inattentiveness a little differently though. When I think in terms of calling it "mental hyperactivity", I think the phrase "too-much 'irrelevant' activity" (irrelevant as defined by those who use the term frequently) is more accurate than necessarily "fast-paced activity". Some here don't always have that lightning fast mental activity. Often times, the slower kind is the less conscious kind.

On a side note... I suppose Kimmy's post would also fit the title of the this thread... "Inside my mind". Where Gentoo's post was a reflective post (i.e. self analysis), Kimmy's was an actual brain dump. Gentoo's post had an additional level of indirection as compared to Kimmy's. Unfortunately, this is less obvious to those not afflicted with the disorder...

Perhaps we could see this as similar to English and German, but instead, NT and ADD? Gentoo's post is translated so those without the first person experience can read it, and Kimmy's is short enough for some ADDers to be able to finish and comprehend in one sitting (or thread for inattentives).

Garry
10-17-07, 08:39 PM
I feel like you are making fun of him for his effort , which is your right if thats what you choose to do ........

If I am incorrect at my analogy then please accept my apology

but if I am correct

Before you criticize , or make fun of his posting if that is what you are intending to do, then maybe you should " Walk A Mile In His Shoes "

How be you take the time to type out your version of
In my first post I hadn't figured out that that was her story

But I did make comment to the chance that my analogy wasn't correct and I apologized in advance

Kimmy
10-18-07, 01:46 AM
wow, im not mean. i promise. i did read his entire write-up. i thought it was well-writ. i AM ADD. i AM inattentive.

I was just adding what was swirling in my brain as the inattentive ADDer. the whole train sequence in his story dealt with the inattentive ADDer brain. i am not trying to take away from him writing this. it's awesome. i was just laughing, b/c he was totally right on all of that he wrote. i hardly get to read stuff from the inattentive ADDer's point of view. It's always the ADHD hyper POV's.

I'm not mad at anyone. :)

meadd823
10-18-07, 05:07 AM
I guess Kimmy got a hold of the train idea and ran with it, but I can see a connection.

Just a reminder

Of course if you disagree with anything I said you are welcome to submit another story like this one in opposition.


You asked. . . . .

Hyperactive description close - not overly in error but we are hyper because we are being bombarded by external stimuli. Every site sound smell feeling and thought competes equally for our attention. We can not make any of it go away. Each particle of thought can take on it's own story line so we too have many story lines running through our mind at once mean while the external bombardment continues some times we get lost in it but mostly we want to get away from the stimuli assault.




The difference is that they are physical. Much like our lateral, fast-paced and all over the place minds, people with hyperactive type ADHD feel the need to do everything at once, running about from thing to thing. We crave entertainment and so we run around, playing when we perhaps shouldn't be

Personally I move because if I sit to long it hurts. Having to make my self sit takes concentration movement brings about clarity. Perhaps it is under arousal seeks arousal but to say I am more physical is not entirely accurate



I hate re-typing stuff so I shall copy my response from this post (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=290224&postcount=148)

To those who think I feel the need are you saying you understand my wiggles like this…. Imagine the below in the mind because it aint safe to really try this…

You light up the ole gas stove the flames touch just above the metal black thing……now keeping your hand parallel with the stove top (do not come from above you’ll screw it up) slide it steadily but not fast over the flame aprox 3 inches above the tip of the fire………………………………………………………………..

NOW when you jerked your hand back did ya move it because you felt like you had to or because it hurt??? There is a difference THUS MY point!

There is a difference and I am trying to offer a key to those like me. A majority don’t end up on message boards ( as Scuro has pointed out) but sure seem to populate jails! See I do understand what I am told, I think. Never know, but do please hear me out. The angry impulsive people spend a life time of understanding only the frustration being misunderstood, the answer to why some hyper impulsive types “stand out like a dirty shirt”.

To make the movement stop hurts like the flames will your hand and for much the same reasons toooooooo
***End Quote

So I would not say I am simply more physical but your solutions are reasonable.


Movement creates clarity because the constant assault on my senses eases up and I can think in a straight line or hold a mental picture without being assaulted by five thousand other things at once. Despite my constant movement I was always well aware of what was going on around me. Mom could tell explain some thing to me while I played and I could process her words and play or run around the room. I can still listen to some one talk while I read or respond to a post. It took forever for my husband to understand just because I keep reading or typing doesn't mean I am not paying attention to what he is saying. His word will be processed by my mind weather I want them to or not. I look up briefly to acknowledge him but any more than a sentence or two I an back typing or reading. . .he thought I was kidding at first but I was able repeat what he said, respond to his question appropriately. . . . he didn't think I could read and listen because he can't. I am ADHD but I am unusual in many ways I Know this I think we are all unique in our abilities.

ADD is a problem with being able to consciously control our attention span, We can not "will ourselves" to control our direction of focus or the length of our attention span {selective attention} . . . . we can not have the stimuli filter half open so we can pay attention to the task at hand while being able to ignore the un-necessary stimuli {both internal and external} our filtering valves are stuck open and we are assaulted by all of it at once {hyper} or it snaps shut and every thing in the external environment gets shut out including the task at hand {inattentive} others have a combination of these tow called guess how your filter is going to screw with your mind now {combined}


This is to say although I do not totally agree with your description, I do not totally disagree either. I simply view ADD a bit differently because I am a different person. I see ADD as a stimuli filtering valve problem how we respond depends on how our stimuli filtering valve is broken.

Garry
10-18-07, 06:08 AM
wow, I'm not mean. i promise. i did read his entire write-up. i thought it was well-writ. i AM ADD. i AM inattentive.

I was just adding what was swirling in my brain as the inattentive ADDer. the whole train sequence in his story dealt with the inattentive ADDer brain. i am not trying to take away from him writing this. it's awesome. i was just laughing, b/c he was totally right on all of that he wrote. i hardly get to read stuff from the inattentive ADDer's point of view. It's always the ADHD hyper POV's.

I'm not mad at anyone. :)Kimmy I wasn't insinuating that you were mean or anything else

I read Genpoo' story and totally missed his paragraph about the train !!!

so therefore I couldn't understand where your reference about Thomas the Train was coming from.....

I am just glad I apologized in my first post as it is very obvious to me now that it was my mistake that happened here..

This type of situation goes to show how we as adders can have a problem reading a long post or book or document and fully comprehending everything that is being said .........

The other point I can see here is the way our words are taken , either spoken or written ...........

What was meant as a question, can be taken harshly by others , due to our bluntness and lack of political speech .............

meadd823
10-18-07, 11:58 PM
The other point I can see here is the way our words are taken , either spoken or written ...........

What was meant as a question, can be taken harshly by others , due to our bluntness and lack of political speech .............


Which is why it is a good policy to

Never attribute to malice what can easily be explained by :foot: ADD!

supersomeone
10-26-07, 03:54 PM
wow that is really great ! i wish i could send that to a couple of my teachers ! lol great job you should make like a blog thing and like weekly updates on add things that people have done (just for fun )lol or ......not what ever but still great job !

Gentoo
10-27-07, 11:44 PM
Thanks guys. I was considering making a blog. I have some funny stories about ADHD and particularly my 3 year old sister!