My son, who turned 7 yesterday & who doesn't appear to have any learning, speech, or hearing disabilites, takes things SOOOO literal. If it's not said exactly how it is, he has to spend the next 10 min. arguing with you about how you said it & that that wasn't what he was doing or wasn't what he said. It is possible to eventually convince him that what you said really meant the same thing, but it's a battle. And this "literalness" causes lots of conflicts between him & his 3 1/2 yr old sister who can reason like an adult already. I can sometimes see the literal accepting of what was said in my brother-in-law who's almost 19, & even on rare occasion in my hubby.

Can anyone who's lived with ADHD all their life & now understands more why they do things, or is at least trying, explain the thought process of taking things so literally? Abstract thinking is typically in the last stages of child development. And maybe it's possible that it's an area that my son has yet to cross. Will he grow out of this as his understanding of life expands? Is there a way to help this process along, because it frustrates me! Rather than getting on with the task at hand, we argue out the minute details of how something was said & what was meant by it.

In my experience in dealing with boys (especially smart ones:D ) what you are describing sounds like a manipulative behavior. I am NOT judging your boy, that is just the name for it. I think they all try it out and depending on how well it works for them, will either put it in their behavioral "bag of tricks" or discard it. I believe it is an attempt to draw you into the content of the instruction or comment that was given, with the desired result being to throw you off track. Don't be discouraged, he is just flexing his mental muscles. If it continues to irk you, may I suggest directing his love of semantics and logic into a writing journal or learning chess or other logic game. Is this a new development or has he always been this way?

My son does this and I did it too... I am unsuccessfully trying to train him out of it... how can you say to a child "Do what I meant, not what I said?"

As a child, it was an honest mistake for me sometimes... I didn't always understand WHY someone was telling me to do something, so I didn't understand what they MEANT to tell me to do if it was different than what they actually said.

I only did it on purpose when I was very angry and frustrated. Which, unfortunately, happened enough to establish the pattern to my parents that I was indeed capable of doing it on purpose.

I would be FURIOUS to no end if they accused me of doing it on purpose when I hadn't.

I should have also said that the best way to deal with the situation is to avoid it in the first place. As I'm sure you know, ADHD kids (and many adults for that matter) need clear, simple instructions. Allow for clarification questions, not motive questions. "Mom, did you want me to take all the trash outside to the can, or just the kitchen trash?" NOT "Why do I have to take it out? It is not full yet and it is not my turn." You may deal with motives when the task is through. I have an awesome plan that works. You can PM me if you want all the details.

I suspect he has a little of both... confusion of the task or statement at hand & ... let's see if we can get mom distracted, then I won't have to do it... & probably the "why's" or what-nots blurted out before has a chance to think it through. Any & all thoughts & ideas are welcome.

Here's a prime example of one that he did... he was holding/fidgeting with his sister's bracelet. She got mad & told him to take it off. He didn't, she requested again to have it taken off with no luck. Eventually she screamed at him. He said, I'm not wearing it, which he had it around his hand, rather than around his wrist. So we went through the conversation... is it on your hand? Yes. So are you wearing it? Yes. So if you know that you're wearing it, then why make your sister scream at you because it's on your hand, not your wrist? I don't know.

Sometimes his argument is reasonable, but most times it's about "stupid" things like these. Again, any suggestions are MORE than welcome & I will not be offended in the least.

Thanks.

Uh huh. My boy does stuff like this too. He might be jumping on the couch, and we might say "Stop jumping on the couch." He might respond by instead jumping on a chair, or bouncing on his rear end on the couch...

...another one of his favourites is to take something you say and extend it ad absurdum. For example, if you ever make the foolish mistake of saying to him "don't touch anything", he will immediately respond with something like "I can't stop touching the floor." If you exempt him from that, then he will say "Am I allowed to touch the air?"

This would have earned me a slap for being a smartmouth as a kid... I know, because I did it too... :D

Yes, mine will do this also... along with a cheesy grin that says... I got away with it & there's nothing you can do about it. Once again, very frustrating. I'm sure I would have gotten a swat as a kid also.

That is my son, always complaining about how I word something.
It is very augumentative. His big thing is "you didn't say please"
And this is most often after I have asked 3 times already nicely saying please. So I try to keep from saying I did etc... blah blah blah. Ah parent abuse!