I have been at my computer trying to complete a paper due for my religious studies class. Lately I have been aggrivated at my inability to concentrate on my studies. When I went to type my paper, this is what came out. It was actually very theraputic. By the way, I am Chris.

chris has lazy brain. hecannot think for ****. chris gets very frunstrsted with his brain. he wants to do certain things with his brain but his brain says fu I am going to do what I want to do. chrissbrain wont let him focus on one thing long enuff to succeed at it. this makes chris very angry. all chris can do is hope technology gets to the point where brain trasnplantaions can be done so he can get himself a new brain. until than, chris is f-ed…. royally. chris would like to punt his brain like a football thru the uprights. there is a large descrepency between the things chris wants to do and what his brain will allow him to do. this makes chris very angry. chris is angry that he understands it is likely that he will live a life of underachievement because his brain is works as if running on half dead Duracell battries. sometimes chris thinks his brain is like a car except someine else is behind the wheel. chris wants his brain to go to the supermarket but his brain wants to go to the park,. this makes chris very angry. chris would like new brain please. chriss brain is getting him nowhere. chris is forced to work with morjons. this is because chriss brain will not allow hinm to use brain. this means chris is doomed for a life of toiling in jobs that monkees can perform. fu chriss brain. you are no good and you make chriss life a living hell. maybe in chriss next life he will get barin that doenst think abiout merrygorounds or pinwheels in the middle of a professors lecture. maybe with a brain worth 2 ****s chriss brain wont go for a joyride in the middle of an exam. up yours chris brain… up yours

One of the members here (chain) has a word/term for this... It's called a tape recorder [thought]. It's sort of a general message that can be quite repetitive in your mind, and it has to do with what one thinks of one self. This looks like a very typical ADD tape recorder thought, and is generally reflective of the feedback one receives throughout life.

Others may have other thoughts like this. Sometimes, it isn't really actual feedback, but sometimes a product of a euphoria or aspect of another disorder such as mania in bipolar disorder or even NPD.

Hi Chris,

Are these thoughts that you have very often? Have you ever heard of CBT or DBT? They might be just the thing for you. Are you medicated (or diagnosed?) I am not sure if you had an actual question, but would love to chat with you.

At Heart

Good description Chris.....and therapeutic I'm sure. Now you've flushed him out next stage is to wrestle that motherf***er thats hijacked your brain to the deck and get him in a full nelson. It may take many rounds and some shedding of blood but hey.....you can see your opponent now.

kilted

dude. Thats sweet. Turn it in!! haha j/p. Maybe you should think more about doing creative writing. And also. U dont seem ADD. In fact u seem very focused on ur inability. Perhaps letting a little bit of urself go will push u along further.

Keep it up!

I can completely relate to the frustration! For me at least, its like i know what i want to say and i know i can say it well its just that i cant quite put my thoughts into the right order in my head to get them out on the paper. When i get stuck like that i just write about all the bits i want to say in no particular order and then figure the order out later. I just write down everything i know about the subject. That way i get to feel like i've actually acheived something, rather than sitting there feeling like i am wasting my time and getting more stressed out (which makes it even harder).
Then all you have to do is clean it all up a bit, move some things around and stuff and you are nearly done!
good luck :)

Right on Ninjanicole. I think thats how everybody rights papers. Some are faster than others. and some are slow but we all struggle to write things that come from our thoughts. And the people that are great writers put more effort into rearranging and rewriting because they are passionate and perfectionist. OCD if your referring to modern psychology.


^_^ y00ch

Hi Chris,

Are these thoughts that you have very often? Have you ever heard of CBT or DBT? They might be just the thing for you. Are you medicated (or diagnosed?) I am not sure if you had an actual question, but would love to chat with you.

At Heart
I could give you some suggestions and share my knowledge of those as well, I think those suggestions are the best I have seen yet.

Feel free to PM me as well.

Hey there thoughthopping,

I hope you pop back in, and I hope things are going better for you.

Hey everybody, thanks alot for your comments and concern. Please understand when I wrote this it was in good humour. I was mostly trying to make my little sister laugh. But it is still true and I do get very aggrivated with my inability to concentrate. The worst part about having ADD for me, is the overwhelming feeling of underachievement, and I was hoping some people could relate to this feeling. To be ambitious and to have the intelligence, just not the concentration to do things you want to do is very frustrating. I've set out to do alot of things in my life, anyone of them I could have succeeded if I just had the ability to see them thru. Sorry, I don't mean to boo hoo here. Right now theres a parapalegic starving child in ethipoia telling me to go to hell.

AtHeart: No, I have not heard of CBT or DBT. I am diagnosed ADD but do not take meds, as I HATE them. A Dr. put me on adderall for 2 years and it only complicated my life and made my life about 10 times worse. This has led to a distrust of meds and Drs. I have made my mind up that if I'm going to conquer ADD, it wont be with the aid of meds.

Yooch: If its all the same, I think I'll turn in something different. I'm pretty sure my prof. would have me committed and than have the key thrown away. But thanks for your suggestion.

Hahaha......no worries. I'm curious. Why did meds make ur life so bad? I'm thinking of going on medication and would to hear ur thoughts.

Yooch-

I wrote you a response to your last question but than decided to post it so more people would get a chance to read it and give their opinions. It is under general ADD discussion and is titled "A sincere warning for those considering ADD meds". Take it for what its worth. It is only a completely honest account of my life on adderall.

Hi thoughhopping,

I referred to DBT and CBT (they are forms of behavioral therapy, that a therapist has to specialize in to actually have it be beneficial for you) that may be non-medication ways to help your ADHD. There are also non-stimulant types of meds if you are interested in learning more. I realize that medications are a touchy subject with you, so I hope you will listen to what all of the very sincere and helpful people here have to say.

I can certainly relate to your feelings of underachievement. What have you tried to make yourself more organized? Have you ever read any of the books by Stephen Covey (The 7 habits of Highly Effective People)? I think that we all learn strategies that help us, which might be different than what another person uses, so I am not sure what advice we can offer here that you might apply to your own life. That is why I suggest the books, perhaps it is time to look into the self-help genre.

Just my opinion.

At Heart

Dude i'm right there with ya. I completely relate to your rant about your treacherous brain. I constantly feel like my brain is trying to ruin my life/isn't up to the task of handling all/any of life's challenges. Feelings of underachievement are agonizing! Especially if you feel you have the ambition and intelligence to do something great but you can't seem to focus and follow through with what you started.



About the Adderall I feel the same way. It's not right for me. I get even more adrenaline and become more tense than I usually am. It does help me focus a lot though and I have noticed it to be significantly easier to think and interact with people. I was on adderall for 6 months at a low dose and it did nothing, now im on a higher dose and its too much. I'd like to try a non stimulant but first I am going to try Ritalin. That seems to work for a lot of people. I'll get back to you on how it differs.



But yeah man i'm with you. Add is a pain in the posterior. It's a wild beast that needs to be bronco-busted. But we can hang in there and conquer it. Btw what you said was hilarious. "Right now theres a parapalegic starving child in ethipoia telling me to go to hell." I feel that way all the time. I'm moderately wealthy, in good physical condition, somewhat good looking and i'm complaining that I can't keep my mind on my essay... lol. But don't give up on meds. You just gotta find the right one for you. I don't want to be dependant on a drug for the rest of my life anymore than you do but you can't cross the atlantic in a boat without a paddle.

Hi Chris

Hm I might try that some time...I agree- reckon it'll be satisfying in some way. Its like what I've been wanting to write out for ages but never get round to it.Just like I never get round to anything (like the excessive amounts of coursework I should be doing right now).

I can really, really empathise with your feelings of underachievement. It's a part of me for goodness knows how long...like, in all of my classes I know for a fact I'm right up there at the top...or more, I should be, because I'm capable of it. In reality, I'm struggling not to fail them all :/ And its so fustrating - I'm finding myself swearing at everyone, everyone who thinks they're better than me. Its only me that knows not everybody is... damn I sound dead cocky or something, but I'm just really, really fustrated and fed up of having a lack of ways to express it. This forum is a legend!! I'm so happy to have stumbled across it :) Its one of my only outlets.

And lol about the 'telling me to go to hell' thing. Basically like what Hootie said, I've got almost everything going for me: I'm in decent physical condition, I have a supportive...if somewhat pressuring family, fairly wealthy, supportive friends, good school....but damn am still whining like a small irritating child. Kind of disgusted at myself...

Oh and in regards to the boat without a paddle, I'm sure I heard of a message in a bottle that travelled really far...
But that wasn't a boat.
And it didn't need a paddle 0_o

-> post # 1Are we meant to be able to control our minds?

So -

- our minds popped into life -> and then we were able to talk about stuff

So - the perspective of

'I' like potatoes
'I' would like to go for a swim

~etc~

arose only after a process of nature lead to us having mind.

Reasonably - mightn't the point of mind diverge from our understanding of mind.

We believe that the mind should be used to do things which we want.

However

'we wanting'

exactly as in

'I' like potatoes
'I' would like to go for a swim
arose only after mind -

suggesting (and we will see) - that we've rather missed out on the point of mind.

-*-

We would (generally) like to make our mind do what we want for some contrived purpose
- a degree,job (for instance).

There is no such thing as degree,job - beyond context of man -
it's for this reason that I choose 'contrived' as descriptor.

The mind (from its perspective and not from ours) would like to be filled with information
- however since it arose before a world of degrees and jobs - it's likely that it was instantiated - not for use by the individual
the individual being the 'first person perspective'

which it ***itself*** delivered -

- instead it delivered the 'first person perspective'
(that is - and to repeat)
->
the 'I' in
'I' like potatoes
'I' would like to go for a swim
as a means to set it (the brain) - whirring with electrical flow - which coincidently occurs as the mind is filled - and then subsequently used.

Mind being filed is the nurture to nature.

... noting that the mind being filled - is approximately coincident with 'education'.
Unfortunately though - divergence of 'mind being filled' from 'education' - is not permitted - where there is a method to fill the mind.

A little difficult to explain - however -
imagine a set of stairs -
one can only walk up the stairs if one walks up from
level 1 -> 2 -> 3 ... ->etc-> ... 10

The mind prevents us from attempting to ascend

1->10->1->6->2->1

(that is) from filling the mind inefficiently - by dictating 'where next' - forces a sequence onto learning - and hence preventing asynchronous learning - learning without context.

-*-

The problem arises when the mind without conscious intervention can identify a better mechanism for filling the holes in its structure - a better mechanism -than the mechanism which the individual is currently choosing (through pressure of society) to apply his or her mind too.

OK - so dig a little deeper and you'll see that you've described the notion - as described by some here (particularly Tammy) -

of the 'mind having a mind of its own.'

To harness the power of your own mind - you need to hybridize the direction which you need to follow (your mind's demands) - within context of the educational demands which're placed on you by the establishment which you're attending.

What does that mean?

I think that it'll pan out that the commonly repeated idea of ADDers being more creative - will be explained away under the notion that the only method for an ADDer to engage in NonADDer world - will be for us to apply our creativity -> extreme creativity
to a problem - to stop ourselves falling victim of boredom.

Boredom is the stick which prevents us from engaging.

As I grow older - I find that each job which we might aspire towards - is a variation on a theme of 'monkee able'

to steal the 'monkey' from your post

:-)

... though that we have it within us to make any position - fit for man -
that is
to have within us the capacity to make anything which we need to do - less boring.

I'm switching out of the notion of trying to perform a non-monkee day job - and trying to shift to the idea of making enough money not to sink under the demands of the money lenders, banks and insurance companies of this world - into some low paid nothing job - where I can daydream all day and just plain work on autopilot -

- so ... ... my mother is real ADD - she has good qualifications degrees and all of that stuff in geology, school teaching
- and she now works on a 'checkout' -

- well...

how NOT the great (insert country) dream is that -

she is able to daydream all day though

so how actually the great dream is that -

simultaneously.

Unravelling the dichotemy requires that one of the two is deluding - whilst the other is dreaming.

-*-

My point (it usually takes me a while :-) to get there) -
is that we're pointing our aspirations in the wrong direction
- thanks to the paranoia which we are fed (particularly) by the financial sector (think one of the chaps who you're studying on your course - in a Temple - overturning tables (whilst becoming rather angry) - and you're there :-) ) -

- you know the story -

'you'll not have a pension unless you invest 1/4 of your salary each month'

'you need to have your house insured (by paying us a 1/4 of your salary each month) - because if your house falls down - nobody'll help you otherwise'

'you need to pay a mortgage of 1/2 your salary each month for this collection of bricks which you live in'
(because we've seen to it that house prices are out of range of normal people)

(incidentally - where I live in Cambridge - we're at the stage where junior academics cannot afford to live close to where we work)

'you need to pay us 1/8 of your salary so that when somebody steals your car - you'll get another'

Hmmm...

1/4 + 1/4 + 1/2 + 1/8 >> 1

We're in trouble - but at least we're happy that

1.We will receive $100 a month when we're >70
2.We're OK when our house falls down
3.Our house isn't possessed and sold to one of the bank's employees
(how it works here - the financial institution gives first 'dibs' on the properties to its staff)
4.Sadly though - if our car is stolen - we don't have enough money to pay the insurance agents their premium for their 'protection'.

The pattern then is to fuel paranoia and then steal.

So the solution is to change the system - which will occur - when we realise

**ALERT** - actually getting to the point now

:-)

So the solution is to change this ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous system - and change will occur - when the solution to your observations are delivered to a mass audience -

:: Solution ::

- that the mind needs to be nourished
that we can't drive it in the wrong direction (a direction which doesn't deliver a better mind)
that we can't support these stupid financial organizations - actually CANNOT - because as we get more ADD - our own mind cripples us into inactivity - when the activity which we're forced to engage in - contravenes the (brain)mind's desires.

That is ... that we really 'no can do' - 'we' exists because of mind - we don't get to overturn it.

Without 'mind' - there is no 'I,we ... ... ...'

I am now at the stage where I can pretty much only perform tasks where I'm given freedom - I cannot do what I'm told to do - unless I can daydream the task into the background.

This will be a pattern we see progressively more and more of in in our society - a solution is necessary.

Those most afflicted by the
unbearable lightness of our (nonADD) society
will be those who try most to work out the point (yet another link into religion) -
to locate some position of sufficiently high moral ground - that the individual will be able to justify himself engaging ...

(where to close the logical loop

informed mind -> morality)

-*-

Religious studies is a great area to study (some here including Tammy and qinkin know really so much about these domains - though we're not allowed to talk about religion in open forum (by the way)) -

- (and by the way) My father and father in law are dissident :-) priests in 2 religions -

so we end up talking religion - some -- and then some more ... ...

just yesterday we were trying to work out what was served in the Last Supper - based on the trends of the time -
must stop on this line of thought though
(though)

- instead of stoppng on that seemingly frivolous point - the reason for the conversation
-> related to metaphors which the last supper might have represented) - taking the obvious religious context off the

:-)

table.