Daze
10-20-07, 05:15 PM
Hello guys, I'm 17, from Sweden.
I'll try to write understandable sentences and a bit structured, but don't except too much. :p
I've recently been looking into Asperger Syndrome and ADHD (and a load of other stuff before that) to try and figure out why I am the way I am.
I've never really had any real friend, except for a couple over the net that I met in some game, but nearly all of those have kinda faded away. The closest thing I've got to friends are people I get along with well and chat a bit with while at school (1 now in high school and 2 in the 3 years before that, not sure what it's called), I can't remember the last time I was somewhere with a friend and after school. It's very very hard for me to do things as simple as taking initiative and speaking to someone I don't know well, or many any contact at all.
In school It's been going downhill for the last 4-5 years. I think it's because before when i was 6-12 years in school the tasks weren't very hard and required little effort, and when I got older and needed to do more stuff at home and take more responsibility I couldn't do that. For a couple of years I kinda managed because I know languages well and always got to study a little bit (½h maybe) before the exams so I didn't fail miserably. I remember before from when i was maybe 9-10 years old a couple of meetings with my parents and teacher and the verdict would usually be something like this: "He's good, but can do better if he just wants to, not sitting still."
Now that I've started high school my problems are really starting to show. This is my second year and I'm in a kinda demanding programme. I almost never do any work on time because I always delay it as much as possible, and then some. In school it's hard for me to focus because I tend to drift off into my thoughts or something I just suddenly come to think of. This is especially noticeable in maths because I find it very hard to learn so I get much more easily distracted. Like, I can be listening to the teacher speaking, then suddenly start talking bout something completely different with the person next to me, and I don't "realise" it until they tell me to focus on what teacher is saying. Always playing with hair, eraser, a pen or just anything I find lying around, and this becomes much much more prominent when I'm stressed, like when doing an exam at those times I barely sit still.
If I think something is boring it's extremely difficult for me to do it, even if it's just reading 1-2 pages in a textbook, instead I'll do just about anything so I wont have to deal with it.
Another thing is that I absolutely hate and feel very uncomfortable with change. I can get a bit upset when I get home and see that things have been re-arranged on my desk even if it was just meant as a clean-up (I never clean my room http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/redface.gif).
Often when people are talking to me and they do so for more than 10-15 seconds things get all messed up, it gets harder and harder to comprehend what they're saying and I need to think really hard to understand simple things that they say.
My memory isn't the best either. If it wasn't for the fact that I've developed a habit to pat my pockets to feel if anything is missing I would probably have lost my wallet, keys and other stuff lots of times. Often when I get home i forget to lock the door after I get in, and sometimes if like my mom tells me to do something, I think like alright I'll do it, but just after I look this thing up (after getting some idea) and I completely forget about having something to do and only remember when she says "*****, have you done that thing I asked you about?"
At night when it's time to sleep I seem to be pushing on it as much as possible, for no reason. I just don't want to go to sleep. It's not because I have nightmares because I don't have any, and I can sleep well, or maybe I just think I can because I always go to bed so late, but anyway it's really disturbing because I'm often really tired in school.
Right now I have this feeling that I often get. It's like I just wanna run outside and see something, do something! But it's a bit late now, and still what can I do? It's like I never get to do anything with the energy I got, just because I've no friends to hang with and no real interests, all my interests are related to computers in somehow, like hanging at forums, listening to music or watching movies (big interest). I think the feeling also is kinda sadness about my situation..but I don't know my feelings all that well.
All of this stuff is really driving me mad, and I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. Before I used manage school and always thought there's tomorrow, but now that that is also going down the drain, I see no light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel...
There are some other stuff too..hard to remember it all now but I'll add it once I remember.
I've looked at the diagnostic criterias for ADHD and these are the ones that "fit" on me, I know I've mentioned some of them above but i thought it'd be good to do anyway.
Inattention
*Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.
*Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities.
*Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
*Often does not follow instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).
*Often has trouble organizing activities.
*Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).
*Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools).
*Is often easily distracted.
*Is often forgetful in daily activities.
Hyperactivity
*Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat.
*Often runs about or climbs when and where it is not appropriate (adolescents or adults may feel very restless).
*Is often "on the go" or often acts as if "driven by a motor". Kinda
*Often talks excessively.
Impulsivity
*Often blurts out answers before questions have been finished.
*Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games).
Sorry it's so long, guess I just had a lot on my mind. :/
I'll try to write understandable sentences and a bit structured, but don't except too much. :p
I've recently been looking into Asperger Syndrome and ADHD (and a load of other stuff before that) to try and figure out why I am the way I am.
I've never really had any real friend, except for a couple over the net that I met in some game, but nearly all of those have kinda faded away. The closest thing I've got to friends are people I get along with well and chat a bit with while at school (1 now in high school and 2 in the 3 years before that, not sure what it's called), I can't remember the last time I was somewhere with a friend and after school. It's very very hard for me to do things as simple as taking initiative and speaking to someone I don't know well, or many any contact at all.
In school It's been going downhill for the last 4-5 years. I think it's because before when i was 6-12 years in school the tasks weren't very hard and required little effort, and when I got older and needed to do more stuff at home and take more responsibility I couldn't do that. For a couple of years I kinda managed because I know languages well and always got to study a little bit (½h maybe) before the exams so I didn't fail miserably. I remember before from when i was maybe 9-10 years old a couple of meetings with my parents and teacher and the verdict would usually be something like this: "He's good, but can do better if he just wants to, not sitting still."
Now that I've started high school my problems are really starting to show. This is my second year and I'm in a kinda demanding programme. I almost never do any work on time because I always delay it as much as possible, and then some. In school it's hard for me to focus because I tend to drift off into my thoughts or something I just suddenly come to think of. This is especially noticeable in maths because I find it very hard to learn so I get much more easily distracted. Like, I can be listening to the teacher speaking, then suddenly start talking bout something completely different with the person next to me, and I don't "realise" it until they tell me to focus on what teacher is saying. Always playing with hair, eraser, a pen or just anything I find lying around, and this becomes much much more prominent when I'm stressed, like when doing an exam at those times I barely sit still.
If I think something is boring it's extremely difficult for me to do it, even if it's just reading 1-2 pages in a textbook, instead I'll do just about anything so I wont have to deal with it.
Another thing is that I absolutely hate and feel very uncomfortable with change. I can get a bit upset when I get home and see that things have been re-arranged on my desk even if it was just meant as a clean-up (I never clean my room http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/redface.gif).
Often when people are talking to me and they do so for more than 10-15 seconds things get all messed up, it gets harder and harder to comprehend what they're saying and I need to think really hard to understand simple things that they say.
My memory isn't the best either. If it wasn't for the fact that I've developed a habit to pat my pockets to feel if anything is missing I would probably have lost my wallet, keys and other stuff lots of times. Often when I get home i forget to lock the door after I get in, and sometimes if like my mom tells me to do something, I think like alright I'll do it, but just after I look this thing up (after getting some idea) and I completely forget about having something to do and only remember when she says "*****, have you done that thing I asked you about?"
At night when it's time to sleep I seem to be pushing on it as much as possible, for no reason. I just don't want to go to sleep. It's not because I have nightmares because I don't have any, and I can sleep well, or maybe I just think I can because I always go to bed so late, but anyway it's really disturbing because I'm often really tired in school.
Right now I have this feeling that I often get. It's like I just wanna run outside and see something, do something! But it's a bit late now, and still what can I do? It's like I never get to do anything with the energy I got, just because I've no friends to hang with and no real interests, all my interests are related to computers in somehow, like hanging at forums, listening to music or watching movies (big interest). I think the feeling also is kinda sadness about my situation..but I don't know my feelings all that well.
All of this stuff is really driving me mad, and I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. Before I used manage school and always thought there's tomorrow, but now that that is also going down the drain, I see no light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel...
There are some other stuff too..hard to remember it all now but I'll add it once I remember.
I've looked at the diagnostic criterias for ADHD and these are the ones that "fit" on me, I know I've mentioned some of them above but i thought it'd be good to do anyway.
Inattention
*Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.
*Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities.
*Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
*Often does not follow instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).
*Often has trouble organizing activities.
*Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).
*Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools).
*Is often easily distracted.
*Is often forgetful in daily activities.
Hyperactivity
*Often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat.
*Often runs about or climbs when and where it is not appropriate (adolescents or adults may feel very restless).
*Is often "on the go" or often acts as if "driven by a motor". Kinda
*Often talks excessively.
Impulsivity
*Often blurts out answers before questions have been finished.
*Often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games).
Sorry it's so long, guess I just had a lot on my mind. :/