How do you ask someone to hang with you on your birthday without making them feel like you want them to "just because it is your birthday"?

First things is I ask myself - Why am I worried? I don't want them to feel sorry for me, but I would realy like to be around them on that day. Because I have no other prospects, not even family and the last thing I want to do is spend it surfng "my space" or the add forums!

I guess maybe I should just be direct and say " hi it is my birthday today, would mind going someplace to hang out with me today or this evening? Right?

Or even just do nothing!" I just don't want to be in front of my computer - I am not the kind of person that can go out by myself and buy myself some new clothes. "I need to feel appreciated by people I admire - friends etc. It can't be just anyone either.

If I cannot be around the people I want to be, I'd rather be alone. I am sure many can identify with what I am talking about.

Would you normally ask this person to hang out, or would this be the first time? Try

"Hey I was thinking about going out for my birthday, I'd like for you to come along." See how that goes.

Yeah seems simple enough doesn't it.

ditto to Dory!!

MS, ditto Dory! :-)

I just realized that my birthday will come just around the corner. The first thing I wonder is how so many people can have gauranteed things to on this day in their lives. Since I've kept to myself so much in my life, I think I have sort of sealed my fate of never having anything happen to celibrate when this time comes around. I have always been at work during my birthday, never did anything special. It just comes and goes. You get off work and you come home and you sit around feeling sorry for yourself like an idiot because you don't have anything to do. I know I often enjoy my solitude and I don't want someone to take pity on me because it is my birthday. I never did anything special for myself (alone) because that would only make it worse. Only this day is different for me from my usual routine, I realize that I don't want anything special from anyone, I'd rather DO something special for them actually. I think celibrating it would mean just not being alone and instead simply enjoying their company so I don't get all down again.

so what day is your birthday so we can plan a surprise party for you...

you will have to come here for it though

Thanks but even if that could ever happen, I would have to be on the ADD forums and I don't want to be in front of my computer on my birthday. Yeah sure I'll just log on to the ADD forums for my "surprise party".. thats it..i just need to jump off a bridge...!

how old u turnin bro. people should be asking u to hang out with them on ur bday. being ur bday and all. Im sure ur family or friends have something planed they arent telling u about ay

how old u turnin bro. people should be asking u to hang out with them on ur bday. being ur bday and all. Im sure ur family or friends have something planed they arent telling u about ayI am 31. Every birthday as long as I can remember has been this way. My family lives far apart and away. I think I got 1 card from someone in the last 3 birthdays. But I know not everyone gets anything on their birthday - this is just to give you an idea. Maybe one or 2 phone calls. But it is like valentines day when you don't have a significant other. I have actually participated in a surprise party for someone this year to. No one is planning anything, for me I know that for sure. Plus.. I don't like surprise parties anyway - my family knows that. Doesn't matter my sister is in costa rica - my mother in montana , my dad - i haven't spoken to in almost 4 years. Rest of my family is scattered around California and unfortunately my family doesn't keep in touch with eachother like most others do.

I am just upset that it has to seem like a valentines day without a significant other.

You are not alone. My family isn't even scattered and we dont keep in touch. My family stopped really caring about my birthday around the age of about....12 or 13 it seemed. I know its easier said than done but CHEER UP! You can make your day great with or without someone, its all in how you look at it! You can't beat yourself up over what your family does or doesn't do, how you let them EFFECT you is what you can control. ..... if only I could follow my own advice. < sigh >

I am not beating myself up over my family being away. I just don't want to be alone.


You are not alone. My family isn't even scattered and we dont keep in touch. My family stopped really caring about my birthday around the age of about....12 or 13 it seemed. I know its easier said than done but CHEER UP! You can make your day great with or without someone, its all in how you look at it! You can't beat yourself up over what your family does or doesn't do, how you let them EFFECT you is what you can control. ..... if only I could follow my own advice. < sigh >

Do you not have any friends that you could spend the day with? Do people know when your birthday is? I used to work with a lady that got ****ed off when no one said "Happy Birthday," and showered her with cards and gifts but she wouldn't give anyone a hint that it was until the day of. Maybe you should drop some hints to your friends that it is coming around so they'll have the chance to show you that you're appreciated.

I have almost no friends. Those that I do have - i remember telling them when it was - but I am sure they aren't planning anything. I don't have friends that I keep in contact with like every day, like a circle of them. Just some old work contacts from my last job. Drop hints? That might be a good idea but I am afraid they will probably send a email or something saying happy birthday - not to say that isn't a nice thing. But to hang out with someone is better ya know. The only hint I'd drop if i did is one that says I don't wanna be alone. But wouldnt that sound like your seeking pity? Maybe I am seeking pity though? The only way I could drop this hint is by emailing them.. not much of a hint if its so direct i dont know..

Do you not have any friends that you could spend the day with? Do people know when your birthday is? I used to work with a lady that got ****ed off when no one said "Happy Birthday," and showered her with cards and gifts but she wouldn't give anyone a hint that it was until the day of. Maybe you should drop some hints to your friends that it is coming around so they'll have the chance to show you that you're appreciated.

I gotta say... anything I do to try to make my day great (alone) is going to make it worse...i dont' think anyone wants to be alone on their birthday - so I gotta sort of disagree with you there.

You are not alone. My family isn't even scattered and we dont keep in touch. My family stopped really caring about my birthday around the age of about....12 or 13 it seemed. I know its easier said than done but CHEER UP! You can make your day great with or without someone, its all in how you look at it! You can't beat yourself up over what your family does or doesn't do, how you let them EFFECT you is what you can control. ..... if only I could follow my own advice. < sigh >

In my culture family (whanau) comes first in anything. If its someone in the families birthday people take the day off to plan the kai (food). I guess it helps when most whanau live in the same house or right next to each other but yeah..
I guess you could just ask some of ur mates if they wanna hang out with you on your birthday. Im sure they will ay.

:( I'm sorry. I hope that you will find someone to share your day with.

I think if I knew how to kill myself in my sleep I would do it!

Just ask whoever it is you want to hang out with on your birthday to just hang out....there's no harm in that, maybe you can suggest going somewhere special and just hang out.


Selena:)

naaah bro dont kill yourself or even talk about it ay.
Positive thoughts, positive steps
sorry i sound like im preaching.
i hope ur bday goes alright ay.

WHOA!!!:eek: that doesn't sound good at all:( ....there is a light at the end of every dark tunnel you walk through!!!

I'm with maori_boy....I hope your birthday goes ok too hey!:)

Selena

I think if I knew how to kill myself in my sleep I would do it!

How do you ask someone to hang with you on your birthday without making them feel like you want them to "just because it is your birthday"?

First things is I ask myself - Why am I worried? I don't want them to feel sorry for me, but I would realy like to be around them on that day. Because I have no other prospects, not even family and the last thing I want to do is spend it surfng "my space" or the add forums!

I guess maybe I should just be direct and say " hi it is my birthday today, would mind going someplace to hang out with me today or this evening? Right?

Or even just do nothing!" I just don't want to be in front of my computer - I am not the kind of person that can go out by myself and buy myself some new clothes. "I need to feel appreciated by people I admire - friends etc. It can't be just anyone either.

If I cannot be around the people I want to be, I'd rather be alone. I am sure many can identify with what I am talking about.yes I can relate very well to what you are saying. problem with this adhd thing, at least it is for me, is the way I isolate myself for long periods of time and then wonder why I dont seem to have any one to hang out with. I just sometimes dont know how to aproach people about the things you are saying above. I am learning though. Now as far as asking them to hang out and worried that that the only reaslon you are asking is because it is your birthday, well I for one would feel honored if a friend asked me to hang out on his or her birthday, it would show that the person feels strongly enough about me to want to share such a special day with him or her. That alone would mean a lot to me. Im sure you have friends that feel the same way. I think the biggest fear is the chance of being rejected, wich is one of the worst feelings that a person can go thru. getting over that is something that I still deal with and I wish I had some easy answer to give you, but the only thing that works like that old joke about the guy in newyork who is lost and asks somone how to get to Broadway, he is answered, practice, practice, practice. the same applies here. the more we get out and talk to people and put ourlselves on the line, the easier it may become. Sure we will go thru times when we want to isolate and not be bothered, but adhd or not I feel we all do that. let us know about your birthday. you have my goodthoughts to take with you.

I agree with my fellow wolf. Practise.

No one likes rejection, its a pain in the gut. Sucess more often lies in getting up after being knocked down, over hopeing that you never get knocked down.

As a student studying architecture we have to show our projects to our lecturers after weeks of putting everything we got into these projects. We litterally dont sleep for more than 8 hours over a period of a week just to finish in time.
When we go for our crits (assesment of the project by the lecturers) they can take as little as 2 minutes telling you what a load of cr@p you just managed to produce.

About half of every first year class drops out before the end of the first semester cause they cannot handle the rejection.

The rewards of passing 5 years later are enormous.

If you ask and the person says no, well. . . you tried, there are another 6 billion people out there.
If you ask and they say yes (which is the case more often than not) then you have climbed a little higher on the mountain to where ever your heading.