I was wondering if anyone else was having a problem with family or friends being unsupportive, i.e. not believing in your diagnosis or that meds are a productive part of treatment.

My mom is very supportive, and shares my hope for improvement of my symptoms. she is very interested in all i'm doing, how meds are going, ect. I talk to her every few days or so and an update on how i'm doing with my recent diagnosis is always part of the conversation.

I haven't talked to my dad since my diagnosis a month ago. He doesn't really believe that i have ADD, and says even if i do, i got where i am with it and i don't need to get help from doctors. He is against medication and skeptical of the entire psychiactric/psycological field. His mother was a psychologist and is pretty nuts. when i talked to him after my diagnosis pretty much all he gave me was, don't believe what they say, they don't know better than you do, you were fine before.
I listened to him and adapted some of his advice like, don't blindly believe everything they say, but he just made me doubt myself and the progress i could make.

My dad and i had the best relationship we ever had before this, i miss talkig to him, but when he talks about ADD this way, it just makes me get down on myself.

I'm going to see them at thanksgiving and i will be on my meds then. I'm worried about his reaction and that he'll look at me differently. I just don't know how to get past this. I want to talk, but i don't want to have him undo the work i've done so far.
anyone else?

hey bro i kinda know what u are going thru, my family arent supportive at all, they have kinda disowned me since ive moved away and want let my brother who has no job, alcholic and hardcore druggie move in with me.
I moved away because I couldnte deal with my family anymore. I wanted to do better in life and wasnt living to my potential.
Sometimes you have to do what is best for you ay. Dont let what they think or say affect you. I know its hard but you are the way you are and they cant change that. Embrace who you are and aim high.
If you need the medication, then get it ay. Its there problem not yours.
i dunno if this is any help but i hope things work out for u bro.
how old are u by the way?

i'm 21 and in college, fourth year junior

oh k cool.
im 18 almost 19, live on my own and work at a supermaket for now lol
study next year hopefully.

why would this affect ur relationship with your dad? why does it upset him so much?

he's not like mad at me or anything, he just doesn't seem open to the possibility of this being a good thing, or even true.
The not talking is more from my end, avoiding things i don't want to hear, plus i'm actually pretty mad at him for being so unsupportive at a time when what i really need is my dad by my side. I want to be able to talk to him about these things without him telling me how i don't need to be doing any of it. I can't say anything i'm not happy with or he'll grab hold of it and tell me how it proves his point.
He's pretty careful not to say anything too direct, like your doctors are lying to you, or they don't know a damn thing, but he did tell me they're just trying to shove me into the ADD mold and throw drugs at me, which isn't true at all.

Thank god for my mom, who i'm sure is relating al the significant events to him. I'm hoping that results will shut him up. I want to be able to talk to him without this hanging over my thoughts, i just can't seem to think about him without thinking about this.

plus i'm actually pretty mad at him for being so unsupportive at a time when what i really need is my dad by my side.


Oh gawd!! I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND what you are going through!! My DAD is the exact same way. We had the best relationship way back, too. I know how much it hurts. (Well - maybe mine was a little more SEVERE in that my parents divorced, my dad got a very YOUNG girlfriend, who became his wife - and sort of DUMPED ME as a child of his that he loved ever since. I remained an OBLIGATION for a while - which mostly was tended to via his new girlfriend/wife. She'd talk for him, and she'd take a message for him when I'd call to talk to him. UGH!!! Anyway . . .)

I'm 41 now, and my advice (which may not be the best, but seems right for ME) would be to not discuss ADHD SPECIFICALLY with him. You could mention how school, writing papers, studying, organizing your time . . . WHATEVER . . . is getting easier now that you're getting "help" (generic).

It's about at your age that I slowly began to SEE that my parents really didn't always know MORE about things than me. That sometimes MY JUDGEMENT was best, etc. It's a hard transition to make. And you always want and need to support of your parents. But very often, for many people, this is when you really learn about your parent's "flaws" or "limits" (for lack of a better word). Still tell him how much his support and your relationship mean to you. And thank him for being there for you. (Hint. Hint. DAD!!!)


Sue

Hi Heretic. I grew up with the saying "the proof is in the pudding." That means believe something based on tangible results. You'll find as you start treatment many will be skeptical (you may even be on occassion) but over time, as they consistently witness significant changes in how you operate, your overall mood and reactions, their skepticism will lift. Acceptance of any change for some people is a gradual process.

Other things that might be bothering your dad is pride and guilt. Your dad doesn't want to think of you, his precious child, as "damaged." No parent does. Also, remember the stigma of AD/HD has been much higher in the past and many still equate it with poor parenting. Guilt because your father by insisting there's nothing wrong is excusing himself from not recognizing something was amiss when you were much younger. That was my parents' initial reaction to my diagnosis as an adult: "We would have known." They knew somewhere in the back of their brains but because of their own difficulties and lack of knowledge at the time they weren't able to adequately identify and address my problems.

Strangely, as they saw serious changes in my behaviour (ability to listen, want and need to organize, decreasing procrastination, much more stable behaviour, clearer understanding of personal behaviour and faults, increased tolerance of stress, greater and calmer sociability) they also began to see past childhood patterns completely consistent with the adult diagnosis of AD/HD. Tee hee. My favourite was them recounting how I habitually wandered off while we were on vacation and all the times they called the police to send out search parties.

So, your dad wants you to be happy but he may have to deal with many of his own issues, his mother and the lasting stigma she caused for him being a big one. Use your new insight and tolerance to be patient with him. He'll eventually come around and I'm sure he wants you to be happy and successful but it might be a bit much to expect him to immediately jump up to the moon, cheering, "Hooray! My son has Attention Deficit Disorder and I'm sooooo happy!"

Patience, patience and more patience.

hey bro i kinda know what u are going thru, my family arent supportive at all, they have kinda disowned me since ive moved away and want let my brother who has no job, alcholic and hardcore druggie move in with me.
I moved away because I couldnte deal with my family anymore. I wanted to do better in life and wasnt living to my potential.
Sometimes you have to do what is best for you ay. Dont let what they think or say affect you. I know its hard but you are the way you are and they cant change that. Embrace who you are and aim high.
If you need the medication, then get it ay. Its there problem not yours.
i dunno if this is any help but i hope things work out for u bro.
how old are u by the way?ok..you DID not tell me you let your bro move in!!
or did you :p :faint: and I didn't notice??

oops..hang on,,did you say Won't ?

sheez..sorry..I mis-read that :-)
NOW I FEEL LIKE YOUR MOTHER
LOL..

I was wondering if anyone else was having a problem with family or friends being unsupportive, i.e. not believing in your diagnosis or that meds are a productive part of treatment.

My mom is very supportive, and shares my hope for improvement of my symptoms. she is very interested in all i'm doing, how meds are going, ect. I talk to her every few days or so and an update on how i'm doing with my recent diagnosis is always part of the conversation.

I haven't talked to my dad since my diagnosis a month ago. He doesn't really believe that i have ADD, and says even if i do, i got where i am with it and i don't need to get help from doctors. He is against medication and skeptical of the entire psychiactric/psycological field. His mother was a psychologist and is pretty nuts. when i talked to him after my diagnosis pretty much all he gave me was, don't believe what they say, they don't know better than you do, you were fine before.
I listened to him and adapted some of his advice like, don't blindly believe everything they say, but he just made me doubt myself and the progress i could make.

My dad and i had the best relationship we ever had before this, i miss talkig to him, but when he talks about ADD this way, it just makes me get down on myself.

I'm going to see them at thanksgiving and i will be on my meds then. I'm worried about his reaction and that he'll look at me differently. I just don't know how to get past this. I want to talk, but i don't want to have him undo the work i've done so far.
anyone else?i NEVER told my family..I certainly would never tell my parents..they think they are sooo perfect, and I would be a stain on their perfectness...

so, I tell the ODD few...and the 25 0000 people here on this web site LOL
that's enough for me, and I get the support I need from here..

oh..OK..I am hormonal too...I'm not usally soppy like that :D :D

oh k cool.
im 18 almost 19, live on my own and work at a supermaket for now lol
study next year hopefully.

why would this affect ur relationship with your dad? why does it upset him so much?hey MB..what do you want to study?

My family just blows the diagnosis off. They really don't talk about it or accept it. If my mom were alive she would understand. I think she had ADHD as well. I don't talk with my dad about personal things and if it doesn't affect him then he tends to overlook it or forget about it. My coworkers are pretty passive about it as well. I was talking about it one day and I saw one roll her eyes. Whatever, hope it doesn't happen to one of her children one day. I would feel sorry for that child.

This reminds me of the book: How full is your Bucket?

objectively, if the medication helps you, then your family will likely notice the change & the positive benefits the medication you're taking confers. while they may not approve of your choice to pursue medical treatment for ADHD, the choice is yours to make and not theirs.

from personal experience, i understand what it's like for your family & friends to disapprove of your choice to pursue treatment; my family still abides by the antiquated mentality that psychiatric illnesses manifest due to moral failings/ inherent personal weaknesses- even developmental neuropsychiatric disorders such as ADHD... a real moodlifter, no?

regardless, it can be liberating to act in your own best interests, especially in the absence of another's approval. it may be best to accept that with respect to your ADHD status, you'll just disagree with your parents. try not to let it sour your relationship with 'em, though. surely there are countless other interesting events occuring in your life to discuss with them. :D

Maybe if your Dad "admitted" (like it's a crime!) that you may have ADD, then he gets spooked at the chance that he or your other family members might have it.

It does seem to run in families.

He's likely just being defensive. (Ego protective)

It's not about you, so don't take it Personally.