Without getting into any long story, I will just list symptoms that I have seen in my ADHD husbands family(mom and sis). His father is more understanding but was not around much, married and moved away. They have recently come out loud and clear since my husband has finally been able to express his feelings about his life before and since his ADHD diagnosis.
By the way, their first acknowledgement was "I knew something was wrong with you!" then back to themselves and not a word about it.

This is mother and sister (grandmother too but now deceased)

-Extremely manipulating
-multiple marriages-mother-3, sister-4, grandmother-1(very laid back man!)
-very "hateful" attitude towards males(all ages), yet love/need to "have" them,very flirty
-blame absolutely everyone else for their problems
-speak highly of themselves-bragging
-Both had long jobs in city jails (dealing with the inmates)
-Both have very sharp tongues (filthy language at times)
-completely twists reality or maybe its their perception (eg.they say-never get invited, reality-would always have an excuse to not come)
-extremely selfish and selfcentered
-believes they have done everything they could (always only to suit themselves) eg sister leaves kids with ex. (she couldn't afford them and travel)
-money and material things very important
-mom very "frugle" except with own wants-- sister, until recently(new husband now),always spent money ridiculously and always complained she had no money (husbands fault, not making enough!)couldn't see why she was in debt
-great at laying guilt trips on DH
-did I say manipulating!! hahaha
-absolutely must do as they want or you're to blame

Ok, this is also venting for me, but I truly think (because of DH diagnosis) there has to be something going on. We went to counselling yrs ago about them, things were great for a couple of years, then his memory faded and they got to him again. I can't believe my DH had to live with that and undiagnosed ADHD! His meds have helped him see this all now-- on his own!

My DH says he can't remember stuff--They say they remember everything in detail, but its completely distorted, at least anything that I was a witness to!

That doesn't sound like ADHD to me but I think I am fairly new to this and all the other disorders (only have been learning about my DH and sons traits/symptoms)
Any opinions from the more experienced members here would be appreciated.
Of course they would never go for a diagnosis, they are perfect!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder

Or narcissistic (http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html) personality disorder.

Thanks I have not heard of these! I can't say they are either one because of some of the symptoms are completely opposite to them. Very opinionated and they are right!
The mother is slim and tries to dress like a 25 yr old (shes 70)! the sister is and has always been overweight, like 70 lbs over, has issues with it but also says she looks so good for her age. They could also be hiding behind their own insecurities, but it has gone to their heads!
Their need for a man seems more about getting control of them so they can do things for them. Having a son/brother was a perfect slave until he met someone that wouldn't put up with it. Also, I think they feel they must be better than a woman who is single! And, the second income is very important!
I guess I shouldn't even care, but WOW they really are living in only their world.

I was thinking Borderline. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

I was thinking Borderline. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
I was thinking along the same lines.

Rage
Manipiulation
Self Centredness
Impaired Social Assessments
Chronic history of fractured friendships and relationships (multiple marriages)
Never takes responsibility (always blames others for everything)


They have Personality Disorder written all over them, my friend.

Avoid at all costs to preserve your own emotional well-being.

The trauma of growing up in a home like that can cause learning problems like ADD, too. (Stress hormones are toxic to growing brain tissue.) Sad.

If your DH insists on maintaining contact with his family, perhaps Codependent Anonymous could help you guys.

Hello MrsA,

I guess I am not understanding which symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder you say they don't have. You do not have to have "every" symptom of a personality disorder, and there are very few symptoms that will automatically preclude a personality disorder. As for borderline personality disorder, with females it is typically a love hate relationship between the mother and daughter (I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder is a great, short book to read about the subject).

How enmeshed with their lives is your husband? Does he have to deal with his family, or can he simply let them be to their own devices (and avoid the drama?)

I know how tiring it is to deal with people who are manipulative and always believe they are right. Good luck.

At Heart

Rage


Avoid at all costs to preserve your own emotional well-being.
Yes, this was pretty much the advice of a marriage counsellor from years ago. Why cause myself pain and grief, just stay away.
We are fortunate that they do not "bother with us" most of the year now. But the world must stop when something does come up (birthday, Christmas).

Hello MrsA,

I guess I am not understanding which symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder you say they don't have. You do not have to have "every" symptom of a personality disorder, and there are very few symptoms that will automatically preclude a personality disorder. As for borderline personality disorder, with females it is typically a love hate relationship between the mother and daughter (I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder is a great, short book to read about the subject).

How enmeshed with their lives is your husband? Does he have to deal with his family, or can he simply let them be to their own devices (and avoid the drama?)

I know how tiring it is to deal with people who are manipulative and always believe they are right. Good luck.

At HeartHi, I think it was the part about needing opinions of others ? But you are right in that they do not need to have all the symptoms.
As time has gone by, they have backed off somewhat but they do try still with my husband. He refuses to give them his new cell number now as this was the way they would get to him, while he was away from our home. They stopped calling our house when he started a job that gave him a cell and personal email address. Never heard much from them but I could tell from my husbands attitude towards me that they had been in contact. Of course I was right when checking his cell. We have been married 20 yrs now, and I am very in tune with the slightest changes with my family. Problems always arise when they start with him.

After he emailed his feelings to his mother, she still managed to put across "poor her" then she sent this email to his sister and her reply was mostly dellusional and vulger, but the only time she will see him is at the parents funeral unless he apologises to his mother. This is for stating the way he feels and now is understanding what his ADHD is and is learning to have inner strength. Also, that he isn't always to blame for everything. Sad

But, can they have one of these personality disorders and my H have ADHD and it all be genetic? He does not have any of their symptoms, he is ADHD with panic/anxiety. He is on Wellbutrin and Concerta.

The trauma of growing up in a home like that can cause learning problems like ADD, too. (Stress hormones are toxic to growing brain tissue.) Sad.

If your DH insists on maintaining contact with his family, perhaps Codependent Anonymous could help you guys.
Somehow I missed this post. So your saying it is possible that his ADHD could be caused by being raised in a home like that? What about genetics or combination? He is so opposite to them in so many ways.

Thanks for all the advice from everyone, I really am still learning and WOW it really is amazing how many disorders there are. I am just trying the help with my DH and sons symptoms of ADHD.