I don't even know where to start.

I've been married for nearly seven years now, and it's been one big, long mistake. The only positive thing about it are the kids. Everything else about this marriage -- my wife and her intrusive, toxic family -- has been an utter disaster.

We can't agree on anything anymore. Beyond that, we haven't been able to find anything to do together since forever. We don't even watch TV anymore, as she goes to bed early when the kids do. We're literally completley seperate from each other.

The problem is that I just don't know what to do now. I feel like this marriage is just *done*, but I don't know what to do about it. It's this big, terrifying mess of obligations, procedures, paperwork, emotions and *stuff*, and I have no idea how to even start dealing with it.

I don't even know how to get counselling. The last time I tried to talk to someone -- my son's child psychologist, as he has ADHD as well -- it was a disaster. He basically made me feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with my wife.

I just have no idea what to do. I can barely manage the parts of our life that I'm responsible for now, I have no idea how I'd manage if we were divorced.

Counseling is probably your best bet at this point, that is what I would do because your whole life is going to change hopefully for the better.

Another program to look into is dialectical behavioral therapy, something about the content of your post suggests to me that DBT would help you in this life transition rather tremendously.

Keep coming back to ADDforums as well, for many of us have had experience with relationships that ended up being mistakes.

Boy do I hear you!

I have also been married for 7 yrs and am currently seperated from my husband...we both have adhd and his family is toxic....I asked him to do some things for me (4) to make this marriage work...he wouldn't/couldn't/thinks he already is ect. So I said I am so frustrated and I have no ideas left other than to seperate. Basically I opened the door and he went running through it.

I know that I am facing a divorce with 2 small children and little money and little support....I dont want the house (cant afford it not do I want the headache).

Sometimes things just happen and it forces you to "get off the pot". I am sorry you are going through this but it sounds like it is bound to happen. So why procrastinate? Have you at least talked to her or tried marriage counseling? Good luck.

gee.I love that word *toxic*

my MOTHER is TOXIC

Mine WAS toxic but now she's better

Selena:)

Hi Kuranes

Couple counselling is probably the only thing to do relationshipwise, and by the sound of things its probably the last throw of the dice. Making the decision to do this is the first step to taking control.

Once a counsellor is found then they should help guide you through whatever comes next until you reach a point that you can take your life forward. It may be that a personal counsellor/therapist might be an idea to ensure you have someone you can talk to one to one and in confidence.

If nothing else it should give you a "safe" space to sort out the framework for a separation. If even a trained counsellor cannot create a safe space for communication and planning then on my personal opinion it would be difficult to make a case for the realtionship continuing.

Don't think that all counsellors/counselling organisations are the same....it took us 2 goes to find a half decent couple counsellor.

kilt

Speaking of toxic partners and families, you might want to check out the personality disorder discussions for more information and support on dealing with toxic folks. I'll bet a nickel that by "toxic" you mean that they are manipulative, and consequently that you are suffering, etc?

http://addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43659&page=1&pp=15

It is very weird and lonely living inside a dead relp -- esp when you are still living under the same roof. BTDT.