Why does everything have to be so hard??

I take the medication... I go to the therapist and try to implement his solutions... I constantly try to find solutions to my problems...
Yet I still fail with everything in my life

I've been fired from every job i've had (4), I can't read because i can't sustain the mental effort and it bores me, I get bored with everything too soon, I'm wayyy too angry and impatient, I almost never finish anything i start, I've lost all my friends either because i became bored with them or I was too much of a jerk, I can't pay attention to people talking, I forget everything, I have no self control over what I want to do vs. what I need to do, and my brain is constantly somewhere else following only that which entertains it.

I believe I have vast potential! Many great ideas, great insights and wisdom, creative genius!.... somewhere in that vortex of mass confusion that is my mind.

My self-esteem is at an all time low. I need help and insight to figure this mess out. I am currently on Adderall but that is not working so i'm about to try ritalin. But no matter what system I try it always fails.... so tired of fighting this damn thing.... The agony of sucking at everything really gets to ya you know? Please, I beg for some divine intervention, some magic answer to make it all simple.

Hootie

Hootie..I'm terrible at advice..but..OMG!! your life is the same as mine....
so..welcome..hugs..and I am sure someone will offer fab advice...

I hear ya pal.


ps- My post "Free Association from an ADD mind" that is right before yours on the forum is eerily similar. I feel ya bro.

Hootie,

Do you see a therapist? Have you tried CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)? I also think that a new med is probably in order, if the Adderall has not been effective. How long have you been on medications? Have you tried any other strategies to get yourself organized? I can relate, because I believe I have much more potential than I have actually achieved. Anyhow, I hope that things get better for you soon.

At Heart

Just know that you are not alone in this. Many of us have the same problems. You have come to the right place. You mentioned that you take medication, have you tried many or just stuck to one? Maybe a medication change is in order to help you better. Also, don't rule out the possibility of co-morbid contions. Sounds like you could have somthing else going on there. I know what it feels like to fail at everything, I seem to be a natural at it lately!

Yup. When a person's brain doesn't work right, their life can't work right.

Sounds like you have issues with Executive Dysfunction.

You may want to read up on it, rather than just feeling like a 'failure'.

Part of solving a problem is recognizing it AND then understanding it.

It sounds like your weaknesses are reading and listening (visual input; auditory input). I bet you have strong output strengths. Verbally? Written?

Hmm, just had a thought.

When medication stops working for most people, they move onto a stronger based stimulant.

But would it not be better if you just take a brake from the meds your on, and wait for your chemicals to restore back to normal, and just start taking them again? :confused:

just a thought....

But would it not be better if you just take a brake from the meds your on, and wait for your chemicals to restore back to normal, and just start taking them again?

Although Adderall, Ritalin and even caffeine are all stimulants they do not work in exactly the same manner therefore one may not work but another one will.




But no matter what system I try it always fails.... so tired of fighting this damn thing....

Then perhaps fighting it isn't the way to to go.

An analogy - loosing keys is a problem because you alway put them on the first flat surface you come to and promptly forget which one.

A system that has you carrying them to your bedroom and putting them in the top drawer probably will not work nearly as well as getting a little bowl and placing it on the flat surface nearest to the door.

The second solution of placing a small bowl next to the door and simply modifying an already present behavior, the only difference being placing them in the bowl ever time you walk through the door.

Fighting the way I am normally only serves to frustrate me however working within who I am by modifying things I normally instead of trying to completely change them increases the chances of success.

I have to put my keys on a clip that live on a metal ring on my purse because I tend to loose my car keys before I even reach my door,





The agony of sucking at everything really gets to ya you know?

It can be depressing which leads me to my next point nicely. The level of depression you are experiencing may be worth looking into. One must be motivated enough to make an effort toward making minor changes in habits in order to achieve success. Depression may undermine your ability to put forth the necessary effort.





Please, I beg for some divine intervention, some magic answer to make it all simple

Modify one no more than two things at a time - your life didn't get in it's present state in a single night it probably took years of bad habits therefore it will take some time to learn new more effective habits.

There is no easy way out. The example I gave you with my keys is one of the things I observed NTers do - they put things the same spot every time which is how they know where their things are = there is no magic.

I so know how you feel, Hootie. I've been feeling the same way lately, like I'm not good enough at anything. I can grasp the basics of things, and when it's new I'm enthused, but eventually I get bored. Or it gets more complicated and I feel overwhelmed.

A big part of the problem is comparing myself to other people. I'll look at someone who (for example) is a single mom with three kids and two jobs, and she still manages to put out some very nice artwork. Makes me feel kind of useless. And it feels like no matter what I do I'll never be good enough, there will always be someone better, so I give up and don't try at all.

I keep forgeting the things I have learned and accomplished, and there have been a few. I've recently dropped one activity that I'm pretty good at, and I miss it a bit, but I'm glad I don't have to do it anymore.

I've quit fighting too. I do things the way that works for me. As for modifying - well, I've been working on keeping up with the dishes, putting them in the dishwasher instead of letting them pile up, and it's going okay. Sometimes seems pathetic to think my only accomplishment in a day is to wash dishes, but it is hard for me to do regularly. And sometimes just getting out of bed is an accomplishment. *lol*

You're in good company, because I think all of us here are very familar with the frustration and the sense of defeat that you describe.

ADHD is not an easy thing to manage, so try to go easier on yourself. It is a huge struggle, that is for sure. And as difficult as it may seem, right now you just haven't figured out what works for you. Calling yourself a failure isn't correct, because the final verdict is not in.

It would be nice if all we had to do is swallow a pill and everything would go right. And you know, sometimes I think we deserve that. No one can ever imagine the sheer pain of not being able to focus or 'get it', despite our best intentions.

Inside you do have something special to share with the world. I don't know what it is, and neither do you. But it's something that will make an impact in someone's life, most likely a lot of people's lives. And until you find out what that something is, you need to keep going to square one and find whatever it is you need to get this thing under control.

Start small. Putting the pressure on yourself to master it all is only going to make you frustrated. Right now, make sure that your medication is the right one and the right dose. Hey.. make it a goal to take your meds everyday. Gotta start somewhere right?

Whatever you do, remember that you do have ADHD but it doesn't have you.

you are not alone at all...i feel the exact same way you do. it SUCKS!!!! i see other people who have their lives so together and it AMAZES me b/c they make it look so simple. i am strattera and adderall and i still have a hard time accomplishing ANYTHING. i also see a therapist. i am having the hardest time in school right and my therapist told me school probably wasn't meant for me and that's just so hard to accept. just know that you are not alone.

I know you won't believe this, Hootie, but I envy you. Mainly it is because you're 38 years younger than me, you're living in a time that recognizes ADHD and has treatments for it, and I just KNOW you're in better physical shape than I am! <grin>

I've been running up against that rubber wall since grade school. People just figured I was spacey, lazy and scatterbrained (but not stupid, thank God). I've tried dozens of projects that my talents indicated I should have done well at, and all of them deflated right at the time they should have taken off.

My ex-husband used to mock me for the strategies I used to remember things: writing tasks and appointments on my palm, putting stuff in the car the moment I remembered it instead of in the morning, sending myself phone messages, taping notes to the bathroom mirror or over the joint of the front door, taping notes over the speedometer dial on the dashboard (obviously I would move that before driving.) And the calendars -- everything got written on the calendars, and now I have about 20 years worth of them -- sort of like a severely abridged diary.

These are all strategies I came up with years before ADHD was known at all, and they helped but didn't bring me level with my classmates.

You (and I) have come to the right place. It's so hard to convince friends and family that adult ADHD is as crippling as it can be. But we all know at this forum.

I wish I'd been able to get treatment as a kid and on into adulthood. As it is I'm semi retired and STILL not diagnosed.

Good luck, partner,

Ducky

hang in there, hootie. love to you! you're not alone.

I so know how you feel, Hootie. I've been feeling the same way lately, like I'm not good enough at anything. I can grasp the basics of things, and when it's new I'm enthused, but eventually I get bored. Or it gets more complicated and I feel overwhelmed.

A big part of the problem is comparing myself to other people. I'll look at someone who (for example) is a single mom with three kids and two jobs, and she still manages to put out some very nice artwork. Makes me feel kind of useless. And it feels like no matter what I do I'll never be good enough, there will always be someone better, so I give up and don't try at all.

I keep forgeting the things I have learned and accomplished, and there have been a few. I've recently dropped one activity that I'm pretty good at, and I miss it a bit, but I'm glad I don't have to do it anymore.

I've quit fighting too. I do things the way that works for me. As for modifying - well, I've been working on keeping up with the dishes, putting them in the dishwasher instead of letting them pile up, and it's going okay. Sometimes seems pathetic to think my only accomplishment in a day is to wash dishes, but it is hard for me to do regularly. And sometimes just getting out of bed is an accomplishment. *lol*

Whoooooeee. I could have written that. You all are not alone. I'm another one that is lucky to get dishes, or ANYthing else done in a day
:rolleyes: Am going to ask my doctor for a different medication tomorrow. I will try till I "get it right" for me. Please do the same, ok?

This thread kinda makes me want to cry because I understand it all so well.

I've been having a terrible week emotionally and feel so incompetent lately.
I get it Hootie.

Thanks everyone :). It's good to know i'm not alone. Now i just have to work it out... *sigh* it's so hard to keep my head up and tell myself to keep at it, to not give in to hopelessness and just waste away. No that would be too easy. My current greatest flaw is loneliness. I can't seem to solve any of my other problems without a feeling of belonging somewhere. My parents are always working, the few friends I do have I feel i would just waste their time because they are bored with me or dislike me, and I don't know how to make new friends. I can initiate small talk and get a great conversation going but where do you go from that? I feel too awkward asking them to hang out sometime. AHHH i sound so lame. i used to be one of the most popular kids in school! i knew everyone, was full of energy, the teachers loved me, had girlfriends all the time, and now i hide in my house depressed and whine about failing. *smack* pull it together man! alright.. you get the idea. i should probably head to the social forums.. sorry for wasting bulletin space :P

You're not a waste of BBS space. Thanks for starting this thread.

It's ok to fail. Failure is how we learn to be better. Don't worry. You're still young, and you're trying. That's all anyone can ask.

I'm going to go completely corny here and suggest going to watch "Meet the Robinsons". It's very inspirational if you're receptive to that kind of thing. Plus, it's a cute Disney flick!

I figured my week couldn't suck anymore than it already had, well oops on me. It's amazing how my life can't just be okay for a while. Terrible and complicated things always have to **** that up.

Disney is nifty though, I'm going to watch Finding Nemo and then set about finding new friends and a better approach to life. Hopefully I will be able to accomplish at least one of those three things. Probably the first.

After nearly 50 years of life by trial and error I know exactly how you feel about putting forth so much effort for seemingly very little return. It feels like crap.

What I've found is that there really is only one type of failure, with TWO parts--failing to set goals and failing to try something different when things don't get you to your goal(s).

So, by that definition they only way you can tell if llife isn't working for you is to have goals written down.

Do you have any goals written down? If not, how can you measure success of failure?

Goals are amazing, but when you set them too high and don't accomplish them you feel even worse. One of the best underlying principles you can use is that of keeping a positive attitude. Every time you fail think "oh well. I'll try again. And if it doesn't work it's not the end of the world." This works a lot better than swearing and beating yourself up and teling yourself that you suck. Then you just create a self-fulfilling prophecy and will suck.

Staying Positive is the single best thing for living a good life.

People with AD/HD tend to put a lot of faith into fairness and that everything happens for a reason/with purpose. Once you drop that notion and come to understand that bad things do happen to good people life will run easier.

"WHY god, why me!! I've only ever done things for good purpose. Why do I deserve to have this stupid condition that makes it harder to do ANYTHING??"

I've heard that come out of my mouth a lot... But dramatic wailing into the heavnes only makes you feel worse. Everytime i get angry or sad or do some kind of negative behaviour i come to a stop. Wo nelly! And take a look at what i am doing, how the behaviour is making me feel, and what relevance the behaviour has. Then instead of doing the practiced self put down i think o well. it's not so bad. I want to rant on but people ae probably shaking their fists. So good luck. Feel great ^^ Love yourself and everyone.

thats my problem to