Hello - My daughter is twelve years old. We have always suspected that hse has ADD/ADHD and had her tested in fourth grade - at the recommendation by her teacher who, in a parent teacher conference, stated that she has difficulty concentrating, calls out answers without raising her hand, fidgets in her chair, struggles with schoolwork, etc. Oddly enough, the questionnaires that that same teacher returned to the pediaitrician, made her out to be the model student...much to our surprise...the dr stated that she had Opposition Defiant Disorder, displayed ADD/ADHD symptoms at home but not at school. To treat the ODD, we were told to ground her and stick to out (yeah, like we've never tried that before)...well, here we are three years later and in a worse situation now than ever before. BUT....I'm beginning to now see how this is all playing out. Whenever I try to speak to the school about her schoolwork problems, I am shut down right away. The guidance office seems to want to filter all feedback from the teachers to me and I really feel like they are playing games with me. The guidance office makes my daughter out to be unmotiviated but will NEVER identify that she has problems concentrating in class. I've now taken to emailing each of the teachers individually to get their candid feedback....so, asyou can imagine, wasn't I surprised to hear that each of them felt that they spent in unusual amount of time redirecting her each class bc she has a hard time paying attention, doodles on her notebook etc. Now here's my dilemna....we're going back to the pediaitrician's office in a few weeks to have her retested for add. BUT, now I feel that the school is working against us - I am told that the guidance counselor has to be the one to hand out the ADD questionnaires to the teachers and collect them also - so, I just feel that the guidance office, like in fourth grade, is pressuring the school to give skewed results, based on the fact that if she has ADD, they may need to provide her some extra assistance. What would you do about this - I've already spoken to the pediatrician's office about this previously and it seemed to fall on deaf ears. Thanks.

I don't know that grounding is a great intervention for ODD. Won't you just wind up with an angrier child?

Grounding creates a "power struggle": the last thing an ODD kid needs, really. (It is this type of Conflict paradigm that 'sets them up' for 'acting out'!!) I'd recommend other ways to teach discipline and burn off her STEAM, like structured hard physical exercise. Soccer, running in 20 minute chunks, sports, swimming an hour a day, things with sustained cardio, etc.

I'd also really recommend learning some about DBT principles: that setup recognizes that you need "two to fight". Refuse to "pick up the ball". ;) Psychologists call this Extinction (a tool that ends a behaviour by removing the reinforcement [the thrill of the fight]).

Another things is to get her learning how to talk about her feelings. A lot of "acting out" kids have Alexithymia. They can't verbalize how they FEEL, so they RAGE or ACT it out. capiche?

Finally: Do you have a Testing Report? What does it say her strengths and weaknesses are?

I would also query why she is good at school, but defiant at home.

What are the home issues or history? (competing with a sibling or bad rel'p with a family member? is there an attachment disorder? is someone dealing with serious ongoing stress or substance abuse in the household or past? what was happening when this behaviour started? did she or the family sustain some loss or move or changes, etc)

No need to reply here, but these are things the school/MD needs to know, in order to figure her out better.

Hi - thanks for the advice...I reread my post and noticed that I failed to mentioned that I actually don't think she has ODD (just something her pediatrician had suggested, along with the "ground her and stick to it routine) - we've never been to a psychologist, therapist, etc. I've spent two days trying to get her in for an appt and no one can get her in for about three months around here. That's a disappointment. My issue that I need help with is this - when you know your child has ADD and you can't get the diagnosis from the pediatrician bc the school guidance office/administration is sugar coating the situation....what do you do? If I speak to the teachers one on one, they express concern over her lack of concentration, etc....but when the guadance office/administration of the school has a mtg with the teachers (which I am not invited to), the message that is relayed back to me is very different - that she concentrates in class. We went thru this same situation in fourth grade wherein we had a parent teacher conference where her teacher expressed a lot of concern over the fact that he spent a lot of class time redirecting her attention. When we went to the pediaitrician, they made us fill out the ADD questionaire and also sent one to the school - mind you the guidance office/administration filters all of these questionaires thru their office. So....when the dr received the teacher questionaire, it made her sound like the perfect student. I truly believe that a lot of her behavior issues stem from the ADD - she gets frustrated very easy and has that "I can't do it attitude" without even trying. We haven't experienced any significant loss, moves, or changes in the family...she's been this way since she was a toddler - even in preschool, the teachers suggested that she get tested for ADD. ADD also runs in my husband's family - almost all of the children have been diagnosed with it - I don't know enough about it to know if there is a family link to it.

Wow. Alot of this strikes me as odd. Why is the questionaires going through the office? It's the teacher who is suposed to fill it out since they are the ones who deal with the child. Why does the office seem to want to railroad your child and not get a correct diagnosis? Why isn't her teacher seeing, and doing something about the office's behavior? Why are they having meeting about your child that you are unaware of, and uninvited to? They can't do that.

I would suggest you start taping conversations with these people (everyone, office, and teachers alike). Catch them in their lies. Document everything that is said, by whom, when, why, etc. If this continues go to the district and complain. If that doesn't get anything moving, go to the media (shcools hate negative press).

You are your child's advocate, and if you don't do something, no one else will. Be hard if you have to, and force the issue. If it's clear that there is something "wrong" with your child, push until someone does something. Stand on your rooftop and scream the problems to the world if you have to.

Oh, and there is a family link with ADHD.

HI Lady Lark - I think that the school system (a very, very small town - all of the schools are on one campus), does not want to pay for any extra services for my child. I had to fight the school from 1st to 5th grade to get her into the Math service program bc she habitually fails Math. We moved to this town bc of the school system so you can just imagine my disappointment with them. I took a look at her CT Mastery Testing results and she is signficantly behind grade level each year - when I bring this up to the school, they tell me "she's fine; she did great on her CMT's". My response is...are you kidding me? I'm not looking for my daughter to become an A student...though, I don't doubt that she has it in her if the circumstances were right. She is a very bright kid....but I don't think that getting D's and F's is acceptable and I am floored that the school has this "wait and see" attitude about it. I'm wondering if I should be requesting a copy of her school file so that I can see what it contains in the form of notes from any teachers - to be used as leverage against the school. I also wonder if I need to get an attorney to go to bat for us. I'm from Connecticut and I am hearing all sorts of horror stories from people all over the state that have had this same problem. So, it's not uncommon around here - really wonder what people in other states experiene. I also think I failed to mention that about 4 weeks ago, I told the guidance counselor that I felt that she needed to be tested for a learning disability. Guidance Counselor tells me, "well, we can't deny you the right to request testing, but if we don't agree with it, we don't have to do it"...I have heard nothing more from her in regard to this request since that discussion. I would have thought that by now, I would have received some sort of paperwork to fill out or something. In addition, the same individual told me that if I really felt that my daughter had ADD, that the school didn't need anything to do with it, that it wasn't their business and that I should just work with the pediatrician on that. Wouldn't they want to help her by setting her up with special services so that she can get better at organizing herself, taking tests without disruptions. My husband's cousin was diagnosed with ADD and the school (an intercity school system) went out of their way to provide extra services for her and she did wonderfuly in school from that point forward.

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I....oh man....I'm just speachless.