Whats the best method? because i just cant let it go and its really starting to affect my mental health.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a hard time!!...maybe you could chat to a counsellor??

Selena

It's kind of messed up but honestly this is what works for me:

1) I CANNOT be "friends" with an ex-girlfriend.... no way in hell ever ... I've tried it and it pwned my emotions like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat.

2) I try to step away from pictures or daily reminders of an ex girlfriend... now I'm not saying rip up and shread your pictures or notes... just put them in a drawer or something you don't open too often.

3) Friends

4) Friends

5) Friends - I can't tell you how much it has helped; Before I go on I want to mention that when I say friends were there for me I do NOT mean to hear me whine/moan about how sad I was or how the relationship went - This will make you lose friends quick - Instead I mean to do 'fun' things that got my mind out of the gutter and onto the fun times ahead of me.

6) Do things that make you feel more confident about yourself if you can - big 'if you can'; For me honestly whenever I'm single I've noticed I nearly double my exercise routine because it makes me feel much more self-confident.. I realize alot of people don't exercise but I'm sure theres plenty of other things one could think of that might help in this department.

7) Get your head on straight and focus on what's most important in life. I'm 21 and there's no way in hell I plan to let some miss mandy come in my world and turn it upside down any time soon and this is the attitude ALL people should have until later in life. If you got married in your early 20s I am happy for you .. I am in no way saying that it is wrong to do so - what I am saying is do not let the fact that you are ageing and yet to have found that special someone pin you down, there is always time and there will most definately always be more women/men. What's most important is YOUR quality of life. Focus on school, grades, work, career, friendships. When you get a girlfriend it's great to show attention to a relationship; but if that relationship drains the majority of your attention to keep things peachy then odds are it's not going to work out in the long run. (Why am I going off-topic on this, because some of the worst break up's i've had are where I put nearly all of my attention into the relationship instead of what was really important in life).

Just wanted to finish up by saying I am no doctor Phil and I just wanted to give my imput ;x

Hi Revs, my heart out to you. A couple of years ago I had a whammy, and here's what I did that worked for me to let go. I initially got the "I just need some time" statement. So, I gave him 2 weeks to contact me. He didn't. So that is when my next 2 week thing started. Here was my plan as I carried it out: I gave myself permission to grieve for that period of time. I cried, I was as grumpy and as crabby and as sobby as I needed and wanted to be. At the end of that two weeks, I was going to perform a ceremony of sorts, and decided ahead of time what I was going to do. At the designated time, I deleted all of his text messages, all of his e-mails, took his photos down and put them away, and burned a little fire and had another good-bye of sorts, just to bring it all to closure. It was recommended by some friends I had made on a relationship forum as the way to go, and thought it might help you, and it was very healing, yet it still took time after that, just the closure bit really helped to let go and prepare to move on. Just giving yourself permission to wallow can be good, you need to do that. The closure is the most important part. If you still see her or have contact with her, it wil be soooo much harder. I did that one time and it took like three years to finally be rid of that one! That was the celexa relationship. :D

See a counselor, look for one that specializes in DBT.

Best way to get over a girlfriend...find another one to chase.

kilt

Best way to get over a girlfriend...find another one to chase.

kiltTee hee. I think Ovid first suggested that remedy.

You might want to read the following article about love and brain chemistry (http://www.mcmanweb.com/love_lust.htm). Antidepressants may help you over the obsessional thought cycle.

Good luck.

Best way to get over a girlfriend...find another one to chase.

kilt
That is the more practical way, for some it doesn't help, but yeah that's what I would do...

I've always sought out another BF myself . . . and it still AMAZES ME today how I really was able to transfer my OBSESSION with "Johnny" to a new obsession with "Jimmy" and eventually "get over" HE, who I truly believed, was "un-get-over-able."

I also used to have this book, "How to Get Over your Obsession with a Lover" (or something close to that). Ya see, I've been in your shoes A FEW TIMES! NO FUN!

Anyway - one thing I found very, VERY INTERESTING was the author's connecting those overwhelming feelings of "Please Sally - PLEASE CALL ME!!! I need you. I LOVE YOU. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME - YOU F'n B!tc#!" with leftover feelings of abandonment or neglect from infancy and early childhood. According to the author - when we feel REALLY HELPLESS for a prolonged period of time after a breakup - our feelings are NOT really about OUR LOVE of the person (in fact, she says we can feel obsessed with someone that we actually don't really like at all!) but that the loss has TRIGGERED the very common losses that many of us experienced as children.

Sorry that I don't remember enough or didn't understand it well enough to provide more specifics or more about the science behind her theory. But to the best of my knowledge, that was the gist of it. Her advice was to keep that in mind, and also to discipline yourself to NOT relive all kinds of wonderous moments with your ex - having her on a pedestal, etc. Instead - when you find yourself thinking about her, think about the BAD THINGS about her. Even if you feel you have to make them up - because nobody is "all that"!

So MY ADVICE to you if you can't find a REPLACEMENT to obsess over (like some of the less-healthy such as me, perhaps?) is to DISCIPLINE YOURSELF to NOT GLORIFY THE PAST WITH HER . . . AND . . . FORCE YOURSELF to do things that will require you to focus on something else and someone(s) else.

Geesh! I really feel for you, and I understand how bad you might be feeling. I am currently in a similar situation, and I'm too OLD (and unattractive, and TIRED) to find a replacement. The one thing working to help me is that several of the medications I'm currently taking really have zapped my libido completely. THAT HELPS ME WITH THE LONGING FOR HIM!!

I'll keep you in my prayers.


Sincerely,
Sue

WOW! thanks for all the support guys! i will defaintly make sure to try all these thank you so much! i will undoubtably get over her now :) haha thanks!!

I get over ex-girlfriends very quickly when I find someone else to latch onto. The problem I've had with this (not sure if you would) is that they end up becoming a 'rebound' and the relationship I find with that person ends up being a total wreck. That's why I try to do other things to move on instead of jumping to the next person. I'm hopeing I can find someone who will truly be compatable with me so I don't want to make a vicious cycle of rebound girlfriends for myself lol.

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Best thing to do is what has already been suggested, see a counselor if it is affecting your mental health. Talking about it in confidence may be what you need to help you move on.

I think TylerLee and FrazzleDazzle both brought up some good points.

I agree - grieve but also keep yourself busy and don't let your emotions go crazy. :o

Hi Revs.

I guess what you need is time and lots of it! I know this is going to sound stupid or whatever but maybe you could pre occupy yourself with some of your favourite hobbies to help you focus on other things other than the break up.

Breaks up are always hard especially when it's you that's been dumped or hurt, but you really can't afford to let it run your life or affect your mental health....please know this will pass and in a few months you'll wonder why you were so upset in the first place...even though you're hurting right now:(

As I've said before if it does get too much then maybe have a chat to a friend, someone in your family, a counsellor or just come on here until you get yourself back on track.

You could look at it this way "It's her loss and someone elses gain"

Take care and keep us posted

Regards
Selena:)
Whats the best method? because i just cant let it go and its really starting to affect my mental health.