Do you think you have a lot of friends? Or do you have very few friends? Do you think this is ADHD related or something else? :)

I have the ability to make friends rather rapidly but the inability to invest the proper amount of "social effort" into keeping most of them is my downfall, narcissism isn't a strong point in my social realm either. The type of person that usually likes me is someone who hates me rather quickly.

Quite the tricky question for me, anyway. I have very few friends. I find it easy to make friends but I quickly become bored with people. I tend to be very argumentative and dont think before speaking often times. I often think that people are always saying things in a negative light, even if they aren't and its very wearing on people and friendships. This, I feel, has caused me to lose most of my friendships.

I have very few. I have always had trouble with making friends, but the ones I do have are very good friends of mine and they tend to stick around for a long long time. My best friend has been my BFF for 20 years! I am shy and a bit of a loner. ADD related? I dont have a clue.

don't like having to be any where at any time -
and so choose a life of 'no friends.'

where 'friends' are real entities.

Don't mind virtual friends though.

What're you supposed to do with (real world) friends?

They aren't any good for exercising with (need to be of matched abilities), or talking to (I hate talking) or going out with -

I'm pretty sure that most of the people I know don't have any friends - I think that the whole friend thing dies off as we get older -
take the show 'Friends' for instance - the show died when Monica and Chandler went off and left their best friends ever - to have 1 kid in suburbia.

Man!
Add in a couple of extra kids and a dog - and there is no time.

Is that a good or a bad thing?

-*-

What're friends for?

Why're virtual communities working so well these days?

Is there any component of friend which we need - which can't be surrogated for by a virtual entity.

Do we need anything else other than +1 (wife, husband etc ...) ?

-*-

If life is all about moving, building the mind and loving another - then post-finding another - 'real world' friends are actually going to get in the way of those three basic necessities.

Of course - that doesn't mean have enemies
- more a kinda' statement of autonomy of pair bond (and close familial pair bonds)
grandparent-grandchild is one great other relationship to foster -

- within a collective community effort (of equals) moving community forwards.

I have few friends. I find most people boring to begin with and I am really bad at calling people and doing the amount of friend maintance most people expect. Also when I try to act "normal" I come off kind of weird and/or needy.
As long as people understand that just because I don't call them all the time, dosent mean I didnt think about it, I just forgot again, I am ok with them.

I have some friends, and I have absolutely no problem making friends...at first, but when the newness fades it's kinda blah...I eventually just stop talking to them. I'm not sure it has to do with the ADHD; I've been that way as long as I can remember. I don't know it's like people with too much drama always want to be my friend...eventually I get tired of the 2am calls with a new crisis.

I have very few friends. Mainly because I don't let people "in" easily. I don't put the effort into maintaining a friendship and have a tendancy to be a hermit. I am fine staying at home. I don't like bars or the club scene and there isn't much else to do around here. I can make friends very easily, but keeping them is a different story. I seem to just drift off.

make friends easilywe're not boring

so people like us

~however~

if they're not like us

they bore us.

-*-

rules of social engagement
(with ADDers)

#1 DON'T BORE THE ADDER!
(you will not like us when we're bored)

I guess my closest friends are in a band with me. That's where I feel most needed and appreciated. I am "friendly" with people I meet, but unless we share some passion - what's the point in going further? I have always felt a separateness with most people. Especially in a large group I get the feeling I am on the outside looking in.

Here I thought I was the only one... I am "friendly" with people I meet, but unless we share some passion - what's the point in going further? I have always felt a separateness with most people. Especially in a large group I get the feeling I am on the outside looking in.

I have the ability to make friends rather rapidly but the inability to invest the proper amount of "social effort" into keeping most of them is my downfall, narcissism isn't a strong point in my social realm either. The type of person that usually likes me is someone who hates me rather quickly.
ditto with scatman. I tend to have waves where I'll have a ton of friends who call me constantly and periods when my cell phone never rings and I'll hang out with 1 or 2 'lifelong' friends I've known for ages seldomly. I think I tend to come across as a very fun/interesting person at first but over time I believe alot of people become irritated with some of the things I do and the way I act. Sometimes it upsets me but I just throw it behind me because I feel what's most important is knowing I'll always make new ones and I still have my lifelong friends.

on the outside looking in.the experiential perspective of running >1 thread of conscious awareness simultaneously.

one line/thread/conscious process is being you
another is watching you being you

this and a slightly altered method for storing data within our mind has been suggested as the basis to ADD by Stabile -

- more details if you like

take home though is that Stabile is/are correct.

~btw~
good spot -

- odd isn't it -
watching yourself -

wondering what you'll do next?

... at some point you may also have (you may already have had) the feeling of watching your own hands typing - and wondering how you're doing that?

magic!

or of looking at your own hands and wondering who they belong to ?

sounds like an hallucinogenic trip -
though there'd be a reason for that -

hmmm...

~ADD~

ditto with respect to:

- not letting people "in" easily
- quickly making friends
- poor "friend maintenance"
- dislike of going out to bars
- having few close friends
- getting bored quickly

on the whole, however, i can make long-distance friendships work really well... its seems effortless to just pick up where we last left off even if months/years pass between seeing each other.


SB_UK: lo siento pero no entendi nada que escribiste... :o Ala, probaste algo "especial"...? :p

A person can never have enough friends.

I don't think I have a huge number, but of the few that I have I am quite close to. But one of my dearest friends is luckily one of those people I don't have to 'maintain'. I can let some time go by before I call her again.

I have very few real friends. I have always had trouble forming real and close friendships and/or maintaining them. Plus, I have been home with my kids for the last 5 years and while you would think it would be easy to go and find other moms to connect with, that is not the case for me. At this point, I almost feel like I am developing some kind of social anxiety.. like I don't even know how to act around people. I can't think of much to say.

Getting used to the internet as a social outlet can be damaging as well, I believe. While it is useful and enjoyable, I think it can make you shy away from real life sometimes. :o

I've had very few friends in my life time, though most don't necessarily hate me either. I suppose it's because the very little I have in common with most individuals, which relates to the extreme boredom that sets in early on.

The phrase "I find people boring" is probably a misnomer with me. In a sense, it is true, but in another, it's not. It's sort of a recursive problem, as I find the topic of people to be boring, and for most conversations in "groups" seem to be about people, I would find most people boring, because they discuss people (a boring topic, already defined to be boring by the previous). But then again, it's perhaps it's better described as finding boring people to be boring.

I think it can make you shy away from real life sometimes. :oVery nicely said. Unfortunately/fortunately......our entire lives and business/professional lives rely heavily on internet communication.

I have lots of 'friends' but not many people I'm close with. I'm friendly with most people but I haven't really ever had any really good close friends.

I am lucky enough to have several good friends now, but didn't begin making friends until I got into college and didn't really know what to do with them till my late 30s. Between age 18 and 35, friends made ME, but after that I began making them too.

I think the biggest part of the problem was that I had been befriended now and then during grade school, age 6 to 12, but then they would stop being my friend for reasons which were a complete mystery to me. So I "learned" early on that friends were like nice weather -- nice enough when they were there but guaranteed to disappear, for no predictable reason and impossible to prevent.

I'm afraid this taught me not to invest any effort in human relations. It took a long, long time to get better. My current friends tell me they find this pre-college history difficult to believe, which reassures me that I'm getting the hang of it.

Ducky

i can't seem to find anyone that gets me.. even the people i know don't get me. i need friends who won't blink if i say something completely unexpected...i hate having to explain things such as my thoughts or actions to people. and most people can't just let things flow..they have to question everything ya say and do. it bothers me so i don't talk to as many people anymore.

I can make friends easily and usually am quite popular amongst my social group, however-

- I value my interests over them.
- I NEVER go out of my way to find friends.
- They have to be the type who doesn't care that I'm weird and who understands that I will never be social. I will never call them up to chat or ask if we can go out some time. I will never even make eye contact and I will never know when to stop talking when I'm happy and it will be impossible to make me talk when I'm sad.

Oh and also if they aren't interesting to me then I am sometimes I show my full eccentricity to make sure they keep away (only friends understand why I am like I am so others are just scared).

Does it have to do with ADHD? YES! I talk a lot and make jokes non-stop if I'm talking amongst interesting people. This means people will hear me talking about interesting stuff and will attempt to form a friendship with me.
It is also in part why other people don't like me. "He's too hyperactive!" "He doesn't stop talking" "I told him to call me and his excuse was "sorry, I was too focused on this book/movie/website.." ".

i have very few "real friends" often to the point where i feel lonely for someone to confide in. my REAL friends (all 3 of them, lol) have lives of thier own and are often busy with school or kids.

on the other hand i have over 300 people in my cellphone. i meet new people very easily, i am very sociable, but like a previous poster said, i dont put much time or effort in maintaining those new relationships. i am always liked by everyone that i meet, and i have a tendency to talk to complete strangers sometimes. i have a wacky sense of humor, so i am always making people laugh.

the social "scene" is a different story. i'm not the party-goer, or the social drinker. totally agree with Umami of the long-distance friendships thing (1 of my 3 is like this, we dont talk for 3 months, and we pick up right where we left off. coincidentally she is ADHD, lol) , but its hard for many other people because they feel neglected.

i like getting to know new people though, i like to learn about different cultures, beliefs, thoughts in general, so the more people you know, the better conversations you have.

Trust me. I'm really thinking that you're problem with having 300 connections and only 3 real friends is more of a problem with modern day society and not ADD.

I'm having the same issues and I think its because we are much more isolated nowadays.

a perfect example of this issue is the ADHD forum. We all sit nicely on the computer feeling connected and relieved to vent our stresses throught written communication. But in the past. We could have communicated these issues to a real live breathing and responding individual who could give much more feedback than just words.

I'm talking about instincts, feelings, and body language.

I've always had that difficulty w/ friendship. Being bullied in the past didn't exactly make it easier either. The irony is that more than a few of us have lots of connections but few close or true friends..

i have aquitineces and one good friend it has to do with my adhd

The person I was closest to in my life - we were friends for 10 years - told me in January that he wanted to cut off from me completely because I was persistently wilfully thoughtless towards him. He would tell me he was going away for the weekend and I would invite him and other friends to dinner. I didnt have any concept about spending special time with him - I would invite someone else along at the last minute. He devised a description of my attention which was that I listened 'diagonally'. I always thought it was his obsession with detail that was the problem. Only now I realise that listening diagonally is probably what Ive done all my life - and there is a reason for that !!

I have a lot of friends I guess but I am not close to a lot of them because I don't share interests with many of them. I've always been "mature for my age," so never really felt like doing what they were into, because I'd done it and outgrown it a few years ahead of them. When I do become close to someone, then I'm attached to them until they no longer choose to be as close to me. I talk to a lot of people all the time but don't have a desire to form a close and lasting bond with them. However, Dory, is my best friend! Hi Dory!

I don't think I have a huge number, but of the few that I have I am quite close to. But one of my dearest friends is luckily one of those people I don't have to 'maintain'. I can let some time go by before I call her again.

Same here. I'm terrible at keeping in touch. The friends that stick by me through the years are there because they don't mind.

I am very friendly, but have trouble "keeping them"..
i have a lot of aquaintances...
I seem to make people laugh and i am center of attention at least half the time. I do get bored with people easily, and i need to share an intrest/passion/personality trait with them in order to want to keep in touch.
When i get "out there" i'm always social, chatting up random people or random people chatting me up ( i guess i give out a friendly vibe)
Right now with it being winter and me not being "out there" i feel kinda lonely but i don't feellike making an effort whas the point?
Hoping to change for the better now that i can start to control Adhd

I've made 1 REAL friend for each friends group I've been in. I have 5 in total, and I know I can trust them my life (except for one, who is ADD and he would lose it haha). I'm in good terms with almost everyone but when I don't like someone I don't hide it.

That's a really good question. I think people with ADD and ADHD need to find people who "put up with us" so to speak, because to be honest I don't think we make the best "friend" material.

I only say that because I know that I'm horrible at calling people, it's not so much as I forget as that I hate calling people because I'm always worried they're busy. I'm also really good at reading emails, but then never responding to them because I want to wait until a "better time" to respond..which never comes around. I'm also really bad about showing up to hang out with people. Unless if you catch me, drag me to your car, and take me to where we're hanging out, then I'm not going...haha. Somehow my good friends in college have figured that out and kind of treat me like a dog when it's time to go "Laura, come on Laura, to the car, let's go, yes that's a good Laura"...hahahaha.

But technically I have a lot of friends, I'm outgoing in large groups, I'm just worried that once I get to the "real world" I won't have as many because adults aren't really that social anymore, everyone is so guarded....

I think it can be a mixed bag for those of us with ADD. I made many friends during my twenties when I was in school and in the Peace Corps. But now that I'm somewhat more settled in a job, I've found it very difficult to make new friends during my thirties. I think if I went back to grad school, that would be the only way to make new friends. (I now live in an area where everyone is married and have families.)

OMG. i can totally relate. I too live in an area i like to refer to "retirementville".

Brakna, exactly. In my 20s, I had friends(not tons, but some), but in my 30s, especially-- mid 30s, I haven't really had many friends at all...a few, but they drop like flies after they get tired of my "crazy antics(anger issues)". Where I live most people in their 30s are married anyway, just like in Chicago.