I hate it when the ADHD attacks me!

To Err is human but when I was a Kid I was shown no forgiveness.

The way I grew up..you were not allowed to make mistakes. Even my own father would ridicule me and yell at me. I grew up with the words "You can't do anything right!" and nothing I did seemed to be good enough for him.

Even the Kids at school scoffed and laughed when I made a mistake. To make a mistake was treated like it was a immortal sin and the sinners had to be punished. Can you imagine what that does to an ADD Child growing up?

I grown up to hate myself when ever I do things wrong and say things wrong. I just will never let up on myself (just like those who never let up on me as a kid)until the Bipolar Kicks in and puts me on the emotional roller coaster ride. I feel like a worthless idot and can not forgive myself. How can I ever get over this when It been programed into my mind that I am supposed to be a robot! I don't know how to reprogram myself and not beat myself mentally(sometimes physically if mistake is worse enough) when I mess up. HELP!!!!!!!!!!

We don't hate you here! :)

Thanks WC I love you guys! :)

I think your question about how to get over your mistakes and how to forgive yourself was rhetorical. But I have an answer (notice, I said "an" answer, not "the" answer) :) I KNOW what all that negativity coming from every direction feels like to a little kid. They are grown-ups, so they must be right and you adopt their view of you as your own.:( You start to think and believe that you deserve every crappy thing that has ever happened to you. :confused:

You must forgive yourself. Over and over, again and again, allowing yourself as many chances and do-overs as you want until it is better. "How do I do THAT?", you ask...Practice.:)

I love ya melly.... just as you are!

I think you are a good ol' gal, too, mel:D :D :D All the people in the world can worship you in earnest, but it doesn't mean much if you don't accept yourself as is!

Melly - one of the ways to slay your dragons is to talk back to the negative voices when they tell you you can't do anything right. Think of the things you have done right. Because, if you've made it this far, you've done many things right.

It took me some time to get the nuns voices out of my head, too. (Catholic boarding school for 5 years - ugh.) And with the voices went the guilt. Almost all gone now, and it's been 30 some years since i was at that school.

You be nice to yourself. And just remember - everybody, including the "normies" mess up and say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing.

Do a Scarlett O'Hara: tomorrow is another day.

I love that movie Pembroke:D I will try that Pembroke talking back to them..just like I do with the flashbacks.

Believe me, Flakey I try to forive myself..but I really do ever feel better unless I make amends..Some mistakes I can forgive..others that affect the people I love and their live...errr that is a lil bit harder.

Melly*big hug,

You know were I come from and what I have been thru and if I have learned one thing in my life is that NOONE is perfect. I'm a mess up, I'm a screw up yep yep yep that I am but I also happen to be a nice person(Ok most of the time). But, Mel you are the nicest, most understanding, caring person I have ever met. How many times have I offended you or hurt you? HUNDREDS? THOUANDS? MILLIONS (O God please not that many) But, YOU forgive me every single time and you need to learn to forgive YOURSELF--how is it you do not expect perfection from your friends but you do from yourself? It's a double standard and won't cut it with me. *Big smile* Join the rest of us Mel BE HUMAN!!!!!!!

I am count the times hmmmmm well there was the time you...oh wait that wasn't you...hmm..no can't say that you offended me at all ;). I am human thank you..no matter how much people want me to be robot. the little msitakes I can handle, it the big boombies that I can not cause it affect not only me but my family as well. sigh! I am trying to forgive myself by making amends for my actions...I take reponsiblity for them!

I know the feeling, there's an article I read that helped me tons on this matter, I can't find a full-text link to it, but it's called "The Perfectionist Script for Self Defeat" by David Burns in the Nov 1980 issue of Psychology Today. I suggest everyone here read it, and if anyone finds an online version, please post it.

I was just a kid in the 80's but I have not read it, I am always missing out hehehe!

I read it in a class called 'Learning to Learn' actually, I wasn't even born when it was published! It's definitely worth reading though, especially if you consider yourself the overfocus ADD type.

Focus..what's that? Jk If the paragraph is kinda long It's hard for me to focus, but I try!

A lot of scorn that's poured on those who make mistakes is not about the mistake-maker, but about the scorner - who's seeking to capitalise on it.
By making a big song 'n dance about an inconsequential error, they're saying 'look how much better I am' - which is the mantra of the inner child who seeks his parents' approval.
You'll generally find that scorners and criticisers point to others' mistakes in a bid to make themselves appear more competent than they feel.
Next time they do it, remind them of one of their own weak points.
If you reward their criticality with agreement, guilt and acquiescence - you'll only encourage more.

I think making mistakes is cool.
No better way to learn in a well rounded way.
Of course some mistakes are life threatening.
I stand around when I teach, making mistakes, then everyone gets to learn from them.
You could actually rename the word "mistake" to.. extra curricular activities. You accomplish so much more that way!
So when you do an unexpected extra curricular activity, pat yourself on the back and remember, it's all those"extra Curricular activities that made you the well rounded person you are today!!
j9

I agree Janine. We have all made mistakes & we learn from them.

Melly, I know you have learned from your mistakes & you are a wonderful young lady.

Hi melly,

I was raised in a similar enviornment and struggled with trying to be perfect for years and/or beating myself up when I made a mistake. Im not sure when that started to change but it has been within the time Ive been in recovery ( since 3-25-88).

At any rate what I do now is to use them to improve myself. Realisitically, thats how most people learn anyway. The other thing Ive been doing is looking at problems as opportunities to grow and learn. If you can think optimistically it helps you find a way to turn the problem around . I also try and focus on the solution as much as possible. I think thats an ADHD trait. Cut to the chase and skip the angst in the middle.....lol.

I hope that helps some and btw, you are cool by me.:)

mctavish23( Robert)

It is GREAT seeing you here.
Big hugssss:) :D

Thanks Everyone...I thought ppl forgot about this one:)...I have made any huge booboos as of late...I never go anywhere anyway to make a little boombie...Or extra curricular activity;) LOL
Robert awesome seeing ya here!:D

Oh dear melly........you will be going somewhere SOON.
I can't WAIT!
Love

Vickie

mel
i was once told that there was NO such thing as mistakes....just learning experiences. some experiences make you go holy crap i hope i never have to do that again, and others you try to repeat. its all a learning process....
love ya
OXOX
chris

I know vickie and the time is going by sssslllllloooooowwww I wish the 15 would get here!!!!!

Aqua, you know I have learned that somewhere...DOH oh yeah it's this thread!!!!

Ya know Janine, I would subscribe to your idea.... Thing is I have this little problem. I'm so well rounded from all my extra curricular activities that these blasted kids won't stop playing soccer with me!!!!! ARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not the face! NOT THE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ha ha or yuk, yuk, funny guy, you didn't look so well rounded to me, E-boy, I think you need some more extra curricular activities!

Oh, believe me, mistake is my middle name. In fact, you might say I owe my existence to a mistake. Yessiree, thanks to the magic of a father who'd just returned from six months cooped up on a submarine with 150 smelly sailors at sea a faulty contraceptive device, and the back drop of the romantic Naval housing facilities in honolulu Hawaii, I am here today! Nine months and one day later (Yes, I was a day later than the due date, and wouldn't you know it, I didn't have any money on me so I was a dollar short too! Not like I had any place to keep it in there anyway.) I came into this world and made my first mistake. I stubbornly refused to breath immediately. What did this get me? Lifted upside down in the cold air away from warmth and protection, naked in blindingly bright light and suddenly some old ugly guy with a mask on starts spanking my a**! Now if that didn't start rounding me out I don't know what would?!

It was all down hill from there... So, if mistakes = extra curricular activities, and extracurricular activities = well roundedness and my middle name = mistake because I have made a near infinite number of them. I posit the following formula. Near infinite curvature from near infinite mistakes = near infinite extra curricular activities which in turn would = near infinite well roundedness which would result in a near perfect sphere. Just perfect for little smart aleck's to play soccer with whilst I scream vainly "Not the face! NOT THE FACE!"

Im sorry all i can do is giggle after you post

Good better than sighs. :-) My work here is done!

E-boy you are a NUT LMBO I needed a good laugh thank you...hugsssss

Mistakes are tough for me too. It is hard for me to forgive myself, to just clean up the mess and go on. There's a lot of confusion between "I made a mistake" and "i am a mistake". There was so much blaming at home- a lot of effort was expended in the most important direction- finding and blaming the culprit. If milk spilled, we would have to find out the eternal question : WHO DID IT? before we would even clean it up. It was ridiculous. For a long time I would deny having made a mistake because it was so painful to me. Now it's much easier, I can take repsponsibility and move on. If people blame me, its still hard to take but I try to remember I am a precious worthwhile loveable child of God. I make mistakes, but I am a precious, worthwhile, loveable child of God. Thanks for the topic and its great to see you here, MCT !

I'm smart enough I am good enough and garsh darnit that guy on SNL got on my nerves....can ya tell what type of mood I am in?

My therapist had us in group say that Mel, it was a little diffenrent though... we each had to say one line going around in a circle and then each had to say it alone. It is a quote I wont forget that Dr B taught us. Chris

Melly, Futs, everybody... thanks again.

Rereading this thread was a light of solace for me on a very, very dark morning.

Awe hugs Clammy Baby! U ok?

No, I'm really not, can't wait for this low to pass and for me to be back on the hyper cycle again...

Give it a few minutes my fellow bipolar Lovey!:D

I don't know if you've got the chance to read my post in the sticky on add tips for coping, but I have to say there are times you really have to fend for yourself and not just take the negative elements people say about you.

Having things said about you that are true does not underline the fact that these things are not consistent. The miracle of the ADDer is that we are inconsistent in a good way as well! Meaning we DO get things done because we are not consistently bad at finishing projects! The constant exaggeration you may hear is we "NEVER" get things done.

Meet fact and then take out the fiction. Tell them, "I take more time than other people because I'm detail oriented. And sometimes, if the project needs a lot of time, I may need to rework the structure and heavily modify it." If they won't give you the time of day, reconsider those friends/the job/the situation. If they're family, block it out and find a support group (this one is fine btw! :) )

Don't let people walk over you and most importantly don't let ADD walk over you. ADD is, to me, more a blessing and a curse. Without it I would never be inspired to do a thing, I would not have the dreams I have, and I certainly would not know this much about life without it.

If people give you a hard time about your gift, tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine. Develop an attitude against those who try to pull you down. And btw, it's EASY to see who they are. They are the ones who tell you you're a lazy good for nothing slacker. And yes, sometimes this means you develop an attitude against YOURSELF! ;)

It been a long time since I posted this but.....OH HOW RIGHT YOU ARE :D

Gotta love awakenings

We don't hate you here! :)We certainly don't, yon Draga.

I think you are a good ol' gal, too, mel:D :D :D All the people in the world can worship you in earnest, but it doesn't mean much if you don't accept yourself as is!Yeah - it's like everyone who approves of me is a klutz and everyone who criticises me is right, because hey ... they feel the same way about me I do !
Criticism is rarely helpful and people know that.
People criticise as a way of expressing hostility or anger.
Once you see criticism for what it is, rather than as objective observation - you start to get a truer picture of the REAL you.

WOAH! Very Insitful:D Mesa likes the way u think too :)