A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:












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"You got Male!"

Notice to Your Pets...

Notice to Your Pets... To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door
- nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when
they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get
your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom
for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.


2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the

furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture. )


3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.


4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:


1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children !

Can I suggest a Garry thread???
Normally I dont read these things when I get them mailed to me, But when you post them I love them

I try to weed out all the bad ones and only post the good ones ........

I was the same way where I didn't read them either but alas I started scanning them and some are actually funny ( to Me anyway )

I would find the forums very dull if all we ever did was moan and groan about how unfortunate we are, because I can't keep our focus long enough to study for school or balance my checkbook......

Crap, there are people who can't find there house, to balance there checkbook because it got blown up in a combat mission where one government thinks another government shouldn't do something..................


And we think we have problems !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Grin :soapbox: