Awe heck, i really dunno where to post this, I dunno if it's panic or anxiety or stress. :confused:

When I think of the carefree girl I once was, sure social acceptance was a major issue, which I am sure is for all teenagers, I couldn't wait to grow up so I could finally be in control of my life...YEAH RIGHT!!!!! Big surprise, Mel, it gets worse!!!! But still even then, I at least got out there and lived a little and didn't panic so easily about things I cant control or had fear of the unknown or worry about if what I say or do is going to be wrong in someone elses eyes...I felt free to be myself wrong or right.

Now, I am a freakin basket case:( I dont get out much and so I dont really know how to act really in the adult world(how snoring it seems) so I can only act the only way I know how...myself:) but I am always panicing that I am doing the wrong things or saying the wrong things and I always find myself appologizing even when I dont need to & it drives people crazy...

The other night, I went out with my life long friend and met up with an old boyfriend of mine and went out to resturant...I bought him a beer and was laughing and goofing off...when all of a sudden I knocked into him, almost knocked all the stuff off the table and he lost his beer....I was mortified when maybe the girl I once waas would have been laughing...even later that night I ALMOST (or did, I cant remember) kneed him in the nuts :eek: ...the old me woulda laughed(though not funny) but me now.......I freaked!!! And Kenny being the cool guy he always was, was like, "It's ok, Mel, stop beating yourself up about it, **** happens."

Even Christie, my buddy, told me I need to learn to chill out, laugh at life, and not worry about things so much...

When I read that the review thing for my disability was coming up...I had to go to my shrink appointment early cause I have been a nervous wreck worrying what is going to happen and what not..Even shrink told me to calm my *** down.."Your acting like you've already lost your disability, stop, panicing!!"

Stop panicing, Ole Mel didn't panic or stress herself out for no reason...where did that Mel go? How from a 12 year span from teens to adult did I lose that girl....I want her back!! But I am clueless how to find her again :(

Can ya believe my shrink actually told me I should see a therapist :eyebrow: ...I must be THAT much a basket case :faint:

It must be connected to PTSD somehow, are you diagnosed with it Mel? Even mild things can be traumatic, things that people pay little attention to can permanently change things. I used to be Mr. Popular when I was younger and i was an extreme gothic freak PM if you want an explicit description, so now that I have decided to blend in with others I somehow lost something I once had because I never had problems socially when I was an outsider. But that is an example, from my experience because I have this sense of more misunderstanding as opposed to anxiety in my case.

Mel;

The psychologists say that women are more socially gergarious than males. What I mean to say is that there is a tendency for a female , when feeling wounded, to seek solace from other people. For the guys, there is a tendency to witdraw and find a quiet place to heal up in all alone... Everybody is different, but it sure seems to be kind of like that to me.

Sometimes I've just got to witrhdraw from the world in order to just feel comfy with myself, so I do that when I feel the need.

I think for a woman, feeling like that might be more of a point of concern since females tend to seek the support of others more than males... in any case enough of that gender crap...

What I'm trying to get to is that it's okay to feel the way you do. Don't force it hon... if you feel the need to seek a therapist, it is proably a good idea to do so... but I also agree with your friend that it is not good to beat up on yourself psychologically... you don't need the abuse.

Just do what you have to do and feel okay with it, because in the long run, the first person you have to get along with is yourself.

((((hugs))))
ME :D

It must be connected to PTSD somehow, are you diagnosed with it Mel? Even mild things can be traumatic, things that people pay little attention to can permanently change things. I used to be Mr. Popular when I was younger and i was an extreme gothic freak PM if you want an explicit description, so now that I have decided to blend in with others I somehow lost something I once had because I never had problems socially when I was an outsider. But that is an example, from my experience because I have this sense of more misunderstanding as opposed to anxiety in my case.


Oh yeah...major PTSD..20 years of abuse seems to fubar ya up lol,....goth eh? No wonder we so cool :D

Mel;

The psychologists say that women are more socially gergarious than males. What I mean to say is that there is a tendency for a female , when feeling wounded, to seek solace from other people. For the guys, there is a tendency to witdraw and find a quiet place to heal up in all alone... Everybody is different, but it sure seems to be kind of like that to me.

Sometimes I've just got to witrhdraw from the world in order to just feel comfy with myself, so I do that when I feel the need.

I think for a woman, feeling like that might be more of a point of concern since females tend to seek the support of others more than males... in any case enough of that gender crap...

What I'm trying to get to is that it's okay to feel the way you do. Don't force it hon... if you feel the need to seek a therapist, it is proably a good idea to do so... but I also agree with your friend that it is not good to beat up on yourself psychologically... you don't need the abuse.

Just do what you have to do and feel okay with it, because in the long run, the first person you have to get along with is yourself.

((((hugs))))
ME :D


yeah makes sense...maybe I been made to feel like everything is wrong with me and now that I am away from those people they still linger and in a way Im psychologically abusing myself automatically finding fault with myse;f when no need..now how to stop...Aye there's the rub

Oh btw speedo, my love, I withdraw from people too a lot...more comfy with myself ..I know I wont go away or run away to get away from me...have no choice lol!

& really...who needs therapist who are payed to pretend to give a ****, when I got you guys...who actually care with no cost out of pocket to me LOL!...and I told my shrink that too :)

Oh btw speedo, my love, I withdraw from people too a lot...more comfy with myself ..I know I wont go away or run away to get away from me...have no choice lol!

& really...who needs therapist who are payed to pretend to give a ****, when I got you guys...who actually care with no cost out of pocket to me LOL!...and I told my shrink that too :)

I agree that the forum is a great thing for building self-confidence and self-acceptance...but some of us have deep-rooted anxieties and conditioned emotional responses that aren't going to change just by talking to people. I only say this because I've been living it for over 40 yrs.

I used to have the same opinion of psychologists as you - because it seemed they only listened, nodded, and told me useless things that I already knew. Understanding the problem is important, but does not solve it. Action must be taken to solve it, and I never found that until my current therapist - who uses cognitive behavioral therapy.

So I'm all for therapy if you find you're always anxious, can't control the way you react to things and have irrational fears (that's me). Seems the pdocs like to just throw prescriptions at me for anxiety - I actually had one say to me that "some people are just wired that way". I guess that may be true to some extent, but I'm learning now from my therapist that some of my conditioned responses can be "unlearned" - meaning that much of my anxiety can be treated (dare I say, eliminated?) so that I am not dependent upon medication for the rest of my life!

Avoidance sure is a big part of PTSD.