I haven't really seen this topic, but I have skimmed the "what not to post" thing to make sure I'm not getting banned for this..

Sex..http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/eek.gif
We all know that most people do it, that our societies have an obsession over it(whether its positive obsession or negative reactive obsession), and that if you've experienced it in a safe setting you probably enjoyed yourself.

How does your ADD affect your sexuality?http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/eyebrow.gif Does talking too much ruin your ability to get anywhere near that direction when you flirt? Do the mood-switches make it so you're about to start and it all just falls flat on its face and dies? Etc. etc.

This can be as detailed or in detailed as you want, permitted you're not going to get yourself or me banned for posting!

Personally, I find myself frustrated because ADD affects my ability to flirt. Either it goes too far and my sense of humor scares them off, or, I'll be overfocused on related thoughts and psyche myself out of trying. Being in college that makes for quite a depressing time...Even self-medding w/ booze doesn't always work to "normalize" for a party setting. Which leads to those overfocused thoughts on "why can't I just do _______ like everyone else?"...

Overall, I think its fair to say ADD makes that stuff a pain..http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/footinmouth.gif

Personally, I find myself frustrated because ADD affects my ability to flirt. Either it goes too far and my sense of humor scares them off
Yep, that is me. My mouth usually gets me in trouble. I will flirt with someone and they take it the wrong way or I take it to far. But usually by stupid sense of humor makes me look childish and immature. They go running.

Not sure if this is the rigth forum for this. But here I go. My experience is that add'ers (this is based on my own and my add-friends, who are also inatentives) are high stimuli-people. We (still me and my friends here) ether need to be head over heels in love, facinated by a new person (personal experience here say that wears of pretty fast unless one falls in love), or doing somthing that is a bit more demanding than "normal" sex, to keep the attention where it should be and not on the weird dark spot on the wall.
Where as to get laid. No clue. It just seems to happen, but how is a mystery to me.

I applaud you for bringing up this topic.

I know exactly how you are feeling. Once I am in a relationship that same issue would become a problem for me. I have noticed that if my talking annoys someone, then I probably wouldn't end up getting along with them or being with them anyway.

However, I have found that if you can find another ADHDer (i know that sounds crazy), someone who is just like you, it makes for interesting sex.
My most recent boyfriend is just like me. He is the owner of a restaurant and we met while I was hanging out at his bar with friends. We started talking and found we couldn't stop for like 5 hours.....we were the last two in the entire place after the employees closed & locked up. Just talking. This happened 4 more times, then on the last time I said "would you just come over here and kiss me!". Wow, when we finally stopped talking the sex was amazing! I thought I was adventurous, but he is amazing! It usually is with ADHDer's that aren't embarassed to explore new horizons. He likes to talk just as much as I do & our conversations go on forever. There is rarely a dull moment. (to MilkMaiden- definately on the same page with the *yawn* "normal" sex....just can't do it. It causes me to seek out other stimulating encounters....like new locations, toys, etc. How bout you?)

Another tip....if you find you cannot successfully flirt while you are talking to someone, get their mobile phone number and text them. You can text them while you go into the bathroom with something like, "so where r we goin after this?", or "you're sexy", or "havin fun yet?", or "when's your curfew?". If that's too forward, you can tone it down. Something playful & flirty. It's a great icebreaker to flirting when you talk too much about other stuff during a conversation. I have used it with much success.

However, please don't underestimate conversation as great foreplay.

:)

I am one of those hyperactive attention grabber people so flirting with people is a fairly frequent daily occurrence, the thing is that I find people trying to flirt with me constantly to be annoying.

Don't really have a problem with sex. I have a problem keeping a relationship in good standing for more than a few months if anything. I don't really flirt while on my medicine but I love to when I'm off of it. I think it really sends mixed signals to people I flirt with lol.

I dont have a problem with sex ay. I sometimes am told that Im flirting without really realising that I am. I struggle saying no to sex when I probably really shouldnt be cuz its for the wrong reasons..like some girls kinda just using me.

:rolleyes: ahhh, the thought of puppy love AND puppy lust and the first 30 days of sex with a new fun partner... the three day smiles, walking on clouds and natural high warm feeling. In hind sight, I shoulda stayed right there!!!

THOSE, WERE THE DAYS!

:rolleyes: :D :eyebrow: :p :p :p :) :) :D ;) :eyebrow:

My sensuality and my ADD are very closely intertwined. As I've got older and got married this has become more of an issue. Its difficult to walk away from such a powerful stimulant as sex ..... maybe when I get on meds it will be different?

This subject is one that needs more open discussion in ADD forums as I feel that ADDers probably have more issues with impulsive and stupid sexual decisions than your average person.

I always wondered why my relationships didn't last.....and why something that was so intensely attractive at the start became boring. Guys in the UK don't really talk about sex that much so it was difficult to judge my feelings in comparison to others.....and there was no point in asking a partner/woman...lol

Was all my young life just chasing that high?

kilt

I don't have a problem with flirting except that I do it without realizing it. Its like a switch that dosent really turn off. My hubby say's I can make anything sound dirty.

Keeping me interested can be diffictult, I can be interested then I'm not.

First time to the site and here is where I decide my first post to be. How is that for stimulation? :)

I've found making friends with women to be extremely easy. It might be all the talking (which at times I catch and can wrangle in), but they just seem genuinely surprised that a guy--I'm super-generalizing here--would be that open about themselves. And of course, being curious about other people, if I don't go on and on, I tend to be a very good and empathetic listener.

The problem arises tho on dates: I've rarely ever had a bad date, partially I think this is due to meeting more people online and having the time to figure out both of our personalities. But when I'm on a date, more times than not, things end up turning down the friend path. I've rarely gone on a date with someone and not have them end up as a friend: they definitely want to keep in touch and hang out. But they rarely disappear completely that soon. So of course I start to wonder, am I being too open or friendly? Too talkative? How odd that something like that could work against you. Well, I'm into sociology (Armchair State U), so this is really more of a curiosity than a frustration.

I do enjoy flirting a lot tho, but I almost require that the other person has the same "flirt level" as me. I get turned off pretty quickly by those who either give in too quickly, or are way too shy, or just aren't witty enough to prolong the experience. So in general, I don't do it that often, but when it all falls together, it's like a firecracker!

Of course, that is if I just don't keep talking on and on and on. I've had those experiences too where you start talking to someone, and then you look at the clock and five hours have passed! But they seem to be enjoying themselves, so why let the good times end? Then again, maybe they just want to start rolling around at that point and are being passive. I've noticed that with more aggressive partners, things progress more smoothly and on a regular schedule. If someone is passive, then I guess I get stuck in certain phases and don't move on. I guess it would help if they LOOKED bored. :p

I enjoy sex, but I'm not sure if I enjoy it as much as non-ADDers do. Or I should say, it takes MUCH more to make me enjoy it the same way. I've always thought it was just me being picky, since what seems to turn other guys on sometimes doesn't do it for me. For instance, they might rate a girl an 8 (1-10), and I'll give her a 5. But since the ADD, I dunno. I'll take "vanilla," but I don't prefer it by a long shot. A few times, I've decided to not have sex with someone because I knew that's what it was going to be. I guess it's the need for more stimulation. I've never really noticed if my mind wandered during the act, but now that it's been brought up, I'll probably start thinking about it the next time I have sex. (Thanks guys! :confused: )

I don't want to get booted because of my first reply, but I am curious tho: is vanilla sex interesting to anyone here? Seems like the consensus is that it has to be much, much, more. And I completely agree. (Actually, I think most relationships, ADD or no, could use a boost of "caffeinated" sex. But that's just my lil' ol' humble opinion. :D )

Fun! Okay, back to work!!

-----
Using this SN for 15 years, and now I notice it starts with "add."

about becoming just a friend: There are many stages that a budding relationship goes through. Most guys who become friends with women they're attracted to have trouble getting out of the "comfort phase."
This phase is necessary because if you don't feel comfortable around eachother, nothing is going to happen. The danger is staying in this phase too long. Once she is comfortable with you, and you with her, there needs to be a bit of agitation. If she stays perfectly comfortable and complacent around you, she will not become attracted to you.
This is not to say that you need to make her UNcomfortable, far from it. Maintain an amiable attitude while showing her that you're more than just nice, this is the "seduction" phase. This is where you say or do things that are not offensive, but not exactly "nice." Playful teasing is one example of this. It shows that you have a sense of humor and confidence, and that she should want to be around you.

The problem i hear about in a lot of ADDers (and one i've had) is that they are too worried about doing the wrong thing so they are overly nice. Nice is not sexy. Nice is friendly.

Remember that she has to earn your attention just like you have to earn hers.

Thanks for the advice on flirting, Heretic. Thats where I get stuck actually, so, I'll give that a shot. I'm pretty paranoid about crossing the line because all it takes is 1 bad slip and you'll have someone playing the sexual harassment card. Any suggestions for keeping it in balance? Examples maybe?

To everyone else, I'm glad we're not all just stiffs out there but people who like to be open! I'm part of the trend with interesting vs vanilla...Vanilla is okay..the only appeal behind it right now is the fact it hasn't been happening at all..But eventually things need spicing up!

Caffinated Sex? Perhaps...I'm more a fan of drunk sex actually lol..Way more fun to be jolly and going at it than being overstimulated and going at it.

Yup...I remember those 5 hour conversations....did the girl want to have sex and was just waiting for THE MOVE.....or was she just glad to hang out with a guy who talked about the world and not his ego...I'll never know....ut I did have some enjoyable dates and some frustration powered evenings.

As far as vanilla......interesting choice of words :-p I prefer the full sundae experience....but thats pretty rare.

kilt

As for "caffeinated" sex: I actually meant pretty much anything that wasn't vanilla, but it was the first word that popped in my head to encompass the vast world of thrills. Actually, just not sure if I can use the others. :D

I can sympathize with a lot of what's been written here. I've more or less adapted I guess. I still have problems with an over abundance of empathy, or of getting so overwhelmed my emotions shut down utterly, but in most other ways I've adapted.

Flirting isn't something I'm either good or bad at. It's more or less involuntary in my case. If I'm around someone who I'm attracted to I'm like a dog wagging it's tail. Most of the time I catch myself doing it and try to shut it down and that's when things get awkward. I look like less of an idiot if I just let it run it's course I suppose.

People do tend to find me exceptionally trustworthy though. I think that has a lot to do with how open I am about my own feelings and thoughts (as though I had much choice right? LMAO!).

Not sure if this is the rigth forum for this. But here I go. My experience is that add'ers (this is based on my own and my add-friends, who are also inatentives) are high stimuli-people. We (still me and my friends here) ether need to be head over heels in love, facinated by a new person (personal experience here say that wears of pretty fast unless one falls in love), or doing somthing that is a bit more demanding than "normal" sex, to keep the attention where it should be and not on the weird dark spot on the wall.
Where as to get laid. No clue. It just seems to happen, but how is a mystery to me.
wow, that is well said!

The thing that makes me really sad about having ADD is that I've never had a proper relationship (I'm 48) at least in the way that other people seem to define them. Mine have always been based on a pretty base attraction, and dont last because I dont actually like the people I've been with. I've had lots of relationships but they alwasy start with sex, as I simply cannot go through a 'wooing' phase - it is utterly unbearable for me. I dont understand what you have to do and have no idea if I am doing it right or what the other person is thinking of me. In terms of self esteem its an absolute killer. However, I have a strong sexual urge which I feel I need to regularly satisfy - sex for me is one of those wonderful 'flow' moments when for a brief time I can stay perfectly focused. My enjoyment of it is completely divorced from relationships - I've never got that thing about 'but you cant enjoy having sex with someone unless you actually like them.' Fortunately in the gay world this kind of sex is quite accessible. Sometimes I think that if I could truly cut off the emotional part of me completely I could be completely happy - other times I just so wish I could find someone I could fall in love with. I was in love once - for three months when I was 23. That is the only time in my life when sex and love coexisted.

People have told me that I'm a big flirt but I see it as being sociable or friendly. I used to have a very dark and raunchy sense of humor but I've since just kind of gone mute. I don't make as many jokes now.. people are too prudish for me. Deep down inside, I'm a vixen =D
When I had a sex life lol ...it was very healthy. I didn't have a prpblem with focusing there..guess that was the hyperfocusing coming into play? who knows.. but I've always been very intrigued by sex lol it's such a fun topic.

I haven't really seen this topic, but I have skimmed the "what not to post" thing to make sure I'm not getting banned for this..

Sex..http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/eek.gif
We all know that most people do it, that our societies have an obsession over it(whether its positive obsession or negative reactive obsession), and that if you've experienced it in a safe setting you probably enjoyed yourself.

How does your ADD affect your sexuality?http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/eyebrow.gif Does talking too much ruin your ability to get anywhere near that direction when you flirt? Do the mood-switches make it so you're about to start and it all just falls flat on its face and dies? Etc. etc.

This can be as detailed or in detailed as you want, permitted you're not going to get yourself or me banned for posting!

Personally, I find myself frustrated because ADD affects my ability to flirt. Either it goes too far and my sense of humor scares them off, or, I'll be overfocused on related thoughts and psyche myself out of trying. Being in college that makes for quite a depressing time...Even self-medding w/ booze doesn't always work to "normalize" for a party setting. Which leads to those overfocused thoughts on "why can't I just do _______ like everyone else?"...

Overall, I think its fair to say ADD makes that stuff a pain..http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/footinmouth.gif
:o Actually I can do without the talking unless it's about the present action. Though.... I sometimes feel like the guy who doesn't sleep immediately after the deed - I want to jump out of bed and do something active *jumping jacks if I could* or just go home and get some sleep (I think it's just me thing...it sucks though if I really like the guy). As for flirting, my urges are to do it too much so it's either too much or I try to avoid it and end up coming off as cold/snobby(happens often).

One thing about maturity - sex is one of the three things that actually improves {the other two being emotional security and the price of car insurance}


Flirting is a natural for me, when younger I have made some things "challenges" and I do rather decently. I have had some problems with long term commitments due to my rather "interesting" sexual preferences - I can get a little "out of bounds" from time to time but this has improved with maturity as well. Due to the need to keep things with in the guidelines I'll let the ADD imagination take it from here.





Actually, just not sure if I can use the others

Adult content but must be kept some where between "PG-13" and "R" rated.
I am not sure about administrative acceptance of abbreviations nor do I know how familiar our general membership would be with things like "BSDM", or "alt.poly".Although a moderator or two around here may very well be.




I don't want to get booted because of my first reply, but I am curious tho: is vanilla sex interesting to anyone here? Seems like the consensus is that it has to be much, much, more. And I completely agree. (Actually, I think most relationships, ADD or no, could use a boost of "caffeinated" sex. But that's just my lil' ol' humble opinion.

ADDers preferences seem to be as diverse as we are in ADD expressions them selves. I think curiosity and willingness to at least try out alt. life styles may be an ADD thing after all we are novelty seekers however my personal experiences has indicated that actual preferences in the long term are not generally an ADD thing probably due to the emotional aspects . I am married to fellow hyperactive ADDer who is a vanilla guy with only a slight streak of "flavor". Also preferences in this area change over time as well.








Where as to get laid. No clue. It just seems to happen, but how is a mystery to me.

Where??? Where ever the more risky the better {IMHO}

How - is a natural occurrence gosh it took me a decade to figure out how not to -

Saying "no" to some thing I wanted to "partake" in was NOT a natural thing for me but is some times necessary to "keep the peace" or roof on the home front.

I am hyperactive ADD which can become hypersexual very easily in my neurodiverse universe - I did not have the traditional sexual restrictions ingrained into my rearing the way most have so . . . . that is probably all I should say about that. . . :rolleyes:

Caffeinated sex....make mine a triple espresso, extra dark with lashings of brown sugar and a bowl of cherries on the side.

kilt

Hmmm. OK, let’s see:

“Remember that she has to earn your attention just like you have to earn hers.”

( …ceptin’ there ain’t no earnin’ about it, on either side, and thinking you’re in control, even of only your own frail human vehicle, is the first mistake…)


“…all it takes is 1 bad slip and you'll have someone playing the sexual harassment card. Any suggestions for keeping it in balance?”

(Umm, yeah: any path that ends in disaster is the wrong path at both ends. You need to go some whole other way, dude…)


“It's more or less involuntary in my case…”

(HAR! E-boy, you’re always good at cutting to the heart of it…)


“One thing about maturity - sex is one of the three things that actually improves…”

(…and finally, Hi, Tams; no surprise finding you here, at exactly the right place and time…) (big grins)


We classify ourselves as ‘socially shy’, by way of explaining (for example) why we don’t go to things like High School reunions.

One thing we’ve never been able to do (much) is talk about sex in the conventional ways, like when the guys are sitting around at a coffee break, no females, and the subject comes up in one form or another, and like that.

What we have to do is radical, not even just fading into the background and smilin’ on; we literally have to find a way to not be there when it happens, and we’re both pretty good at it.

OK, so: Why?

We literally can’t tell someone in a casual social context anything about sex, because they will never have the means to understand what we could say about it. Worse yet, even if we don’t say a thing, the way in which we don’t say it gives us away, too.

We wind up being harassed, sometimes pretty brutally; there’s nothing like a young buck who thinks he might be missing something about this subject, ‘cause of course, he is. We all are, at first; that’s the point. Even here, in this relatively safe context, the real question is what do y’all know, that I might be missing?

The answer is, a lot. The reason is AD/HD. The only sane advice is go out there and find your way, and you’ll understand, and in the mean time, why worry?

We can tell you this: language depends entirely on a common model of reality, and where there is no common model, words don’t fail, they fail to exist, which is different. That difference is why we routinely have to take extraordinary measures to not be caught not talking.

We aren’t talking here, either, in case y’all didn’t notice. It’s because there are no words, literally no linguistic models with which to form sentences that would make any sense in print.

We can offer more non-details, if you wish. For example, there are no examples of pornography that we know of (we’re not exactly experts, but we do have a collection of examples of contemporary language in print and film that goes back at least to the early Sixties) that even hint at common details of our personal experience.

That isn’t to say that we have ‘nice’ sex and porn is by definition crude; we mean that when we catalog the details of physical activity portrayed, most of the significant details of our personal experience are missing entirely, not even a hint of a mention.

Hmmm. Think about that; celebrate your AD/HD, and eventually it leads to sex that porn stars actually don’t know about, and likely never will no matter how ‘good’ they are or how experienced they become. How’s that partner looking to ya’ now, compared to Busty Biggs, Rusty Biggun and the rest?

More importantly, do you still think that babe in accounting would be satisfying in any significant way, compared to what you and your AD/HD partner already routinely experience? Hmmmm…

Great! But how do you meet ADDers? I am the only ADDer that I know. It might be a good thing to have a partner like myself. How did you all meet your ADDer friends if you dont mind me asking?

I applaud you for bringing up this topic.

I know exactly how you are feeling. Once I am in a relationship that same issue would become a problem for me. I have noticed that if my talking annoys someone, then I probably wouldn't end up getting along with them or being with them anyway.

However, I have found that if you can find another ADHDer (i know that sounds crazy), someone who is just like you, it makes for interesting sex.
My most recent boyfriend is just like me. He is the owner of a restaurant and we met while I was hanging out at his bar with friends. We started talking and found we couldn't stop for like 5 hours.....we were the last two in the entire place after the employees closed & locked up. Just talking. This happened 4 more times, then on the last time I said "would you just come over here and kiss me!". Wow, when we finally stopped talking the sex was amazing! I thought I was adventurous, but he is amazing! It usually is with ADHDer's that aren't embarassed to explore new horizons. He likes to talk just as much as I do & our conversations go on forever. There is rarely a dull moment. (to MilkMaiden- definately on the same page with the *yawn* "normal" sex....just can't do it. It causes me to seek out other stimulating encounters....like new locations, toys, etc. How bout you?)

Another tip....if you find you cannot successfully flirt while you are talking to someone, get their mobile phone number and text them. You can text them while you go into the bathroom with something like, "so where r we goin after this?", or "you're sexy", or "havin fun yet?", or "when's your curfew?". If that's too forward, you can tone it down. Something playful & flirty. It's a great icebreaker to flirting when you talk too much about other stuff during a conversation. I have used it with much success.

However, please don't underestimate conversation as great foreplay.

:)

In my ADD world about sex, I cannot share my thoughts....um...but I can say, it gets better with age and I don't get distracted-more hyperfocus.

Great! But how do you meet ADDers? I am the only ADDer that I know. It might be a good thing to have a partner like myself. How did you all meet your ADDer friends if you don’t mind me asking?
We are reasonably certain that the appearance of AD/HD represents the onset of a speciation event, which occurs as a consequence of the action of a thing called an ‘emergent system’.

What that means to you is this: virtually everyone ‘has’ AD/HD, or at least the potential for it. Individuals each make a kind of choice: use the emerging properties of our brains to suppress the appearance of activity related to AD/HD, or embrace it in some measure and develop one or more of the symptoms of AD/HD.

So: look around. It’s everywhere, literally, in everyone, either expressed or suppressed. Expect to see it, and you will…

Great! But how do you meet ADDers? I am the only ADDer that I know. It might be a good thing to have a partner like myself. How did you all meet your ADDer friends if you dont mind me asking?


What that means to you is this: virtually everyone ‘has’ AD/HD, or at least the potential for it. Individuals each make a kind of choice: use the emerging properties of our brains to suppress the appearance of activity related to AD/HD, or embrace it in some measure and develop one or more of the symptoms of AD/HD.

In a less multidimensional but more practical format you could try the internet that is where I found my ADHDer {match.com to be exact} but do please bee careful





“One thing about maturity - sex is one of the three things that actually improves…”

(…and finally, Hi, Tams; no surprise finding you here, at exactly the right place and time…) (big grins)


Well I do moderate over here now so yea it helps to hang out get involved and such - {deflecting other possible meanings intentionally}




We aren’t talking here, either, in case y’all didn’t notice. It’s because there are no words, literally no linguistic models with which to form sentences that would make any sense in print.

We can offer more non-details, if you wish. For example, there are no examples of pornography that we know of (we’re not exactly experts, but we do have a collection of examples of contemporary language in print and film that goes back at least to the early Sixties) that even hint at common details of our personal experience.

That isn’t to say that we have ‘nice’ sex and porn is by definition crude; we mean that when we catalog the details of physical activity portrayed, most of the significant details of our personal experience are missing entirely, not even a hint of a mention.



Luckily some are able to read the equally apparent non-words as well. . . .and understand exactly what is being communicated and it only exist with specific individual{s} with whom you share a conscious connection - sexually interesting moderator has many talents . . . reading non-words are among these abilities. :D

Well I do moderate over here now so yea it helps to hang out get involved and such - {deflecting other possible meanings intentionally}
(grins) See, there’s the problem for us – we meant only that your comment managed to pick out exactly the most relevant point.

Is there any other possible meaning? Not in our minds…


Luckily some are able to read the equally apparent non-words as well. . . .and understand exactly what is being communicated and it only exist with specific individual{s} with whom you share a conscious connection - sexually interesting moderator has many talents . . . reading non-words are among these abilities…
Yeah, and the thing is, it’s not like we would have any problem talking about these things – we’re not modest when we’re being serious, and we’re not trying to be cute, or anything like that. There just aren’t any words to use, and people get curious about that, and around we go.

So we’re good at playing Macavity, and not being there…

Is there any other possible meaning? Not in our minds…


For me there are very often more than possible meaning behind written words - but I make a choice as to which one I believe it to be based upon patterns of previous interactions I have had - if no previous pattern exist I either take the high road or ask for clarification. I understand it is the way I read combined with how my mind decides to work that causes a difference in how I perceive things and the use of previous interactions is a means of circumventing the obvious difficulties that would come with a multitude of possibilities. So many times I choose which one I believe the person to mean while choosing to ignore the other possibilities - I think this pattern of behavior can be applied to many things out side of exchanges in written text.

Sexual patterns and behavior being some thing people should not just let happen because there really are more possibilities than the present one. Example {and getting to topic} A person weather ADD or other wise is more apt to remain faithful to their wives or partners by deciding to do so based upon who I wish to be. IN other wards my faithfulness to Gary and decision to live my sexual life with in the confines of what he is comfortable with is a choice based not on who Gary is but based upon who I wish to be. If Gary steps out side of the boundaries this is no treason for me to give up who I intend to be - it doesn't mean I sit on my duff and take crap either - there is more than one way to snap a man back into reality with out ever crossing beyond the boundaries I place on my self.

Call me selfish but I have learned the hard way I can not be faithful, sober or even responsible on the account of some one else - I must do these things based upon who I have decided to be - which by the way is a better way for me than to let myself be who ever happens to occur at various junctures in my life - but then again that is just me. . .. my sex life is what ever I decide it to be.

{yes I can tie just about any rabbit trail into the topic - meadd823 version of remaining on topic}




There just aren’t any words to use, and people get curious about that, and around we go.


Words are like a forgein translation to me maybe why I understand exactly what you mean - words would only muck it up any way - Sooo things are as they should be

I guess some need words and they may have a hard time with that - because they must have words to define thoughts then perhaps they have a hard time seeing thought occurring with out words - I understand the struggle I experienced it my self when I had to convert my thoughts into words -

ooops... this post got away from me before I was ready... sorry...

Wow. It's funny to see how many people have the same thought. I am a natural flirt. To the awe of my single friends and the dismay of my wife. I have found that when I am on my medication my flirt factor is next to 0. A lot of people have noticed that. Unfortunately my sex drive drops off quite a bit as well.

As for caffeinated? I would say that before finding out about ADD I was always pushing the envelope with my wife and she was always trying to reinforce it. I didn't understand it then, but get it entirely now. Do I still think about that? Most definitely but not to the degree. So instead of a triple espresso, maybe a single shot added to my daily coffee would be a good representation.

Per the whole getting laid thing - you have to work that out. Leverage your add intuition to watch and learn. Once you figure out what the target (male or female) looks for you can bet if it works once it'll work again. It's the approach. The hardest thing is to turn off the gab, and knowing when. When I was younger I loved dance clubs (think techno) because the energy outlet helped me to stay focused when I was talking to someone. Everyone has their thing. If you are comfortable and confident in a setting then it wil come out and that usually is what they pick up on.

I think the hardest thing is to just relax and enjoy it. Not thinking about 10 things while trying to relax. That's tough on me and my wife.

I'm in my first sexually active relationship right now, and am finding that the way my ADD affects it the most is that I don't ever seem to want to spend a whole lot of time on any one thing (whether it's actual intercourse or other sex acts). It's not that I don't enjoy sexual activity and "just want to get it over with," quite the opposite, in fact. I just get impatient with the repetitive nature of longer sessions spent on any one thing. I'll start suggestively implying that I want my boyfriend to finish (to phrase it in a non-explicit way), a lot of times long before he's actually ready or wants to, and even before I have. Either that or he'll be getting into something and I'll want to switch it up and do something else. Sometimes if we're doing something one-sided where I'm the one pleasuring him, I'll feel like it's taking forever, but afterwards I'll look at the clock and see that it hasn't really been that long; it's just the repetition that makes me restless sometimes, even though I love making him feel good. It hasn't caused any huge problems so far, though.. and he'll never have to worry about not lasting long enough for me!

http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/soapbox.gifi used to get all sorts of strange tail before i got married!http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/soapbox.gif.


http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/eek.gifhttp://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/eek.gifhttp://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/eek.gifhttp://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/eek.gif

Not sure if this is the rigth forum for this. But here I go. My experience is that add'ers (this is based on my own and my add-friends, who are also inatentives) are high stimuli-people. We (still me and my friends here) ether need to be head over heels in love, facinated by a new person (personal experience here say that wears of pretty fast unless one falls in love), or doing somthing that is a bit more demanding than "normal" sex, to keep the attention where it should be and not on the weird dark spot on the wall.
Where as to get laid. No clue. It just seems to happen, but how is a mystery to me.

I completely agree about the high stimuli thing! I don't necessarily lose interest in sex or get bored or whatever, but I do seem to have a very intense drive to experiment or go beyond the boundaries of "normal" sex. This presents a challenge because my wife leans a little more toward the caffeine-free variety, whereas I'm a bit of a caffeine addict.

My ADD and mild depression have also put a bit of a strain on our relationship which doesn't really help in terms of improving our sex life. Still, I've tried a couple of times to get her to tell me what her "fantasies" are, or what really turns her on, etc., but I haven't been able to get her to bite (figuratively speaking). That's where the internet occasionally comes in, for me, as an additional outlet to try and find some sort of visual high stimuli release. Does that make any sense at all, or am I just rambling out of my ---?

i get bored allot when im doing the sexual activities with my boyfriend since he doesn't ejaculate cause hes medicines so i get annoyed and get bored that way

Funny, this. I don't have a thing for high stimuli at all.

I am extremely vanilla, and rather cuddle than do, er, what was the word again - oh yes, triple-espresso gymnastic exercises. I get extremely distracted during sex, although I certainly can enjoy it in principle. I mean, everything works :o ... but for me sex is solely to get close and romantic to my love, and I cannot "let go" like other people seem to be able to. I mean, I don't want to, I don't get the point. It is not that some frustration or issue from my past gets in the way ... I just do not feel the urge like other people do.

Damn, it is like in some other areas, like something is totally immature. I don't mind for myself because I don't miss anything .. but in a relationship it is so frustrating. My gf always wants more intense, more often and more exciting .. and I just want to hold hands or be gentle and .. ah well. It is a problem because I totally understand that I am the odd person here, and I hate to have to disappoint her time and time again :( although I do my best to find a middle ground. It is a bit of a problem.

So for the opposite reasons as someone mentioned above, I would do better to find a partner who is a bit more like me as well.

I don't think their is a right or wrong only preferences. . .

I think you hit a very important point Luthien that it isn't weather or not we like our sex with lots of caffeine or straight vanilla but how well it is "matched" our partners or potential partners sex drive.

This is a good topic. Most of the people who answered are add'ers. I've enjoyed reading your responses.
My husband has add/adhd and the sex has rarely been "fantastic". He never really "gets into it". It's usually over before is even starts. (that sounds terrible to say) I'm not sure if he finds it a chore, or is bored or what, but he just "doesn't have that drive" as he says.
It has been very dissapointing for me. Having sex every 2 to 3 months or more is a real downer.
I have literally tried dozens upon dozens of things to try to spice up our sex life, but so far nothing has worked. Other husbands would be jealous to know how much I've actually done to try to be enticing, willing, etc. So, I'm not sure what is going to help us out with this subject.
Dede

Whenever I have sex I'm usually either distracted or I'm dealing with performance anxiety, especially with a new partner. I'm sure it's less than fantastic. Also I'm into kinky sex and most women I've been with prefer 'vanilla' sex only. I have to admit it's been quite disappointing over the last five years. There is more I could say, but I would be too embarrassed to share even if I do remain anonymous.

p.s. I'm great at flirting with other women but it has got me in to trouble before, so I really don't do it that much any more.

I find for me, my head is a fluster of crazed out thoughts and it can be rather hard to block them out. That being said, they stay locked in my head forever because my physical desire is quite the opposite - probably too afraid to pull them to reality I suppose.

Not that I hate sex - far from it - but I've noticed that since starting this medication stuff, things have been a bit muted for me.

I'm guessing that because of the thoughts going around in my head is also clogging things up for me while doing the horizontal mambo - too much to think about I guess.