just wondering if maybe having ADD can affect that or not?

I will tell you more when I get responses, I don't want to get to detailed right now..

ty.

Depends on the thing you hold dear most..I am lonely when it comes to relationships. That is because I find(they find me) abusive men, but I have my family close and dear to me and mom and I spend time together and so I dont feel so lonely. ADD does affect self esteem (speaking as an ADHD woman) and that can make you lonely. I guess it really depends on how ya look at it.

Welcome to the forums, Smile, I hope you find this place as enlightning as I and most members do and please keep posting. If you have any questions about the forums don't be shy to ask.

I am glad you posted this question.:D It really made me think....that is rare! TeHE Take care

Hello there. I would venture a guess that lonliness is something everyone experiences at various times in their lives whether ADD is a factor or not. I think maybe ADD lowers our self-esteem to the point where we can sometimes send that signal.
A person can feel lonely if they feel "different" than the people around them and having ADD certainly makes you feel different.
Stick around -- there are lots of understanding friends here -- good luck.

The nice thing about the net is I have friend's all over the world. So, when I feel lonely I just find one of them, someone is alway's online. I used to be shy but thought the heck with that so now I make an effort to meet new ppl. I find the best place to be the grocery store line--they are stuck and cannot get away from me lmbo.

No seriously I do NOT think lonliness is just a ADD trate,,,,I think everyone on the face of the earth has felt alone before, so your not alone <----see?------>and I am right here when you need someone to vent to. You will just have to translate what I say as I tend to ramble and lose my way. lmao:D

Originally posted by citruscat2002
A person can feel lonely if they feel "different" than the people around them and having ADD certainly makes you feel different.


i can really identify with this. at times i feel *very* lonely in a crowd of people. the differences between us just seem to magnify and overwhelm me.

i spent the weekend with my mom and sister feeling very misunderstood and judged. (probably me projecting for the most part, but, anywho....) i felt very isolated.

well, i don't want to make this just about me.

cynthia, my point is that everyone (i suspect) feels lonely at times in their lives and if *you* are feeling lonely, please know that we'll be here to support you. :)

also, i think that ADD *does* contribute to my feelings of loneliness and difference *sometimes*. i am very sensitive and have a hard time letting go of negative thoughts. so, my tendency is to be "hurt" by offhand remarks or "slights", then obsess endlessly over "what did they mean by that." but, maybe this isn't ADD? :confused:

It's funny you mention this. Sari Solden just recently did a teleclass about this through ADDA. She will also be doing a session about it at the conference in May.
http://www.add.org

Thanks everyone.

I've had a ten year string of "bad" happen. I'm 29 and I live at home, I have been on my own for a year b4 though. When I had to move home I left my church and the few friends I had behind.

I have volunteered at a nursing home for the last three years, but it closed down on 12/31/03 so now I don't have anywhere to hang out and I don't want to volunteer again. I only volunteered there because both of my grandparrents were in there and I became part of the family.

I am just wondering how much ADD has contributed to all of this. I'm still picking out things that are ADD but have been a norm. all my life.

Yes, everyone is lonely at some point in there life. I used to be lonely all the time before I met and married my husband (9 years ago). We now have a 5 year old daughter. They are the light of my life and I haven't been lonely since. Even when my husband is away on business I enjoy the break but I can't wait for him to come back home. I hang on him as if we were just married. My loneliness came from not having a special relationship with a man. I dated plently of guys but know one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Maybe you should try to meet a significate other. Mine came along when I had resigned to being alone for the rest of my life.

We meet one Friday night at a club and one week later he gave me a 1.33 carat diamond ring and two weeks later we eloped. I am still (9 years later) in love with him and we have a beautiful child together that is a perfect combination of the both of us. She is truly a "love child".:)

Justolme, that is a beautiful story, and I envy you your relationship and family. You are truly blessed :). I hope to find the same connect some day God willing, If I don't lose what is left of my mind before hand:D

Mel, You WILL find that some day. I was 29 years old when I met my husband. I was lonely for a good 10 years before I met him. Yes I partyed and had fun with the girls but I always went to bed by myself(most of the time) and woke up by myself. I always had this big empty hole inside ke. I longed for a soul mate, for someone to snuggle up to at night and roll over and kiss the next morning.

After longing for such a relationship for soooooo long and after thinking I am broken and no one will want me for the rest of their life I resigned from the idea of growing old with someone. As a matter of fact when I met Chris, my husband, I really resisted him(for at least a minute or two :) I knew that first night that I was falling in love with him and I needed to put a stop to this right away before I got hurt. Well, I gave into my dream and I am soooo glad I did.

My best advice is to forget about it. Just decide you are going to be happy by yourself. That you don't need a man and you never know he may be standing in the grocery line the next time you go to the store.;)

Originally posted by Smile4Me
I am just wondering how much ADD has contributed to all of this. I'm still picking out things that are ADD but have been a norm. all my life.

wow, that's it! you did a great job (once again) of putting *exactly* what i am feeling into words.

it is hard to sort out all the details of why we are the way we are.

to grow to a point where we don't feel guilt and shame for being who we are, well, that would be a great thing!

keep reading, learning, and growing.

you sound like someone who is searching for the right path. you know that you don't want to volunteer at a nursing home. that's a start. do you know what you *do* want to do? give yourself a direction, then take a step.

take care, cynthia.

give yourself a direction, then take a step.

well duh @ me! Speaking of exactly right, that's a wonderful way to put it!!!!! TY!

yah, I ........ don't really get out much...almost never....i don't have any friends my age....does my dr count? lol.

I wiegh a LOT right now so, u know, *sigh*

Looking for work has been almost impossible because I know what to do, but I have a hard time keeping it together...

If I don't meet some people soon I'ma loose mah mind!!

Originally posted by Smile4Me

Looking for work has been almost impossible because I know what to do, but I have a hard time keeping it together...

If I don't meet some people soon I'ma loose mah mind!! (emphasis added)

you know what to do! that is your direction. so, define it for us, *what* is it you know how to do?

i see that another goal of yours is to make some friends.

you could try posting it as a goal in the peer coach section. i am heading there now to set up my own goal.... it's worth a try anyway....

this is what i am trying to do. join me if you'd like. i'd love the feedback and mutual support of knowing someone else is trying this too.

http://www.samgoldstein.com/ppt/negative_scripts/sld030.htm

I know one thing that can make you feel lonely is when you are with people and you just don't get what they are talking about. ADD sometimes interfers with social skills such as following a line in a conversation, understanding social situations, etc, so I can see it aggrivating the lonely condition....

I know I experience this because even in a crowded room I can feel lonely at times... I think we all do from time to time.
As for volenteering. You could volenteer in an area of interested in you. At a gym, at a art museum, a library the list goes on. Volenterring really does get you with people. So does taking an art class, or doing a poetry/reading group at a book store.
:)

Volunteering is a good way to combat lonliness. I, myself choose solidtude. Although I do put in time at the local animal shelter. The dogs and cats don't care what is wrong with me or what I look like at any given moment. As most people drive me nuts with their inane, what about me or what's in it for me attitude. I have only one or 2 close friends. (Except for my buddies here) and I find I like it that way.

Hey all,

To me, ADD can contribute to loneliness just because of how hard it is to meet the expectations of people that you love. I find most female ADDers to be charming (if quirky!) but it seems like the expectations for us are so high that it's easier to keep people at a distance than to have them expect too much, disappoint them, and constantly feel like a CLOD. I find myself purposely pushing people away just to have space to be myself.

My mom always said I was thoughtless -- I guess I chose loneliness many times because it's easier than feeling like you are disappointing people all the time -- in your heart, all you want is to make everyone happy, and it's heartbreaking when you can't because you just DON'T KNOW HOW. People think you are that way because you "want to be," but nothing is further from the truth.

I find it best to stick with friends who -- if they don't "understand" my ADD internally, at least give me room to be who I am and care anyway.

People can just be so overwhelming sometimes, even when you love them!

With ADD, you always feel so vulnerable to looking stupid and enduring ridicule, and it's hard to feel like you're being infantilized by people because you trip over your own shoelaces. Sigh!

Originally posted by Smile4Me
just wondering if maybe having ADD can affect that or not?

I will tell you more when I get responses, I don't want to get to detailed right now..

ty.


It totally can! One has probs making friends, so one hardly has any, causing them not to have much practice...so its still hard to make friends.....etc. :( :( :( :( Plus, it seems that women my age are tough on me.

I believe that it does because, I feel so different than everyone else. I feel like I don't belong in the crowd. I not real comfortable around people so this can realy contribute to lonliness. I do have my husband and kids so that really helps. without them I would be all alone in the world.

I have a lot of really great old friendships from college. We are still in touch a lot and do things on occasion though we live far apart. I have had a lot of invitations to do things socially in my area from other gals but have not pursued them (even though I have lived here for 13 years). Being 36 years old, there are things I know about myself that may seem strange to other people who have more normal lives and it just seems easier to keep busy and keep to myself.
I get bored and distracted easily at parties and social gatherings and often tune people out. I get restless and can't be a good listener or conversationalist in the casual type of way. I feel like I need to be DOING something productive.
I don't really think of myself as feeling lonely because I never get bored, there are zillions of new skills to aquire and information to investigate.
But relationships are important and help ground you. It is so nice to have someone to talk to who really cares about you and can relate to you.
When I was a teenager my parents asked if my brother and I wanted a membership to the country club or to travel. It was a no brainer. The social aspects of country club life ..the idea of it ...made me feel creepy.
Sometimes your own company and personally gratifying activities (along with a small handfull of family and a few supportive friends) are more than enough to have a full life.

You what is ironic is that I that times that I have felt the lonliest (or is it most alone) were when I was surrounded by people. Being in situations when I had to be around other is when I have felt the most alone. When I lived away at college and certain jobs I had are what come to mind.

For the most part I socialized with people but I think I had the feeling of not fitting in which I think lead to lonliness.

Right now I am in a time in my life where I really am alone alot. Other than my husband I don't really see that many people. The close friends that I have live a pretty far away. My family is a fair distance from me too. Yet, I don't seem to have that feeling of loneliness.