Generally I suck at being critizised.
But the worst thing I know is when I'we been so spaced out and not taking hints for so long that people snap at me. It dosent happen often, but when it does I allways get so sad.
Cause I want to be able to feel and understand peoples hints, so that they don't have to snap at me.

Allso I grew up with a dad who had a horrible tempre and could just go from calm to nuclear meltdown in a second. Not that he was violent or anything, but he got realy, realy explosivly angry! And as a kid the ansver to that was to cry, cause then mum would come and calm everything down.
What I don't like is that the cry-reflex is still very active in me as an grown up, and I hate it.

So when people snap at me, I get both the sadness of not understanding them and the cry-reaction.
Its not that I break down and start screaming, while I hammer the floor with my fists. But I get teary-eyed, and I totaly hate it. I'm in my mid twenties and still my body feels that the logical reaction to being corrected in a strict manner, is to cry!

For me this is sutch a big problem that I avoid confrontations for all cost, just of the fear of not beeing able to keep my tears in.
Cause its not like I feel like crying. I migth be royaly ****ed off and realy wanting to tell somebody that, but my eyes go in cry baby-mode as soon as I work up the currage to tell people off.

Being a guy, I don't get teary-eyed, but I can relate to being unhappy with the situation. :)

I'm a very hyperkinetic person. I have known for a long time that I can very easily overload a "normal" person and that they might not even comprehend what I'm trying to communicate. I'm also high IQ and sometimes I forget to dumb things down and now and then I say something that goes right past most people and they just don't get it or react as if *I'm* the one who is stupid. http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

I'm painfully aware that I really bug some people a lot, so I tend to patiently take the abuse and move forward. I don't like it, but it is the only mechanism that I've found that seems to work for me. :p

If the abuse is totally out of line I will eventually react to it, but mostly it is just people getting tense due to my hyperness and sometimes they get edgy , so I try to be as patient as I can with them. :cool:

I realize that not everyone can cope with me, so I try to be forgiving and sometimes take a few lumps just to move forward. :)

Is this what you are talking about ?

Me :D

It helps me to constantly remind myself that there are nearly 7 billion people on the planet AND if I was to take to heart every opinion I hear then I might as well be an ant in an ant colony droning through life looking for crumbs for the queen. I'd rather not!

Simply put, IGNORE THEM! The only opinion that should matter to you is your opinion of yourself. Ironically, my opinion is that you should think VERY highly of yourself for the sheer fact that you care about anyone else enough to even listen to them. Most humans spend countless hours spewing meaninless drivel so they can hear themselves talk and avoid noticing the empty void of uselessness in their heads. Just Ignore them.

Well, if we are just talking about dealing with mean people (mean people suck), just don't give them as much as the time of day. They know they are being mean, and you don't have to subject yourself to it. Ignore them and move on.

Please notice the quote in latin in my signature..

"sig personnas illegitum non-carborundum" Don't let them grind you down... :)


ME :D

No, its not mean people. Mean people I just completely put the mental filter on. Its when peoppe you like and respect snap I go whimpy. Its pretty mutch me beating myself up over not beeing able to tap into what people are feeling, and thus feeling bad about it.
I am not hyperkinetic, unless I'm around people who I can completely let my guard down with. But I guess my mind and my mouth is faster than most people can cope with.

I suck in the "dealing with snappy people" department, I generally have the response of telling people to **** off, but it changes if it work related, then I have no choice...

when i was younger the first thing i did when i was angry was punch them, kick them, hit them. it got me in a lot of trouble
nowadays ive trained myself to jus walk away.

I know what you mean...unfortunately i know ALL TOO WELL!!! When ppl yell at me...or even when i'm upset and want to lash back at them...i still an only muster a whimper...then my eyes well up on me and i begin shaking...its terrible...but it's something i've dealt with all my life...just thought it was me being overly sensitive...because the tears even come with watching TV (sad or touching things) and listening to music

re #1

I'd imagine it is very emotionally activating for you. (And physically activating too. e.g. racing heart, sweats, hot red face, lump in throat, can't breathe, sick stomach)

Do you understand that when something reminds you of ("triggers") all those old experiences with your "explosive" father, all that old stuff gets "hijacked"?

You sort of get "taken back there"? Like, it's "happening again".

It is perfectly understandable that this happens, Milk Maid.

It's like a traumatic stress reaction, where we're whisked back to the past where a parent (our 'greatest role model!') is making us feel small, ashamed and humiliated.

I'm painfully aware that I really bug some people a lot, so I tend to patiently take the abuse and move forward. I don't like it, but it is the only mechanism that I've found that seems to work for me. :p
:D
Love this... i actually know that about myself too.. only thing is i don't take the abuse i think in some twisted way i try to annoy them even more:D

I'm super sensitive when it comes to critism too! Over the years I've learned that my reaction will probably never change. But it's what I do with myself after that's important.
So I'll take the punch, maybe curse or get a little weepy eyed.. and then I do what I do best.. pick it apart! :) Honestly, I have to think about it afterwards and consider what is legit or was it because someone was tired? I find that some rational thinking makes it go down a lot easier.

how do I deal with people snapping at me? generally, i will snap back. This doesn't work in jobs. I have been fired a few times because of it. I also don't take critisizing well at all.

apologize profusely
they usually end up apologizing as well when you do this.

I get teary eyed without control each time - I try to keep it in and hide it - I don't want to appear weak and I don't want people to have pity for me. When people snap at me I'm so easily effected because I try to do the right thing and always end up doing it wrong. It can really be discouraging.

I've put this guard up against people I hate and love - to guard myself from being hurt ... it's very difficult to tear down and it's what I strive for each day... but yet I'm still scared of getting hurt easily.