I was 19 in a bad relationship, which naw, I didn't know at the time, we never do, he never wanted to get me preggers, and mom well she told me the best thing would be for me to lose the baby, well...I did...THE NEXT DAY mom is a great ma but what she said to me the day before miscarriage...I swear it was like a curse that worked...Best thing for me is to lose that baby..well next day I did...someone heard her prayer maybe. that y i didn't even tell her of the second pregancy(the second miscarriage)

I talked to a friend today who is 7 months pregnant and she said she hate being preggers...and I said I wish I coulda made it half as far as u have...every pain she has to deal with I envy her...then it all came back..the horror I felt...the visions of the blood and feelings of the pain..if only for a few seconds but a few seconds for a flashback is still 1 second too long. oh god i wanted that baby....dont care if george was a *******..why did she/he have to pay with it's life just cause I screwed up w/ wrong man.

to heck with it....it's over now...dont matter...next time it will be right. I know, it'll be okay ...i dunno if it will ever stop hurting when the flashbacks hit but got to look @ today so there can be the tommorrow i want. That's what my head tells me...but would be nice if my heart and my head saw eye to eye :(

I feel for you, I have flashbacks everytime I see a psychiatrist and hear the word bipolar, it is like I am eight years old again, being told I am going to have to take medicine or end up going insane. The feelings come back and the terror of how that feels comes back again and again and again.

It doesn't compare with your situation much but it is the same thing, I feel badly for you I am sorry that you have to relive those events over and over again.

lol if I wasn't on so many meds now I would ask doc bout meds for the flashbacks to...I wonder what kind there is?

There is a drug called hytrin that an old doctor of mine gave me for PTSD and he swears by it.

how'd it work 4 u?

It stopped the blood rush feeling that comes along with the reliving it, if that's a good way to describe it.

Ever since I moved I have been having flashback less frequently but even being away from the memories it seems I am not safe..I still get emotional when I am around pregnant women...except the last time i went to baby shower...thank god for meds were working that day...was too much in a good mood to let them come back on me...

When they do come back on me..I either chant & focus on the words of the poem or I call a friend and BEG them to talk to me about something else to make them go away...that's basically only way i can deal with it w/o meds...guess one way is as good as any..

Draga, triggers are hard to deal with. You might want to talk to a counselor for help with triggering situations-lots of preggers when you have lost a child-or want a child. I have certain things that trigger me-I know, it is hard. I have worked to overcome them.

One thing that helps me is to 'take charge'. The feeling of helplessness is the worst for me. Today I had to bite my lip to keep keep from saying something nasty to someone who was exceeding rude to me in front of people. I know I will talk to him-but not alone---I have to tell him I don't like being treated that way, yadda yadda. That empowers me and also establishes a baseline of expectations from my professional peers. I don't handle being yelled at in front of people very well-a huge trigger for me. I take xanax and it helps. Plus I find when I am tired or sick, more things or I am more easily triggered.

Feel so for you, that was a horrid thing to say-and loss of a child is beyond words. My trauma ended about 14 years ago. Things are not too bad most of the time, but things still happen and it is frustrating.

Hugs to you, you are not alone and those of us with PTSD know how our heads and hearts feel and react. Take care and know that it will slowly get better-but if you have a trigger, you didn't fail and we are here to support you. Cause you have been there for others when they needed it too. You won't be alone, OK? Have a good cry, journal, then find something positive to focus your pain on. That is empowering to-don't let it take you down, build something positive with it. Sounds weird maybe, but I am finding a lot of healing in redirecting my pain, anger etc to do something productive and positive.

Big hugs, take care, VI