I hate where I am at in my life. I want to keep everything glued together, but I really do not know if I can or how long I can. REALLY. I am doing my best to keep everything going, however, I really do contemplate just saying wtf and walking away and starting over. SOLO.

It really would be SOOOOOOOOOOO much easier. However, I am responsible and I want to honor my obligations. If I wasn't so entrenched, I would love to just say screw it all, take my clothes, car and laptop and disappear! I really do want to be responsible and a good normal citizen, but I have ADHD and the inevitable is bound to happen, why not prepare for it? or is that the same as giving up? one foot in... one foot out...

ONE FINE DAY! :rolleyes:

I hear you 100% totally, I know how you feel, I feel the same way frequently...

I hear you also, and have those thoughts, but they're followed up with.. "okay, say I were to run away and leave everything behind. I'd be broke, homeless, and definitely more miserable than before." Then it inspires me to devise ways to improve my current situation.. and examine what made me feel that way in the first place..

Yeah, I'm always wanting a do-over. Like I want to be born again and start over with the same life but do it different. I waisted the oppurtunity I was born with, and if I had money I would like to by a plane ticket to another country and live there on my own. Actually my parents probably wouldn't mind doing that at all but I know I wouldn't be able to survive on my own because I have such a dependance on affection and reassurance from my mom. =/

Yeah, I'm always wanting a do-over. Like I want to be born again and start over with the same life but do it different. I waisted the oppurtunity I was born with, and if I had money I would like to by a plane ticket to another country and live there on my own. Actually my parents probably wouldn't mind doing that at all but I know I wouldn't be able to survive on my own because I have such a dependance on affection and reassurance from my mom. =/
I think you would be able to (actually, I KNOW you would be able to) if you ask yourself why you're so dependent on your mother's praise? Not to be nosey, but repressed painful memories and the like is something I've been looking into in the past few weeks.. I too have these weird inexplicable needings for things like that and they're starting to disappear the more I inspect what is making me need those things.

I will also say that nothing is a waste.. even if something seemed wasteful, all we have is the future and you're the decider of how that will go.

Except for things that we're unable to change, of course.

Its not so much her praise, I'm just dependant on her BEING here for me. Its kind of sad. I'm seventeen, and if I wake up and my mom isn't there its not long until I have to call and ask when she'll be back. I talk to her constantly and she pretty much gets bored with being with me all the time. I'm pretty negative about 75% of the time, so it brings her down when I complain about the pointlessness in life and all of that. And I get homesick for her really really quickly, it takes a day or so before I'm pretty much crying because I miss her. Its very strange because its something most people would grow out of by their late teen years. I crave dependance but I emotionally can't.

Oh I used to do that all the time when I was a kid especially. My family would go out to dinner and leave me home, and I would literally sit in front of a clock waiting for them to come home. If they were five minutes late, I would call the restaurant (no cell phones..) and start crying. Pretty bizarre behavior for a kid. I think it's because of fear of abandonment. My father disappeared (was a missing person) when I was five, came back a year later, then my parents filed the divorce papers. Also, my mother works all the time and I really only see her for a few hours a day. I finally overcame all of this by talking it out rationally with myself-

why can't I stand to be apart from certain people? Okay, it's because I'm afraid. Afraid of what? Being left, being alone, being abandoned.. Well, will that actually happen? Probably not. And if it were to? Well, I'm an adult now so if everyone were to suddenly disappear, not only would it be odd, but I'm NOT a baby anymore and I would be able to handle my own affairs.. I wouldn't crumble or die.. I would do what I always have, survive. Even though it's unlikely, I would be able to deal with the worst of situations.

Talking yourself through your own irrational fears seems silly at first, and may make you feel really uncomfortable, but I've had a lot of success writing negative thoughts down and "dissecting" them. I find that I still have bad memories but no longer cripple with fear and despair when thinking about them. Because they don't control me. They were merely things that happened in my childhood. I have no good or bad feelings about them, I just acknowledge that they happened and move on.

It isn't something that happens overnight.. it's a process.. but I've learned that I too am a negative person and constantly examine my negative thoughts. I pick them apart then discard them. ALL they do is hurt you, and hurting yourself is a huge waste of time..

As you can see I'm still in the process... not something for everyone but it's something that's greatfully helped me through some stuff :)

Oh I used to do that all the time when I was a kid especially. My family would go out to dinner and leave me home, and I would literally sit in front of a clock waiting for them to come home. If they were five minutes late, I would call the restaurant (no cell phones..) and start crying. Pretty bizarre behavior for a kid. I think it's because of fear of abandonment. My father disappeared (was a missing person) when I was five, came back a year later, then my parents filed the divorce papers. Also, my mother works all the time and I really only see her for a few hours a day. I finally overcame all of this by talking it out rationally with myself-

why can't I stand to be apart from certain people? Okay, it's because I'm afraid. Afraid of what? Being left, being alone, being abandoned.. Well, will that actually happen? Probably not. And if it were to? Well, I'm an adult now so if everyone were to suddenly disappear, not only would it be odd, but I'm NOT a baby anymore and I would be able to handle my own affairs.. I wouldn't crumble or die.. I would do what I always have, survive. Even though it's unlikely, I would be able to deal with the worst of situations.

Talking yourself through your own irrational fears seems silly at first, and may make you feel really uncomfortable, but I've had a lot of success writing negative thoughts down and "dissecting" them. I find that I still have bad memories but no longer cripple with fear and despair when thinking about them. Because they don't control me. They were merely things that happened in my childhood. I have no good or bad feelings about them, I just acknowledge that they happened and move on.

It isn't something that happens overnight.. it's a process.. but I've learned that I too am a negative person and constantly examine my negative thoughts. I pick them apart then discard them. ALL they do is hurt you, and hurting yourself is a huge waste of time..

As you can see I'm still in the process... not something for everyone but it's something that's greatfully helped me through some stuff :)I'm sorry about your dad. =( That would have made me really on edge about that. I have a bunch of negative memories and I think I actually revisted and try to dissect them too much! I'm constantly remembering negative parts of my life and I thnk, "How did this happen? What went wrong?" I think you said pretty much exactly what I need to do which is acknowledge that they happened and move on. I usually try to either justify why something wasn't so bad or wasn't really what it seemed and I must have been dramatizing it, or I pity myself and use it as an excuse to be lazy and unmotivated today. This post actually inspires me to start looking ahead instead of behind. I do look ahead but I always think of it as pertaining to what's already happened. Gotta quit that. Thank you.

I hear you. I've walked away and started over several times.....doesn't make any difference. Now I'm diagnosed it almost makes it worse.....before I always thought the next change would be the one that worked...now I know it's just the ADD kicking in.

Now I have responsibilities I can't walk away from.....2 kids. This make things really tough as I have to stay put and earn money....I can't just ride the boxcar and see what turns up which really really bugs me.....particularly when metaphorical boxcars rumble past the back of the house regular as clockwork.

Having a tough time with it right now....I'm on the floor and hoping that starting Concerta is going to help. I don't really want to go on meds but it seems the only way to hold things together right now......or show my partner I'm trying to hold things together.

kilt

I hear you. I've walked away and started over several times.....doesn't make any difference.

Yeppers because no matter where I go there I am - many of my problems seem to just fallow me every where. I do know the feeling of wanting to say ffforget it all - okay that is the family friendly version any way. :o

i have the same problem but my mom and dad think i cant do it and everyone else does to im 27 still at home