So, i'm 27 with ADHD, luckily after a bad time in my late teens I taught myself self control, organization and to just DO THINGS that must be done instead of procrastinating and forgetting. I learned how to conduct myself in a way that would be applauded in the business world, but not so much in everyday social settings.

I'm about to graduate business school and have met many people, none that became "real friends". I stopped opening up and being my true self to new people because EVERYTIME I have done this to another (non-ADD) person when I felt a slight connection, they kind of stop talking to me (within a week to a couple months) and being as friendly, maybe ignore me....it's not like they're mad, just decided I wasn't their "type" maybe? Other girls especially do this.

I have a pretty high IQ a good vocab (not a show off in conversations though), my mom says it was probably that more then ADD that causes the inital weirdness. (Don't you love moms?) She said other people were just too dumb to have intelligent conversations off the bat. (she is dreamy-type ADD while my dad is ADHD with a high IQ llike me) I can't do small talk, I am either quiet or turn it into a deeper conversation because otherwise I lose interest, which probably annoys people.

SO- Here's what happened the other day. I have a "friend" she's 20 and after seeing her everyday at school in the spring, I hired her to be my finance tutor this fall.
So she's over, we're done the lesson,my husband comes home. She starts talking about her wedding and plans and how much stuff costs and that she doesn't want an expensive wedding. I threw in my story about "yeah, all we did was rent a tent and caterers and a DJ and ours still costed so much!" She mentioned flowers costing a lot and when I sensed a pause I said, something like "yeah I don't blame you about not wanting them, that was a waste of money for us, plus they got them all wrong!" My husband tells me later that I need to work on not dominating the conversation...
While she's still talking, but actually looking at my husband, i start to zone, b/c it sounds a little boring now, I look outside and see the neighborhood stray kitten who has somehow gotten into the hanging plant on my porch. I think this is crazy so I interrupt: "OMG guys look at the kitten!" They keep talking, so I say "guys look! the kitten is in the hanging plant!" The friend remarked "she's really entertained by that kitten huh?"
My husband later told me that my friend had a very very annoyed look on her face when I interrupted...I never even knew. (probably what happens a lot)

I think that WAY too many things are really interesting that apparently the rest of the world does not...:confused:

Seeing as this is the first response I will start the "Hell yeah, thats just like me" reply because I know that you are not alone in getting bored and zoning out into your own world and do you know what, who gives a s**t !!
Not to be crass but as i have gotten older I have realised that I am not 'boring' sorry I mean 'normal' and that, yeah if the kitten outside the window is doing something I feel to be more stimulating than the conversation happening in front of me then damn it I will look out the window and I will interrupt the conversation to tell them that. I am not going to hide the sheer boredom when people talk such dribble because you know what lifes too short and I am not missing the little things that others miss cause they are too busy involving themselves in the banal. Its the little things that they miss that can sometimes be turned into the big things that keep the world in motion.

Naturechick,

Wow! I just imagined being in both your friend's shoes AND in your shoes. And in each case - I feel guilt and shame.

When I'm talking about something with someone (as your friend was with you) and then the person changes the subject (like you did with your kitten observation) - I often feel embarrassed and ashamed (especially when I'm not extremely close friends with the person) and assume that I've been boring, insensitive, inappropriate or some other bad thing.

And when I've been in your shoes - and unknowingly drifted off to something else that has caught my attention during a friend's conversation - I also will quickly apologize when I realize that I've cut the person off.

Now I can also imagine being in each of these positions and NOT feeling guilty - usually when I believe the other person is far less skilled either socially or communicatively. (I'm not saying I'm PROUD of this, just an observation.) So I guess it depends with WHOM I'm involved in conversation. (hmm . . . scratches head and feels the need to ponder the subject further . . . :eyebrow: )

Did it bother you when YOUR HUSBAND pointed out what he considered your FAILING in the situation? Does he do this very often? I admit that I've never been in a relationship for more than 2 - 3 years :o , BUT I don't imagine I would be able to endure being in a relationship with someone who would point out such mistakes (if they even are mistakes) and correct me in front of others.

Thanks for sharing your experience here. It has really got me curious about my own experiences in similar situations. And WELCOME to ADDForums!! Please stick around. (This seems to be the ADHD support site that gets the most ACTION!!)

Sincerely,
Sue

No my husband does not correct me in front of others, and it is hard to hear bad things about ourselves and even harder to admit we have a problem with it. When it comes down to it, I am grateful for my husbands observations because he knows how frustrated I have been over the years, because I never know why I can't really make friends. No one else besides a hired professional would be able to firsthand analyze how I interact with people in order to tell what the problem was. This helps me pinpoint and work on the problems one at a time. This is the same way I learned how to organize my life and physical space enabling me to finish school.

And BTW in my own apparently delusional world, I wasn't changing the subject, only pointing out something that would be missed if we waited till she was done talking...part of the problem is, in my ADD parents house something like that would have been understood, no one would have been offended. (something weird is going on, lets see it!)

I don't get how your husband thinks you were dominating the conversation. I mean, that's how a conversation works - she says something, you comment on the same thing, she tells a story, you tell a similar story. It's not a competition to see who gets the most time.

I probably would have been bored too. And if I were the 'friend' doing the talking, I would have looked at the kitten and forgotten what I was talking about in the first place. If someone else changes the subject, I go along with it. More often than not, both participants will stop and say "how did we start talking about this?" and laugh. And this is with non-ADD people.

Yes, I interrupt sometimes, and change the subject, and I can go on, but I try not to do that too much. If 'normal' people get annoyed, then they're probably someone I won't see often enough to worry about it anyway.

I agree with NonSequitor that your pointing out the Kitten in the tree does not dx you as a dominator of the conversation with that friend.

I find that 99% of people I talk with just don't get where I'm coming from.

For a long time I thught it was because I was boring...OK I can be a little over focussed at times and I have to keep on top of that.....but I have now realised I'm not boring....other people are.

Every so often I look at my CV and think wow I've done a hell of alot and been to interesting places....Tikopia Island anyone?

I've also got a pretty high IQ.....

Most people do small talk.....the whole point of small talk is to stick to subjects which are unchallenging and yet allow interaction to occur. I can't help aking questions and saying things that make people think....and that makes them uneasy.

kilt

Naturechick,

I can ABSOLUTELY RELATE.

I always felt I knew how to read people, that I was entertaining, that I was a good person to hang out with, etc., but I have been known to scare people off in the past...never knew why until I met my husband.

He started pointing out to me that I dominate conversations, too. I didn't believe him at first, but I came to see that he was right. I interrupt people, and I never noticed before that this might annoy them. Now I try so hard not to dominate a convo...but sometimes I just can't help telling a story!

We were at a party the other day and I started telling a story that I felt was pretty amusing. At first people looked interested but as time went on I could tell they were getting tired of me. I wouldn't have noticed this had my husband not pointed out that these things happen.

It makes me feel sad that what I see as being outgoing and having lots to share is interpreted by others as being dominating and rude. I do listen to people. I do care about people. But I don't want to have to prove it by sitting around like a dull lump.

Before we knew I had ADD my mothers biggest gripe when talking to me was how she would be full steam on some hot topic, I would, at a most inappropriate moment, interject a completely off topic point. She'd get soooooo mad. She's hung up on me too I think. I simply couldn't wait for her to finish the sentence before I blurted. Literally, she'd be mid-sentence. lol

I do it all the time. I'm not really able to stop what I'm doing, fold my hands neatly in my lap and stare deeply into the speakers eyes. When I'm in conversation, I'm moving. I hang up on people daily because I'm doing something while on the phone and while balancing the phone on my shoulder, my chin always hits the off button.

My way of listening is to find something else to do with the rest of my body. Most of the time, that involves looking around at anything and everything. Sometimes, my excitement gets the better of me, and I have to point out RIGHT THEN the really neat thing I just saw.

Frankly, people who do not share this affliction must be very boring. They are missing all the cool stuff happening around them because they are so transfixed on one persons face. Blah.

im 27 and what you wrote is allot simmiular to me