It's that time again. My husband marked the dreaded "work christmas party" on my calendar the other day. Every year I start off trying to be quiet and smiling politely and throwing in the occasional "oh,really?" or "that sounds nice" to people who talk to me. If people have a prolonged convo with me, I apparently start saying things that they can't relate to or do not constitute small talk anymore. (which btw seems to be the story of my life)
Both make them visibly uncomfortable.
I become bored out of my mind not talking to people though.
It's the same 15 people every year.
:confused: How can I handle this??? I want his coworkers to like me, not think i'm weird...

I too find I have to endure the obligatory work party for my husband. Fortunately for the past however many years they've held it at a bowling alley and allow kids. It's a HUGE to do. This means I get to put on the Mom hat and act like I'm in a serious conversation with one of my kids when I wish to derail a well meaning head honcho that's headed my way. Or, I can just bowl which we all enjoy anyway.

However, I can't just hide the whole time and am at some point forced to be sociable. *cringe*

Here's what I try to remember: I only see these folks once a year for the most part. They are likely equally ill at ease as I am when meeting the spouses of coworkers. I'm there to enjoy myself. Granted not everyone gets my sense of humor, but if I'm having fun and no one gets injured, I call it a win/win.

Try to redirect your worry, and just enjoy yourself. Even if that means sitting back with a few snacks and making fun of everyone else silently to yourself. I've found myself snickering OUT LOUD when doing this, but hey, I'm having fun at least!

The best thing to remember: They likely aren't thinking about things as deeply as you are. ;)

Oh God....just the thought of work Xmas parties makes me feel ill. Truly truly awful experiences for the employees let alone the partners.

Any caring spouse should be preparing the ground for their partners non-appearance months before.

Maybe its a US thing but in the UK its usually employees only and they are consequently renown for unfortunate alcoholic incidents.

I have attended some truly nightmarish ones....why do people feel they have to go along...a boycott should be instigated.

Bah Humbug

kilt

Ah, the dreaded work Xmas party. The main problem I have with my husband's party is it's B-O-R-I-N-G. For more then 10 years it was at the same place, with the same food, and the same band, playing the same songs, in the same order. And one guy would get drunk and sing along with the band at the same time every year. It got so we would go for dinner, and as soon as the music started, which btw was too loud, we'd leave.

Then they started having themes - different ethnic food every time. I don't remember what it was last year, but it was mostly seafood or very hot and spicy, neither of which I enjoy. This year it's going to be about the same. At least it's in a different location - country club, with a jazz trio.

Oh, and the seating is assigned., so you can't choose who you'll sit with. We've been lucky, though, we're usually with people hubby gets along with and we have some fun. I used to be nervous about having to make conversation, but now I don't care anymore. Usually they all talk to each other about work, and I smile and nod a lot.

The worst is sitting between two conversations and not being part of either. But it's just one evening out of my life. I like DeloresMelon's suggestion of making fun of everyone to yourself. I do that too, and sometimes I'm lucky enough to find someone to snicker with!

Hmmm sounds like me....I hate having to pretend like I care or they are interesting. What's worse is trying to say something nice when they show you photos when really your thinking the opposite. I know it comes out forced and akward.
I don't think there is a way around it. Just be yourself.

Get a small talk (interpersonal communication) book from the Library. Ask the librarians which ones are appropriate. (Just say "i'm shy at parties. what book on "how to talk to people" should i read?".)

i dont talk much in social event till i get used to it and people talk to me

I really wish I had some advice for you...

Usually, I either talk far too much or far too little. Overcompensation :P Also... I stay around friends or family if talking to new people is too troublesome at the moment.

I'm the same as Marytza in this respect.

Just do things that you're comfortable with and just use the dreaded small talk and say something like "Hi how are you" and ask them questions about themselves....firstly people love to talk about themselves and their lives and secondly it saves you doing too much talking and thirdly it can possibly improve your listening skills:)

Selena:)
i dont talk much in social event till i get used to it and people talk to me

:D I say-shrug off your cares and be yourself!


;) But that's just where I'm at right now.


:confused: (And maybe that's why I run into the problems that I do.)



Sue

i dont talk much in social event till i get used to it and people talk to me


That is kind of how I am too.In all honesty I do not have much to say to people I do not know or have nothing n common with.

How can I handle this??? I want his coworkers to like me, not think i'm weird

Realize the most important person at that party married you because he loved you the way you are and don't waste time worrying about what his co-workers think.

In all groups over ten people I will get along well with some, most I will never really get to know and that is okay too and there will be a few asshats because percentages require it in all groups over 10 people. You could be the perfect person without a single flaw and there would still be those who would think you were weird for one reason or another.


The worry causes you to focus to much on your flaws and robs you of the opportunity to get to know any thing about who these 15 people are. Just as percentages require at least one asshat in every group over ten people they also require at least one person in groups over 10 people that will have at least one thing in common with you with whom you can relate on some level. Sense faking an illness to get out of the activity all together doesn't seem like an option I would spend the time looking for that one person with whom I have at least one thing in common.

This reminds me of our very recent holiday... I wanted to create a thread on how everyone's Thanksgiving was.. mine was pretty crappy. I felt alone and was beyond bored. I didn't offer any input with the dinner conversation and I tried to look at the tv as much as possibly only to my dismay..the football game was on. So I really had to just stare at it like I was following it. They were talking about coffee drinking habits and all I wanted to know was how they decaffinate coffe. Like the process. But I think I would have felt weird asking that so I didn't.

Xmas get togethers and parties are coming up and I like to go out and socialize but not with people I can't relate to, which subsequently is 90% of the people around me lol.. I really hate shooting the breeze...even with my own family at times.

You don't want to know how they decaffeinate coffee.....trust me

kilt

They were talking about coffee drinking habits and all I wanted to know was how they decaffinate coffe. Like the process. But I think I would have felt weird asking that so I didn't.
I love that this sounds like an example of what usually goes through my head while people around me have (what i believe are) boring conversations. Then I might zone out imagining what a "decaffinating machine" (lol) looks like. I'm sure I look stoned at times like this.