I've just realised how ive been living my life like a zombie for the past 4 1/2 months, nearly no contact with friends, no enjoying what im doing, just doing what others tell me is best. relying on them to guide me to some sort of success, instead ive found myself getting more and more lost in my troubles, things clear up, then fall back appart, again and again, and now I have no idea as to what im about, who I am, what i am to do with my life. im reticent to ask for help, since others' help is what got me so deeply into this mess of a life, but so far I've also proved to myself that I cant rely on myself to make the best decision, or so I give myself the impression because I guess I've been relying on others to direct me for a while. I need to guide myself
in order to be get where I want to be, yet I also have to decide what is important to me and which aspects of life I want to accentuate.

right now my biggest problem is what to do for work as a living, should I just do something or study?
I dont know wether I can handle the classes, yet I dont know that I would fail them if I were to take them. (Again I'm not sure im asking this to myself).

siemine just shoot me now.

No need for shooting! You are not alone. When I was in college I had these sort of "months" all the time. It does get a little better, it is just part of life questioning who you are and where you fit in. Take the classes and do the best you can and that is all you can do. If you fail then at least you tried as hard as you could!

I cant even type 'someone' correctly... damn it.

taking thoes classes will cost me 15 thousand dollars a year, but to what end? I get a degree in sociology? history? I cant do anything with that except teach, something not suited to an add/possible aspie.
or I can become a paramedic and make less money than I am now after a 1 year course (which will have cost me about 50 thousand in living & lost wadge for the time I studies, PLUS the lower salary). but it would be slightly more interesting.
or I can become a firefighter, but id have to wait 3-4 years till my eyes finish developing, so i shoudlnt think about that now (unless I consider university, at which point id have wasted 100+ thousand $ getting a diploma that wouldnt help me much fighting fires)
or... or or or ororororor...... *boom, splat*

do people just give up and pick a life from a hat? or do they have the forethought and the depth to understand themselves enough to know what they truly want?

Hi Tell

College/Uni isn't the best for everyone either in learning style or in final outcome.

The degree isn't there just to get a job in the subject you've studied, many employers use it as a measure of intelligence and managerial potential.

You're far more likely to slot into a white collar job with a degree.....now the question is whether a bog standard white collar job would suit you.

I don't know how old you are so this next bit is a generalisation and not applicable to your situation.

I'm firmly of the opinion that no-one should go to uni until they're at least 21. This would stop it being seen as an automatic add on to school and ensure that students had seen the outside world and made a desicion to give that up to go to uni.

To those who think that kids would spend the years flipping burgers.....well it depends on the kid and their (or their parents) drive.

kilt

TeLL, don't worry so much about quantifying thing in terms of monetary value. Also, I'm curious about some more background info on your life situation.. how old are you? are you in a school now? just working? Just wondering what point of view you're trying to make these decisions from.

I think you're definitely right about the "guiding yourself" thing. Life starts to become much more enjoyable and desicions more clear when we stop waiting for life and everyone else to tell us what to do. Just the fact that you are thinking about this is a good start. It took me a long time to realize I was just reacting to everything and just barely scraping by.

About what your next step in life should be, that's not easy for us to guide you on. I think the important thing is that you make the decision based on how you want to live your life. If you want to be a paramedic then you should just go for it, don't worry so much about the monetary consequences. Unless you have a family to feed and you have an exact salary minimum to you have to make or something... you should be able to just go do whatever you want.

About being able to handle classes... I just started taking graduate classes. My undergrad experience was a near disaster because I had no idea my problems were caused by ADD. I'm just kinda taking it slow to see what I can handle with my new strategies. I'd suggest doing something like that if you want to take classes. Start of with a relatively easy class or set of classes and see how you do.

If you want to do something and you honestly think its the best decision for you, then you should never have to look back and regret it... even if it doesn't work out the way you wanted it to.

I get a degree in sociology? history? I cant do anything with that except teach, something not suited to an add/possible aspie.

I'm not familiar with the term aspie. I gather from searching that it has something to do with Asperger's, about which I'm totally ignorant.

I suppose that might make teaching difficult, although I don't know the details -- maybe you could overcome it you inherently loved teaching. Again, my ignorance is near-complete. In any event I'm ADHD and would love to have a job that involved more teaching/coaching/mentoring/whatever.

Just making impulsive conversation. I have nothing helpful to suggest.

thanks guys, and yes I meant asperger's, i woulda spelt it, but i would have also mis-spelt it. and i wasnt going to google it to get the right spelling.. not last night.

alright, so I've finished my highschool, im now 19 (since the 28th of oct). I left home at 18 to live on my own, it was a disaster, in 2 months i racked up 1500 in credit card debt, and havent gotten it paid off yet.
in july i moved to where i live now, a small city of about 10 000 in northern Quebec (Canada). I worked with my uncle on his house for a bit, now I have a job making 17$ an hour, yet its so horribly dull, and i know I wont last here. ive been there for a little over a month. I have my own place, and its really cheap, so money will soon start to flow in pretty well.

Since I was a little kid, it was pounded into my brain that university is after highschool, my mom guilt tripped me nearly every week with things like 'if you drop out of school ill cry for so long'.. she used that line on nearly everything, and it worked till i left.

the hardest part of choosing what I want to do isnt so much the job, but I know exactly how I want to live, I want a big (preferably old) house in the country, with a workshop for my 1001 projects, have the time to take my (future) kids to hockey practice, have either feilds or a forest to escape to. and a huge dog.
^im not saying i have to have everything here, but just that kind of life.
the money itself isnt important, but the freedom from stress and stability it offers is what im really after.

I can totally agree with what you're saying about money. I would take your time and start looking at some jobs/careers you might want to try out, see if they require a degree. Then maybe start classes. Just do everything on your terms, when you're ready so that you have the motivation and comfort of choosing your own path.

And being 19 you def have lots of time. I'm 26 now and I just got married a little over a year ago, almost done paying off the credit card debt, and the kids are probably a couple years off. These days I think our generation has alot more time to get our lives in order.

Hi Tell

time to chill...plenty of time.

There is a MASSIVE world out there and this may be your best chance to explore it. There arelarge number of programs offering people like you the opportunity to go to interesting places and do interesting things.....Ok so you might need to raise a bit of cash...but that gives the work a point...and you know you're not going to be in the dull old town for long.

I had my 18th birthday on a beach in the South Pacific having just finished visiting one of the most remote islands in the world..... and taken part in filming Blue Lagoon with Brooke Shields.

Yup...its a big world and I'd had a whale of a time going right the way round by age 19.....and with that under my belt other opportunities tended to open up.

kilt

i do want to travel the world... id love to go to india... and new zeland and europe

your right kilt, i dont need to choose now. i just gotta live now. or organize myself to live soon.

We've all been there.

Selena

hey Tell.. wow I know exactly what you are talking about... I ask myself the same questions everyday.

I want the same simple things too.. just some warm and cozy farmhouse, with a cute barn out back.. trees.... a job that doesnt drive me insane....etc...etc..

Cant offer much advice.. I still I cant find any solutions.. but, at least your not alone....or I'm not. :rolleyes:

Hoping one day things will all just fall into place....hoping.

... siemine...
I liked this word, trying to figure out how to add it to my vocabulary. I love new and unusual words, especially when they are accidental.

Ducky

hollyDuck, I also love strange words.

I like to mis-pronounce words all the time.. like with an accent.. or said a different way... I love langauges too

Tell,

You are 19. Take a deep breath. Step away from the throttle. Look around and enjoy being done with your high school. Life is so big and you'll get so busy so soon. Don't let someone else tell you what you can and can not do. You have ADD - it's a huge asset that will enable you to shine where others can't if you manage it right.

Here are a couple of points to think about that I wish I knew when I was your age.

1. College is good, but not required. I taught myself to speak fluent Chinese, started my own company, sold it, went to work for a company in Taiwan, and went through a divorce by the age of 24. (can you see the ADD?- wish I had). I did go to College at the age of 25 and completed it while working full time by the time I was 30.

2. Get rid of the credit cards. Live on cash or pre-paid credit cards for a while. Man those things screwed me when I was younger. Having almost no impulse control with a lot of money to spend was really bad. (again if I knew then what I know now)

3. You can do anything you want. Make a list of what you like to do for fun. What do you enjoy. Like cooking, writing, art, music, hockey, exercise, etc. Then make a list of what you are naturally good at, like cooking, talking to people, writing, complex math(jk), art, music, etc. Now see where these intersect. Find something that you crosses the lists. The more you enjoy something that you do well the more likely you will succeed.

4. Save up by finding someone you trust completely to help you save. I did this when I graduated from high school and he helped me save a lot more money than I would have on my own. We figured out what my essential expenses were and then he took 10% more and stuck it into a savings account. By living on a deficit with no "credit" I was forced to learn prioritization of my bills. It taught me a lot. Then when I needed it I had to explain what it was for and why. If he thought it was appropriate he let me have it. It was my Grandfather, who was also my best friend. It made a lot of difference.

5. Don't think about 10 years from now. You just got finished with high school. The world is a big place with the opportunity to do anything you want. Think about 2 years. Then create a plan for the next 2 years. For example - by 2010 I want to have done x, or been to x, or whatever. Then break it up into what you have to do within a year. Then 6 months, then 3 months. Then 1 month. It might seem daunting, but it will help. Last but not least post your goals in 3 or 4 places that you have to look at every day. That way everytime you think about something else you'll be reminded of what you're working towards.

6. Just because others think you should do something for a career doesn't mean you have to. What might seem "right" for some doesn't mean it's right for you.

7. The hardest thing for me when I graduated was now I had to make my own decisions. I was so excited, but I was overwhelmed. I didn't know I had ADD then so I didn't know what I was working against. In some ways I'm glad because, 20 years ago it was not looked at in the positive light it is today. I did make a lot of mistakes, but I had a great time and have lived a great life. After 10 years of sowing my oats I finally met the one person that got me and we have a great life. I wouldn't have appreciated it without the adventures I had for the first 10 years after high school.

8. Last thing. Never forget where you came from. Never forget what you were taught. Learn from successful people around you. When you aren't sure about something ask around for advice, but make your own decision. Don't blame people for your failures and show gratitude for those that help you succeed. - These were the last words my grandfather told me before I moved 3K miles away with no friends or family and no idea.

Good luck and have fun.

Last thing. Never forget where you came from. Never forget what you were taught. Learn from successful people around you. When you aren't sure about something ask around for advice, but make your own decision. Don't blame people for your failures and show gratitude for those that help you succeed. - These were the last words my grandfather told me before I moved 3K miles away with no friends or family and no idea.

Most excellent advice

i'm in my 30's and still can't decide what i want to be when i grow up. i guess i've always felt like there were too many choices and how would i ever be able to pick just one? Changed my major 4 times cause i'm impulsive and get distracted by something that sounds more interesting. One semester i'm studying business, then it's surgery, then paralegal...the people at school are about fed up.

i'm in my 30's and still can't decide what i want to be when i grow up. i guess i've always felt like there were too many choices and how would i ever be able to pick just one? Changed my major 4 times cause i'm impulsive and get distracted by something that sounds more interesting. One semester i'm studying business, then it's surgery, then paralegal...the people at school are about fed up.

Sounds exactly like me when I was in school, but I just thought it was normal for people to change their major 6 or 7 times. I was Pre-Med (HA! what the hell was I thinking?), Marine Biology, Oceanography, Undecided (not a good thing to be undecided going into your Junior year in college), and finally Advertising. And my life since college has been pretty similar in almost everything I do - getting distracted by something that sounds more interesting. I'm 35 now and I STILL have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. It's maddening. I wish I could just make a decision, stick with it, and at the same time actually be able to excel at it. That last one has been the deal breaker. I've had jobs that I enjoyed, at least in principle, but regardless of how much I initially enjoyed a job, continuing to screw up-make mistakes-get put on probation-get fired or quit before they had a chance to fire me - always negated any and all enjoyment I felt from the job.

So then the decision becomes even harder. We have to consider not only "what do I want to be when I grow up", but "what job or career do I want to choose that I will not only enjoy, but that also lends itself to my ADD enough that I won't continue to fail over and over and over again."

Anyone? Anyone? Buhler?

Yeah, jobs have been hard for me also. i was in the mental health field for a long time working in locked psych facilities. It sounds wierd to say i felt as if i fit in there with my patients cause i could almost relate. The first time they handed me my own keys to all the locked doors i thought " if people here really knew me, they'd take them away and keep me here ". The ADD still caused problems though. Having to keep track of where everyone was at and all thier charts and...yeah. The hardest part was that i was always the one stuck alone monitoring those in the isolation rooms, so that meant i had to sit in there with them for 8 hours straight every day with no books or any way to leave and move around. At the end of the day i was so bored and so ancy i couldn't get out of there fast enough.