I'm 29 and even though I haven't been officially diagnosed I am SURE that I have ADD.

I've been suspiciouse for a few years now and so has my mom.

I hadn't been able to see a doctor untill last fall though.

Anyway, I am finding that I have mixed emotions.

It's so nice to have these behaviors that I have had all my life and that are intricatly woven into my exsistance suddenly have a a name, you know, an identity.

At the same time, I am grieved over what I lost from not knowing sooner.

and you?

I'm in the same boat you are! I'm 31, haven't been officaially diagnosed either. My mom's been telling me for years and I've known it myself too. Unfortunately, I don't know when I'll be able to see a doctor (no insurance). Hopefully I'll be able to work something out soon.

I understand what you mean about the mixed emotions. I denied it for a long time, and finally have come to accept that this is how I am. I too wonder what might have been though.

Mixed emotions...yep! Somewhere I've got an article about the grieving process we ADDults go through upon diagnosis (I was Dx'd at 28).

In the meantime, I'm pasting an article from about.com about denial and ADDults.


I DO NOT Have ADD!

Understanding Denial
Where once ADHD was considered to be a children’s disorder, it is now known that it lasts throughout life. According to Sam Goldstein, in Update on Adult ADD, one third of children with ADD move into adulthood with relatively minor problems. Another one third continue to experience difficulties and the final one third have significant problems throughout adulthood. For those that continue to have problems, there seems to be a never ending string of failures. Throughout their lives, they may have been told “You can do it, if you would just try harder” or worse “You are lazy, stupid, etc.” After hearing the same remarks for many years, one tends to believe. It may be possible to hide failures, and to pretend they do not exist. Sometimes, practice makes perfect and by the time an individual reaches adulthood, their fear of additional failure can cause them to deny or blame others for their difficulties.

A common type of denial is “There is nothing wrong with me, it is all ___’s fault.” It may be they received a bad grade because the teacher did not like them, they were passed up for a promotion because the boss did not like them. They may have been fired because the co-workers were causing problems and intimidating them, they punched someone because that person provoked them. Time after time, problems are transferred to another individual. Eventually, after years of practicing blaming others, an individual no longer takes responsibility for any actions.

Another type of denial is to simply stop trying. Fear of failure can cause an individual to no longer want to try. The possibility of failure is too much to bear. Excuses are used such as “I don’t want to,” “That just isn’t my style,” “I don’t believe in psychology,” or the person simply avoids situations that require effort or include something new. Fear of failure can be seen as being lazy, unmotivated or not caring. On the opposite end of this, there is the fear that, after an evaluation, they may not be ADD. This can present a whole new set of problems, with the individual having to face that maybe they really may be stupid or lazy.

Yet another possible reason for denial is the label that ADD presents. When an individual has tried throughout their lives to overcome symptoms of ADD and find ways to succeed, to give in to a diagnosis may feel as if they are giving in and everyone in their life will be “proved right.” With a diagnosis, they may feel that it will be proven that something is really wrong with them.

Finally, there are many myths surrounding ADD. Much negative publicity on ADD and the medication used has been aired on television for years. Very little information on the positives of ADD, the successes and the creativeness has made it to the general public. These issues may be well known by those that have studied, researched and read about ADD, but to the general public, there is still a stigma to being diagnosed with ADD. It is still considered a “mental disorder.” It is treated by the psychiatric profession for the most part and many times counseling or therapy is recommended. To admit that one is “mentally ill” can be extremely difficult.

No matter which type of denial may show up, all are driven by fear. Even it has been a life filled with failure and isolation, sometimes it can be easier to stay within the comfort zone of familiar territory than to strike out and try something new and risk yet another failure.

More Of This Feature:
I Do Not Have ADD
Accept Yourself and Your Spouse
Accept Your Responsibility
Find Help For Yourself
Understand Adult ADD
Talk With Your Spouse
Decide What You Want
Determine What You Will Accept
Set Specific Goals




~ Eileen Bailey


Copyright © 2004 About, Inc. About and About.com are registered trademarks of About, Inc. The About logo is a trademark of About, Inc. All rights reserved.

I was diagnosed when I was 31. My daughter was diagnosed in 1st grade and in the process of learning about ADD, thought I had some of the traits. A school Psychologist at my college I was going to, had a professional test me and I was diagnosed with ADHD and put on Ridalin. Finally all the reasons why lectures drove me crazy and long hours found me wandering the halls.

I asked my mother about it and she said that I was Hyperactive as a child but I out grew it. I did alright. I got fat and out of shape so I didn't run so much to burn my excess energy and my hyperactivity went instead to my thoughts and my fingers. (I work on computers). But if I can't do anything with my hands, I move. Finally I had answers to why I did things and how to deal with them. I was fortunate. They had an ADD specialist at my college and I had training where I was taught how to use my ADD in my best interest. How to deal with lectures and distractions. So my experience with ADD was positive.

I knew I had posted something about this before! Darn the lack of working memory! LOL

Please feel free to check out this thread...my post with the article is down the thread a ways....

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=14328&highlight=adult+grief#post14328

smoo

ack! this is me too. just read an interesting powerpoint presentation here ...

http://www.samgoldstein.com/ppt/negative_scripts/sld001.htm

it's a nice format for an ADDer. you get the main points without having to search them out.

i think i'm going through the self-defined "it's going to get worse before it gets better" phase. things are not good now, but, at least i'm optimistic that they will get better.

I'm 32 and though never technically diagnosed by a Psychiatrist,
I know!,I've taken several evaluations and with each one it's the same outcome;(see a Dr.!)I have a 15 yo.son who was diagnosed in 1'st grade and realized from research that I had it as well.I finally found a FNP who would try me on different meds to help me,so far I've tried lots of Antidepressants,Straterra,and now on Concerta.I plan on seeing a Psychiatrist or someone more
qualified, as FNP isn't too knowlegeable about Adult ADD.I too have the what If's when reflecting on my childhood and why I didn't get the help I needed.

Not yet diagnosed at 39 - and given the way you wait and wait in the Canadian health care system, I may just be 40 before I see a specialist. Looking for a family doctor in my area (which is very underserved) who might try me on Ritalin in the mean time.

Diagnosed after 60. Happy as a pig in &hit to find out. Of course I wish I'd known sooner, but I can't do anything about that. Getting diagnosed and treated is a gift I've given myself. Changing is the hardest part, nearly impossible, but while I breathe I hope.

Welcome to the forum and tell how you are doing. You can read my self-intro if you like:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3309

32, figured out my ADD two or three years ago... I feel pretty much the same as the first post describes... but also overjoyed that I can now name my ADD-related strengths, and feel more confident in them :D

Hyperfocus
Creativity
Alertness
Energy
Sense of Humour
the list goes on... :D

I was 27, my son 6, my daughter 7. I was so relieved for so long I had honestly believed what ppl had told me; that I was lazy and slightly retarded. I found my ADD strengths as WC states and pin pointed my weakness's and they and figure way's around them or way's to make them work for me. So, relief for me till my husband started in with the let's fix this. He has yet to realize you cannot fix what is NOT broke.

Quite new at this ... someone said they may be 40 before they find a doctor in Southern Ontario? Well there is a specialist in St Catharines that not only treats it but has it. It wasnt a very long wait althought I was 40 by the time I seen him .... Its been an extreemely bumpy road ever since! That was back in June ... Toughest part is having a gift no one understands and being trapped in a world where your not allowed to use it. The changes that Ive gone through this past year.... Sometimes I wish I could go back to my dream world - But those moments of calmness and clarity when the meds kick in To be able to finish somthing the same day! Listen to others without feeling guilty later because you -damb I forgot and i hate rereading to edit stuff! - once youve been there and realize how life should be ... I keep reluctanly taking them - and then theres more problems....

I just checked the topic for this discussion... But cant remember reading the post so if the above is off toppic - sorry.

I am in this boat too. I was diagnosed at 44 in Oct 2003. I am just starting my ADD journey. I have accepted my ADD. I am learning my gifts and strengths. I still have a ways to go. I am gaining self confidence each day. I have days I take a few steps back and days I move forward a little further. I too have been told by my wife the behavior needs to change. Some will some won't. I beleive my wife is slowly beginning to understand and is becoming more supportive.

If she will read "Driven To Distraction" Or any info that helps explain some of it , it may be helpfull. My wife just started it and already I feel that our relationship is improving.

It is nice to have understanding and support from your spouse. IT can help more than anything.

From what Im reading it seems most are having an easy time accepting the "diagnosis" I am having great difficulty with this.

I did read the info at the top of this thread - didnt seem to apply to me.

I keep thinking I am just stressed out from years of problems - mostly small ones adding up - and the disorganized chaos mountains of projects that I'll never finish in this liftime! - unable to see things the way others do... After a while it overloads you -

So then I seek help - Doc says medicate - now I cant seem to function very well without it. I almost feel as if the meds caused me to get worse in a way - When they wear off sometimes it seems to me Im WAY worse than before I ever took them.

Is everyone accepting this quite easily (in a relative way) or am I just being arrogant, pig headed and stuborn? (I can be you know).

Wheres the thread for medication issues? I need to go investigate!

Before I go I forgot to mention - Even with spousal support - Change on our part is definitly required and lots of it. Not so easy when you spend 1/2 your life playing mental gymnastics - have all these silly routines that no one knows about have bass akwards ways of doing things (at least according to other people) -then you change because you may know whats wrong??? I dont think so.

Old habbits are very difficult to break or alter. I feel for you on the " a few steps backwards" part. Since diagnosis I feel like it 1 forward and 2 back most of the time.

We all seem to have the gift of hope - and good thing.

Im sure progress will come faster with time - I wouldnt be writing this if I thought otherwise.

We need cheerleaders!

Just scroll down the main forum and there is a medication section that has all the meds. What med are you on right now?

I think what your feeling is very normal. At first you think how much you could have gotten done if you only knew. Next you wonder how you can finish all you have got on your plate. Next you find out what you can do and what you cannot. Either ask for help with the stuff you can't do or let people know you can't do it. Very easy to say, but much harder to do. I know that with me I always said I would do it to be accepted. Of course I could not do it and turned people away for saying I could do something and then barely even starting it. This is my experience. Look for what your ADD gifts are. We all have them we just kind of burried them. remember you cannot change the past. What you did was because of a nuerological disorder not because you are a bad person. Remember you do not change a lifetime in a short time. Hope this helps. Keep your head high!
Jim

I voted 31-35 but that's only partially true. The first time I was diagnosed I was 9 years old. My parents even had me briefly treated. Then they decided it was all a bunch of hooey and went back to punishing me and "correcting" my attitude issues the "old fashioned way" and getting increasingly frustrated and nasty in the means they went about doing so when it failed to work. Needless to say, I didn't believe in it either being as I was going on their word. I didn't figure out what the heck was going on until after two years of unsuccessful treatment for a multitude of anxiety disorders and depression my doc heard this story from me in passing and did the proverbial double take. Then he did some digging, found the old Letterman Army hospital records with my nine year old ADD evaluation in it, did another work up/ evaluation or whatever you want to call it and determined I was in fact then and continued to be at present ADHD. Once he started treating that, the Anxiety and depression started responding better to meds, and then I had a real stroke of luck and found a really good med that drove me into near total remission from anxiety. It was another near year and a half before I got really effective medication for my ADHD, but it was a very good start. I was 32.

Smile4Me,

I've been suspiciouse for a few years now and so has my mom.

Same here, but I'm 44. (I'm going to reply to the first post only becuz trying to do it all would lead me off into left field and I'd never get done!)

I hadn't been able to see a doctor untill last fall though.

It's good to see this. Looks like you are well on the way to dealing with it.

Anyway, I am finding that I have mixed emotions.

I understand. For me, it was a relief at first, followed by sadness over what's been lost, followed by a realization that there are possibilities that were not available before. For the very first time, I actually have hope for the future. Kinda neat!

I've actually been able to modify some behaviors due to what I've learned here. First steps on a very long road...

It's so nice to have these behaviors that I have had all my life and that are intricatly woven into my exsistance suddenly have a a name, you know, an identity.[i]

Amen! ADD does seem to pretty much define what we are.

I've been looking at the various forums and laughing at how much we all post polls and stuff. It's really cool to be around a bunch of people that are as curious as I am about stuff.

[i]At the same time, I am grieved over what I lost from not knowing sooner.

I understand completely. I believe that you are very fortunate to have discovered it now. I'm still not "officially" diagnosed, but I know me, and know what I am.

You've also discovered this community, that 's worth a lot! You'll also discover more and more that you are gifted with ADD instead of disabled by it. We all have certain "features". Ultimately it's what we do with them that matters.

Best of luck!

Legion

diesel I have quoted 2 of your post and combined them and I will answer each part seperatly



Originally posted by diesel


If she will read "Driven To Distraction" Or any info that helps explain some of it , it may be helpfull. My wife just started it and already I feel that our relationship is improving.

This was the same with my wife and 2 books by Kate Kelly

The "ADDED Dimension", and, "You Mean Im Not Stupid Lazy Or Crazy".




It is nice to have understanding and support from your spouse. IT can help more than anything.
[/QUOTE]You got that right on the nose





From what Im reading it seems most are having an easy time accepting the "diagnosis" I am having great difficulty with this.

Speaking for myself I can say that "I am not having an easy time accepting it",

as I do so recognise what I could have done with my life had I know then what I know now about ADD

But I do accept that "This is what I am and no matter how hard I try I can not change the fact that "I Am ADD",

but I also accept that I can take full ADDvantage of my strengths and I also recognise that I need to avoid my weekness's or hire someone to take care of those details for me.




I did read the info at the top of this thread - didnt seem to apply to me.

I keep thinking I am just stressed out from years of problems - mostly small ones adding up - and the disorganized chaos mountains of projects that I'll never finish in this liftime! - unable to see things the way others do... After a while it overloads you -

So then I seek help - Doc says medicate - now I cant seem to function very well without it. I almost feel as if the meds caused me to get worse in a way - When they wear off sometimes it seems to me Im WAY worse than before I ever took them.

The doctor gave me full control over my dosage and told me to find what works for me !!!!!

For a while I turned my Dexadrine into my happy Pills (Need I Say More)

And when they wore off I agree it seemed way worse, but after I found a more acceptable dosage and usage level, and had time to evaluate the situation I realized that it wasnt, "WAY WORSE",

but it was just the same as before, the difference being that I had now tasted the pleasure of "clariety of thought"
and now I could actully recognise the difference between clariety of thought and ADD rambling thought.

Don't get me wrong though, they both have there place inside my head now, "Thought Clarity and Thought Rambling",

It is now that I can turn off the Thought Rambling by taking my medication knowing that it takes 12 to 13 minuets for a single doasage to take effect and that it will last for 6-7 hours.






Is everyone accepting this quite easily (in a relative way) or am I just being arrogant, pig headed and stuborn? (I can be you know).

My oppinion for what it is worth is that you are now just beginning the learning curve and you will come to your own answers and conclusions on thoose questions when you are ready to answer them to yourself



Wheres the thread for medication issues? I need to go investigate!

I dont know that answer

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Before I go I forgot to mention - Even with spousal support - Change on our part is definitly required and lots of it. Not so easy when you spend 1/2 your life playing mental gymnastics - have all these silly routines that no one knows about have bass akwards ways of doing things (at least according to other people) -then you change because you may know whats wrong??? I dont think so.

Old habbits are very difficult to break or alter. I feel for you on the " a few steps backwards" part. Since diagnosis I feel like it 1 forward and 2 back most of the time.

Do you want to break the old habits or just to learn to be in control and to recogonise the old habits !!!!



Some I wanted to break but most, I only want to recognise and maintain control, as the way I have developed of doing things over the years for myself is much more efficiant than any thing else I have seen to replace My habits !!!!!!!!!!!!!



We all seem to have the gift of hope - and good thing.

Im sure progress will come faster with time - I wouldnt be writing this if I thought otherwise.


As I Stated earlier, "you are now just beginning the learning curve and you will come to your own answers and conclusions on thoose questions when you are ready to answer them to yourself"


We need cheerleaders! [/QUOTE]

And we have CHEERLEADERS

Both male and female and we are alll here and willing to cheer on anyone who is going down the path of self discover on the way to the road of understanding !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(But dont you dare ask for a picture of me in a cheerleading outfit as I wouldnt want to see you become violently ill)

I was diagnosed at 42. It was the happiest day of my life. I have always felt 'something was wrong" with me, but even with years and years of therapy, psychiatrist, etc ADD was never mentioned. And I am so classic of inattentive, with a tiny touch of hyper. The meds have saved my life, literally at one point. I am delighted to have the diagnosis and am not ashamed to talk to anyone about it...maybe too much...I dont know. I just know that I spent 42 yrs feeling stupid, lazy, worthless etcetcetc...Now I dont feel that way as much. Even after 6 yrs, I still have to fight those negative feelings. I live in a very rural area, so finding anyone that treats Adult ADD is a challenge. Also not having insurance is not helping. BUT, as of March 1, I WILL have insurance.....HOOOOORRRAAYYY. Of course it is a very restrictive HMO, but I am used to fighting with insurance companies, so hopefully I will be able to work around them.

Well - good luck with the insurance thingies, Echo.
I'm about to be diagnosed - at age 42, too.
I've always known there was something wrong/different about me - and have spent my entire life trying to find answers.
You can't imagine my ecstasy at finally getting them .... well, maybe you can :biggrin:
What I find now is a need to commiserate - but feel I'm burdening people when I get to wanting to talk about the unspeakable emotional pain, hurt and frustration there's been.
It's like a kind of taboo - maybe because people just don't want to brought 'down' and off whatever 'roll' they're on, by reading about it.
But it's a REAL BIG issue for me.
I don't have a chip on my shoulder, but I have a need to exorcise the pain by talking about it.
I know that being raised in an old-style institutional children's home prolly kicked life off to a bad start, coupled with being the one of a the few non-white children in my communities (my mother was English, my father Afro-Caribbean).
For years I was ashamed that I lived in a children's home and never breathed a word about it to a living soul until my late twenties - and even now, I'm uncomfortable telling anyone.
Although I wasn't greatly ostracized, I was most definitely on the outside - socially speaking.
This continued, with humiliation and embarrassment through junior and secondary school - and does to this day, though less so with the passing of time.
I guess I gave up on hoping for anything resembling a normal life in my late twenties, when I ended up in a hospital ICU for 3 days after a large antidepressant overdose.
Even now, I wouldn't care if someone turned all the lights off - although it's a long time since I had an actively suicidal thought.
I'm actually an upbeat and positive human being, but the grinding rejection and pain have taken a substantial toll on the inner me.
Unfortunately, I don't have any family or a partner - and work at night driving a taxi ... and haven't had a social life for about 15 years - I just gave up trying.
I have endeavoured though, and took a mechanical engineering degree as a mature student - which has given me some sense of salvation, in that it shows me that I'm not as dumb as people like to think.
But what's really ground me down is the hostility I've had from people, which is more hurtful when you don't have someone you're close to.
All this might give you the impression that I'm a mysanthropic curmudgeon - but I'm not, I love people .... it's just they don't feel the same way.
I must also be honest and say that I hold no hope of a cure or of achieving a life - but I go on out of curiosity, as much as anything else.
I hope this post won't scare you all from wanting to respond.
Regards
Addled.

I was 20 so I can't vote but if I had not brought myself to a specialist because I knew something wasn't right I may still not be diagnosed today. ADD wasn't even a thought to me I just thought dylexic, mild depression, and major self esstem / self worth was all.

I was diagnosed at 44. It's been the missing link to understanding myself and the things that I do an don't do:) Being diagnosed is a major point of change in my life for the good. I have my struggles, but now I know where to go to for help. I am learning a lot about myself and how to play into my strengths and work on my weaknesses. My dear husband has been supportive to me throughout this process and is encouraging me to continue to grow and learn through this.

My 11 yo daughter was diagnosed about 6 mths prior to me. I am thankful that she will have the benefit of a mother who understands the struggles she is/will go through and will be better prepared in her young adult years than I was.

I am 56 and diagnosed this past summer......I will be your cheerleader!! haha I am SO glad to have been diagnosed. I don't even care that it gave me a label......at least there IS a label for my differences! These differences have caused me frustration....but I have to say that all the daydreaming may have given me the distraction I needed to compensate for my shortcomings. I'm on meds now and feel like I'm living "within" the real world now. Hey....the way the real world is....am I really better off???? haha I did manage to raise 4 great kids, of which two for sure, are AD/HD like myself. I'm thinking now that I may have been blessed to have had the extra energy I have to keep up with those two especially.

Well, I guess I need to put in my two cents here....hmmm, musta left my money in my other pants..oh well :dizzy:

Diagnosed (45) a few weeks back and I see my PCP on wednesday to start meds, not sure where to start but I have gained a good bit of knowledge from the forums here.
As far as ADD goes I have to agree about the strengths...I have challenged myself to learn soo many different things..I have yet to claim mastery on any of them but I am more competent than many who seem to feel they have mastered the skill. I was relieved to find out that this is a common thing with ADD...as long as the task is a challenge then I can focus...once it becomes boring then I am on to the next challenge. Do that for 45 years and you learn a lot...lol

Me:
Fire Captain
Plumber
Computer Trainer
Soccer Coach/Dad
Slave to my SO (using my other skills of carpentry, electrician etc..)
and the list goes on...lol

Diagnosed at 52, about 1 month ago. I am on meds that help but the feelings of lost time, lost youth, and wasted opportunities hurt. I used to tell my wife that I was a renaissance man but I think I was just trying to find a reason that I knew a little bit about everything but everything about nothing. I am tired of being "master of none".

I need to get better at tricking my mind into letting go of the things I will never get done and starting the things I can actually finish.

There is a natural feeling of loss once you realize that you have this condition called ADD.
I also had a mourning period for the lost opportunities.
I am not sure if it the clearer thinking from the meds or just the diagnosis itself.
I feel like I am having a midlife crisis at 33 years old. lol.

I "think" I am starting to come out of my stuper and am intending to move forward from where I am today, not from where I could have been if all the chips fell right.

I assume that the later you figure it out, the more there is to look back on and regret.

I guess I should just feel lucky to have figured it out now instead of later or never at all. (We should all keep this in mind when we feel down)

Hello everybody,

I'm 39 and here in France there is almost non information about ADD. The media speak only, and very rarely, of hyperactivity of which i don't have any symptom.

So try to imagine my situation, Three years ago i had never heard of ADD. As my second son had behaviour problemes i start surfing the web looking for infos.

As it turns out, my son's problems weren't from ADD but from diabete.

But the infos on ADD strike a cord about my own story, my schol under achievement, my relationnal problems and so on...

And now where i am ?

Just in the middle of no where, nobody in my relations know that ADD exist. I have try to speak of it to the doc which return empty stare.

So i'm not even certain that i have ADD. All my personnal story points to it but i have no mean to have a response.

This forum and others web sites are my only source of informations. And here i'm not even certain to be a little more than a nuisance because of time shift, cultural differences and my little grasp of english.

Take it as you want but i think that you ADD american are in a very good position. Your country reconise your differences mine don't even want to know it exist.

Diagnosed latter in life .....what i think of it ? I will probably never be diagnosed at all. From the way the social situation goes in France ( everyone for himself, shrinking social and medical care ) may be it s better that way.

Salut xav
Welcome to the forums. I would not get too anxious about the language barrier. Your English is good enough to show your ideas clearly. If we get lost we can ask you for help in understanding anyway right? Practise is not a bad thing so enjoy your time here.

I'm Canadian and it's generally accepted in professional circles that ADD/ADHD exists and has legitimate treatments here. I am lucky.

The biggest help for my troubles which got really bad last October has been the people here. Don't underestimate the power of community please.

There is a lot of wisdom here so don't dispair. You can get at least some of the help you need here. The good folks here can also help you learn a lot more about how to help youself and in the process help others.

I hope this hasn't been too painful to read. I can't write French at all. I wish I could though. My wife is fluent.
À bientôt mon amie
Ian.

Welcom xav!
Feel free to ask any questions. I have no problem reading your writing.

thanks itschaotic & paulbf for yours answers ,

I don't really despair, but it's just that more i know about add more i feel like bumping into transparent wall.

From what i read about add, especially on this forum, i should consider myself a lucky one. From a poor family in a bad suburban town i have build a lasting relationship with my wife, i have 3 loving childrens, and no fear of being without job ( thank to the admin. )

To put it simply starting from a small and unclean aquarium, during the last 20 years i ve spent my life to build an much nicer and cosy aquarium. (i must have seen too much advert. about Nemo latly )

Nice no ?

Well not really. My day to day life is in the same state today than when i was 10. To cope with the details of my job i have to do two times more work than others (no i have to do twice the same tasks to put it clearly in my head ).
My interpersonnal relations are ...should i say...small, very small just a few steps of rubble art ;-) mainly because it's so hard to remenber names of people and almost impossible when theses names are needed in the flow of conversation.Wich other people interpret as no interest for them from me.
At the worse for the last : my memory ( yeah great improvement here so i have a memory ! sorry very poor joke )
So about memory just an example for the others computers fans here :
I m an unix administrator.So for my job i have to know some langage (c++ , javascript, shell ) and many commandes.
To understand a language is no probleme, even a complex one like C++. But how do you cope with the API and the multitude of functions calls. Is there an other ADDer wich has try to cope with LVM ( logical volume manager ) on Unix ? My desk is full of papers because without it i can't remenber the many params.

So it's not despair but it's rather a big, very big tireness after too many years with these problemes and their social consequences.

Thank alls


P.S. : I'm reading the 'hunter/gatherer thread". I absolutly agree about java and its n-layers-inheritance-methods calls. For those who have read Tolkien, java API must have been make by an Ent;-)
More seriously, As i'm try to understand the metamodel exposed, i think of an analogy :
When you have ADD, if you want to improve your life you should try to have a better middleware.
But nonetheless, you still have to do with a slow data bus, with a buggy Pentium and i don't know how to disconnect my network connection ;-)

Are we wired like windows, while everyone else is wired like linux?

bluesman I'm sorry. I'm missing something here.

If you would like to read an interesting paper on GNU/Linux drop me a note and I'll send you a *.pdf of Eric Raymond's "The Cathedral and the Bazaar".

I hope this helps. Ian.

Originally posted by xav
So about memory just an example for the others computers fans here :
I m an unix administrator.So for my job i have to know some langage (c++ , javascript, shell ) and many commandes.
To understand a language is no probleme, even a complex one like C++. But how do you cope with the API and the multitude of functions calls. Is there an other ADDer wich has try to cope with LVM ( logical volume manager ) on Unix ? My desk is full of papers because without it i can't remenber the many params.

So it's not despair but it's rather a big, very big tireness after too many years with these problemes and their social consequences.


I used to have that job too & know how hard it is to stay organised. I used to buy one really nice & large notebook (with fancy cover & nice thick pages) and write everything in there, also put my name & office phone number on it in big fancy writing. That way when I lost the book in the office people would know to return it to me.

I also had the problem with lots of papers so I put them in a big box under my desk. If one was needed I just went thru the box. Not very efficient but it worked!

You are right about the feeling of tiredness - that's how I felt. It is hard to concentrate all the time. Maybe you can look at other jobs that better suit ADD?

BTW your English is fine

Yes, I agree it's really hard to be constantly organized.

But the bad part is to understand that other people don't realize the extra work i have to do.

At first may years ago, i realized that's something was wrong or special in me ( at this time i have never heard of ADD. In fact, twenty years ago i was barely able to put a few words in english )

So during 15 years i try to understand what wasn't working correctly inside me and how to succeed in life i.e. i make may mistakes and work very hard to correct them.

Today after having learned about ADD i understand that even when you'are successfull and happy other peoples never understand the extra work and the internal struggles that come with ADD.
And that's this non understanding that i find very hard to accept.

Got diagnosed at 29, I'm now 40. The first couple of years after diagnosis were the hardest. First of all there was very little in the way of educational reading material for adults. Secong there was no support in my area. Although they were home computers back then they were not as common, no ADD forums, chat rooms or other stuff. I felt alone, sometimes even angry because I didn't remember asking to have ADHD.

It also was hard because it took two years of trial and error to find the right medication. It was like take these pills two times daily if you are not dead, in jail or locked up come back in two weeks.

That has been a life time ago but I still remember the fustration, anger, relief. I also had two daughters that were diagnosed shortly after I was. Like all major events, finding out you have ADD/ADHD will create a bag of mixed emotions. Hang in there and while you are hanging in there EDUCATE YOURSELF.

Education will protect you from being swindled, horn swaggled, while giving you the most options in treatments. Hard to try a treatment if you don't know it exist. I read the book mentioned by Dr Hollowell " Driven to Distration" I liked his second book "Answers to Distraction" better because it is divided up into sections of interest such as , adult ADD, to teachers, parents of children with ADD, ADD and relationships ect.. He wrote EXPECTING people to skipp around. You can go right to the section that interest you without reading the chapter before it. I Highly recomend it especially for those just learning they have ADD/Adhd as you don't have to read the whole &^##$ book to glem valuable information. Many libraries now have copies just in case you are hestant to invest hard earned $$ in another book "I'll never read".

Best part: IT DOES GET BETTER IF YOU HAVE SOME PATIENCE WITH YOUR SELF AND AREN'T AFRAID TO LEARN. Eleven years later I see ADD as a gift not a curse, I have had entire new worlds open up to me. Not just the world on the out side but the ones on the insde as well. I can see from the ADD vantage point and the non-ADD one, as well as the many shades of grey in between.

Accept thy self, never be afraid to explore that what have ADD is for.:bowl: Tammy

Originally posted by xav
Yes, I agree it's really hard to be constantly organized.

But the bad part is to understand that other people don't realize the extra work i have to do.

Today after having learned about ADD i understand that even when you'are successfull and happy other peoples never understand the extra work and the internal struggles that come with ADD.
And that's this non understanding that i find very hard to accept.

xav - don't worry very few of the normies will never understand our struggles (how hard some simple stuff is for us). Luckily there are groups like this so we don't feel so alone :)

I was recently diagnosed in my late 30s & it certainly explained a lot of things in my life. I encourage people who can do so to get a formal diagnosis. In some ways it is very liberating to have an explanation (altho' I try not to make it an excuse)

You are right that non ADDers, or "normie" as you call them will never understand you nor will you ever understand them. They may not understand our struggles with what is simple to them, but some of the tihings that come natural to us is beyond thier ability to concieve. Like the saying "comapring apples to oranges" a non -ADDer saying as it is suppose to be hard. I can tell the amount of ADD traits one has when they say that to me as the comparsion is easy they are both fruit.

If we were all the same this world would be soooo boring. It doesn't bother me when "normie" don't understand me or my struggles it DOES annoy me when they are unable to accept because they don't understand.

*** Refusing to accept one whom you don't understand is a sign of a limited mind. Enjoying someone who is completely different in thought and action leads to personal expansion

Tammy

Another name I like for "normies" as you call them is "Neuro-typicals".

I picked that up from Tony Attwood at an Asperger's Syndrome conference my wife attended on behalf of my son who has both Asperger's and ADHD...........

Amen, WWC...nice to see someone focusing on the strengths of ADD :)

I was diagnosed at 24, and ever since, my life has been constantly evolving as I learn more and more about my abilities and capacity to exceed expectations.

I was totaly suprised by the out come of the vote :o

I was 36, 1993 when I was informed (not diagnosed)that I had ADHD symptoms by an work associate whose husband was a clinical Psychologist. My defensiveness came from the fact that while I was hyper-active, had trouble focusing for extended periods of time and struggles with organization I did fairly well in high school 2.3 on a 4.0 scale. College about the same until I married. All of the sudden the last two years I was pulling all A's and B's. While I was defensive after thinking decided to let down my pride and check it out. Went to my GP and got a 30 day script for Ridilin. Did absolutly nothing. So I stopped taking it. I have experienced considerable success in my career achieved promotions, and never been fired due to ADHD symptoms. However a general restlessness caused me to change jobs(my choice) about every 4-5 years. Usually in an attempt to climb the ladder.

Lately as I have gotten older the feelings of hyperativety, both mentally and physically, the difficult in focusing for more than 30 minutes, and the increased demand of a growing job began to challenge my abilty to cope. Memeory was getting worse, organizationally skills became increasingly difficult. The ability to concentrate while reading and remembering what I reading became a big problem.

I went to a Psychiarist for an eval. and rather than evaluate me she perscribed Zoloft. I became sick and depressed from the medication so I threw it out and cancelled my followup. After reading on the internet and talking with a trusted Medical Dr. friend, he informed be that often anti-depressants are the first thing that they try.

Waited for about a year and finally set up with a clinical psychologist and had a battery of tests done. ($500) I;m now 47. Diagnosis, Intelligence in the 97th percentile - explains how I was able to cope up to now. High intelligence but a definate indication of ADHD. Especially in the areas of Distraction and Hyperactivity. Took the CP's report to see a diff. psychiatrist. Just started taking Adderal XR. 20 milligrams a day.

I still find it hard even with this forum. Even though I was diagnosed at 31. I am now thirty-nine. Since my diagnoses I have split fom my husband of 16 years. (I am typing after 4 beers. Christian Morlien by the way. Very good beer.)

I find it hard to believe that all of you have the same thing I do. After what I went through throughout my toddler years, grade school, college, my twenties and my thirties. I felt alone in this world. I really did. I felt like God cursed me for some odd reason.

I saw the commercial tonight about ADD and the commercial does not even touch it. I began to cry when I saw it. What they were saying on the commercial seemed like little things compared to what ADHD people feel like.

ADHD is awful. It has been awful my whole life. I have had some good times because of it; however, the awful times bring me to tears. ADHD, I believe, is truly a gift. Even though it is horrible at times. It makes me stronger to face hardships that non-ADHDer's can't take. The memories, gosh not mention those, are awful too. However, I would not trade it for anything.

Now does that surprise you?

I like me, and the way I am. No matter what memories are there, good or bad, I don't want to be one of the boring norm!

By the way. ADHD affects your emotions two-fold.

ADD / ADHD like fire and water as well as other "things of nature" it can be both a blessing and a curse. How it is viewed and used will increase the chances of ADD being a blessing but in no way will the curses be totaly eliminated. Like house fires and floods all you can do after the "desaster" is pick up the peices and keep a truckin.

Tammy

so true at least you know and then you can get to work on it how ever you do
knowlege is always a good thing.

I was diagnosed like 5 days ago. I'm 30. I have been put on strattara. 18mg and first then 25mg up to 40mg. Dr. want's to get me to 60mg if I need it. The grieving processes is hard. I always thought I was just a big dumb oaf. Always better at hands on and day dreaming instead of doing. I tried to forget my past because even though I did have good times there were alot of failures and bad times and times where i was just grumpy and mean. I was in denial for so long and never knew it. Until I met my wife. My wife is a teacher and since we met she has been trying to get me to go to a doctor. she had seen the signes in me and was taught to recognize them. I finially went last monday. Thanks to my wife.

I was just diagnosed a few months back at the age of 37. Of course it took about 4 years from the time I saw the first psychological counselor who suspected ADD till I was able to find a professional actually QUALIFIED to make a diagnosis. I'm still having a hard time accepting the time it took for me to finally get a diagnosis, not to mention still trying to come to terms with the fact that I have ADD. It doesn't seem to have completely sunk in yet. I find the hardest part is accepting that I'm 37 and my life seems to still be in neutral.

technically i was 25 as i just turned 26

Hey yall,

I am 27yr male, I was diagnosed 2 days ago. Boy am I glad.

Found this struck a chord, by GYMSOCKS I think-

"At first you think how much you could have gotten done if you only knew. Next you wonder how you can finish all you have got on your plate."

I am on 5mg dex 3x a day. Its like 2 worlds with pros and cons from both. I however really want to figure out when to switch back and forth from ADHD pure world and that of the medicated world, then I would really have strengths I believe.

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Oh this Is just something of note. It seems to me that in general the ADDer is more likely to think in lateral terms rather than in a linear confined manner. We seem to be more interested and have a natural intuitive ability to understand or sense the underlying structure and workings of the universe.

I would put money on it that a few of us here would have read a little on chaos theory? holographic theory? etc. It would seem natural that we would feel at home in the world of information structure, building and processing. Because its foundations are in my view very lateral. I also find of particular interest, the evolutionary process of society, technology and information.

It would seem that developments do in MY OPINION if not more than less mimick the way a ADDer brain functions NOT that of a norm. so in MY OPINION I have this deep down feeling that although we will find it hard at times to funtion within a logical framework (present day society) that the majority of the populace SEEM to have influence and control over, we are infact not of the "hunter" cognitive developmental structure but that of the first wave of human evolutionary advancement.

Our unique perception of time is my first clue in this theory. Time you see is relative to the observer (as einstein stated). Even though the shift in time is relatively small (10 to the power of some bizzare number I would presume) in Einsteins reativity theories (both special and general I think!).

I do personaly believe however (and I think in years to come scientists will find proof of-) that more acute shifts in time relative to the observer (or thinker! as thought creates our immediate and collective universe) are possible within the quantum world.

A particle CAN and DOES exist in a infinate amout of other probable states of existense at the same time! Athough I think the time part of this statement will one day be proved to be somewhat wrong! If matter is just energy (e=mc2) then energy is subatomic in its basics and therfore is govererned by the quantum laws.

anyways I was rambling on there a little.

by the way did I mention my dream is become a theoretical physicist, but so far I cant cope with college....

anyways peace yalllll


OH and you've just got to follow this link. This is about Ted Nelson. This dude is visionary in information structure. He basically created the way we follow information on the WEB. And he has ADHD. WOW!

http://www.ibiblio.org/pioneers/nelson.html

I believe part of your post is a vision of non-linier time where every thing exist simoustainsouly. You are born live and die in the same moment in an alternate dimension. Only a fellow adult with ADD would see that this therory is even backed up in the Bible. Plus the story of Moses shows that the jews understood the concept to some degree.
This would explain 2Peter 3:8 "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years a thousand years is like a day.

At first I thought God was talking about having to sit through bad music where an hour feels like a day. Actually it is saying where God is there is no time. Thus eterntity exist. We see enernity as forever, which would be entirly plausible in a deminsion without linier time limitation.

In Exodus 3:13-14, When Moses is talking to God and asked "what if the Israelites ask me your name?" The Lord's to response was to tell the Isealities that "I am who I am, so tell them "I AM sent you."

Had the Isrealites not understood some concept of non-linier time "I AM" would not have meant any thing.

Also there is such a thing as matter and anti-matter. Logic would dictate that sense there is time there must exist anti-time. Time is linear therefore anti-time would be non-linear.

Okay so you aren't alone in "seeing a differnt perspective".

Love your reply short sweet, and you hit a sopt with angle.

I absolutely can interpret this scripture in this light. Actually the more I delve into the world of theoretical physics, I am coming closer to a complete genuine understanding of what god is and means to us. Now mind you I do not approach with blind faith. Even though a bit of faith is good. I approach wanting to understand completely, the truth. I am in my own understanding seeking the truth, so to speak.

----------------------------------------
In Exodus 3:13-14, When Moses is talking to God and asked "what if the Israelites ask me your name?" The Lord's to response was to tell the Isealities that "I am who I am, so tell them "I AM sent you."
-----------------------------------------
BEAUTIFUL!

But I must say that I personally believe (and I realise beliefe is different for someone else) that thi bible is often interpreted with little real understanding. At times its twisted to be takin to literal as that can sometimes be the only way of understanding.

But I do also beleive that over the years men have added, subtracted and contorted the scripture to benifit the ones in power at any given period in time. If alot of us cannot understand what really is being communicated in the bible then how could it have possibly been translated without it being twisted even if uncalculated.

anyways thanks for that post, nice.

good energy to you

I am not sure of the members "name" but thier signature includes "we don't see things as they are we see them as we are." I agree with this statement and feel the Bible is no different. Two people can read the same verse and come to two entirely different intrepertations. Like the verse 1 Timothy 3:2 "Now the overseer must be above reproach the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controled....

Some say this means on order to be "an overseer" one can not have had a divorce; thus the meaning of one wife.If a man can not commit to a single woman how can he commit to leadership in a church full of people. Some one else my interpert it to mean have only one wife at a time; after all who has time to "oversee" anything with ten wives running about.

I have found scriptures which mean more than one thing.One meaning being physicial, one being on an emotional level with the insrtuction being on a spiritual area. I believe the scriptures were written to have three inpratations.

I'm really surprised the person who wrote the poll doesn't think 25 yo is late in life to be diagnosed with a lifelong disease that's usually diagnosed in childhood. Of course, when I'm 40 or whatever, I'll probably think 30 is young, too... :)

dxed at 45, still 45 (its only been a few months) & while im glad its been offically dxed-i had suspisions for a couple of years) we're still trying to get a handle on it (& the co-morbids). im not so much feeling like "what i coulda done" as what theres left to do & sometimes i feel like im running out of time--that make sense? could it be ADD & my brain (the committee) triggering impaitence?

My wife suspected that some thing was wrong when I packed up the family moved 1200 miles away for graduate school and promply folded under the pressure and droped out of school. I was so glad that there was a reason for my impulsive erratic behavior. I might even try grad school again some day.
Capt Kylos

Well I should say never tested

The bad side is that i have no consel to improve my situation

The good news is that as i'm alone i have all the freedom i want to imagine new solutions or improvements to my old problems

I was diagnosed after we had our daughter diagnosed and they told us it was genetic.... that was an "aha" moment. It explained so much of my life. It was relief. But my shrink who diagnosed me was really nice about it. He called it "mild ADD". In other words, by the time I was diagnosed I had learned many coping mechanisms. B

Since my dx, however, I have read a lot about it and learned to integrate some suggestions into my life, which has also helped a lot. What does not help a lot is my husband, who feels that I sometimes "give in" to my ADD. He doesn't (want to) understand that it isn't a choice. If I could make that choice, I wouldn't be ADD, now would I???

I am diagnosed at 44. Funny how so many of us had to figure it out ourselves and then tell the doc what we thought was wrong. I was just diagnosed 2 months ago. Now am working through all the "stuff". Hoping not to just slide back into coping with one moment at a time, but to move ahead now. Just keeping going without sliding back is so hard; reminding myself, "No, finish it NOW. Then move on to what comes next." If I don't do this, chaos reigns supreme!:) This is a good place to be, helps with this struggle.

I am 35 and still not diagnosed but I am sure I have it. I just started counseling last week and waiting for my appointment with the psychiatrist. I was told by several people that my daughter had it 2 years ago but I was in denial. It wasn't until last March the school social worker said I should read "Driven to Distraction". Then I knew that it wasn't just my daughter but I had it too. I had my daughter diagnosed but I still couldn't or wouldn't believe I had it. I was in denial again. Then things started getting really bad, well I guess things have always been bad but I think I hit rock bottom. That made me get off my butt and finally do something about it.

I am having a very hard time dealing with this emotionally. What gets me so angry is the wasted time, lost opportunities. I was on stimulants for a very short time as a child for hyperactivity but my parents took me off of it. The doctor never diagnose me. I wish there was some way of getting my old medical records from childhood but I am sure they are long gone. Well I guess it's better now than never right? I'm glad I found this place. Now I don't feel so alone.

I was dx'd last year at 44. My problem was that my mother's house was so perfect for an ADD child that problems only rarely surfaced until I hit college. Even then everyone, including me, attributed my troubles to a lack of self-discipline and too much partying. 4-5 nites/week,28 hrs/wk at job and a full load of classes. I now honestly believe I may have not finished at all if I hadn't gone out so often to relieve the pressure. Of course ritalin would have been easier and would have probably raised my GPA at least a full point...But it wouldn't have been as much fun!!!

Time for phase II of my life.......

I am proud to say i am officially diagnosed at 42. I have always wondered what made me so "different" other than I was a "goody two shoes", never in trouble, never drink, never smoke, no promscuity, just failed friendships and failed relationships, 3 failed marriages in less than 25 years. I am just Very sorry that I had not been diagnosed along time ago-- I find myself grieving over "coulda, woulda, shoulda". I now am working on life changes and my mother doesn't understand and that's ok.. we are way to much alike(I am sure this is her problem too- but she will never accept that). I have 2 sons that Are ADHD and ADD and life is good now that I have discovered what part of my problems in life are. Good luck to all that have not been diagnosed but suspect it...it's worth the official diagnosis.

Dx'ed at 34 - over this summer. I hear ya, teddy...I wish I'd have been dx'ed a long time ago IF I even had it then. I started having problems, really, after my mid-20's I think. Just thought I was really the proverbial, stereotypical Dingey BLONDE. (Ok..well, that too).

Just got tested and offically diagnosed this fall at the ripe young age of 59. To be honest I have been feeling a mixture of relief and anger. Been treated for an assortment of mental health labels since the age of 30 and have paid an extremely high price over the years to be mis-diagnosed, mentally, physcially, finacially and most of all because of the damage it has cost my family and friends. Working on getting over this and moving on to learning how to reprogram myself to make the best of ADHD. I see some great potential and am excited about putting these skills to work for me for a change. Feel scared and happy at the same time - what a ride. Thanks for all the sharing - it really helps. Still trying various combinations of meds since I also struggle with depression......Would love to find a group close to home to meet with also.

One of my keys to happyness is eliminating could of would of, and especially should of, the second is realizing there are those people in life who I will never understan, nor will they ever understand me. Just because I don't understand some thing, some one, or some one's emotions doesn't mean they are less valuable. I don't understand how my refrigator works but my understanding has little to do with it running. It runs just fine without my understanding it. ( thank God) I believe people are much the same way, I don't have to understand them they just are.

I'm 44 and in the process of dx and treatment set up. Psychologist says I definately have ADD. I was also dx as a child, but was never treated for it and was one of those who seemed to outgrow it without too many problems (although looking back there were always signs, that I didn't realize were from ADD). Now though things have gone suddenly down hill and symptoms are back and really wrecking havoc in my life. While part of me wants the dx to help understand what's going on and give me some help in working on it, once I realized I was actually going to get an ADD dx, there was some resistance and sadness on my part too -- still figuring that part out.

One really nice thing happened the other day. My counselor validated for me how hard it must have been being ADHD as a kid and keeping such a tight lid on it. (I was a real people pleaser and just sucked it up a lot of times). After I left I couldn't stop thinking about that -- I don't even think I had validated how hard it was to function at the level I managed. I expect that's true for all of us -- it's hard to be judged because even if what we're doing looks below part, we probably worked harder to come up with that than other folk work even when they do better. The cumulative effect gets pretty tiring. Maybe that's why symptoms are coming out worse at this age -- sheer exhaustion at fighting and trying to hide them (of course I hid them so well that my family doesn't want to believe I have ADD now). It's hard though pretending to be normal, especially when you're feelings about everything are so volitile.

Scattered

The cumulative effect gets pretty tiring. Maybe that's why symptoms are coming out worse at this age -- sheer exhaustion at fighting and trying to hide them (of course I hid them so well that my family doesn't want to believe I have ADD now). Well said.
L.

The cumulative effect gets pretty tiring. Maybe that's why symptoms are coming out worse at this age -- sheer exhaustion at fighting and trying to hide them (of course I hid them so well that my family doesn't want to believe I have ADD now). .



Stress can make ADHD symptoms worse as does anger!!!Why are you trying to hide who you are??? Why are you fighting it??? I tried to be "normal" it caused depression!!! I wanted to be like everyone else but was a failure it FELT like failing. Now I am me I do my darndest to be the best me I can. I don't hide my ADHD I don't hide the fact I need medications to function in a non-ADD way.Hell NON-ADDers would need to take the same meds to have ADD symptoms!!! Ever thought about it like that??


Some people have doubted me, especially my live in boy-friend. I just quit taking the medications!!! I did that to a doctor I was working for he said ADHD was a fraud so I went to work without the assistance of my medication---->fastest "conversion" I have ever seen!! See I have "fun" with my ADHD. That to me is what ADHD is all about fun, creativeness, uniqueness, being different is GOOD, keeps us from being boaring. I love ADHD is to me it is one of the few mental differences that bother other people more than it bothers me. I take medications so I can organize easier, I can access non-ADD thinking any time I want. I can access ADD thinking any time I want to!!!




It's hard though pretending to be normal, especially when you're feelings about everything are so volitile.


Quit pretending it doesn't sound like it's productive or fun.You sound angery!!!Who said you were abnormal. What to know some thing cool??? Here on this forum having ADD/ADHD IS NORMAL!!!! WELCOME TO NORMAL!!!

I just quit taking the medications!!! I did that to a doctor I was working for he said ADHD was a fraud so I went to work without the assistance of my medication---->fastest "conversion" I have ever seen!! I'm not sure I could pull that one off at this time of my life, but DARE TO DREAM!:D
See I have "fun" with my ADHD. That to me is what ADHD is all about fun, creativeness, uniqueness, being different is GOOD, keeps us from being boaring.
. . . it doesn't sound like it's productive or fun. Thanks for reminding me.
L.

My personal MOTTO: The only two reasons to do any activity is PRODUCTIVITY or FUN!! If an activity or conversation doesn't fall into one of these catagories I don't waste my time or effort!!!

I know what you mean, I was 44 yrs old before I was diagnoised. I've spent alot of time thinking about 'what might have been" Now at the age of 51 after having a family (6 children, 3 with AD/HD & 3 without) and ending a second marriage. I seldom think about the "what if's" & am Thankful for "what is"....now I know the "reason" why I never could keep house right no matter how hard I tried & it is not an "excuse." & countless other things that have been changed from "excuse" into "reason." There is nothing "simple" about AD/HD to those of us that have it..but we have a actual name, symptoms and varies methods to choose from when considering how we want to live our lives. The "grief porcess" is real & necessary for adults but there is a point where each of us has to make the decision... if we want to spend our time & energy thinking about "what if's" or take the knowledge we now have and make a better life for ourselves now & in the future...nothing can be done to change the past... but nothing limits us for today & the future but ourselves

Just diagnosed this year at 47. I managed OK without the diagnosis and functioned well on the job, but home is where I'd fall apart. Couldn't seem to get it together to take care of all the details without feeling as if I was in a fog and things seemed to take forever to complete. The evenings would stretch endlessly with everything that needed to be done day after day. On medicine my brain feels 20 years younger and life isn't boring anymore. Husband and kids noticed and are supportive. We all get along better when Mom isn't wiped out.

Stress can make ADHD symptoms worse as does anger!!!Why are you trying to hide who you are??? Why are you fighting it??? I tried to be "normal" it caused depression!!! I wanted to be like everyone else but was a failure it FELT like failing. Now I am me I do my darndest to be the best me I can. I don't hide my ADHD I don't hide the fact I need medications to function in a non-ADD way.Hell NON-ADDers would need to take the same meds to have ADD symptoms!!! Ever thought about it like that??
Old habits die hard, I guess. Always been rather a people pleaser. And yep, I know about the depression part, but I'm coming out of it as I'm pursuing ADD dx and such over my family's objections and skeptism.


Some people have doubted me, especially my live in boy-friend. I just quit taking the medications!!! I did that to a doctor I was working for he said ADHD was a fraud so I went to work without the assistance of my medication---->fastest "conversion" I have ever seen!! See I have "fun" with my ADHD. That to me is what ADHD is all about fun, creativeness, uniqueness, being different is GOOD, keeps us from being boaring. I love ADHD is to me it is one of the few mental differences that bother other people more than it bothers me. I take medications so I can organize easier, I can access non-ADD thinking any time I want. I can access ADD thinking any time I want to!!!
Nice to hear you can still access your ADD thinking -- one of the things that makes me worry about starting meds is losing that. With only a few exceptions (ie: getting lost all the time and losing stuff), I really enjoy being me. But since I'm a mommy and a wife, I really do need to get organized. Stablizing the mood swings might be nice too. Unlike a lot of others, I don't really have much in the way of regrets. I've had a good and fun life up to now, suddenly things have taken a dive in the mental clarity department. BTW, Loved your story about the doctor's conversion!:D


Quit pretending it doesn't sound like it's productive or fun.You sound angery!!!Who said you were abnormal. What to know some thing cool??? Here on this forum having ADD/ADHD IS NORMAL!!!! WELCOME TO NORMAL!!!Yeah, a bit I guess. My brother doesn't even believe ADD exists. And here I'm hanging on to meeting my obligations by my fingernails. Oh well, enough whining for now. The rest of my family believes it exists, but thinks I've been way to functional to have it. They just don't get how hard I had to work to maintain that level of functionality and how hard doing stupid things like mailing letters and the like is for me. Did I say enough whining? Obviously NOT!:p

Scattered

blanket retraction of posting

Stress can make ADHD symptoms worse as does anger!!!Why are you trying to hide who you are??? Why are you fighting it??? I tried to be "normal" it caused depression!!! I wanted to be like everyone else but was a failure it FELT like failing. Now I am me I do my darndest to be the best me I can. I don't hide my ADHD I don't hide the fact I need medications to function in a non-ADD way. Hell NON-ADDers would need to take the same meds to have ADD symptoms!!! Ever thought about it like that??

Some people have doubted me, especially my live in boy-friend. I just quit taking the medications!!! I did that to a doctor I was working for he said ADHD was a fraud so I went to work without the assistance of my medication---->fastest "conversion" I have ever seen!! See I have "fun" with my ADHD. That to me is what ADHD is all about fun, creativeness, uniqueness, being different is GOOD, keeps us from being boaring. I love ADHD is to me it is one of the few mental differences that bother other people more than it bothers me. I take medications so I can organize easier, I can access non-ADD thinking any time I want. I can access ADD thinking any time I want to!!!

Quit pretending it doesn't sound like it's productive or fun. You sound angery!!! Who said you were abnormal. What to know some thing cool??? Here on this forum having ADD/ADHD IS NORMAL!!!! WELCOME TO NORMAL!!!
Tammy, you crack me up. Your post sounds way angrier than Scattered's, and isn't that just like AD/HD?

That emotion is all tied up with Kay's two rules, "We're never more dangerous than when we think it's OK to beat ourselves up," and "Always look for the benevolent view, especially of yourself."

I suppose that's what you were responding to in Scattered's elegant post, that ADDer idea always lurking under the surface that we should start out to fix things by seeing how we should change ourselves first.

It always makes us mad to think that someone that doesn’t deserve it might tear into themselves instead of pushing back at the world that unjustly creates the appearance of problems.

* * * * * * * *


I don't even think I had validated how hard it was to function at the level I managed. I expect that's true for all of us -- it's hard to be judged because even if what we're doing looks below part, we probably worked harder to come up with that than other folk work even when they do better. The cumulative effect gets pretty tiring. Maybe that's why symptoms are coming out worse at this age -- sheer exhaustion at fighting and trying to hide them…
Hey, Scattered:

There are perfectly good reasons for why things seem to build up as we age, and they aren't really just an accumulation of the debris of living undiagnosed in an intolerant world.

The trying to hide our differences thing is universal, too. About ten years ago Kay and I nicknamed it 'the veil', and it can be deep or shallow, depending on your circumstances. Part of coming to grips with ourselves is taking the veil down, and then learning to deal with a whole new set of circumstances.

There are specific ways that our minds work differently, and one of the consequences is that our minds can take much longer to mature than a normal's. When that maturity kicks in, our viewpoint shifts (doesn't feel like it, but it does), and we lose our patience for the silliness.

The result is a reaction that many ADDers will recognize, something Kay and I call "No More Mister Nice Guy Syndrome". We can experience a cathartic moment, in which we acknowledge the fact that we can't fit ourselves to their ideas about what we should be, and we realize we just can't be bothered trying anymore.

If that cathartic moment is suppressed, we can end up with a load of guilt and self-assigned responsibilities for the feelings of others, neither of which are appropriate. Of course, the catharsis can launch us into a whole different set of problems, but it's more fun and closer to the honest truth of our situation.

Some of the way that our brains work differently is nicely hinted at in Mr. Sally's post in this same thread, back a bit. The mechanisms are simpler than Mr. Sally's speculations, or meadd823's ideas about a singular moment of birth/death in an alternate dimension.

We don't need to invoke particle physics, or actual additional physical dimensions to understand most of our experiential reality. (And we should stay away from religion entirely, at least in this sub forum, as per forum rules; spirituality as related to AD/HD can be addressed in the Meditation and Spirituality forum.)

What we do need is a new way to understand our own perception of reality. If we let our idea about how we perceive reality move about a bit, loosen our grip on it so to speak, we don't need to postulate fancy physics or other mechanisms until we get really far out there, where spirituality really reigns.

Fortunately, this isn't really too hard a thing to understand, even though the implications are far-reaching and sometimes may seem overwhelming. At its root, all we need is a basic understanding of the brain, and how perception occurs within it. Everything else (up to a point) falls out from that.

Most researchers aren't looking at the problem correctly just yet, so there are many misguided interpretations out there. But there are lots of people beginning to recognize the correct point of view. It's a part of understanding what we’re all experiencing, just as Mr. Sally's post shows.

All of which goes to this: if you're asking the right questions (and you are), then you don't have to worry too much. Just keep thinking, keep trying, remember Kay's two rules, and don't doubt yourself.

Like most of us, you know more than you know…

I'm in my mid thirties and was just recently diagnosed with having a full-blown case of ADD. Unfortunately this is the second time I have been diagnosed, the first time was in my early 20s when I suspected that I had it and the doc told me nothing was wrong.

I was 45 when diagnosed and was relieved to find a name for how I have been feeling. I dont think there are negative things about being add/adhd...just the way we take in what is said and process it. Oh i know there is more. I was just glad to know I was not crazy or the black sheep of the family. auntchris

I didnt write a post but it didnt take why?

I did.....write something earlier and it isnt here. why?

That emotion is all tied up with Kay's two rules, "We're never more dangerous than when we think it's OK to beat ourselves up," and "Always look for the benevolent view, especially of yourself." Yeah -- good rules to remember -- thanks for the reminder, I needed it too. The psychologist who offically diagnosed me yesterday isn't taking any new patients at present and being me, I took it personally and decided I was too annoying to work with even for someone who specialized in ADD and felt bad that he'd never get to see me as anything but a loser. Now mind you he never even hinted about my being a loser in fact said quite the opposite!:rolleyes: Apparently, I'm feeling like one at the moment.


There are perfectly good reasons for why things seem to build up as we age, and they aren't really just an accumulation of the debris of living undiagnosed in an intolerant world.

The trying to hide our differences thing is universal, too. About ten years ago Kay and I nicknamed it 'the veil', and it can be deep or shallow, depending on your circumstances. Part of coming to grips with ourselves is taking the veil down, and then learning to deal with a whole new set of circumstances.Bit scary, eh?!:eek:


There are specific ways that our minds work differently, and one of the consequences is that our minds can take much longer to mature than a normal's. When that maturity kicks in, our viewpoint shifts (doesn't feel like it, but it does), and we lose our patience for the silliness.Hmmmmm ... always felt like I took too long to grow up. Didn't even get around to having kids until I was 37 and 42!:rolleyes:

The result is a reaction that many ADDers will recognize, something Kay and I call "No More Mister Nice Guy Syndrome". We can experience a cathartic moment, in which we acknowledge the fact that we can't fit ourselves to their ideas about what we should be, and we realize we just can't be bothered trying anymore.It was funny after Tammy said, I sounded angry here my counselor said the same thing. We ended up having a pretty good session. Amazing -- she managed to tie together the ADD stuff, marriage problems, adoption/rape conception problems all into one package -- strangley enough they're all connected. (Like a former counselor of mine used to say, "Doesn't matter which thread you grab, eventually their all connected anyway"). This was the first time I could actually see and feel the connection -- I think it's really going to help in the working this through department.

If that cathartic moment is suppressed, we can end up with a load of guilt and self-assigned responsibilities for the feelings of others, neither of which are appropriate. Of course, the catharsis can launch us into a whole different set of problems, but it's more fun and closer to the honest truth of our situation.I go back and forth a lot between validating what's real for me and feeling guilty/responsible for family's feelings.
Fortunately, this isn't really too hard a thing to understand, even though the implications are far-reaching and sometimes may seem overwhelming. At its root, all we need is a basic understanding of the brain, and how perception occurs within it. Everything else (up to a point) falls out from that.

All of which goes to this: if you're asking the right questions (and you are), then you don't have to worry too much. Just keep thinking, keep trying, remember Kay's two rules, and don't doubt yourself.

Like most of us, you know more than you know…Thanks!:)
Scattered

In reading your post I remembered when the time finally came & I KNEW that ADD was the only answer to "what was wrong with me." I called the doctor that had been treating 3 of my kids that have ADD....and I was told he isn' taking any new patients." I was referred to the local Mental Health Center...after finally getting an appt & filling out all of the paper work & NOT seeing and/or talking with anyone except those in the office ie noone mental health or medical related...I was told to go home & they would call me with an appt time to see the dr....a few days later I got a call from the receptionist...who gave me an appt..a few months away...and added that the "doctor"?? said for me to "stop drinking coffee and take 10mg Valium at bedtime. Your prescription for Valium is out here you can pick it up anytime."
I hung up the phone & told my husband what was said, when he finally finished laughing..he wasn't laughing at me or the situation but the fact that he..a man who had never been to college & barely finished high school ( he was diagnoised with ADD as a kid but stopped taking his meds) knew more than this man with several degrees on a college level & was a doctor...when he stopped laughing I told him " I cannot live this way anymore I would rather be dead" I was 44, had 6 kids, a medical-legal background, a second marriage..which may "appear" fine & wonderful but my life had been & was a "disaster" the old phrase "appearances can be deceiving" fits well.
Hopeing & Praying for a Miracle I called the kids dr's office 1 more time...& when I told them that this dr was the one 3 of my kids saw & we had been using him for the past 10 yrs....they said "oh, you wouldn't be a new patient he treats the family. When would you like to come in ?
I know this is somewhat different than your post...but those words "isn't taking any new patients.." reminded me of when I heard those words.
BlessedLady

Reading and some re-reading of these post I do see one common thread that "connects us all" I would call it PASSION!! Despite our different perspective, as well as our difference of opnion we all comminucated PASSION. No luke warm responses, not half hearted, middle of the road stuff. In every post I saw a person who has emotions so strong that even with written words which can be edited, re-worded re-written over and over to nauseam, each individual (or in Stables case individuals) emotions and to a certain extend personality remained intact. I didn't have to idenify with, or relate to the perspectives presented, to hear the voice behind the post. I think passionate people like us were put here for a reason (or reasons) Some of those reasons is prevent apthay, and enhance growth, and at times ignite change.

Yeah, passion is definately part and parcel of it, I think. The one word used most often to describe me in my life by my family was INTENSE! Both a good thing and a draw back -- I think I wear my family out sometimes, but I'm also a pretty dynamic presenter in person growth type arenas.

Blessed Lady, I'm glad you got in to see your kids doctor -- the other guy sounded like a real quack. My daughter's ADHD too (I think my dyslexic husband is as well). May try to get her tested by the same guy -- eventually may get a foot in the door! In the mean time I do have a good counselor, whose familiar with ADD in kids, but not so much adults. She is however open to learning and a good counselor.

Scattered