I just started school and have been seeing a psychiatrist to get ADD meds. My BF and I are both are recovering addicts so he is very sensitive to what medications i take. The non stimulant Strattera did not work for me.

Basically he is throwing it in my face that it is a methylphenidate and is accusing me of being HIGH on it because I need large doses of it. I also tend to have more clarity of thought and it makes me a bit more talkative than usual which is obviously annoying him. BIG DEAL, it helps me focus, concentrate and be a deeper thinker! He is also calling my doctor and telling him I am getting HIGH on the ritilan! I feel like he's too invasive! I don't call his doctor...if i did I would get kicked out. (He's the boss because he pays the bills, you know?)

I was up for 2 days very late and this bothers him because he thinks I want a coke high...which is not true. One night i was up all night studying and the next night i was up writing him a long letter to try to deepen our relationship.

(which he didn't want to read the 16 page note i had spend ALL this time writing because he thought I was writing the letter high and started putting my letter into the paper shredder!) I had some deep things in there! That was the most INSULTING thing he could have done!! It shows me how much he wants to know my thoughts. Even when i was NOT on the Ritilan he took weeks to read 1 note i wrote him!! I had to push him to read it! I wrote him alot because the ritilan helps me to organize my thoughts that I have been thinking about for weeks but couldn't express it.

For some reason, my actions are always bothering him. If I'm in the other room quietly reading/writing/studing while he is sleeping, how is that a bother???

So The next day he's demanding i throw all my Ritalin down the toilet or else I have to leave. I have no where to go either. I would be homeless if he kicked me out. So i threw it down the toilet like he demanded me to.

Now I have no meds because I can't get another perscription filled until the time elapses where i can get another perscription!

I hope my doctor still wants to treat me because everytime my BF calls this doctor it raises suspicion, and I loose credibility!

Why do people take away things that work for me?
Does anyone else have problems in their relationships because of the way the medication works for them? Any suggestions? Advise? anyone else have problems in their relationships???

Maybe he's paranoid? or delusional or something...
Even if you are a recovering addict...IMO it's your body...have you talked to your doctor about how he acts?

Do you think he could be getting high without you knowing it, so therefore to cover his own guilty conscious and take attention off of him he blames you? Maybe you bother him when your awake studying because that's when he's normally up doing his thing...I know my mom bothers me when she's home during the day before I go to work. Not because I don't love my mom or because I don't want to spend time with her...it just screws up my routine.

Anyway, I'm sure someone else is gonna have some really great advice or another point of view. That was just the first thing that popped in my head, and I haven't had my meds yet this morning.

Cyberspacestar

Your both ex-addicts, he asked you to throw your meds down the pan....you did it. He calls your Dr and discusses you.

I would doubt any Dr will re-prescribe....he won't know if the meds went down the pan or down someones throat.

Basically its your life....if you think meds help you and will enable you to get through school to improve your life that's your and your Dr's call.

Your "boyfriend" may well believe that stimulant meds are bad and it may be that he finds the temptation of their presence difficult to deal with so he makes you destroy them....probably knowing full well the Dr is unlikely to write a replacement script...thats him making his issue your issue.

So who's life is being helped...his or yours.

Many guys who have low self esteem will do anything to keep a woman tied to them, because they can wallow around in self pity and rely on someone else to make them feel better.

Its damn difficult to climb out of a muddy pit if your in there with someone who thinks muddy pits are the place to be.....and loves company.

kilt

Your boyfriend sounds like a loser, I was in recovery once for addiction to benzo's and I let the "junkie phobia" ruin my treatment and it was counterproductive.

Your boyfriend must be what AA/NAers call a "thirteenth stepper", I bet he has more sobriety time then you do and you guys most likely met through treatment of your addiction, am I right or close on at least one of them.

He is contributing to codependence in a different way.

In his mind, you will need him more without your medication, he will resent you for needing him more, and it will create a cycle.

He is a control freak and if he called your doctor and said you relapsed with it, chances are you will not be able to get your prescription.

He sounds a lot like a sociopath or a borderline.

I hear "financial need" and "no financial alternatives" here -- but I don't hear any love and care in this story. Maybe it's just me, but I'm not sure why you want to deepen this relationship. Of course, it's possible that since you're in the USA it is only his health insurance that gets you any meds or any psych care at all, to say nothing of your schooling. A real tough spot.

I would end any discussion of my health concerns and treatments with this man, and tell my doctor not to discuss my private matters with him. I would keep the meds elsewhere, and try to do my study and meds use early in the day, or arrange my schedule so I am taking meds and doing my study at school, in a coffee shop or at home while he is at work.

Some of the biggest mistakes I made when I was first married, resulted from the idealistic concept that "to make the relationship work, I must be totally honest". I suppose that's true between people who are honest and whose chief motivation is to make the other healthy and happy. It didn't work for me, though.

And though you didn't ask, I'll be pushy and also recommend that you do whatever is necessary to avoid having children until you are out of school and have life resources of your own.

Ducky

Seconded hollyduck

Some guys use kids to really tie a woman to them.....basically once you have his kids him and his problems are in your life until you die.

Brutal

kilt

He sounds really controling, and that is never good.

And I have to wonder why your dr is talking to a boyfriend about your medical issues. I had to have my husband given written permission to the dentist so I could discuss his options for his upcomming treatment (thank you HIPA). And it's a community property state too.

I think you should dsicuss that with your dr too, and make sure he knows to not talk about your medical issues with anyone else.

Please tell me if i'm wrong, but i was under the impression that stimulants were not prescribed to ex addicts due to the addiction elements.

If your taking large doses.. it sounds to me like your Bf may have reason to be concerned.

Yeah I believe the dose may be too high. Your BF wouldn't make all this fuss for no reason. staying up all night to write a 16 page note to him? increased talking? sounds like you have erratic behavior also. You also stayed up 2 days in a row?

Quite a few signs of too high a dose. What is your dose btw? If you've become so disruptive that he wants to get rid of your meds there's not much you can do..sounds like he's the one paying for them and also paying for the roof over your head. Try and reach a compromise of lowering your dose until your annoying behavior stops..he shouldn't have to put up with that.

Get a job, break up with him, move out if you want to continue taking high doses.

MissADHD: Ex-addicts can be prescribed stimulant medication but I don't think it's a good idea until they've been sober for a long time.

He's not paying for my meds, medicade is. But since he pays the overhead bills since I'm in school and welfare....with only a food stamp card to offer....I can't say much around here... My dose of ritilan is two 40mg in the AM 2 40mg at noon later, then a 20mg dose at 4pm for studying in the evening. I have to tell my BF my mental business and meds I'm taking because for one thing, he needs to know what I do and where I go...which is only to school and back home. We live together so he KNOWS which meds i take which originally i thought would not be a big deal.

I have been clean and sober for over a year...he is clean for many more years than me but he is throwing it in my face that it's a stimulant and he's calling my doctor on me telling him I am a recovering addict and he also told MY doctor I was getting high and talkative...(not HIGH you idiot, just more focused amd clarity of thought) I mean I'm not calling his doctor to tell him about how I think my BF is behaving!!! I mean my BF also has a mental illness but I don't go telling his doctor stuff....cause my BF would have me removed from the apartment if i did that! I mean, it's double standards here...

Now I know writing a 16 page letter is a bit extreme, but by nature I am extreme. I stayed up most of the night, had clarity of thought I haven't felt in a while, I was able to write him some things I have been wanting to discuss for weeks. When I take the meds I have more organized thought patterns and clarity. So I wrote the letter. All that time WASTED trying to deepen the relationship and he put it half way through the paper-shredder cause he didn't want to read a letter that I wrote while I was on my medication. He still has not read ANY of that letter so it was a TOTAL WASTE of my time!!

I didn't stay up two days in a row, I stayed up 1 night and then the next night I had about 5 hours sleep. Probably becase I am just so excited that I feel motivated again...i wanted to stay up. Now my BF is telling me that he shouldn't have made me flush it down the toilet...!!!!

but he changes his mind every two minutes. Then he said the next perscription i get (HE WILL DISPENSE it to me!) (all because i told him the TRUTH and was HONEST that i took an extra ritilan to finish the letter so he could read it. (Please don't get on my case for saying i took an extra one. ) It just seems like when I am TOTALLY honest with him....he throws it in my face...uses it against me. I am afraid if he gets into one of his fits of rage again, he'll start telling my doctor I am abusing it...which I don't!

TO: MSPEN1018---I know what you mean about thirteenth stepping... I met him at an NA meeting while I was homeless living in a shelter. He said he could let me stay there with him. I've been here for over a year now... and have over a year clean. He has almost 13 years clean now... so basically, I have no control...if I make him angry...he has threatened to throw me out that night...this happened about 10 times already. he said that if i don't throw my Ritilan out he will get a cop to remove me from his apartment that I have been staying for a year... I have no where to go! so i threw them out because i had no choice. Now he's saying that he shouldn't have done that! I am furious. Now I keep calling my doctor and he has not been returning my calls!

I mean, one day he says he wants to marry me, then the next day...he wants to throw me out because he can't take me anymore.... then other days he could take me or leave me. I don't get it??

We were at bible study the other night and he was tripping out talking to the Pastor about me and how he can't take me anymore...how I ask him too many questions.... (only because I want to know him better not cause I'm nosey) but he doesn't see it that way... He was baiscally getting very testy with the Pastor complaining about me in the Pastor's own house after bible study! I mean, the whole bible study was talking about self control and how to not let your emotions control you, and it was like it didn't sink in! He was asking the Pastor if he could let me stay there for the night and I don't even know what the hell i did wrong...and what led up to these rageful feelings.

Just tonight I wanted to have sex with him since we haven't in about 3-4 days and he told me NO. (again) I'm wondering to myself why he is too tired to have sex when it takes ten minutes and then you can go to sleep if your that tired. So I layed there in bed and just said to myself, "this is really F_ucke_d up" and he was like, I'm gonna come over there and punch you if you don't shut up!!

This is the way he wins all arguememnts and gets his way...either he threatens to kick me out or punch me. He's also smacked me a few times. Not beat up but no woman needs to get slapped or threatened to get punched verbally!!...you know? especially when a guy says, you better shut up or I'm going to punch you in your face... I mean really, that's not necessary.

I know he's got his own mental illness, schizophrenia...which is hard for ME to deal with because he's constantly suspicious of me when I've been loyal to him since day ONE...

Pluse he isn't affectionate, doesn't touch me, or make out with me like french kissing and stuff like that....he isn't passionate at all...he's all about turning me around during sex, getting off and thats it. No kissing, or fondeling....kinky stuff... What bothers me is that he doesn't like to make out with me. He basically turns his head away if i go kiss him.. If i get any of his tounge at all, it's for a moment and he pulls away. He doesn't even touch me --and i even tell him to do it and he still won't!! What is wrong with this guy?

I'm so into him...yet he has no fire or passion for me. But he's sympathetic because he helped me out of homlessness into a safe apartment, helped me stay clean, bought me things, takes care of me, I owe him gratitude for that because I certainly am not a street girl....or street wise. He knew I didn't belong in a shelter and knew I was different... but I want a deeper relationship with him...but he only goes so far with intamcy. What's wrong with him??

any thoughts as to what's wrong with him?

He sounds like my moms 4 ex husbands...He's sick...he needs help; help that you can not provide. That's not a situation you should stay in..IMO. If I was you I would run as far and as fast as I could.

As far as what he did for you I know it may seem like you owe him your life, but it was his choice to help you...say your thanks and keep going. Just my opinion though..

go to a battered womans shelter, but get away from him
use your brain
respect yourself

...he needs help; help that you can not provide. That's not a situation you should stay in..IMO. If I was you I would run as far and as fast as I could.

As far as what he did for you I know it may seem like you owe him your life, but it was his choice to help you...say your thanks and keep going. Just my opinion though..
Nope, it's my opinion too. This sounds like a dangerous situation, not a helpful one. (Not helpful to either of you.) He sounds angry and very controlling and that's one of the worst signs in a relationship.

It took me years to learn that sometimes the relationship is over, even though neither person has said anything. What you're telling us has this written all over it.

When you decide to move, DON"T TELL HIM. Don't hint, don't leave any papers or phone numbers laying around, don't make any mention of anything that might clue him that you're planning to leave. The time between a woman deciding to leave and the time she actually leaves is the time most assaults occur. Besides, even without assaults, it's horribly uncomfortable.

Make contact with the women's shelter. Save any money you can, and keep it elsewhere -- not on you, not in your purse, possibly at another church. He is likely to search your purse, that's where women keep their secrets, right? You might keep a $20 in your shoe for emergency cab fare. This sounds hokey but it could be the life-saver.

You will need to find another church. Not your current denomination, maybe a Lutheran, Methodist or United Church, who have less likelihood of telling you to keep trying to make it work. Faithfulness to a man is no help if the man keeps offering to "come over there and punch you". And not a church in the same neighbourhood.

Right now you can begin preparations. What would you grab first if there was a fire? Quietly choose the small things that absolutely cannot be replaced, like letters, documents or photos, and move them to a safe place not in the apartment. Do you have a locker at school? That might be a possibility.

If it is any help, this clash between you doesn't necessarily mean he is a bad man -- but if you are both in need of help, in this situation you both seem to be making each other less stable.

====
One more thing -- if I read you correctly it sounds like you're taking (2x40 + 2x40 + 20) or 180 mg of ritalin a day. Isn't that an awful lot? The rest of the people here can throw some light on that, I imagine. It seems high to me, but I could be wrong. Maybe you need it because of your earlier drug use, I don't know.

Take care,

Ducky
praying

I may have to veer with him on the issue of you abusing your Ritalin based on what you've said in this thread. However, it still sounds like you've found yourself a jerk and either you think you're going to change him and make him into this amazing prince charming, (you're not), or you are subconsciously trying to fix your own "daddy complex". Either way, you two are an accident waiting to happen.


Then he said the next perscription i get (HE WILL DISPENSE it to me!) (all because i told him the TRUTH and was HONEST that i took an extra ritilan to finish the letter so he could read it. (Please don't get on my case for saying i took an extra one. )you're kidding, right? you overdosed after only being sober a year, so you could write a LOVE NOTE? :eyebrow:


Pluse he isn't affectionate, doesn't touch me, or make out with me like french kissing and stuff like that....he isn't passionate at all...he's all about turning me around during sex, getting off and thats it. No kissing, or fondeling....kinky stuff... What bothers me is that he doesn't like to make out with me. He basically turns his head away if i go kiss him.. If i get any of his tounge at all, it's for a moment and he pulls away. He doesn't even touch me --and i even tell him to do it and he still won't!! What is wrong with this guy?Not really sure what I had in mind for advice on this, the first thing that struck me is .. you sure you two aren't married?

Given the tone of the whole post, my being cynical by nature, and this particular paragraph, I've come to this conclusion: He's got you for what he wants. He knows you're stuck being there, with no leverage and is using that to his advantage. He's controlling all aspects of your life because you're letting him. While it's wrong for him to do it, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong WITH him.

When you write him a 16 page "love note" he has to acknowledge the fact that you're actually human and have feelings and I would imagine that plucks a guilt string in him.

Your best bet is to get away from him. There's always somewhere to go. I mean, what would you do if he were say, abducted by aliens? If one day, he were spontaneously removed from earth, what would you do?

Living your life like he's going to be there always is not very smart, especially given the relationship you have with him.

Maybe YOU need to talk to your doctor, instead of your bf.

One more thing -- if I read you correctly it sounds like you're taking (2x40 + 2x40 + 20) or 180 mg of ritalin a day. Isn't that an awful lot? The rest of the people here can throw some light on that, I imagine. It seems high to me, but I could be wrong. Maybe you need it because of your earlier drug use, I don't know.


I used to take an amount like that at age 4.


Oh cyberspacestar, I didn't recall you from a previous post. But I remember you now...

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable having an ex-junkie giving me a controlled substance... If there is a way to have a 3rd party do that I would suggest that. Some doctor's offices have case management services available and med distribution is part of that, look into it.

He is using the fact that he pays the bills to keep you there. He is using threats (and more) to keep you in line. Being "smacked....a few times" is NOT OK. That is where it starts. Then it moves to punches, the beatings, then the moruge. I have seen it happen. My brother (who is a police detective) has seen it happen. If you rationalize being smacked now, you will do the same for punches.

If you can't find a women's shelter, go to the police. They will know where one is. Either way I would get out NOW.

Call me a cynic.....but as soon as I hear the word "Pastor" my heart sinks.

kilt

I can't see WHICH "addiction history you have", in your post. (e.g. if your drugs of choice are "stimulants" or "sedatives", or whatever)

But I -=can=- tell you that in ALMOST ALL "recovery circles" -- IF you have a stimulant addiction history, you should probably not be on stimulants.

Some recovery advocates go even further and say 'no controlled drugs' at all. (Even cigarettes stimulate the dopamine loop.)

You were up late writing a letter to "deepen your relationship".

I recall your posts from before about you living with this abusive man.

Your brain is really hoping this will work, and that you can fix your abuser, isn't it?

It is still 'sick' (as most codependent's or addict's brains and thinking are).

This is quite sad. He's probably not interested in your well being (obviously). He's like a controlling parent, but not actually your parent.

Just a side note for all... I've read that methylphenidate has a relatively narrow range of efficacy. In low doses, it has a significant effect, and in high doses, it has a stronger effect, but not necessarily X many times more than the low dose. That's why it's abuse potential is less than other stimulants, and abuse of it (for recreational purposes) is less likely to be through oral administration.

I can't see WHICH "addiction history you have", in your post. (e.g. if your drugs of choice are "stimulants" or "sedatives", or whatever)

But I -=can=- tell you that in ALMOST ALL "recovery circles" -- IF you have a stimulant addiction history, you should probably not be on stimulants.

Some recovery advocates go even further and say 'no controlled drugs' at all. (Even cigarettes stimulate the dopamine loop.)

As some one previously labeled an addict I can tell you that this thinking is not as logical is it first appears. See I would be considered an abuser of stimulants because I knew what worked to control my ADD before the medical profession knew there was such a thing as adult ADD.

When I first was diagnosed as having ADD I had been clean and sober for over two years - almost three. I was on Ritalin for a couple of years then switched to Adderall and I have been on Adderall sense 1997 without any addiction problems at all.

So to automatically claim one with an addiction history should not be treated with stimulants is flat out incorrect seeing that self medicating is very common in people with ADD.

If the addiction were to food would you make the same statement - I mean yes food is legal however it may in reality be more harmful then some one who stumbles upon Dexedrine desoxyn and find they do exactly want you need them to do and used them to their advantage. My grades were a hundred times better when I was "using" than they were after I had been clean for over a year.

ADHD and Addiction
(http://www.addandaddiction.com/articles.htm)

Medication and Addiction

Psychostimulant medication when properly prescribed and monitored is effective for approximately 75-80% of people with ADHD. These medications include Ritalin, Dexedrine, Adderall, and Desoxyn. It is important to note that when these medications are used to treat ADHD the dosage is much less that what addicts use to get high. When people are properly medicated they should not feel high or "speedy, instead they will report increases in their abilities to concentrate, control their impulses, and moderate their activity level. The route of delivery is also quite different. Medication to treat ADHD is taken orally, where street amphetamines are frequently injected and smoked.

***End Quote


Now to the point at hand -

My spouse has been clean and sober for 14 years now and even though he is obviously ADHD he refused to even consider medications because he doesn't want to use any mind or mood altering medications for fear of relapse - and you know what that is HIS choice - it is HIS ADD and it falls in to the realm of HIS responsibility.

I have a history of my own and I take medication for my ADD and I have sense 1993 and you know what? This is MY choice, it is MY ADD and therefore MY responsibility.

I would not allow Gary to dictate to me how to treat MY condition you may be living in your boy friend home but you are NOT living in his body the body and brain you have are YOURS - what you put in it is YOUR choice - YOUR responsibility and your consequences.

Gary doesn't tell me I can't take medications it would be as absurd as me telling him had to. Addiction to Adderall is NOT a problem - I know this because I forget to take my medications all the time - gee now if I could only "forget to smoke the tobacco companies would never see another dime from my neurodiverse hinny again.

I'm so into him...yet he has no fire or passion for me. But he's sympathetic because he helped me out of homelessness into a safe apartment,

"in to him" ?????? Is this a reference to your financial situation or some feeling????

How do you know he helped you due to sympathy? Maybe he saw some one he could use to fill his own needs.

Helped you out of homelessness perhaps into a safe apartment umm I hate to inform you but you are NOT in a safe place to believe this is to delude your self - In a safe place one is free to speak their own mind with out fear of being kicked out or punched, In a safe place one is free to make choices as to how they will treat a condition that is theirs, in a safe place as an adult you are not required to do as some one says with out any choice of your own - From my computer chair you are in prison - which is located only one floor up from hell {IMHO}


helped me stay clean, bought me things, takes care of me,

Sobriety like ADD is YOUR responsibility.

My husband takes care of his truck he also buys it things it needs like oil, gas and new air filters but he treats it like an object because his truck is an object - these things do not equate preludes to a meaningful relationship. Preludes to a meaningful relationship includes {but is not limited to} - respect for the other persons boundaries and rights to make choices concerning their lives, friendship and willingness to be vulnerable, and desire to share your individuality while being willing and able to share your own on an equal level and a serious consideration to life long commitment - I do NOT see any of these things in any of your post I see the opposite.

Also all healthy relationship must have BOUNDARIES (http://www.ybrt.org/bounder.html)


Your boyfriend treats you worse than my husband treats his truck - he uses it when it break but he doesn't smack it around - If Gary smacked me I would break his arm. If I smacked him I think he would probably smack me back - we decided when when first got together that we wouldn't resort to physical violence if we were so mad at the other person we would leave before hitting, kicking ect. . . .when we get really mad at each other we simply do not interact for a while until each has had time to cool down and deal with their own feelings before attempting to deal with our feelings as a couple.

If You are Living in Denial DON’T READ THIS! (http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=151820488&blogID=303932728&Mytoken=101A73EB-2B6D-4A5A-8A788304A52A2FA120461820)

I certainly am not a street girl....or street wise. .

What is a street girl any way???

Street wise now I know what that is - I don't think any one is born being street wise - although it like every thing else like walking writing or washing the dishes people learn if and when the need arises.


He knew I didn't belong in a shelter and knew I was different

Exactly who "belongs" in a shelter any way?

Knew you were different than whom or what exactly ????

I am unsure how to take this but I am hoping you do not think you are better than people who have been homeless or lived on the streets - either would probably be a better place than where you are right now.

One of my sisters landed in a homeless shelter once - she learned that she needed to take care of herself because no one was going to do it for her, She didn't know where to begin but she put one foot in front of the other and she learned. Now she is some one who can stand on her own feet and make decisions concerning her own conditions and learned to meet her own needs - my sister now runs her house hold and it began in a homeless shelter about 10-12 years ago - with no one around to "save her" best damn thing that ever happened to her {IMHO}

I live in the streets with no one around to save me - I learned street wise because I did not want to die - now I can say if a man hits me I will hurt him badly because I know how - I stand on my own two feet and meet my own needs Gary buys me thing but he does so because he wants to not because he has to. If I really want some thing I am capable of buying it myself, I make my own decisions concerning my own conditions I have personal boundaries and I understand how to respect those of others and it all began on the streets some 20+ years ago.

You are not being helped you are being encouraged to remain dependent - even though you have not "used" drugs or mind altering substance but dependence on people can be as bad because there are people out there that are far worse for you than any drug could ever be and I believe you have found one of them.

It is okay if you disagree I do not even mind if you hate my post as long as some of it sinks in the time it took me to write it will be well worth my time.

OKay well gotta go I am being screemed at = it is kitten feeding time and boy does he know it. {Brat = Brat Cat = hmm I think I like that name}

Sounds like you really need to get out of this relationship. well said meed.

Find a job and work until you have enough money to move out and be independent of him.

Yeah, that's heap of ritilan even though drugs effect everyone differently. your behavior has probably changed since you've been on it and he doesn't like it obviously. ADD meds are supposed to calm you down and slow down you mind..it really sounds like it's speeding you UP in this case. If you were medicated correctly chances are he'd find you easier to deal with. NOT HARDER TO DEAL WITH!

I agree with LadyLark.

This guy sounds overly controlling regardless of his reasons he had no right to throw your meds down the toilet and you should really speak with your doctor about this.

Selena
He sounds really controling, and that is never good.

And I have to wonder why your dr is talking to a boyfriend about your medical issues. I had to have my husband given written permission to the dentist so I could discuss his options for his upcomming treatment (thank you HIPA). And it's a community property state too.

I think you should dsicuss that with your dr too, and make sure he knows to not talk about your medical issues with anyone else.