Just wondering how can I tell if the lack of interest my wife shows me is her ADD or just not interested in me any more.

Welcome to ADDforums,

It is possible that it is most likely the ADHD.

There is one book that I have read and you might want to check it out to see if it is at your library, it is called "Answers to Distraction" it is like an FAQ about ADHD.

Just wondering how can I tell if the lack of interest my wife shows me is her ADD or just not interested in me any more.



Expounding upon behaviors that you interpretate as "lack of interest" would be most helpful.

Well I guess that I should say that she had an affair over a year ago. We are in counceling but she doesn't really put forth any effort into trying to make our relationship better. She would never read any of the books that were recomended. She never will start a conversation even when she can tell something is bothering me. She just acts like nothing ever happened and there is nothing to work on.

There are a lot of blanks here to fill in!

What did your Counsellor say?

Only you can determine how much B.S. you are willing to take. Two people have to tango (interact), or YOUR light bulb will eventually come on. Screw counseling. Screw being nice. She wants a MAN! She wants you to take charge. Be an ***, don't be nice.
(It's chick logic, trust me dude, it works) May not be ADD but more along the lines of human nature. You want what you can't have, etc.

Either way- GOOD LUCK!

Many times ADDer behaviors can not be judged based upon normal non-ADD behaviors. Being married to an ADHD man myself I must make these determinations based upon HIS normal behavior. an Example

She would never read any of the books that were recommended.

Does she read books period. If I determined weather or not Gary cared for me based up on weather or not he Read recommended books then I would conclude he doesn't care simply because Gary does not read books period. My husband has a disorder of the eye muscles that causes his eyes not to work together so reading is difficult for him. He actually reads a lot slower than do and I am dyslexic. {this is a huge clue} Between the eye muscle disorder and the inability to sit on one place for longer than five minutes reading any thing of length is impossible for him.

Based upon Gary's normal behavior a apart from his relationship with me not reading recommended books would be a poor indicator of his feeling for me .





She never will start a conversation even when she can tell something is bothering me

How do you know she can tell? If she doesn't react to it she may very well not know.ADDers often miss hints, clues {even obvious ones} body language, behavior changes facial expressions, some times out right bluntness. Gary loves me very much but if I want him to know some thing I have to tell him in a short sweet but very blunt manner {preferably in under ten words in a non accusing manner} , with the next step being repeat step one several times, Some occasions will still require the use of a two by four.

My husband is more hyperactive then I am and I am pretty severely ADHD. His ADD is three times more impairing, he works for his self because he is too ADD to function in a regular working environment even with modifications and accommodations.


I have been explaining to him how his ADD effects his life for four years - FOUR YEARS - for the first time tonight he finally admitted he probably does have ADHD! . . . . . . . . . . . . :faint:


Does she start conversations with other people.

Have you asked her flat out -have you asked her if she sees problems in your relationship - please do note this only works if the question is followed by listening with out trying to interject your perspective. {Gary has a hard time with the last part - he want to tell me why I am wrong - I normally quit talking or tell him to STFU}






It's chick logic, trust me dude, it works

Seeing that I am female according to my birth certificate I think I am qualified to say this "chick logic" is utter horse hockey.





She wants a MAN! She wants you to take charge. Be an ***, don't be nice.


The LAST THING I want in my life is some over controlling man trying to dictate to me what I can and can not do. Gary tried that garbage when we first got together I snapped him back into reality so hard he thought he was in Jr. high all over again.

I want a man who takes responsibility for his own actions, attitudes, words, finances, and behaviors while being man enough to allow me to do the same . . . I am grown and will be treated as such by any and all who want to be a part of my life - period {this is a non-negotiable personal boundary.}

I could write a novel on this theory. The bigger jerk I am, the better it works out. I sincerely believe that women need to be put in their place. Dominant / Submissive thing.

I wish it wasn't that way either. However, it is a human nature thing. Everytime you are "nice" to a chick, you send the wrong signals. Someone has to be running things. When females perceive a guy as too easy or too friendly, women view the man as WEAK and soon to be in the friend category. Being an ******* just works.