Ok. I dont know whether this post is gonna even be notised by anyone. I usually sort my issues out all by myself. . . but I just need to rationalize this thing, and I do it best when typing.

3 days ago I met this girl through my old hostel room mate.She is moving into my Ex-room mates girl friends flat. Anyway, we hit on quite well after we met and things are moving into what seems to be a relationship. But I only know her for 3 days! Plus I am scared as hell of relationships, I really have anxiety attack when I like people too much. . .I run and screw up any possibilities of relationships.
Well this girl is very clingie, she attached to me very fast and thats the only reason why I saw her again after the first nite. I dont neccesarly have any feelings for her, but its nice having this closeness that I have not felt in years.
Here comes the tricky part. I think the biggest reason of my fear of relationships is directly related to my parents divoce My mom is an artist and my father an Architect. I am studying architecture and tae one guess what she is studying!! yip Art, in the same university that my parents met doing the samke thing they did.
Now I am not saying that I am gonna marry this girl, but what is the point of dating? . . its mate searching rite, mate for life searching. I cant date for sex or other convieniences, thats just shallow (and I dont do sex till I get married) She is also into the same art medium as my Mom.
I personally think God is laughing at me, making a fool of me.

I dont realy know if I should go into this thing with her, it just sounds too much like I am gonna stuff it up. She is nice and I like her, but not that deep wanting desire to be near her feeling.
I know that if I wanted to date someone I have options. I know of two other girls who have told me that they would like to date. Ok, id only date one of those two girls, but I know them better.

And a girl that falls for me this quickly can only be bad for me?
Maybe I need someone who is in check with her emotions to set my dried up heart rite?
But the whole thing that mirrors my parents scares the hell out of me. (not that I have much hell in me)
Do you think this ironic thing could be good for my relationship issues or just compile it into a bugger up.
Im just confused. . . wish there was a instruction book about stuff like this. . not that Id read it anyway, just be nice to know that there is a answer.

*flips through dating manual*.....

yeah right. as if. the clingy part sends up a red flag. However, that shouldn't make you send up the walls and set out the hounds on her. Clingy this early on typically is not a good thing, could just be her nerves. Just make a note and don't fret terribly much about it just now.

As for your mum and dad. pffft. nonsense. Two different people. Even though you are their offspring, this girl is not, or so we hope. Therefore you're dealing with a whole different set of everything. Granted the artsy types are touch and go... lol... I'm kidding. Just put your mum and dads relationship out of your mind when dealing with your own relationships. Never ever tell a girl she reminds you of your mum. Whether or not she does is irrelevant.

If your goal is to get married and have children, then technically, yes, it's searching for a mate. If your goal is to lead a life of singledom and celibacy, then dating is pointless, unless you're collecting friendships, and by all means, have at it. We need friends. Don't look at this as a project, or a business endeavor.

You're looking for that other person that is going to complete you. That person that when you look at them, you smile. Thinking about them makes your stomach flutter. These things are wonderful, but keep in mind, love at first sight is very rare indeed. It takes time to get to know another person.

To be honest, I met my husband online, in an AOL chatroom nearly 12 years ago. I thought he was an arrogant JERK. I remember rolling my eyes and thinking "god this guy is such a JERK". But for some reason I was intrigued just the same. Something about him kept me coming back. Mind you, he's still a jerk, lol, but in the big picture, that jerk-ness is a very small part of who he is. I fell completely in love with the rest of him. Now, I just tell him to quit being a jerk.

I realize it's cliche, and I typically hate cliche, I whole heartedly believe that when you stop looking, that's when you find that person. It's usually not who you expect either.

Granted there are those times when you get that one night stand pregnant.... but if you're waiting till you're married, you're aces on that front.

Everybody is scared of relationships. My husband lived an hour and half away from me when we were dating. His drive down the weekend he planned to propose, he stopped twice to vomit. He also cried more at the wedding. Some days I think he still cries, but I'm not totally convinced it's tears of joy.

If you walk into this or any relationship expecting to bugger it up, you will. lol. Bottom line, if you don't think this girl is a good idea, she very well may not be. But you have to use your head and your heart. There's no time limit to when you find that someone. You don't have a deadline here. Don't use your parents relationship as a guide for your own love life.

If anything, talk to your parents and ask them what went wrong. They are there to guide you, not chisel the path you are going to follow behind them.

And, be honest with this girl. If she is clingy, and you're just moving forward with her because she's there, and nothing more, you're guaranteed to have a mess on your hands eventually.

Do not let her feelings for you dictate your feelings for her. That is a big mistake. Be honest, and be smart. There's no test, no deadline, no awards. But, there is the possibility of spending your life with someone you can't imagine life without. That's a good thing. *cringes at the Martha Stewart reference*


Good luck to you. I give fabulous advice and if that doesn't work, I help bury bodies.... :D

my opinion- you both just need to take a deep breath! enjoy the moment. do not put all of these outrageous expectations on a relationship, that may not even be a relationship, especially since it is brand new. You can't paint people or an idea into a preconceived notion. Life just does not work that way.

GOOD LUCK!

Ok. I dont know whether this post is gonna even be notised by anyone. I usually sort my issues out all by myself. . . but I just need to rationalize this thing, and I do it best when typing.

3 days ago I met this girl through my old hostel room mate.She is moving into my Ex-room mates girl friends flat. Anyway, we hit on quite well after we met and things are moving into what seems to be a relationship. But I only know her for 3 days! Plus I am scared as hell of relationships, I really have anxiety attack when I like people too much. . .I run and screw up any possibilities of relationships.
Well this girl is very clingie, she attached to me very fast and thats the only reason why I saw her again after the first nite. I dont neccesarly have any feelings for her, but its nice having this closeness that I have not felt in years. do you know if she's like this with everyone....maybe she honestly likes you a LOT
Here comes the tricky part. I think the biggest reason of my fear of relationships is directly related to my parents divoce My mom is an artist and my father an Architect. I am studying architecture and tae one guess what she is studying!! yip Art, in the same university that my parents met doing the samke thing they did. that's just a coincidence...a tad freaky..but try not to worry about that yet
Now I am not saying that I am gonna marry this girl, but what is the point of dating? . . eerrmmm because you like each other???:p
its mate searching rite, mate for life searching. I cant date for sex or other convieniences, thats just shallow (and I dont do sex till I get married) her view?? She is also into the same art medium as my Mom.
I personally think God is laughing at me, making a fool of me. nope...maybe spin that around and look at it as if he's showing you there can be good from your parents divorce ..I can't imagine God ever laughing at anyone..

I dont realy know if I should go into this thing with her, it just sounds too much like I am gonna stuff it up. She is nice and I like her, but not that deep wanting desire to be near her feeling. it's still early MSW...and you are worried..so you may be staying away emotionally purposely....in case it turns out for the worst
I know that if I wanted to date someone I have options. I know of two other girls who have told me that they would like to date. Ok, id only date one of those two girls, but I know them better.

And a girl that falls for me this quickly can only be bad for me? not necessarily...
Maybe I need someone who is in check with her emotions to set my dried up heart rite? no girl is in check of her emotions at the start of a relationship..well..maybe there are, but not a lot...it's all hairy fairy in the begining
But the whole thing that mirrors my parents scares the hell out of me. (not that I have much hell in me) my parents are still married..and me mirroring THEM scares the hell out of me. You parents could have made the mistake of staying married, yet hating each other..then you be worried about mirroring that..
Do you think this ironic thing could be good for my relationship issues or just compile it into a bugger up. just go with your heart ;-)
Im just confused. . . wish there was a instruction book about stuff like this. . me too not that Id read it anyway,me either..LOL.. just be nice to know that there is a answer.there is never the right answer...do you want to see her again??? oh, and does she like whiskey??:p

Never ever tell a girl she reminds you of your mum. Whether or not she does is irrelevant. Thanx for the heads up, I would have.:eyebrow:

I realize it's cliche, and I typically hate cliche, I whole heartedly believe that when you stop looking, that's when you find that person. It's usually not who you expect either. As cliche as it might sound, I have not been "hunting" for at least 2 years now, and now there seem to be more woman interested in me than ever before.

Granted there are those times when you get that one night stand pregnant.... but if you're waiting till you're married, you're aces on that front. Plus South Africa has the highest HIV/AIDS cases in the world, a good reason to wait.

Everybody is scared of relationships. My husband lived an hour and half away from me when we were dating. His drive down the weekend he planned to propose, he stopped twice to vomit. He also cried more at the wedding. Some days I think he still cries, but I'm not totally convinced it's tears of joy. Ill keep this in mind next time I get a anxiety attack, but I have not felt that (ironically) "sick" for this girl.

Don't use your parents relationship as a guide for your own love life.

If anything, talk to your parents and ask them what went wrong. They are there to guide you, not chisel the path you are going to follow behind them.
My parents are the last place on earth that Id go for love advice, If I wanna know about colour composition I go to my mom, If I wanna know about building law I go to my dad. There is a better chance of them coming to me for love advice.

Do not let her feelings for you dictate your feelings for her. Thanx for that, I think it might just be whats happening.

Thanx DeloresLemon for your post, ill keep all that in mind.

my opinion- you both just need to take a deep breath! enjoy the moment. do not put all of these outrageous expectations on a relationship, that may not even be a relationship, especially since it is brand new. You can't paint people or an idea into a preconceived notion. Life just does not work that way. True, I might just be getting a head of myself here.

Well this girl is very clingie, she attached to me very fast and thats the only reason why I saw her again after the first nite. I dont neccesarly have any feelings for her, but its nice having this closeness that I have not felt in years. do you know if she's like this with everyone....maybe she honestly likes you a LOT One of my friends who sort of knows her has told me she has issues because her parents are going through a divorce, I have talked to her about the divorce before, but it does not seem that there are much issues with that. She seems more disapointed than anything else. My parents divoce really buggered me up.

Now I am not saying that I am gonna marry this girl, but what is the point of dating? . . eerrmmm because you like each other???:p And people who like each other eventually end up? . . . hating each other or maried!:eyebrow: ?

(and I dont do sex till I get married) her view?? My view and hers by the looks of it.

nope...maybe spin that around and look at it as if he's showing you there can be good from your parents divorce ..I can't imagine God ever laughing at anyone.. I suppose your right there

Maybe I need someone who is in check with her emotions to set my dried up heart rite? no girl is in check of her emotions at the start of a relationship..well..maybe there are, but not a lot...it's all hairy fairy in the begining Ill take your word on that as I cant know that as well as you.

just go with your heart ;-) My heart is saying HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA:faint:
there is never the right answer...do you want to see her again??? oh, and does she like whiskey??:p I just wanna run very far away now. And she is a whisky and wine lover just like me:D

Thanx Tracy, knew Id get a reply from you.
I think I am gonna slow things down first, get to know her before I anything gets out of hand, or someone gets hurt. If I bring things down to just friendship level, then id know if I really like her, or if I am being led into this by her stronger emotions.
Its the only way I know how to do it, I know how I normally respond to these situations, and there is usually a lot of tears form the girls side and running on my side.:D

:-)
so, you have some great advice from some great people :-)
and it looks like you are on the right track..
the only thing I'd be wary of..well 2 things..

1= she'll drink your whiskey as soon as you turn your back
2= she'll drink your wine when all the whiskey has gone

xx
you'll be fine :-)

1= she'll drink your whiskey as soon as you turn your back
2= she'll drink your wine when all the whiskey has gone
Cant let that happen.
She does seem to enjoy drinking all my money . . . and . . alcohol away.
Thanx tracy

Well this girl is very clingie, she attached to me very fast and thats the only reason why I saw her again after the first nite. I dont neccesarly have any feelings for her, but its nice having this closeness that I have not felt in years.

I guess I would say to enjoy it, hopefully you are but speaking from personal experience with clingy women, I want to mention a possibility that comes with a good portion of clingy people.

I don't want to give you a buzzkill or anything but some clingy people have Borderline Personality Disorder.

http://addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9256

And that is no fun to deal with, in fact the core feature of BPD is centered around relationships.

I am not saying that this girl may or may not be borderline, or that it really matters but I think that you should be aware of BPD so that you don't wind up blindsided and end up having more anxiety due to getting into a relationship with one of them.

Thanks for the heads up, I dont think she has BPD. But ill look out for those symptoms. She seems rather tidy, organised and less impulsive than me, except the clingie part. She is a really nice person, but WOW, she is getting attached too fast and Its scary.

Thanks for the heads up, I dont think she has BPD. But ill look out for those symptoms. She seems rather tidy, organised and less impulsive than me, except the clingie part. She is a really nice person, but WOW, she is getting attached too fast and Its scary. It's good you are being cautious...we'll be your advisors...LOL..but that's ironic...taking advice from me..hehe ..I'm as screwed up as she is probably..:D :D

Well I can be more honest here to you guys than most people in my life. So the advice I get from you guys would probably be the best advice.

Well I can be more honest here to you guys than most people in my life. So the advice I get from you guys would probably be the best advice.It would be the best advice we could give :p
keep us up to date :-)
has she called?
have you called?

has she called?
have you called? Not yet. She is going to her home tomorrow which is 600km away. I am gonna see her soon. playing on the idea of phoning her. I suppose I should hey?!

Not yet. She is going to her home tomorrow which is 600km away. I am gonna see her soon. playing on the idea of phoning her. I suppose I should hey?!NO! LOL NO!!!

LOL..NO!!! give it at least a FEW days :-)

Oh, too late ayway.
She asked me to contact her yesturday so she can say bye before going to her home. After she goes Ill spread the phone calls thinly.
Being students we are always partying, so it was impossible for me to not see her everyday over the weekend cause her friends are my friends. And our friends want us too hook up.

can we give her a name :-) please

I suppose I can.
Her ADDF phseudo name will now be Anzi. Got a reason for Anzi and it sounds cool.

I will probably meet up with her later today to say bye and have one last coffee.
Ill do the whole, "lets just be friends" thing. How cliche. Ill put it better than that though. Honesty has always worked for me.

hey bro, um heres wot i think.
You gotta find out if she falls for all guys that easy cuz you really dont wanna desperate chick cuz they usually have their reasons for being desperate and become real clingy really quickly. Clingy is not good.
She might just realli think your the shiz and everything shes dreamed off and all that over girly chick movie moments kinda stuff. Which is a good thing.
Maybe take a lil time to get to kno her a bit ay then work out if shes worth being with long term. Now just hang out n stuff.
Next we will be askn for a pic ;)

I just had coffee with her for a while. . . I could not tell her that I wanted to slow things down. She just looks so froggen happy ( I think ******* gets stared out) and is all over me with that hand holding thing that she does.
Then when the december holiday thing came up she look so depressed because I am not gonna see her till January. . . SHE CANT LOVE ME AFTER 5 DAYS!!!!
thats just not cricket! (any New Zealander watch the cricket!! hehehe)

I have tomorrow morning left to tell her to chill, otherwise she is gonna go into the holiday waiting for my phone call everyday. . . I cant have that.

hmmm shes got it bad for you ay. So what do you think your going to do? Yeah i think ****ing gets starred out 2 lol.
hand holding thing...? gotta tell me more about that bro.
cricket? does anyone in NZ actually watch it lol? dont you find it a little slow and boring?

you could conveniently drop your phone in the toilet by accident ;)

HAHA, I only watched the last bit, there is no way I can watch a whole game.
you could conveniently drop your phone in the toilet by accident ;) And lose ANOTHER phone this year. . not gonna happen.

Thing is I dont know if I am interested or not yet. . . just gonna have to do the talk thing. . . not lus for that guilty feeling afterwards, maybe she handles it ok. Hopefully

Clingy early is dangerous....often means someone is frightened of themselves and being alone. Generally I have found that people have to love themselves enough to be able to feel whole and confident in themselves before committing to a lasting relationship.

There is a point Joseph conrad calls the shadowline, between childhood and maturity. Many people never pass it, the danger in relationships is where one person passes into maturity and the other does not.

Its good to live in the moment and enjoy.....if you have passed through the shadowline you will have boundaries set that, if crossed, will ring bells and result in a gentle indication that a boundary has been crossed.


Give it time....a few months should suffice to see if she remains clingy or it's just a phase born of the endorphin rush of meeting a wonderful person like you!

rule 1 with clingy women......ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM!

kilt

I just had coffee with her for a while. . . I could not tell her that I wanted to slow things down. She just looks so froggen happy ( I think ******* gets stared out) and is all over me with that hand holding thing that she does.
Then when the december holiday thing came up she look so depressed because I am not gonna see her till January. . . SHE CANT LOVE ME AFTER 5 DAYS!!!!
thats just not cricket! (any New Zealander watch the cricket!! hehehe)

I have tomorrow morning left to tell her to chill, otherwise she is gonna go into the holiday waiting for my phone call everyday. . . I cant have that.so. she's all ga ga.. :-) just play it slowly..let her know you won't be able to see her MUCH over the holidays, since after all, she does live 600 miles away..and you have to study to catch up...etc etc...and ..don't tell her to chill just yet, I think you really may get to like her a lot :-)
ahh..anzi..cute ;-)

rule 1 with clingy women......ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM!

kiltLOL :D
MSw is celibate until marriage ;-) so that's easy..

MSw is celibate until marriage ;-) so that's easy..Actually no, I was rather a bad boy back in the day. But 2 years ago I realized somethings about sex that makes it more damaging to relationships that its pleasuarable worth. Its harded having done it and saying no that never having done it and saying no. But Im off sex till marriage. SO I dont need condoms.

Well about a hour n half ago she left for her home far far away and now I dont have clingie on me anymore. I nver told her to back off, I think she got the message when I did not look sad (or phased) when she talked about being away during the holidays. That and I dont think it takes long to realize that I dont get attached until alot of time and growth has happend.

Her flat mate knows me for almost 2 years and knows that I dont do "head over heels" love. So I think she might have passed the message through.

I also never told her it was my birthday today. Hehe, but im not much of a birthday person.

yeah..but WE KNOW IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY :-)
I baked you a PI....LOL..

and I know what you mean about the whole sex thing..lucky I'm alrrady married ;-)

mmm . . .id love Pi formy birthday. . . with a side helping of dodecahedron's with a touch of quark

mmm . . .id love Pi formy birthday. . . with a side helping of dodecahedron's with a touch of quarkquark quark quark ;-)
that was funny..I love quark..

get..get back on topic...not literally though...have you called her again?

No I have not. She is now on the roadto Dundee (her home town far far away)
Ill c what happens over the holiday, I wont call her today or tomorrow. I will message her before I go to ingwelala (www.ingwelala.co.za (http://www.ingwelala.co.za)) a game reserve cause there is no reception, and Ill be there for a while.

No I have not. She is now on the roadto Dundee (her home town far far away)
Ill c what happens over the holiday, I wont call her today or tomorrow. I will message her before I go to ingwelala (www.ingwelala.co.za (http://www.ingwelala.co.za/)) a game reserve cause there is no reception, and Ill be there for a while.isn't DUNDEE in OZ??
LOL..I'll google :-)

Dundee, Dundee City
UK
Dundee Township
Assessor's Office
553 Barrington Ave.
East Dundee, IL 60118

Dundee Florida..

sheez..it's everywhere ;-)

you have a Dundee in oz?? cool. we definately have one.
Like we have a Geneva in the middle of nowhere.

LOL..actually..I thought we did..but only from Crocodile Dundee LOL..I gave up on my google

LOL..actually..I thought we did..but only from Crocodile Dundee LOL..I gave up on my google HAHAHAHA . . . *tears of joy*
that was funny

Oh, btw, I have now got 2 offers from different girls that said they would date me if this thing I have with Anzi does not work out. . . . . I smell scandal!

Well all your Dundee's are just pale imitations of the socialist workers paradise that is the real Dundee here in scotland

You have probably seen it without realising it, as the city council were so impressed with the Soviet way of doing things they copied the worst of the Soviet stalinist architecture and consequently the city is/was often used as a cheap and easy substitute for Moscow/nameless grim soviet town when filming Cold War thrillers.

A classic example of the Scottish misconception that the phrase "where there's muck there's brass" means that money can never be made in a nice environment and consequently the primary role of civic leadership is to create the required ugliness that engenders wealth....and the Dundee city fathers have gone to great lengths to make the city as unattractive as possible despite its stunning location.

From experience I would recommend that you decline any offers of friendship from Scottish Dundonian girls as those living in concrete environments often develop concrete minds. :)

kilt

From experience I would recommend that you decline any offers of friendship from Scottish Dundonian girls as those living in concrete environments often develop concrete minds. :)
I will take this to my grave.

Furthermore.

I have ducked the girl. I have managed to tell her that I think things where moving too fast and that we should just be friends first and see how things deveolop from there.
Will c her in January again, then we will start things from the Top.
Friends first, its how I like it.
It also alows me to keep all my options open without hurting anyone.

I will take this to my grave.

Furthermore.

I have ducked the girl. I have managed to tell her that I think things where moving too fast and that we should just be friends first and see how things deveolop from there.
Will c her in January again, then we will start things from the Top.
Friends first, its how I like it.
It also alows me to keep all my options open without hurting anyone.OK..WHEN did you tell her, and HOW did she take it???

well, here is the sad thing. told her last nite over a cell chat thingie.:eyebrow:

not my style to do things like that, but yeah. She is still 600km away. She said she understood me wanting to get to know her first. On later talkes I realized how little we know of each other. I actually dont think things can work out between us. but I want to find out first before I date her, dont wanna date her then break hearts.

that's a nice thing MW...
you never know what will happen of the Xmas break :-)

you never know what will happen of the Xmas break :-) there is that to consider as well. . . Im not a cheater (not really)

anyway. she want to chat again tonight. I think she has a lot to think about. She also does not know a thing about ADD. But has commented about my randomness though.

there is that to consider as well. . . Im not a cheater (not really)

anyway. she want to chat again tonight. I think she has a lot to think about. She also does not know a thing about ADD. But has commented about my randomness though.random?? are you random?? :D :D

random?? are you random?? :D :D<!-- / message --><!-- sig --> I am the badger of all randomness!!

this should be the Random fourm. . or ADD should have random in it somewhere ADRD/ADHRD

LOL.....yep..we missed your randomness...
around and around and around and around

haha. Ill come back with the results of tonights chat with girl. Ill let you know if she now hates me or has deepend her attachment to me.

ok... :-) keep us up-to-date..or I WILL set my neice on you ...she's CLOSE...very very close