Draga
02-13-04, 09:04 PM
*WARNING* - content that may be graphic or upsetting to sensitive people in the following post
[warning inserted by waywardclam on melanie's request]
In the past two years I was close to death's clutches, but still here I am to tell my tale of survival. Having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder....I remember them very well. Almost like it was just yestuday.
The first time was a suicide attempt, I had sever depression over losing my father and my boyfriend at the time( You know him as the exnightmare) was slowly destroying my mind with his accusastions of cheating on him and his lies(I think it was lies) of wanting to be with other women and comments of how he had the perfect body and I could never messure up to him. When dad was alive, I ignored his warnings of people who would hurt me..I had a large burden of guilt. With what Mr. Exnightmare was doing to me, I wanted to see my father again and to be with him and ask his advise. So one night I took 10 sleeping pills that should have killed me(or I thought that would at least do the trick) but earlier that day I took two very strong pep pills called "Yellow Jackets". I think those were the one thing that was keeping me alive that night. I slept the whole day away the next day.
The net time was my first car accident the first week of getting my drivers license when I wrapped my moms car around a tree. The car was leaking gas and it could have exploded with me in it, but the only damage that was done was of course to the car, and to my knees, and my pride. Another death I was able to avoid.
The third time, I was sure I was a dead woman, when I was almost murdered. My exnightmare, the shizo, believed I was trying to sabotage his precious cars engine. He convinced me to runaway with him to Virginia to live with his brother(whom he claimed it was ok to come live with him), ( I wondered why he took my uncle's bayonet and garbage bags, that was weird) but it wasn't until we were forced to go back to Louisiana because his brother had no idea we were coming and we could not stay with him. Nice huh? The next day when I was supposed to go home, in his twisted rage his wrapped his hands around my throat and started choking me, all I could think was "I can't believe this is it, I am going to die!" I was moments away from death when he stopped and said he couldn't do it. I never called the cops on him, in my foolish state of mind..the torment he put me through was too great and I lost all my marbles around then.
I say Leave him to God now, God shall not let him get away with it.
The thing that gets me the most, is that these three times that had happened, it all happend after my father passed. I know he was with me the whole time. I know now that God, has a reason for everyone to be on this earth. It is up to use to find that reason for life is a never ending journey of discovery, and I know now from the H*** that I have been through, Yesturday and today, is a lesson to be learned for tommorow. I find it amazing the things I have learned just by being closer to heaven and brought back to earth.
I hope this story will help those who think life is not worth living and the moral of this story is to never give up on life for the reasons of your being on this earth will soon come to you even when you least expect it. God has given me another chance to live and Live I shall, to devote my life to helping others and to live for the day. That is why I write these things, if it touches one person and makes a difference in their lives, then these words are not wasted. What good is words if it does not touch us in someway?
This is my story, sad but true,
I pray this will touch and make a difference to you!
[warning inserted by waywardclam on melanie's request]
In the past two years I was close to death's clutches, but still here I am to tell my tale of survival. Having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder....I remember them very well. Almost like it was just yestuday.
The first time was a suicide attempt, I had sever depression over losing my father and my boyfriend at the time( You know him as the exnightmare) was slowly destroying my mind with his accusastions of cheating on him and his lies(I think it was lies) of wanting to be with other women and comments of how he had the perfect body and I could never messure up to him. When dad was alive, I ignored his warnings of people who would hurt me..I had a large burden of guilt. With what Mr. Exnightmare was doing to me, I wanted to see my father again and to be with him and ask his advise. So one night I took 10 sleeping pills that should have killed me(or I thought that would at least do the trick) but earlier that day I took two very strong pep pills called "Yellow Jackets". I think those were the one thing that was keeping me alive that night. I slept the whole day away the next day.
The net time was my first car accident the first week of getting my drivers license when I wrapped my moms car around a tree. The car was leaking gas and it could have exploded with me in it, but the only damage that was done was of course to the car, and to my knees, and my pride. Another death I was able to avoid.
The third time, I was sure I was a dead woman, when I was almost murdered. My exnightmare, the shizo, believed I was trying to sabotage his precious cars engine. He convinced me to runaway with him to Virginia to live with his brother(whom he claimed it was ok to come live with him), ( I wondered why he took my uncle's bayonet and garbage bags, that was weird) but it wasn't until we were forced to go back to Louisiana because his brother had no idea we were coming and we could not stay with him. Nice huh? The next day when I was supposed to go home, in his twisted rage his wrapped his hands around my throat and started choking me, all I could think was "I can't believe this is it, I am going to die!" I was moments away from death when he stopped and said he couldn't do it. I never called the cops on him, in my foolish state of mind..the torment he put me through was too great and I lost all my marbles around then.
I say Leave him to God now, God shall not let him get away with it.
The thing that gets me the most, is that these three times that had happened, it all happend after my father passed. I know he was with me the whole time. I know now that God, has a reason for everyone to be on this earth. It is up to use to find that reason for life is a never ending journey of discovery, and I know now from the H*** that I have been through, Yesturday and today, is a lesson to be learned for tommorow. I find it amazing the things I have learned just by being closer to heaven and brought back to earth.
I hope this story will help those who think life is not worth living and the moral of this story is to never give up on life for the reasons of your being on this earth will soon come to you even when you least expect it. God has given me another chance to live and Live I shall, to devote my life to helping others and to live for the day. That is why I write these things, if it touches one person and makes a difference in their lives, then these words are not wasted. What good is words if it does not touch us in someway?
This is my story, sad but true,
I pray this will touch and make a difference to you!