View Full Version : Creative Housecleaning


EYEFORGOT
11-28-07, 08:54 AM
Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?" (I just throw glitter on them &call them holiday decorations).

Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter).

Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl, and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed, and the shots are SO expensive."
Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."
Painting: Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this when he was 3 years old, and I haven't had the heart to clean it."

General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean, and I still don't get anywhere."

As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean...Works every time.
If the house is clean, the computer has crashed.

Matt S.
11-28-07, 08:56 AM
Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl, and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed, and the shots are SO expensive."


I invited you over huh?

EYEFORGOT
11-28-07, 09:07 AM
More than likely the invitation was bought, not filled out and left under a pile on your desk or kitchen table. Or at least that's where an invitation from me would be.

That's how I treat one whole end of my house. Want me to prove it?

Matt S.
11-28-07, 09:09 AM
i believe you

piglet
11-28-07, 11:02 AM
Well, the pileup in one room is an old standby for me, as well as leaving cleaning supplies out. Now those other ideas will defly be in use around here, too.

NonSequitur
11-28-07, 11:14 AM
I like to leave the vacuum cleaner in the living room so I can say I was just about to start cleaning. Or claim that it's not working and I don't know what's wrong.

Layers of dust on the furniture also give you a good place to write notes. It's environmentally friendly - think of all the trees you're saving.

The dog snot on the window is "nose painting" and cat footprints on the glass tables are "texture". Both are decorative.

The stuff in the oven that hasn't been cleaned adds flavour. Besides, it's a self-cleaning oven. It should automatically clean itself when necessary, and I shouldn't have to do anything.

lunaslobo
01-14-08, 08:30 AM
Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?" (I just throw glitter on them &call them holiday decorations).

Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter).

Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl, and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed, and the shots are SO expensive."
Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."
Painting: Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this when he was 3 years old, and I haven't had the heart to clean it."

General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean, and I still don't get anywhere."

As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean...Works every time.
If the house is clean, the computer has crashed.

Actully when the kids were younger I would tell people that the cobwebs were science experaments