Well, um, Hi,

Name is Lauren. On 20-30mg of Generic Adderall p/d since August, I do have prior history with the med from 2004-2005. I am mature, insightful, intelligent, and complex far beyond my young age of 23. Needless to say, any responses I receive from this, I would very much appreciate them to be very honest and not glossed over.

I've never really forum posted on a serious matter anywhere. After observing and getting a feel for the site and general use. I have been hesitant about using forums, but I have nothing to lose so I decided to open up and give this a shot.

This is a new and very serious ongoing issue for myself, my partner, and close immediate family.

To make a long story short to the best of my ability:

I was sexually assaulted by a few men I did not know this July of 07'. (Long blank stare at screen)

Before this point in time I was using developed methods of coping with my ADD for a little more than a year of being completely med free.

Then that happened. I don't remember too much. What I do remember is completely locking up, shutting down, and acting as if it didn't happen to ease my partners and family's pain/worry. Now, my partner is in AA recovery has been for almost 6 years, so it's pretty much "you can't bs a bs'er" if you know what I mean. My family along with him urged therapy/couples therapy/meds when they observed me for a month or more with no improvement. During this time, I have never witnessed my ADD to be so out of control. I mean, I had long beautiful hair, put it up in a pony, and told my boyfriend to cut the end off!

Sorry, getting into detail there, and getting back on track.

It is now Dec. my boyfriend and I argue about the most minute things. We never argued before. We aren't intimate like we once were for obivious reasons. He's not as nice to me as he once was before, then again I'm not as nice to him as I once was either. The whole aura that surrounds us is thick and unspoken of, we're not the same, and we want our lifes along with some normalcy back. I mean, we've done the therapy and still are, but not as much since I just didn't see it as working for the two of us. I can only hear "communication is key" "express your feelings" "open up" "it's going to be like a rollercoaster" so many times before I'm just like "Ok, um, yeah, and why am I paying for something I ALREADY know?" I don't want to be told that junk, and want tools to be provided that ACTUALLY work so that my sessions don't sound like broken records. I clearly stated this and she said "You just have to figure out what it is that is bothering you, what you need to tackle" well, um, duh, if I freaking knew what it was, i'd be on top of it one hundred-eleventy%

I just don't know what to do, there is so much that is wrong, so much that is going on, so much that needs to be done, and so much that needs constant attention I get lost and retreat to "me".

We both want us to be happy again and are positive that this relationship is "it". It's just anything and everything that is sensitive to the current situation get magnifiedx5 due to my ADD mixed in a kamikaze of PTSD, anxiety, depression, and low selfesteem. He feels helpless because well, he doesn't know what to do, or how to handle it. He pretty much said in our last recent session "My threshhold is almost max, our lease is up in Feb..." ( you get the idea, ****ty I know. Was due to me working on feeling emotions etc that probably wrecked him, I dunno, I know he's not used to it with me thats for sure.) Which left me with "Well masking it up worked before, why not do it again, he'd be none the wiser..." I've never been good with emotion or the feely stuff and feel more comfortable with my mode, however the "social standard" disagrees, and in by no means do I meet the "social norm/standard" requirements.

Don't get me wrong, we have had some good times since what happened and those are what give us hope that we are not lost. Our sense of humor is still intact but it is a bit more dry and a bit more censored now.

I could go on and on and on about this, but if you're like me, I lost you at sentence "eleventy". :o

To bring this to an end, if there is anyone, and I mean ANYONE out there who can relate or may have some available tips or advice, I would so very much appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you for your time and attention,

Lauren80d

There's a private forum for ADDers with PTSD (Co-Existing Conditions), I'd suggest contacting Eyeforgot and getting the password for access.

How much research have you and your SO done about PTSD? Does your therapist have any experience in dealing with it?

God bless you and your family. You will be in my prayers and let me say that I believe from what you have written and the way you have written it, that it seems to me that you will find your way and that you have a special light within you which is seeking the way.

With love and care,

Bryan

God bless you and your family. You will be in my prayers and let me say that I believe from what you have written and the way you have written it, that it seems to me that you will find your way and that you have a special light within you which is seeking the way.

With love and care,

Bryanditto ..and welcome to the forums

Ok. I am a man and wont really understand what its like being sexually assulted.
However I have has a girlfriend who was also assulted, however before I met her. I think one of the big things between you and your Boyfriend at the moment is the change that you probably went through.
I can imagine how something drastic like that can happen to you without you changing. Your perspective in life MUST change. And if he cant understand that change there will be problems. Its has not been a long time since your incident, time heals better that theropy, and I am sure that in time you guys will learn how to handle the things you are trying to coap with.

hope it helps a bit.

Good luck.

You must have a lot of strength, I am a member who participates in the private forums i also have PTSD myself (childhood issues with me but I can help you if you need it).


Welcome to ADDForums, it doesn't sound like your boyfried is that supportive, maybe I misread that but with what you've been through you deserve to be treated with a little kindness

First, I must say Thank you for all who responded, I didn't expect the results that I have received from this.

I thought about posting in the ptsd forums or finding a way to do so, but the determining factor for me posting here is simply because this is a relationship and social concern, I thought it would fit.

My boyfriend is supportive, and we are both at fault here in regards to meeting our relationship capabilities. It feels like this has been going on for long enough and we want to move on. Oddly enough, I had a dream like no other last night. I was in a room, I asked all my questions, and they were answered by a voice. Now, I'm not sure if it was a spiritual dream, simply because well, the big guy up high and me have been on the fritz since what happened. I cursed him, because it happened to me when I was little as well, "God, not again, how can this happen again..." etc... So I was taken aback when I had the dream that I did.

When I asked what to do about the relationship turmoil, it simply stated "Love one another with all your heart, mind, and soul. Do not let go" Which is something we have obviously not been doing, but were very good at once upon a time.

I literally just woke up about 20 minutes ago, and must say, the dream some how oddly caused me to feel lighter, my lungs fill up with air, not shallow breaths since I woke up.

Call me crazy, but I think that dream had a purpose, and I'm going to flow with it.

I think alot of the issues we do have stem from the ADD magnifying everythingx5. Does anyone else experience things being worse in a relationship than they should be in times of stress and turmoil because of AD/HD ? If so, what are coping methods you use to get through the hard times?

This is what is being magnifiedx5 for us:
1. Financial worry
2. Romantic Insecurities
3. Legal matters
4. Not having enough food
5. Not making time for us
6. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
7. My jealousy of his Social Life ( He has 1 or 2 friends) ( I have him and family)
8. Current unemployment
9. Our weight loss

Just a tip of the iceberg. Don't get me wrong, with all that is wrong in the world, I am thankful that our situation is not worse. We could be with out a roof, with out food, with out family, with no where to go, and no love at all. We have problems, and we want to fix them. Now I could go ahead and flow with dream, but I have a realist outlook on things. I believe that there is a logical and realisitc solution to almost any timely strife or woe. I haven't been able to figure it out yet though, which is weird for me, because I'm a research whiz. If I don't know how to fix it, I will find a way to understand on how to fix it. Which leaves me with "We are not the only people in the world going through what we are going through right now, there has to be a formula to make it better" I've been told time makes it better, but the thing is, I'm on a tight schedule, and I don't have time.

To answer a few things from above, yes we are knowledgable about ptsd and all matters related to our situation. But we are lazy when it comes to our love, we were so used to not even having to try, our love was always just there for us to enjoy and hold. Now it feels as though we are in a dark room, our love is a butterfly flying around that we can't see but can hear, and as we chase around to catch it so we can hold it, we keep bumping in to eachother and knocking eachother over. Funny and sad at the same time.

Yes it does feel as though I am putting more into it than he is. Along with what has happened I have taken on some responsibilites at home that I normally wasn't accountable for before. I did so, to alleviate some of his pain, because well, I think I'm more solid than he when it comes to dealing with pain. I don't want you all to get the impression that he is a crappy boyfriend. He is not, he is honest, genuine, honerable, caring, funny, faithful, sober, intelligent, in love with me, and not to mention his good looks and backrubs he willingly gives at a whim. But he is a bit lost right now, I can be patient, but I feel that he cannot, which really irritates me, because well now a deadline is also on my already full plate. And we all know what a full plate does to people with ADD, they don't finish it. Which scares me because, I love him so much and don't know how to prioritize my plate right now (a skill I was once good at was lost in the wreckage with the assault). Do I abandon the plate and just go with the flow? Or Do I continue my quest of finding a realisitic and logical solution? This is the question I am faced with, both have possible dire consequences, both have potentially great outcomes.

I should've been a hermit. :(


<3 Lauren