ADDfor2
02-14-04, 12:15 PM
Hi All,
Been a while since I wrote. Things have been kind of up and down for a while now. I've been going through this thing with my job since before Christmas now with the other person I work with. I have a pretty simple job, one you would think could not be screwed up but lately it seems I can't do anything right. I've never really been a leadership type person, more of a support type person. The take control/leadership personality is in my makeup but because of my paranoia about my NLD and ADD I tend to back away from taking the lead in things. Currently I work with another woman in the cafeteria of my daughter's school. The original plan was for her to move to a higher position and for me to take her position and bring another person in. It winds up the job I was to take involves doing lunch tickets and lots of counts and figures which is an area I am weak in.
When my boss first asked me if I wanted to move to this school I didn't think it would be that hard. I was so glad to be around the corner from home and at the school my daughter attends that I grabbed the job. When I started training for doing the taking of orders and doing the tickets it turned out to be harder and more confusing then I ever imagined it would be. There is a lot involved and I learn very slow with figures. I was doing fine with the ordinary kitchen work and seemed to get along great with the other woman but it seems everything has changed since she saw what a bolicks I was with numbers. She seems to treat me different now and I know she has made fun of me behind my back. On one particular day when she was trying to train me I could just see her face. She was miserable and I could see by everyone else's expressions that she was doing stuff and saying stuff when I wasn't looking. She seemed so nice and down to earth when I started working with her and she seemed very happy with me and said I helped her a lot, but since the incident with learning to do the tickets I have not felt comfortable and she has been different. It seems her opinion of me has changed from day to night. It's amazing how one can change their entire opinion about someone because they see their weaknesses or because of one incident.
I know there are people who may disagree but I find women seem to pick more then men. Being a woman myself, I get along with them fine but am constantly watching every move I make and what I say to keep my head off of the chopping block. The women at the school, including the one I work with are always making fun of one person or another, so much back biting. I don't get involved in that, it's awful and wrong and cruel and being someone that has been the object of ridicule at times in my life I could never do that to another person. I just mind my own business when they start in on someone.
Lately, things have once again changed and it turns out that this woman I work with is not going to be moved to a higher position and I think she was mad about that for a while. I felt bad for her but was relieved I
wouldn 't have to deal with orders and counts and lunch tickets which she currently does. The dust seemed to settle for a while but apparently she is not happy and is now trying to get a position as an aide at school once again leaving me in the position of being stuck to do the orders, counts and tickets. I have just been so unhappy and unfocused that I sometimes do really stupid things. I can't seem to concentrate on my job because I am so worried about what is going to happen next.
I really don't want to be moved to another school and have to learn all over again new stuff and on top of that where to walk on the landmine field(dealing with all new personalities). What I am hoping for is for them to send someone else over with me when she moves to the aid position that will do the tickets. I have already recommended a friend of mine that would be willing to do it but it is up to my boss who gets the position. I will find out on Tuesday what my fate is.
I'm pretty sure the woman I currently work with got the aide position. Maybe it's for the best anyway because I feel so uncomfortable with her now. I honestly wonder if she has figured out that there is something different about me. She is also an A type personality by the way. Everything was great until she saw my weakness. Now I feel so alienated at times. The other women that are aides in the school are nice to me but I know this girl I work with has talked about me to them. I'm sure some of what I'm feeling may be paranoia but not all of it. I'm just so tired of living this way, always praying that "I won't be found out". The worse I feel the worse my focus level is. I start to do one thing and get distracted and start doing another thing and almost forget about what I had been doing to start with. It drives me nutz sometimes. I do much better when I'm comfortable and happy where I am. The worse the atmosphere, the worse my focus. Is anyone else like that? It's like my brain shuts down.
Things are good at home but I feel so down about the job. It was so great in the beginning. Why couldn't it have stayed that way. Why are people so unforgiving of weakness........Dee :(
Sorry to go on so long, just needed to talk about it.
Been a while since I wrote. Things have been kind of up and down for a while now. I've been going through this thing with my job since before Christmas now with the other person I work with. I have a pretty simple job, one you would think could not be screwed up but lately it seems I can't do anything right. I've never really been a leadership type person, more of a support type person. The take control/leadership personality is in my makeup but because of my paranoia about my NLD and ADD I tend to back away from taking the lead in things. Currently I work with another woman in the cafeteria of my daughter's school. The original plan was for her to move to a higher position and for me to take her position and bring another person in. It winds up the job I was to take involves doing lunch tickets and lots of counts and figures which is an area I am weak in.
When my boss first asked me if I wanted to move to this school I didn't think it would be that hard. I was so glad to be around the corner from home and at the school my daughter attends that I grabbed the job. When I started training for doing the taking of orders and doing the tickets it turned out to be harder and more confusing then I ever imagined it would be. There is a lot involved and I learn very slow with figures. I was doing fine with the ordinary kitchen work and seemed to get along great with the other woman but it seems everything has changed since she saw what a bolicks I was with numbers. She seems to treat me different now and I know she has made fun of me behind my back. On one particular day when she was trying to train me I could just see her face. She was miserable and I could see by everyone else's expressions that she was doing stuff and saying stuff when I wasn't looking. She seemed so nice and down to earth when I started working with her and she seemed very happy with me and said I helped her a lot, but since the incident with learning to do the tickets I have not felt comfortable and she has been different. It seems her opinion of me has changed from day to night. It's amazing how one can change their entire opinion about someone because they see their weaknesses or because of one incident.
I know there are people who may disagree but I find women seem to pick more then men. Being a woman myself, I get along with them fine but am constantly watching every move I make and what I say to keep my head off of the chopping block. The women at the school, including the one I work with are always making fun of one person or another, so much back biting. I don't get involved in that, it's awful and wrong and cruel and being someone that has been the object of ridicule at times in my life I could never do that to another person. I just mind my own business when they start in on someone.
Lately, things have once again changed and it turns out that this woman I work with is not going to be moved to a higher position and I think she was mad about that for a while. I felt bad for her but was relieved I
wouldn 't have to deal with orders and counts and lunch tickets which she currently does. The dust seemed to settle for a while but apparently she is not happy and is now trying to get a position as an aide at school once again leaving me in the position of being stuck to do the orders, counts and tickets. I have just been so unhappy and unfocused that I sometimes do really stupid things. I can't seem to concentrate on my job because I am so worried about what is going to happen next.
I really don't want to be moved to another school and have to learn all over again new stuff and on top of that where to walk on the landmine field(dealing with all new personalities). What I am hoping for is for them to send someone else over with me when she moves to the aid position that will do the tickets. I have already recommended a friend of mine that would be willing to do it but it is up to my boss who gets the position. I will find out on Tuesday what my fate is.
I'm pretty sure the woman I currently work with got the aide position. Maybe it's for the best anyway because I feel so uncomfortable with her now. I honestly wonder if she has figured out that there is something different about me. She is also an A type personality by the way. Everything was great until she saw my weakness. Now I feel so alienated at times. The other women that are aides in the school are nice to me but I know this girl I work with has talked about me to them. I'm sure some of what I'm feeling may be paranoia but not all of it. I'm just so tired of living this way, always praying that "I won't be found out". The worse I feel the worse my focus level is. I start to do one thing and get distracted and start doing another thing and almost forget about what I had been doing to start with. It drives me nutz sometimes. I do much better when I'm comfortable and happy where I am. The worse the atmosphere, the worse my focus. Is anyone else like that? It's like my brain shuts down.
Things are good at home but I feel so down about the job. It was so great in the beginning. Why couldn't it have stayed that way. Why are people so unforgiving of weakness........Dee :(
Sorry to go on so long, just needed to talk about it.