View Full Version : how do you know if it's depression?

12-09-07, 01:24 AM
I don't think that I feel depressed necessarily. Its more like misunderstood, left behind and someone people only deal with if they have to. I am a SAHM with 2 kids. My house is a complete filthy mess. It's not because I want it that way but at this point my ADD is untreated because I haven't started therapy yet and I had a severe reaction to my ADD medication and had to go off of it.

My husband thinks because he works a full time job he shouldn't have to come home to a dirty house or help other than taking out the trash. I have been like this since before we were married. My house cleaning tends to go in spurts if that makes sense. But as much as I try to explain to him how the ADD is affecting me and I don't know how to make it stop he either doesnt get it or doesnt want to get it. He gets verbally abusive and berates me. And if thats not bad enough he does it to me infront of our kids.

My parents have always known there was something a bit off with me and thought I was just one of those kids who marched to the beat of a different drummer too. I have always been a "slob" and "the one who didn't try hard enough or apply myself." I have been to dr's and counselors all my life to be told by one yes you do have ADD and another who said no I didn't. But even now as an adult my mother has come and helped me clean up my house when it has gotten bad. However my parents don't come to my house unless they have to. It's almost like if they don't come and see what is going on they don't have to face it. They also tend to not tell me about all family events or if our family comes over to this side of the state ask me to go do things with them.

I have a few good friends that accept me for who I am. But there are alot of people that know about my messy house or may just think that I have odd social behaviors. I have also been told by various people about others saying that they are surprised CPS hasn't been called about my house. My husbands friend who came here sent a plate of food home later with hubby because he seemed to think that I didn't feed my kids tonight because I didn't fix supper because I had to take my daughter to Urgent Care. But I always feed my kids. I am not a bad mother. I also feel like people are nice to my face but would rather just deal with me when they have to. I am not called very often or anything like that.

So I'm confused about what to think about these feelings. I don't want to hurt myself or anything like that. Guess I'm just feeling frustrated more than anything. If it were up to me I would just have us move where nobody knows me. Thank goodness I start therapy next week.