I've heard some people say that half of people will like them and half won't at any given time. I feel like this is a cop out. I think at least as many as 75% of people could like you at any given time. Why make stuff up and assume more people are gonna dislike you than might actually dislike you? I figure if I'm gonna make stuff up I might as well make up stuff that empowers me. Empower yourselves!

That's a good way to think of things, always believing 75% or more will like you. Like attracts like and if you are acting in a manner to be liked by that many, then more power to you and I truly believe in getting what you give.

What you don't seem to understand by writing that on this forum though, is that most ADDers are prejudged simply because they have ADD and some of our behavior leaves people feelings a bit, well, weird about us. We say things, act certain ways, are impulsive and just plain do things differently and it bothers people. We learn to cope and control and become better people, but still there is a stigma of negativity and disbelief surrounding ADD ADHD and it would be nice if that would change.

That's all I have to say on this subject right now... Blessings... Bryan

I acknowledge what you are saying and agree that having ADD can make relationships difficult. Sometimes people do notice things about us and prejudge us. However, sometimes people honestly don't pay nearly as much attention to us as we think they do. Most people thinks about themselves way more than they think about anyone else.

Does it matter 'if people like us'?

Only two groups really matter to me: those whom I love and those who affect my future.

If people decide they don't like me based on superficial or snap judgements (and some have), it really doesn't bother me.

Their loss.

PS People who are worried about "people liking them" are not usually people who get any respect anyway. They are too eager or insecure, so they contort themselves to a false person. Life is too short to deal in fakes.

Does it matter 'if people like us'?

If people decide they don't like me based on superficial or snap judgements (and some have), it really doesn't bother me.
i agree...i figure if people are gonna judge me i don't wanna be around them anyway....if you can't get to know someone first then i don't want to be assocated with you.

How about like yourself first and if others also like you, great.

If they don't, that's fine too.

Liking and accepting yourself is the most important thing.

And, the percentage of people that like you is dependent on many things, including your: looks, status, social skills, dress, their mood, your mood, and countless other things.

I think it's good to balance positive thinking with negative thinking. I could see situations where it's good to think that everyone will like me, and situations where it's good to think that no one will like me. So balance is key IMHO http://addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/soapbox.gif

What great advice smooth!

Yes, Tweetie, many of us do consider ourselves the "center of the Universe (http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2007/12/10/add-adhd-center-of-the-universe-%e2%80%93-sex-love-and-more/)" and I have written an article about just that.

I was in a rare mood last night and I misunderstood your post as to saying we have control how others perceive us ADDer's.

Smooth's response is the most accurate and I too believe that insecurities create a focus on things which are mostly our own internal concerns and if we could get past those we probably could make more friends and be as likable as we really are. Wouldn't it be great if those mood rings worked!??

How about like yourself first and if others also like you, great.
True! :D
If they don't, that's fine too.
True! :D
Liking and accepting yourself is the most important thing.
Very True....! :D

And, the percentage of people that like you is dependent on many things, including your: looks, status, social skills, dress, their mood, your mood, and countless other things.





Isn't it rather sad that people are judged on such outward appearances that are often beyond control? :( Far better to like someone because of their Character, Value system, Common interests, Integrity, and what their likes and dislikes are and how the person makes one feel. Moods are too changeable and not particularly reliable as reason to like or dislike someone. We also tend to like those who like us and accept us for who we are. Too much emphasis is given to looks, being in style, social skills etc. That's why so many people get depressed and why so many kids today have image problems. We can't and shouldn't have to live up to some impossible Hollywood T.V, Movie, Model cookie cutter ideal just to be liked and accepted! :faint:
:D :D :faint: :D :D :D :D

If only one person in the world liked me I'd have it made. If that person didn't like me I'd be in big trouble.

On another note that is kind of related, I feel like having ADHD disadvantages me in situations like job interviews. People are forced to try to size you up in a short period of time in a job interview. I hate feeling like interviewers think they know me or have me sized up when in reality their perception may or may not be accurate. I always feel like job interviews don't do me justice because there's no way you can really get to know anyone in an hour.

Tweetie,

I think interviews are a disadvantage to both the employer and the interviewie... it's really hard to know anything from what a person says within just a few moments, normal, ADHD or anything.

Does it matter 'if people like us'?
Not at all.

You know, another way this topic could have been posted would have been

"Half of the people WILL like you!"

Ever wonder why we choose the negative first? If we are doing that with most of the things in our lives, that's probably what we are building and developing in our lives: negativity. Negativity attracts more attention you say? Indeed. I don't think it is as circumstantial as many believe...

smoothoperator I feel much the same way you do. Sense I have learned to accept myself I find I am better able to accept the fact that some people will not like me after all I do not like every one - and some folks will like me and that is great - I don't have to feel like an impostor because I don't try to fake my way thought life any more.

Odd~Scrooball I liked your post too - I think you are soo right about the image thing - it is silly really expecting every one to look like some supermodel.

I accept I have deficits because I am human I accept responsibility for my actions, attitudes and behaviors - I give other the freedom to do the same. Knowing where i end and others begin mean others do not decide my emotions nor do they have the power control how I respond.

Most people either think I am strange or unique - if they are looking for cookie cutter then we are not compatible and that is okay too . . . better to let a toxic relationship pass me on by then to try to make it work in the name of "being liked" . . . .


Maybe ADD works to my disadvantage in interviews and maybe it works as an advantage. . . who knows I have told potential employers what ya see is what ya get and if you don't like me now do me a favor don't hire me because you won't like me any better after I am on the pay role - I have actually gotten jobs any way - go figure - every once in a while honesty works. . .

The percentage of people that at least act like they like me is decently above half - all the important people in my life love me which is what matters the most. . . {IMHO}

Excellent discussion.

I am impressed by the concrete percentages you all give us... can you really tell if people like you or not, or is it just a general outlook thing? Most of the time I find that, while I think I am a reasonable judge of character in general, I am utterly clueless as to whether certain people like me or not. I used to worry about that, but don't any more :cool: . People tend to overlook that many other people don't have strong opinions about them at all. It's the center of the universe thing. I realized that when I had the following conversation:

I: I was so surprised at her nasty comments about me. Never knew she didn't like me!
GF: So did you like her?
I: I don't know, never thought about that before.

Maybe ADD works to my disadvantage in interviews and maybe it works as an advantage. . . who knows I have told potential employers what ya see is what ya get and if you don't like me now do me a favor don't hire me because you won't like me any better after I am on the pay role - I have actually gotten jobs any way - go figure - every once in a while honesty works. . .

I've found that as well. ADD can make you appear forthright and ambitious. I walked in on one employer and demanded that he give me the job. When he started on about the type of qualifications he normally chose for the position (that I didn't have) I said, "Tell me what they can do that I can't." At my farewell lunch, he told my other supervisors that's why he hired me.

On another one, I asked the interviewer questions. One that struck her was whether, as the lowest person on the totem pole, my opinion would be respected by the more experienced. She stopped then said, "No one has ever asked that question before." She explained that given the factual knowledge the person receiving the position would have, that the seniors would not have, the junior's opinion would always be respected, weighed, measured in the senior's decision making.

Sometimes a million mile a minute brain and bluntness can work together :)

I am impressed by the concrete percentages you all give us... can you really tell if people like you or not, or is it just a general outlook thing?

If they act like they like me and do not do things to hurt me that is close enough for me - I don't really worry about it all that much either because worrying doesn't make any differences any way so why bother.

There are so many variables and different scenarios. To place a number in your head I would think would be a misleading barometer/statistic. I usually come on really great and finish mediocre, unless my friends stick around for a long time- or I come off weird or abrasive and then once people know me they gravitate to me.

I don't want a lot of friends. I just want the few "real friends' that I have now. People seem to be 'into themselves" or "don't care" "spur of the moment". I am not trying to generalize. It takes awhile now for me to want to become buddy buddy with people. I still am jovial and open, but I have my guard up more than ever before. It's a jungle out there!

There are so many variables and different scenarios. To place a number in your head I would think would be a misleading barometer/statistic

For me my head does these things on it's own - the numbers are generally amazingly in the ball park. It is one of those things - but I generally get along with over half the people I meet. . . . I am pretty laid back and accepting. No law saying it has to be that way for every one reading. . .

The problem is that we react to feelings we have just because we think what someone is thinking or feeling -- it's a guess, statistics are like polls - unreliable lol :)

The problem is that we react to feelings we have just because we think what someone is thinking or feeling -- it's a guess

Okay I need a clarification here - is this to say we react because we think we know what another person is thinking or feeling?

if iam not liked by the person ......persons i never worry about it there biger things woyth the time to worry

dorm

On another note that is kind of related, I feel like having ADHD disadvantages me in situations like job interviews. People are forced to try to size you up in a short period of time in a job interview. I hate feeling like interviewers think they know me or have me sized up when in reality their perception may or may not be accurate. I always feel like job interviews don't do me justice because there's no way you can really get to know anyone in an hour.
There's a line in a song by the B*tth*le Surfers, "You never know just how you look through other people's eyes". I always feel awkward in interviews, but I can't afford to worry too much or it would drive me insane. Wait a minute...