I have realized that along with ADD I have social phobia. I have always had it.
It has disabled me from doing and experiencing so many things in life.
This would include girlfriends, sex, dancing and going out etc. I have spent every new years eve alone. I am not the kind of person that would feel comfortable going out by myself down town and walking into some kind of place and trying to fit in. I am not into going out in the first place so how could I possibly enjoy that by myself! I could if I was with some friends that I know or people that I know of. I am currently trying to do the same thing I did on my birthday. I have sent a message to a few certain people that I know of asking if they could hang out with me on new years eve. I have heard nothing back from any of them. On my birthday I did that asking them if they would like to come out and celebrate with me - I spent that day alone at home trying to sleep the day away.

Jesus Christ ya know..... I just don't want to be alone again. I am not a party freak at all but I would like to feel a part of something somehow. I am afraid I will hear nothing back again.

I know how you feel...I'm gonna be alone for new years and my birthday...both in the same week. *shrugs* I just don't see a point of going by myself, but then again I haven't asked any of my friends either. Not that they'd want to go...we're all WoW junkies

Zachary

I'm so sorry to hear this, many people including myself have been in this position many times, can I ask you seriously have you actually thought of speaking to a counsellor or attending a support group for the social phobia and the ADD??? if not then it might well be a good idea!

As a teenager I dealt with social anxiety which also caused major hassles in my everyday life, at one stage I couldn't even say hello to someone I knew in the supermarket without feeling this horrible feeling...which I can't even begin to describe and this has actually cost me my previously good relationships with my own family members because they didn't understand and I couldn't find the words to tell them and because of that I was considered rude, odd etc etc, over the years I have overcome it to the point where I can only talk, be myself etc etc with my close friends but I still have trouble with people I don't know very well if at all, I come across friendly and social online but offline it's a totally different story, I barely have any friends and I tend to be a loner as it's more comfortable, when I was younger I didn't enjoy living this way but now I'm ok with it although there are times I'd like to just get out there and do what other people do but when I do it I'm always reminded of how "different" I am to others and I start feeling uncomfortable...so I guess you could say I've kind of given up in the whole social scene...so yes I personally have some idea of how you feel!

As for sex and relationships...I probably wouldn't have experienced those either had the other party not made the first move...with that said I'm still hopeless at making the first move and everytime I do I always get rejected...so now I don't bother.

I'm also sorry to hear that those you sent a message to in regards to hanging out with you on your birthday didn't get back to you....you deserve better than that and you know it!!! but as for new years give it time and see if these people will get back to you...you never know one might and if so then good for you and if not..my advice would be to reassess those friendships!

You and I have spoken on occasions and you are a good person with a lot of potential and I have no qualms in saying this on a public forum.

The only thing you can do is either get out there or perhaps think about seeking some kind of professional help for this issue as I don't believe anyone in this world would want to live the way you do...it's obvious you no longer want to live the way you do, it's so sad to even hear things like this.

I'm sure if you need to chat, vent or whatever anyone on this forum will be there for you...just remember that!

Good luck in whatever happens on new years eve and take care.

Regards
Selena:)
I have realized that along with ADD I have social phobia. I have always had it.
It has disabled me from doing and experiencing so many things in life.
This would include girlfriends, sex, dancing and going out etc. I have spent every new years eve alone. I am not the kind of person that would feel comfortable going out by myself down town and walking into some kind of place and trying to fit in. I am not into going out in the first place so how could I possibly enjoy that by myself! I could if I was with some friends that I know or people that I know of. I am currently trying to do the same thing I did on my birthday. I have sent a message to a few certain people that I know of asking if they could hang out with me on new years eve. I have heard nothing back from any of them. On my birthday I did that asking them if they would like to come out and celebrate with me - I spent that day alone at home trying to sleep the day away.

Jesus Christ ya know..... I just don't want to be alone again. I am not a party freak at all but I would like to feel a part of something somehow. I am afraid I will hear nothing back again.

I have the same thing. I am in college right now, and I am supposed to have a ton of friends and go drinking every night....but I don't. Since moving to Washington from my hometown (Fairbanks, AK) I haven't made any friends, and the only person I talk to is my boyfriend. Sometimes I feel like I have agoraphobia...

I haven't always felt socially inept...when I was in grade school I was very talkative and popular. Though, as the years went on I became very weary of people because of my fear of rejection and my occasional bouts of depression. I had a lot of friends in high school, but at some point we didn't click and I haven't talked to them since...that was in 2005.

I don't know if this social anxiety a direct cause of ADD or if it is a sad repercussion of societies 'expectations'. All I can really say is the first step (and for me one of the hardest) is believing in myself.

A couple of days ago I realised that I will spent newyears eve alone for the first time in my life. I kind of panicked and still am.

I'l probably drink myself to sleep

I have been alone for both since I left home 27 years agao. My conversational skills are c**p. Never could get that "conversation flow" thing going. Always making a comment about something totally unrelated to the conversation. It's easier just to avoid the whole hassle

Same here. Although, I have made it known that I'm not particularly comfortable at parties, so I didn't expect an invite. At the same time, I wish I could've sucked it up and just faked enjoyment - as it's definitely a socially healthy activity.

As I grow older I feel like me and my best friends grow apart in these ways - they find enjoyment in doing more socially acceptable and beneficial things. I'm not about to be some 13 year old that talks **** on "conformism" - I realize they genuinely feel pride in their colleges, do like dressing more expensively, and seem to have found organized religions that actually fit their personal beliefs. But, I don't, can't, and haven't. I feel like college, the adult world, and even evolution are tools to weed people like me out.

The very nature of quiet, nervous kids kinda prevents any of us from seeking each other out in real life. I've always liked the idea of a wife that "balances me out" by differing greatly. I guess the thing to do is to apply that to friendship as well.

I have realized that along with ADD I have social phobia. I have always had it.
It has disabled me from doing and experiencing so many things in life.
This would include girlfriends, sex, dancing and going out etc. I have spent every new years eve alone. I am not the kind of person that would feel comfortable going out by myself down town and walking into some kind of place and trying to fit in. I am not into going out in the first place so how could I possibly enjoy that by myself! I could if I was with some friends that I know or people that I know of. I am currently trying to do the same thing I did on my birthday. I have sent a message to a few certain people that I know of asking if they could hang out with me on new years eve. I have heard nothing back from any of them. On my birthday I did that asking them if they would like to come out and celebrate with me - I spent that day alone at home trying to sleep the day away.

Jesus Christ ya know..... I just don't want to be alone again. I am not a party freak at all but I would like to feel a part of something somehow. I am afraid I will hear nothing back again.

Im in the same situation as you man, like everything you said relates to me. I think the most important thing is building confidence, go to the gym and i gurantee youll notice a huge confidence boost which really does help your social problem. Forget the friends you hang out with now , for right now that is. Start going to places and meet new people ( bars, school, mall, anywhere ) and just build up your confidence and in result you'll meet new people and youll have fun at the same time. Just be random, do differnet things outside your house. I think the reason your feeling this is becuase nothing is going on in your life right now, so just go out and do random **** everything is unpredictable out when your doing random things.

hugs MS..
Selena'd take you out for NYE if she lived in the USA! I'd certainly come along too..

Happy Birthday..belated
Tracy
xx

Ha ha ha Tracy...now you've blown my cover:p no seriously I know what it's like to in Zachary's position:(

Selena:)hugs MS..
Selena'd take you out for NYE if she lived in the USA! I'd certainly come along too..

Happy Birthday..belated
Tracy
xx

I'm sorry you've experienced this.

If it makes you feel any less alone, I had a wonderful birthday with my boyfriend who turned around and dumped me only a few weeks later (right before Christmas & New Years...so my holidays were completely ruined and he didn't have to spend money on a present).

I feel pretty alone too :( I hope you feel better and that maybe you will find friends online who can be a support to you...eventually you will probably meet people in real life who you have things in common with too.

I honestly can't say that is one of my issues as an adult. As a child, and teenager going through school at least as far as most of high school it was difficult for me to make friends except when I was away on vacations with my family. As an adult even before medication I have been able to make friends and people like me. I am far less friendly and outgoing when I am medicated but I can deal with it. It is easy for me to be willing to spend time alone rather than go out even new years eve. I do like to go out also, for me right now it's a matter of money, I simply do not have money to do much in the way of socializing. Until I am working full time at a job other than minimum wage I won't have it.

Dating is much more my issue and maintaining a relationship. The people I have been interested in are probably the wrong kind of people for me. They are much more stable than I am, usually not medicated and even the ones who had ADHD it never affected them in terms of being able to hold a job, handling money etc. Probably not the most tolerant types in terms of being able to deal with a person whose life is not a nice clean path.

I definitely do not feel like people hate me.

I've had social anxiety all of my life. I have never been assertive - I am terrified of disapproval and criticism. I dread any times that I need to be around people who will notice me or where I will be required to speak and respond to people (I don't mind large anonymous crowds). I have never actively sought a friend or boyfriend. The friendships and relationships that I have had in my life were basically people that I stumbled across - someone that fate tossed in my path (in class, at work, etc). I became an alcoholic in college when I found out that if I got drunk I could actually have fun with people. I don't recommend it. I had a couple years of fun and paid for it with several years of h***. Ironically, I met my current husband years later in AA. And he had to pursue me vehemently for months before I began to like him instead of fear him. If it were not for him, being thrown in my path by fate, as it were, I'm sure I would still be single and alone today. So you never know what will happen!

Really, I said all that just to let you know that I relate and that SA doesn't mean you'll always be alone. Therapy has not changed my SA much, but I have to admit that I told my therapist I didn't even want to "go there". We have plenty of other issues to work on ;).

But I have to share one thing with you that I learned in therapy - and that is that it's OK to be different from other people and to need less human contact than other people. You see, I don't have friends. This has always made me feel bad about myself - like "I am really screwed up", and "it is not normal to not have friends", and "I am really pathetic because I don't have friends", and I would hide the fact, because otherwise other people would also know how weird and pathetic I am. Notice that I did not mention being lonely or wanting friends - because I'm not and I don't. I haven't the first clue how to be a friend, and don't feel like learning. I already have a husband and son after all. That's all the face-to-face human contact I can take. So the way I see it, maybe that's OK for me.

So make sure you're not beating yourself up just because you think you "should" have a bunch a friends around, and that it's "wrong" to spend holidays alone, because it's not. A holiday is just another day

how are things going? I understand the feeling alone been there a lot. it is not a good feeling. Thank goodness for the peole on here, you guys and gals really help me out a lot. I know when i come on this site I am not so alone after all. I know it does not make up for good old human contact sometimes but hey it helps. M.s. I like your posts and consider you a friend on here. us know how things are going.

I understand this very well, too. SA, afraid of disapproval and criticism all my life. I think that I found a way of partly coping with it because I can usually sense which persons are "safe" - not judgmental of how I am - to exchange empathy with. With these people I can feel wonderful and valued. This has, however, divided my world in safe islands in an unsafe ocean. Still not a healthy situation, for I am still really anxious in a lot of unavoidable situations and can be at times extremely sensitive to perceived unfriendliness and there have been periods that this grew into a nightmare.

I've also found that I feel much stronger when I have a valid "reason" to be in a situation that would normally really scare me .. when I have something "to do". I would be quite comfortable going out to a gay/lesbian cafe - meeting place where I volunteered - *if* I had some sort of task. On other nights I would sometimes try and work up the courage to go - but felt awful and totally out of place.

M.s., I can relate to what you tell about asking people over and no-one turns up .. that feels horrible. How are you doing now?

I am very used to being alone for every Holiday that there is. Including my birthday, X-mas & New Years, Halloween, ALL of them. My "family" including good ole Mom &Dad, but they totally cut me off 3 decades ago. I have learned over the years to be a survivalist or I would not even still be sucking air. If I don't do it it will not be done. I do have one friend and she is my counselor I see once a week. She is my everything. I beliveve she is my Angel. She has always accepted me, and I have told her more than anyone else in this world will ever know about me. We talk about anything and everything--there are NO limits. She is the finest person I have ever met in this life. She has a boy 9 or 10 and was married for twenty some years untill June 2006 when her beloved husband had a heart attack and died. I love her so much I did everything I could possibly do for her. Helping her get through her biggest loss. Then I made sure that she was safe and secure living out in the country with just her son. I taught her everything I could about being safe on the road, driving, and of course being at home with no man around to take care of her. I went to extreme lengths too. Once she discovered her husbands gun, I taught her how and when to use it. Safely. Got her plenty of practice ammo. Got her special self-defense bullets, etc. I can now rest a lot easier knowing she can handle taking care of herself. Like I do. Yes, of course after a year I wanted to take her out, date her, be friends and if she was willing I would still marry her in a New York second. Then came professional "Ethics" which shot my whole ship right out of the water. Oh well, my feelings have not changed and I decided that if i can not be with her I will remain by myself. Me andSparky my cat that is. It is not like I took it well or anything. As a matter of fact I almost really was going to let myself die. After I had tried EVERYTHING to get around these ethics, I finally sort of accepted it. That was on a Thursday. Friday I had a severe pain in my gut, on my right side. Saturday it hurt worse, Sunday it was really bad I could hardly get out of bed. I just kept eating more and more OxyContin. I have a prescription for chronic pain I have had since I was 21 years old on my right arm for bone cancer. She my counselor called me on Tuesday,[she always calls me on Monday or Tuesdays to make sure I am alright and I told her how badly I hurt. She asked me if I would please go to the hospital. So I waited until 18:00 or 19:00 and took a shower got dressed and called for an ambulance. They came and picked me up. Before I left I made sure Sparky had plenty of food and water. I got to the hospital and the ER doctor called in a team for surgery right then. They performed an emergency appendectomy on me. I stayed up all night complaining about going through morphine bottles that are on a timer and you have to hit a button to make it put more morphine in your I.V. I had my primary care doctor called and she came around 09:00. I told her I was in too much pain so she fixed it so I could get discharged at Noon and go home and double my dose of 500mgx a day to 1,000mgs. a day of Oxycodone and Oxy Contin. I was exausted when I finally got home. And I hurt. But I took care of myself and did alright. I kind of take pride in being alone and totally taking care of everything myself. That is just the way things have worked out. Alone with my cat Sparky, so I am not really alone. He is fantstic company.

I hate social activities. They're so much work for my brain. I'm rarely alone for them anymore. There is almost always something going on for Easter, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's, and Thanksgiving at my hubby's AA club. BBQ's all summer.

Since the social aspect is hard for me, I cook and arrange the food. Refilling punch bowls, etc. Other's are appreciative of it, and come to me to talk, wanting recipes, etc. I've even managed to let loose and dance some.

Talking to your counselor or a counselor is a good idea. If you're in college they usually have ones for free. This will sound cliche' but finding a group you have something in common with: computer gaming, writing, even donating your time to a charity will get you out and being around people.