My husband and are separated right now b/c of my adhd. He is demanding answers to things I did or said prior to my diagnosis and medication. I was very impulsive and basically let people know exactly what was on my mind and never once considered the consequences of such. Now, that I am medicated I don't think the same way, and there are some incidents that I can't explain. There are times when I can't figure out why i shared something with someone that was inappropriate or why i made such a stupid rash decision that backfired. To me now, I don't know why I did these things. Is this normal? B/c the things I did before, make no sense to me, and thus I can't explain myself. :confused:

I'm so sorry it got that bad for you. My husband too doesn't understand my brain's "ability" to be "normal" on meds and be totally chaotic without.

I still say what I think, but only because I allow myself to say it rather than pre-Adderall, just spewing whatever and forgetting I said it 4 minutes later.

I'm going on nearly 5 months medicated *I think*, and I am still simply amazed and horrified at the things that not only did i DO, but I justified before my ADD diagnosis and treatment. I cannot explain it. It's too scientific and technical. It's a glitch in my brain, it's ADD. I can't give anyone a diagram of the processes I used to go from sitting at my desk to three rooms of the house are in complete disarray, I've spent close to five hundred dollars, and only a slim idea of whose house my kids are playing at, and that's only an hour later.

ADD is weird. But I'm on Adderall now and I finally can do the things i WANTED to do, but for some reason COULDNT do. I don't know why. I can give my husband the short answer, "Adderall helps the front part of my brain babysit the back part, which is the troublemaking part". *that's close to how my doctor broken it down for me.. although I may have the front/back part mixed up, but you get the idea*

It's hard for people who are able to censor themselves to understand how we can't. They are even more suspicious when all we do is take a little pill and now we're "magically" able to do this???

It sounds hokey.

I'll never forget after being on Adderall about a month I think, I was still so proud of all I'd done. My house was finally getting in order, I was literally a new person, everything changed. My outlook, my habits, my focus. Everything. My husband made a comment to the effect that he was just waiting for me to slip back to being a complete slacker.

Now, in the past, the most I'd ever gone was about 3 or 4 days on a good roll, cleaning, making dinner, etc. This was going on a MONTH and I'd accomplished things I hadn't in YEARS.

It hurt. It also proved to me that he didn't see ADD as a disability, but an excuse. That I would simply go back to the way I was.

However now, I just say "screw you". Literally. He still makes his retarded comments. He still likes to pull up the crap I did before and try to make an example. Because in his mind, I did those things out of sheer laziness, or spite. Or I just wanted to be that way. I just tell him "screw you" and I keep going, and doing things for ME.

The only thing you can do is apologize for what happened previously. You can tell him till your blue in the face that you didn't do those things intentionally to hurt him or anyone. You don't feel that way anymore. You think differently. Ultimately though, he's got to either accept that and move forward, or suffocate in the negative and let it simmer and get you both nowhere. Give him time to see the "new" you. But, he'll either get it or not. There's no magic formula to make him.

I wish you the best.

ahh, to be single, have ADHD, and live in my own little dream world-

I CHERISH THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!! :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

The longest relationship I want to have is 60 days MAX! ;)

I"m blessed to have an incredibly understanding husband. But it is also because he takes a huge roles in my life and listens to all that is on my mind when it rolls out. Have you taken your husband with you to an appointment to discuss how ADHD affected your thinking and behavior?

My husband and are separated right now b/c of my adhd. He is demanding answers to things I did or said prior to my diagnosis and medication

Seeing he is no longer living with you as a husband I hardly think he is in a position to demand any thing - I would start there.


I would let him remain out of my life if he was incapable of getting on a computer or in a library and reading about ADD himself. If he can not do that simple thing then he sure ain't about to put forth the effort to make your lives together work again.

It takes two to make a marriage a baby and a war - I don't buy the one sided ADD blame thing I have lived to many years -

I agree with Meadd here, if your husband isn't even TRYING to understand your situation than he's really not worth your time. I would say you need to go to a therapist who understands ADHD so he can explain to both of you your actions. However, you probably do need to apologize for some of the things you've done in the past. My boyfriend is understanding to my disorder and he's been with me through my diagnosis and medication, but I still have apologized for doing things that I did in the past. Not so much because he asked for the apology, but more because I realized what I had done to him and it hurt me that I could hurt someone I loved so much without realizing it. When I gave him the simple "I'm sorry for hurting you" apology his face showed how much that meant. Something so simple can go along way.

Hi Chickpea,
I'm glad you have found a medication that works. I hope things work out well for you and your husband. My husband is add/adhd, and was undiagnosed for 23 of our 24 year marriage, so, we've gone a LONG time with all this craziness and hurt being caused. My husband has hurt me in many, many ways that he didn't mean, but it REALLY means a lot to me when he apologizes for doing so. At first, he only apologized one time, and thought that should cover everything.
But, I wasn't hurt just one time, I was hurt repeatedly over many years.So, I am needing apologies every once in a while to affirm my feelings that he really isn't going to do those things any more. Those old feelings of rejection and hurt will pop up in his head every so often, and even though he KNOWS that you are sorry, hearing the words doees remarkable things for us.
There will come a time when the message will sink in and he will finally "get it", and be finally reassured. I'm not saying that you have to FOREVER apologize for every little thing. (maybe you can ask him if it helps when you DO say the words?)
I really do hope you both do well. Best to both of you.

Dede