View Full Version : Joy....sort of


Melissa_17
12-31-07, 11:53 PM
Today something amazing happened.....something monumental. It came out of nowhere and it was totally unexpected. Today.....I felt good. There were no tears...no hand-wringing, anxiety attacks....no incapacitating fatigue....no feelings of overwhelming guilt, shame, or sadness....no clenched anger.....no mental fog....no threat of soul-crushing depression waiting to overtake me. I had....and I cannot stress enough how unusual this is....energy! I could get stuff done. I could think...and at a decent pace. I felt reasonably close to having mental clarity. Normally I could ingest the caffeine of 6 shots of espresso- plus my daily doses of adderall, wellbutrin and effexor- and still not have the energy (or motivation) to do anything.


What did I do to bring on such an abrupt change? I'm not sure. It could be because I slept in until I felt like waking, not because I felt guilty. It could be one of those rare nights where ,miraculously, I am able to achieve deep sleep- the kind that human beings need to feel rejuvenated - not just unconciousness (I have an EEG abnormality). Maybe it was just the right combination of ADD/depression medication and the caffeine from my large mocha at the right time of day. Maybe it was planetary influence, who knows?


I felt it was important to write this down so I don't forget about it. It's one of those rare glimpses of "normal" that serve to remind me that there is still hope for a better life.

Imnapl
12-31-07, 11:58 PM
Thanks for sharing it.

Melissa_17
01-01-08, 10:52 PM
Aww....well, thank you for thanking me for sharing it.