I have been struggling with depression/ADD issues for almost a decade now.

For the first eight years, it was diagnosed as depression and I tried various meds for it. Most didn't work and some worked for a short time.

Then I was re-diagnosed with ADHD and I tried Adderall and the effect was immediate. I was full of energy and it was great. I am on 15mg Adderall now.

Then, especially since the last year, I have had some sort of "paralysis of will"; I see that things need to be done; I know that if I don't do them, there will be negative consequences; I know how to do them; I have resources to do them; but I DO NOT attend to them.

Sending in my tax form is a classic example. I am actually getting money back, but haven't done it. I had the accountant prepare the tax forms, I just had to sign it and send it and it has been sitting on my desk for a long time. I know it will cost me $$$, yes, I know it way too well.

Its like I have no fear left.

I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I have multiple issues and Adderall is taking care of some of them. I am still social, I don't curl up and keep sleeping in my bed, I spend time on the web surfing but the "motivator" is missing and I need to find it either by looking inside myself, by talking to others, by therapy or by taking medication.

I have added Wellbutrin to my adderall and I am hoping that the combo will have some effect and have started to question things I do and talking to others.

At times I wonder if Adderall isn't just masking my real problem. The underlying issues remain unresolved. I need to have the motivation+energy to take control of my life back.

If any of you have experienced something similar or have some insight in to it, please let me know.

Thanks.

have you thought of going to a therpist or coach?

sometimes they can help you find the whats wrong or why things aren't working. meds don't always solve problems

meds can help make sure the chemcals are balenced but sometimes thats not enuf, sometimes people have cognitive distortions or other thoghts that make day to day living hard.
http://healthymind.com/s-distortions.html

Thanks for the support.

Over the years I have seen three or four therapists; one specifically for this issue. I did not find it particularly helpful.

I am not saying that I am doing this right, or mean any disrespect to anybody, but I find that for therapist/coach to be effective, I need to have respect for him/her, and I need to have "fear" for him/her to follow through with the suggestions. I have found both of these things lacking in me.

It's not that I don't know what do I need to do; I know it way too well. Its not that I don't know how to do it, it's not that I have some psychological fear of failure, It's not that I am perfectionist, god knows I am not, had a great childhood, have a VERY supporting family.

During my last episode in 2002, when I was falling behind on my work (before I decided to go on medical leave); I should have been afraid of my supervisor; I should have been afraid of being fired, but none of that was enough to induce me to complete the work. As I said, the "fear" was lost. I am at the same place again, but now my heels are dug in even deeper.

I tried one session of hypnosis and have contemplated going back for a few more. may be I should start a different thread on it to see if others have had any luck with hypnosis.

Other things I have tried in the last few months: going for long walks; going to gym regularly; since I like gadgets - denying myself getting anything till I improve or accomplish certain things; none of these attempts have succeeded.

I tried light therapy a few years ago, not sure if it worked. This time I have not tried it because the house that I have now is very bright, and I do get enough sunshine; me thinks.

I have had two episodes like these before. In both of those, medications was the primary way I got out of it; first time it was Effexor and second time it was Zyprexa. Both of them stopped working after a few months.

This time, I am looking to find the right medications plus something else, that helps me avoid being in this situation.

These ADHD/depression issues have cost me so much; lost opportunities, lost wages, lost relationships; diminished physical health, diminished future, it all has to end.

The only good thing going for me right now is that I haven't lost hope. I know I will beat this; at least for another 4-5 years.

Wow! I really can identify with how you're feeling and behaving right now. And I don't know about you, but for me - these episodes seem to have gotten WORSE as I've gotten older. (Maybe that's not true - maybe it just feels that way because I have more responsibilities now that I'm a middle-aged adult, single parent of two.)

Gosh - your situation is similar to mine with the medical leave and the "I should fear the wrath of my supervisor, but don't" phenomenon. One thing that I've decided to believe is my reason for my episode (and I've fought to discover a reason so that I can feel like what's happening makes sense) - is that I have absolutely had it with being MOTIVATED BY FEAR! That - plus the fact that in the past I was naive about more things and actually believed that I had many joys in life to look forward to - especially finding a companion to spend my life with. Well - now that I'm old, I know that my chances of that happening aren't very high. And I also know that I most likely will not discover and work at a wonderful "DREAM CAREER" either.

I have had serious relationships. I have attended college, graduated, and gotten that "GOOD" job (boy - that was an eye-opener)! blahblahblah!

I'm afraid the Universe is going to have to pull out the big guns for me to find that passion again.

Thanks for the topic. I look forward to hearing more from people.

Sincerely,
Sue

Have you tried cognitive therapy? that really helped me out with similar things I went through. I know what you're talking about though.

I just needed to change my thinking from 'I've got to do this, I really have to get this done' to 'I will get this done by 1pm today and I'll finish it'. Doesn't sound like much but it helped.

Sighhhh...... tomxkite, I really wish I didn't know exactly what you were talking about... the jaws of inertia.. it's like quicksand or something. Got no advice for you. But I also strangely never lost hope, It's sort of worked out so far.

I've suffered from depression all my life, and have always attributed these bouts of "paralysis" to that. I get burned out and bored with working so hard day in and day out to accomplish I-don't-know-what, and a switch in my mind flips over from "must do everything right" to "screw it". In the latter state, I have lost hope. I have lost desire. I can't stand the thought that this is all that there is, and I rebel against it all. Sick of it all, and "what's the point". I look around me at the chaos of unwashed dishes, piles of laundry, unpaid bills (that I have the money to pay), and cannot cope with even the smallest tasks. But it DOES bother me that they're there - lurking - and I must constantly turn my mind from them and drown the thoughts out with TV and video games....

The only cure that I've found for this condition is hope, and then action - but I am unable to generate these myself. My therapist gives me hope - gives me another perspective, convinces me that there's a good chance that things can change for me. Then she gives me a push by convincing me to try and change one tiny thing at a time - complete one small task, and feel satisfaction in it. Mail the bills. Yahoo. - - But this simple thing was impossible for me a few days ago, so it IS something to feel good about.

I have also learned this time around (finally) that medication cannot cure my depression. I am a negative-thinker. I fear and expect the worst in all situations, and am constantly trying to prepare and protect myself from pain. My mind is caught up in a number of deeply ingrained, self-defeating circles of logic that I cannot escape on my own. Medication cannot change my belief system - for this I need therapy. Discovering and challenging the negative thought traps.

I find that for therapist/coach to be effective, I need to have respect for him/her, and I need to have "fear" for him/her to follow through with the suggestions.I agree that I need to have a certain amount of respect for my therapist - I mean, if I think they're an idiot and don't know what they're talking about, I'm not going to care what they have to say. By respect, I just mean that I think my therapist is honest, sincere, and most of all - she knows something I don't know. She has something I don't have, and has a sincere desire to help. Several times in the short while I've seen her, she's given me several simple ideas that make perfect sense, that my great analytical brain :rolleyes: had never considered. This I respect, because my great analytical brain has never been able to solve my problems. It just creates more circular traps for me to be stuck and miserable in. Oh - and from my own previous experience, following suggestions just to please/satisfy the therapist did not work. I had to be desperate enough to want to try them just to see if I could actually change. Sounds cliche', but it's got to be for you, man.

Anyhow - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, they call it. It's worth looking into. Hope you feel better soon.