I received an email telling me that positive thinking for ADDers (people with ADD ADHD) does not work and we cannot change because our habits are hard wired within our brains and therefore we have no choice but be the way we are. This person went on to say because I am so positive and seemingly cheery that I must have no clue what it is like to suffer as an ADD ADHD child or adult.

Needless to say, I was shocked by the email and took offense to it! The nerve to say something like that to me… I admit that I was upset and deleted the email immediately without giving it the satisfaction of a reply. Maybe I should have replied, but that’s probably what the person wanted me to do. So I am happy I did not engage in that manner.

Many of you probably feel the way I do and would probably tell me I have no need to validate my positive attitude to anyone, but when I think on it, there are probably other such people as the email writer who believe in what he wrote.

First of all I believe ADDers can find ways to cope and overcome many of our innate habits. I truly do. I won’t say that it is easy, but I sincerely believe it is possible and I will spread that message to every ADDer in the world if I can! I have written about choices and that we can make choices, we are not simply victims without choice who dangle about on puppet strings of the ADD ADHD mind. Positive thinking is possible, even when we have suffered the worst of circumstances.

My Memoir is about One Boy’s Struggles for a reason and I will share with you a bit about a story I wrote about within those pages to know better where I am coming from.

I was a very distracted child, I paid attention to friends off and on and sometimes I ignored them for extended periods of time. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair to my friends and I lost a lot of them because I hurt their feelings and seemed to not care about them, but I did care about them. I regret losing the friends I had because I was ostensibly irresponsible.

I was finally diagnosed with ADD at the age of 37, only a couple years ago. I have had problems keeping friends all of my life and I work to improve that and I feel fortunate to have some very good friends who care about me and stay in touch even when I might be distracted. Not all friends are like that and not all friends are what they seem.

Back in the early 90’s and in my early twenties, I was downtown with my girlfriend and another friend. The friend who was with us I considered to be a good friend of mine. I did not yet realize at that time that I wasn’t such a good friend and didn’t stay in touch as expected. That day this friend confronted me and asked why I disregarded him and others as if they were nobodies and I was someone better or something. He was visibly upset.
I did not see the punch coming, it hit me across the face harder than anything I had ever felt and when I hit the ground I went into a fit of shakes. Before I even realize what had happened the ‘friend’ had started kicking me as hard as he could, blood spurted from my mouth and for too long I felt like I could not breathe. I tried to get away and as I moved I was kicked into a deep ditch that was dug for construction. I didn’t even feel it when I hit the bottom. Going into the ditch and the police arriving soon after is the only reason I am alive today. The end of my life had been that close, so very close. One of my legs was broken, every part of my body hurt terribly and blood seemed to be coming from everywhere. I didn’t even recognize myself when I looked into the mirror a couple days later.

I don’t know what it is like?

In the 5th grade my teacher was so upset with me for my ADD behavior that during a class party I was made to stand in the corner the entire time while the rest of the class ate cake and laughed. Thankfully my mother had me removed from that teacher’s class for good!

I don’t know what it is like? There is so much more, but…

Back when I was beat within an inch of my life my parents took me in and helped me return to good health. It took months and during that time, where I had been working I was on sick leave. I didn’t tell my co-workers why I was out or sick, but because I felt it was my fault and was humiliated and just couldn’t bear to be seen the way I was I never told what had happened and didn’t go back until the bruises had faded away. Some believed that I had faked my illness to get out of work. It took me years to return to good health from that beating and I had a lot of Doctors appointments, not to mention visits to court which prosecuted the person who had been my friend.

So imagine how embarrassed and humiliated I must have been to keep such a thing a closely guarded secret and now I have written about it openly for the world to read. I think I have changed a little. And about ten years after the incident with this ‘friend’ he came to see me. Yes, I was nervous when I saw him and wanted to go the other way, but I didn’t. I walked towards him and I could see that he was apparently sad, with his head down low and shoulders hunched. He had come to apologize to me and his sincerity made me believe that he was truly sorry. I accepted his apology. It might be hard to understand why I accepted his apology, but within me I felt it was the right thing to do and move on and work to be a better person, my friend obviously had.

People change and can become better with ADD or ADHD or without.

By the way, the girlfriend I had been with that day got on a bus and left me there just after the fighting started. She was not the one who called the police. I am glad I have not been put into the position of accepting her apology… yet…

~Bryan

You can visit me at my Blog and leave comments of support if you like. Thank you...

Bryan..when we get emails we don't like, instead of deleting them, it can help by replying, but instead of sending it, put it in your draft box..and see how you feel in a few days time ...and if you still feel the same..then send it

I have done that..and days later been thankful I never sent them ;-)

That's usually what I do too Tracy, but I knew right away I would not reply to that person for any reason, not even in a draft situation. I decided I would write in the open and not behind the scenes for those of us who might be in similar situations.

I hope you are doing well and had a wonderful entry into the New Year!

That's usually what I do too Tracy, but I knew right away I would not reply to that person for any reason, not even in a draft situation. I decided I would write in the open and not behind the scenes for those of us who might be in similar situations.

I hope you are doing well and had a wonderful entry into the New Year!good idea..did you know the person, or was it a visitor to your page?
Oh, and how long until the book is published now? :p

Nope, didn't know him. He basically sent me a rantmail. Ugly.

My Book should be published by Friday or early next week! I will send you a message and of course it will be posted on my blog :)

Nope, didn't know him. He basically sent me a rantmail. Ugly.

My Book should be published by Friday or early next week! I will send you a message and of course it will be posted on my blog :)cool..I should go back and have another read :p

So glad you didn't get into it with this person, that just leads to nothing good. Much better to come here and talk it out. Congrats about your book, and try not to let this person get you down.:)

I dont think it is impossible for us to be positive either.......I just wish I knew how myself. :(

They don't know what it's like. Many people, even those you would consider closest to you, can only give their perception. It's a tough go.

I know what it's like to be singled out in 5th grade and ridiculed by your peers. My teacher did this to me one day while we were playing kick ball. I can't really remember what I did/didn't do, but I was made to be the only person out in the field while the entire class was invited to repeatedly kick home runs, and was the only person who was subjected to being forced to hustle and retrieve the ball every time or face detention. This was supposedly a "Christian" school. What kind of awful thing did I do to deserve such psychological humiliation at this age? Guess I'm being over sensitive, these things stay with you for life, don't they?

Fraz, I think you are a positive person. I have read many of your posts lifting others up and brushing them off.

Your right 'computer' these things do stay with us for life, but we learn from them and hopefully treat others better than we were treated. I was bit heated this morning and hope you all don't mind such a long *slightly tweaked* post :)

What business is it of theirs anyway? You're the one who has to live with it and you deal with it your way.

Hi Everyone,

I am not completely sure if I overreacted with my initial posting or not, but on my blog I deleted this and replaced it with the following, much more truer to myself. I have to be stronger than what I originally posted and keep my own internal beliefs and standards:

There’s going to be people who say you can’t, there’s going to be people who tell you there is no way, there are going to be people who try to hold you back, but the truth is—you can, there is a way and no matter what someone says or tries to make you believe, it really comes down to what you believe, what you think and what you want. Nobody has control over your mind and your future the way that you do!
I am here to tell you that there will be times that people make you feel bad, make you feel down and make you feel like nothing you do is worth anything. It can get to you and it got to me, but the great power within our minds has the ability to overcome naysayers, put-downers and those who are trying to make us feel as bad as they do.

The good news I discovered about naysayers is that when they come at you and they have you in your sights and they feel the aggressive need to work their negativity on you, well, then you are doing something right and it scares them. That’s right. It scares them to death. You know why? Because we are showing that there is a power greater than “I can’t” we are showing them that when there is a “will”, then there is a “way!” We are showing them that effort does pay off! Being positive and enthusiastic works miracles, but it isn’t always easy, we have to be strong, and we have to get up and brush ourselves off and continue, even when it seems all is not going to go well.

Misery loves company, failure wants friends and sadness wants you to be its closest friend so it can feel justified, - because you know what? The more you glow with smiles, the more spring that rises in your steps and the happier you get and the more successful you become, well, that shows others that negativity, criticism and defeatism can be overcome! Some have seemingly lost that will to put the effort forth, some have fallen into the void of negativity and some have given up. I know that very well, because I have been there. And like the fiery phoenix I rose out of the ashes of disparity and I worked and still work hard to overcome my struggles. Yes, I still say the wrong things from time to time, yes I still do the wrong things from time to time and yes, I do still make some wrong decisions, but over all I feel like today, I do more right for myself than I do wrong, even when others would like me to believe otherwise.
Yesterday I wrote a post, a negative post due to a harsh, negative email I received and it was the wrong thing to do. A person is having some struggles and those struggles have gotten the better of him for the moment, but I believe that no matter what struggles a person is in and how difficult things might be right now, there is a way to overcome them, a way to think positive and a way to see that there is more to who we are than what others would like us to believe.

My mother has always had some wonderful sayings as I grew up. They are clichés and I never really paid them attention (I have ADD you know), but when I think about them today I understand how right she was and still is. Clichés become clichés because they hold a lot of truth. Let me tell you what she frequently told me and I live by these sayings:
“If there is a will, there is a way!”
“If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
“Those who don’t, or won’t, - criticize instead.”
My mother has always believed in me, it didn’t matter how bad my grades were, it didn’t matter how much trouble I got into and it didn’t matter how much I ticked her off at times, her belief in me has always been there and it will always be there. She might not have known I had Attention Deficit Disorder while I was growing up (I still do), but she has always known I would be something special even when my 5th grade teacher put me in the corner with a clown hat on while the rest of the class held a big party. Ohhh, I am glad I wasn’t that teacher by the time she got done with him!

To the writer of that email yesterday: I know things have gotten you down and I know it seems like there is no way to overcome the adversities in your life due to Attention Deficit Disorder and maybe other things . I have been there and yesterday I felt your hurt and I took it to heart in the wrong manner, because I am not mistake free and negativity can still seep through the cracks, but that was only temporary. Whatever you are going through and no matter how much ADD seems to be keeping you down, please know that I have been in the gutter of hopelessness and the confusion of not knowing which way to turn. I have been on the brink of death and I have cried so hard on the floor of my bedroom that my mother had to pick me up off of the floor and make me see that tomorrow is another day and tomorrow I can do better and even if I don’t do better the next day, well, then I have a day after that and a day after that one to give it my all and do whatever I can within my heart and my soul to be better, to work towards what I want in life. Tomorrow is another day and with it comes new opportunities and a chance to see things differently and that’s what I try to show through my writing and that’s what I want for others to know and hopefully believe that positivity over time can overcome even the ADD mind and bring about success and happiness.

Please know that negative thoughts and negative beliefs can be a temporary thing and we have a greater power within all of us to overcome them and be positive, successful and happy. Setbacks will come, but setbacks will also go. Don’t join the negativity, join the positivity. Don’t join the “I can’t’s”, join the “I cans”. Choose positive company and let the positive feelings and beliefs and thoughts be a part of our nature. When we join negative company their thoughts, beliefs and feelings are just as contagious, so we have to choose which group we are a part of carefully. Even with ADD, we can find ways to overcome, we can find ways to rise to the top and we can find ways to smile and be happy.

To the writer of yesterday’s email concerning that ADDers can’t be positive thinkers: I deleted your email, but if you write me again I will personally send you a copy of my book and you can read what I have been through, how negative I thought and how I overcame my inner and outer struggles. After all, that’s why I wrote it and the reason I write my Blog, to help others and especially to let others know that I have been there and that there is a way—

“When there is a will, there is a way!”

The very best wishes from me to you, all of you!
~Bryan