Does anyone else feel inevitably disliked by their peers?

Sometimes, I have these days (medicated or not) where I am loud, obnoxious, unable to sit still and overly ditsy.

I have started noticing (especially after it was blatantly pointed out to me from one of my friends) that my classmates deliberately attack me; I am unsure of whether or not this is truly malicious or hateful, but it bothers me either way.

I always thought I was a likable person. I'm friendly, cheerful and seem to be funny to others... but wherever I have been surrounded by my peers (middle school, high school, working as a waitress, college and now graduate school) I seem to immediately be that target person and I am so fed up with all of the negative attention.

They treat me like a child; I am constantly being criticized for asking "weird" questions in class, saying "dumb" things, and even made fun of for the clothes I wear! I have always played that game of acting like I don't care what others think... and would laugh it off and mask my feelings by being overly optimistic and cheerful -- But today, I feel like I've had enough!

I have tried so hard to brush it off, ignore it and even deny it; but I am starting to conclude that I am just a little out of my element in the professional world. I'm sorry for the rant; it's just been a depressing day and I feel like nobody else understands.

I like people who feel disliked. Being misunderstood is a lonely feeling.

Hi dalitwil, Let me start off by saying Yes, I know exactly how you feel For years I was put down by my peers and Co~workers and the hurt I felt then still lies just below the surface like a sore covered with a bandage.
Second of all Do you like yourself..? If Yes Great! :D You sound like a friendly likable person to me and if others don't understand what sounds like AD{H}D symptoms, Honey they are the one with the real problems. There are always those who take pleasure in tearing down others to build up their own insecure egos Be strong and Remember it's Your education and You have every Right to ask Any question you choose to in class. If those who are so concerned about your clothes were in class to learn most likely they would not find your questions so weird. In other words their focus would be on learning material not what a fellow classmate is wearing or asking. My guess is they find intelligent questions beyond their meager grammar school mentality! :D :D :D
More Power To You !!! If you see those bullies as no more than refuse underfoot it'll render them powerless you'll have esteem intact. Good Luck and be Thankful You are You~ Special and Unique Revel in it, Honey and Take Care !!! :D :D

I feel quite misunderstood. It seems people make asumptions about me that really aren't who I am.
I feel like people don't bother getting to know me before making these asumptions.
It has kept me from being more honest in my dealings with people. And not speaking out and asking things I want to know because I don't want people judging me for it.


I guess people also think I'm weird, but heck, I know I'm weird. Lol.


I've spent years thinking I'm the problem and seeking the general approval of my peers but lately I'm realizing that's no way to live and it makes me act even more unlike myself.
I've made it a goal to be myself and not take anything to heart that is thrown out by someone who doesn't even know who I am. If they don't know me, they can't be judging the real me. It's generally more about themselves than me anyway. Taking their problems out on others. :P

I often feel the same way, maybe not necessarily dis-liked but not praticularly liked either, and not fitting in with everyone else. In school I felt like a real misfit, I always wanted to be one of the 'cool kids' and was always asking what was wrong with me.

It's important to like yourself and see what is right with you rather than what's wrong.

Asking weird questions shows you think beyond what's obvious. I've had that happen too, and people jsut don't get it. Saying dumb things is probably more along the same line. And making fun of your clothes - okay, those people aren't worth another thought if that's so important to them.

I much prefer the company of people who can accept others as they are, but there don't seem to be many of those around. As for the others, they have to live with themselves.

I often feel the same way, maybe not necessarily dis-liked but not particularly liked either.

Yeah, this is usually the thing with me as well. Just not liked, not necessarily disliked.
It's frustrating, especially to someone with a problem feeling like they need everyone to like them. I hate feeling that way. I even feel that way about people I don't even like!

I'm really focusing on letting some of that go. Heck, if I don't like someone, why should I care how they feel about me? (Of course logic and emotion can be quite a good ways away from each other for me. :P)

I understand completely.

I was a social outcast throughout high school and college.

People didn't like me, I didn't fit in, I was different and awkward.

Girls especially didn't like me, even the girls the trashy girls considered trashy :(

Anyway, what I realize now is that I was a social retard. First I thought it was because of poor social skills so I started improving my social skills, then I thought it was because of low self-esteem and social anxiety, so I started doing Cognitive BEhavior Therapy exercises to get over these problems, then I thought it was lack of social experience so I started doing many events at Meetup.com and meeting people this way.

What I finally realized is that the root of many of my social problems was/is ADD related. I was a poor listener, i would interrupt, be blunt and rude, random, could never read body language and social situations, etc. etc.

Anyway, what's the point of all this rambling?

I think my point is that the journey is long and hard. And I still have a long way to go. I know I benefited from all of these experiences. I know that I'm improving slowly but gradually. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we each have our own path socially. Ours happens to be longer and harder, but as long as we keep improving ourselves, we'll be okay.

I feel like it to the point where I say to myself all the time "Nobody likes me." I have a lonely life even with a full family because I have no social life :(

Do you have any idea how much any of this means ten years from now?

It doesn't - if you pick a field you are decent at then it may be that employers over look some of the oddities because you are worth it. I have found that being good at the job is of utmost importance - being considerate of others feels is good but not so much you can not be yourself at all.


There are always those who take pleasure in tearing down others to build up their own insecure egos

You got that right on. . . .


Odd~Scrooball your more like me than I ever imaged - {this should be scary}

Do those superficial people get on your nerves also?





My guess is they find intelligent questions beyond their meager grammar school mentality

This is amazingly true

When people do not understand what you are saying or the connection they will make accusing statements or worse stupid attempts at being a wisenheimer - few ever think to ask for a clarification - because they understand so little they do not understand they don't understand. . . . I have had this done in debate huge mistake. . .



I have started noticing (especially after it was blatantly pointed out to me from one of my friends) that my classmates deliberately attack me; I am unsure of whether or not this is truly malicious or hateful, but it bothers me either way.


Is there such thing as a accidental attack Is making fun of some one ever done out of concern for their well being or compassion?




I always thought I was a likable person. I'm friendly, cheerful and seem to be funny to others... but wherever I have been surrounded by my peers (middle school, high school, working as a waitress, college and now graduate school) I seem to immediately be that target person and I am so fed up with all of the negative attention.


I read some words by Dale Carnegie that changed the way I saw these things

Dale Carnegie

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

The person who seeks all their applause from outside has their happiness in another's keeping

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about

No one ever beats a dead dog -
{End Quote}

The young and immature want to be like every one else but as people mature they find what we really wanted all along was to to have that some thing that sets us apart -{the quest for popularity is the superficial of this} Really don't we all want to be special ,to be that one person who out shines above and beyond all the others Do not most people want to leave there "mark" on the world ?

You already stand out - by being who you are nothing wrong with that don't be fooled into thinking there is They want you to be like them so you don't have what they really want.

Yes, and having this situation play out in almost every situation through my whole life has changed who I naturally was (just wanting friendship, liking everyone) , into someone who can not be open socially with new people because of the fear of as soon as I screw up (and I never know what I do either!) they will decide that i'm different, not like me and possibly misjudge, target and turn others against me (which happens with other women quite a lot).

I can usually tell as soon as I meet someone (from experience) what types of personalities are most likely to do this. I guess my brain has developed the only defense it can against this, which is to judge and find something I don't like about those people so I don't feel as hurt by them later...
terrible I know!

feeling like you don't fit in, people looking at you like you just grew a third eye when you ask questions.... if society can't fit you in *their* pigeon holed box called "normal" then you're weird - or so they think.

Society often doesn't know how to deal with people like us and I consider it a blessing. Because it means we're unique, smart and a lot better off than others may think. People will often reject others who go against the grain mostly because they don't quite have the intelligence required to deal with people who think/work "outside the box".

I know what it's like as do many others. Do what you want, do what makes you happy otherwise you'll oppress yourself in trying to "fit in" - and to that end, only depress yourself further.

feeling like you don't fit in, people looking at you like you just grew a third eye when you ask questions.... if society can't fit you in *their* pigeon holed box called "normal" then you're weird - or so they think.

Society often doesn't know how to deal with people like us and I consider it a blessing. Because it means we're unique, smart and a lot better off than others may think. People will often reject others who go against the grain mostly because they don't quite have the intelligence required to deal with people who think/work "outside the box".

I know what it's like as do many others. Do what you want, do what makes you happy otherwise you'll oppress yourself in trying to "fit in" - and to that end, only depress yourself further.


I think it's about balance. Learn the social rules and norms, cultivate strong social skills so that you can fit in, but also be independent and self-loving.

I think it's important to get along w/ people, but it's also important to get along with yourself.

I understand that, there are days where I know I'm obnoxious but I just can't stop myself. My real friends have learned to deal with it, but it sucks when I'm around people who haven't. I'm also horribly awkward at small talk! I just suck at it, beyond "Hey What's up?" I have no idea what to talk about, so for new people I know it's just an awkward silence while I figure out something else to say.

Now I have a question for you....Are you throwing yourself a pity party? I am not trying to be mean or saying you're like this, but I have a friend who goes on and on and on about how much people make fun of her...it drives me crazy! I want to hit her and yell SHUT UP! I sometimes wonder if she's so awkward on purpose just so she can have something to add to her pity parade.

Now I'm not saying that's you, but it's something to keep in mind. In my case, I tend to ignore rude comments and keep on smiling. I love myself and I am myself, people can love it or leave it. But I find the more I accept myself the more others accept me, no matter how weird I dress or speak =]

I wouldn't say people don't like me. I would say it takes people longer to appreciate me. Until people are around me enough, they tend to not get me and how I work. I tend to confuse people anyway, I have been told I an very inconsistent. One day I'm all chatty and act like we are best friends the next I can act like I barely know them.

I am really bad at maintaining friendships. Plus I hate going to clubs and bars. My hubby has some friends who have girlfriends and they will sometimes invite me out but I don't partying like they do and I have to force conversation with them.

I guess people also think I'm weird, but heck, I know I'm weird. Lol.

:P


Define "weird"

[quote=meadd823;531108]

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

The person who seeks all their applause from outside has their happiness in another's keeping


quote]


Well said!

I wouldn't say people don't like me. I would say it takes people longer to appreciate me.
I like that way of looking at it, that it takes people longer to appreciate you.

Plus I hate going to clubs and bars. My hubby has some friends who have girlfriends and they will sometimes invite me out but I don't partying like they do and I have to force conversation with them.
Me too. And it's torture trying to have a conversation with people I have nothing in common with.

Thinking back, I thought I wanted to be like the 'cool kids', but I didn't really. What I really wanted was to be accepted as is, and now I feel I am with the people I care about.

After a while you just learn to ignore people who have nothing better to do than nitpick over your supposed idiosyncrasies. I experienced this sort of thing when I was in school (K-12). I was hurt by it early on, but by the time I graduated I didn't much care about other's opinions of me (except perhaps in regards to certain attractive members of the opposite sex). I never had any interest in the "Greek" culture in college (unless that is taken to mean the actual ancient Greeks, who really were quite interesting). With rare exceptions I have found ideas to be more interesting than people.

Yeh, nobody likes me either but then I have an "attitude". In addition to that I'm a loner, have no intention of meeting other peoples expectations including my supervisor's, have unusual hobbies, and generally just don't give a s--t what other people think. I have extreme difficulty in social situations at times and eventually have become a hermit maybe?
My joy comes from hobbies or successful endeavors no one knows about.
Yet I crave freindship at times as well. To tell you the truth I cannot for the life of me ever see me sitting in a pub after work having a beer with the "boys". Literally, I don't understand how they do it. What do they say?
Part of my problem comes from my survivalistic attitude and a favorite saying is " Yeah, I'm ADD and a bit strange and YOUR problem exactly is WHAT? Strangely that doesn't sit to well with some people.
At 58 and newly diagnosed I'm quite prepared to go it alone .....most times

With rare exceptions I have found ideas to be more interesting than people.


Agreed . . . . .

I hurt inside just reading what ur saying that was my life growing up every word I know just how u feel!!!!!! and it doesnt go away or get easier you just have to change ur thinking meaning think liek they are just jealous of my intelligence or I have a higher level of intelligence that helped me not be on the other side and feeling dumb or left out ya know

Yes! I found this thread again! Sorry. I found this the other day (AFTER posting a blog about practically the same thing) and then couldn't find it again.

I DEFINATELY know how you feel! I always described myself as weird too. Now I say overactive imagination. I recently got officially diagnosed for ADD. For about a year I suspected it. Went to a "doctor" about it but I didn't like him. Paying $300 out of my pocket and I think his whole office has ADD. Never even got an official diagnosis "We have to rule out other stuff. Sometimes it takes awhile to really know if you have it" I think that means "You owe me $300 and I can't tell you anything. Come back and see me as a therapist for awhile. By the way, we don't call you. You call us for appointments!" If I have ADD, would I REMEMBER to make one??? They took their time getting around to billing me, too! Finally I saw someone else and told him "Just agree that I have it!". He had me fill out a SHORT survey (the quack doctor was a huge long one making sure I wasn't suicidal, into killing people, into hurting animals and stuff. Nothing that relates to ME) and agreed. Now I'm on Straterra which isn't working.

My "Quick Replies" aren't so quick! Typical of me. I finally decided to "Come out of the closet" with my ADD. I have 3 shirts now about ADD "I have ADD. I never finish anyth" and other funny sayings. I'm TRYING not to worry about what other people think of me. That's the hard part. But I know how you feel!

Who Cares?

I mean my self worth isn't formed around whether people like me or not or whether I am important etc.

I decided at one point after feeling bad about people not liking me at all, that, If people have a problem with me, it is their problem, not mine.

Try to keep that in your head, OP.

Yeah I feel you on this.
I've always been made fun of throughout my middle school and highschool years for being awkward and "*****y"... and now I'm labeled the same way in college. I have no patience for anything at all, including other people. ESPECIALLY other people. So I tend to mouth off and give my opinion when it isn't necessarily wanted... a LOT of people don't like me. I've always been the girlfriend that none of my boyfriend's friends/family liked.. the girl who's friends' parents always hated.
When I'm really not like that! I just have a tendency to blurt out rude things and lose patience WAY too easily... I've never been accepted by many people. That's why I only have 1 or 2 actual friends.

It does get lonely.

how i feel 24/7 they act like they like me but is allot of B's

That phrase has been my #1 thing to say since I was maybe 5. I still use it, 41 years later.:eek:

Its one of the things I am now trying to rid myself of. I understand it is due to being an extrovert and for dealing with years where I have been totally understood as a person.

Now I understand many of my motivations and desires, but still don't get people very well. I mean, you guys probably understand me better than the world at large, but I want everybody to be like me, as I have no idea why anyone would like to have a boring "normal" (non-ADHD) life.

But anyway, making friends has always been tough, and I used to be a club joiner to have friends, and I would let my friendships go for girlfriends, but now that I am married with a child, and lost my job of 15 years, I have no idea how to make friends. :confused:

Most of my pseudo-friendships have been based on the web or email list servers since I was diagnosed. Don't get me wrong, I have a couple of friends, and we talk on the phone or email a few times a month. And I have neighbors that I am pretty friendly with, but its not all that satisfying for me.:(

Anyway, Its just one of those painful issues about growing up late in life.

They treat me like a child; I am constantly being criticized for asking "weird" questions in class, saying "dumb" things, and even made fun of for the clothes I wear! I have always played that game of acting like I don't care what others think... and would laugh it off and mask my feelings by being overly optimistic and cheerful -- But today, I feel like I've had enough!


oh my gosh you describe what I have to deal with at work. I'm a CAD drafter and I see grading jobs etc as a whole and don't need much notes to explain what I can do after all I've been drafting for over 12 years. But they stop me and basically tell me (in my own opinion) how to draw a line. I backcheck all my work and sometimes do it twice. I admit I do miss a group of text on plans due to a distraction hense why I backcheck. My plans have the fewest markups. But they treat me like a kid. Its wierd I sometimes wonder why no one talks to me much or why I'm the only one in my office (out of 7 people) who never gets invited to things like the others.

it's too painful to read what we have to go through - in response i wrote this:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=552385

They gotta take the bitter with the sweet..

....your good points are also your bad points.

the good thing about me is...

I'm friendly, outgoing, and funny.

the bad thing is...

I won't shut up.

...I think it's all in your mind.

love yourself like you are, and you'll belive others do too.

I like ya. *smiles*

....the world takes a cue from you, on how to treat you.

you get what you ecxpect.

Mom perspective here...

These posts break my heart because you are describing my teen ds. He's never had many quality friends. So many kids taunt and take advantage of him.

Just yesterday a school official said, "Well kids who were homeschooled tend to not be very well socialized and then they get to PS and they are just all agog at what is going on around them..."

You see, we used to homeschool him. Even though he has a hard time admitting it now, in many ways he was happier then. He got restless in middle school and went back to PS after being homeschooled 2-6th. He thought the grass would be greener....but it isn't. He still doesn't have many friends...and the school official didn't know this; she was just making a blanket statement about homeschooling in general, but she doesn't truly know anything about all homeschoolers! My other dc do not have these friendship issues. It seems to be more of an ADHD thing than a homeschool thing.

At least my ds has the memories of being liked and respected by ADULTS and others not necesarily his own age. So many of his ADHD public school friends have not had that experience. Shoot, even his neurotypical peers who do really well in school seem to NOT like adults but only like their own peer group, and then it's usually only certain peers, like jocks or whatever. CLiques. All that stuff.

School is a harsh world for my ds. Adults there can't get past the ADHD behavior and other teens tend to just s*ck. SOrry. I guess I marched to the beat of a different drummer myself in school. I don't have lots of peers that I get along with, either, but I seem nice in person.