I simply just do not understand. i have so many troubles on and off my medicine. i would rather be OFF my medicine though. i really am not trying to say any of this in a way of offending anyone (apparently i tend to do that according to other threads i have posted, just a warning)

But anyways, everyone seems SO happy and good on their medications and i read some people who have been on it for years and years. a year ago i was on adderall for maybe a few months on and off... then i completely stopped cause i literally could NOT take it anymore for so many reasons...so i thought to myself, hm, maybe adderall is too strong (even though i was on a very low dose)..

so anyways, i stopped adderall for a long time, then november first i started VYVANSE, and was on that for a month (off on the weekends)... and then the lowest dose stopped working and so i increased for a bit. i went from 125 to 106 in four days, felt HORRIBLE. i can't even explain how i feel. it's just so frustrating and i seem like such a failure, im only 15 (almost 16-crazy :) feet )... and i should not be feeling like this.. off my medicine i just feel like dying cause im a lazy piece of ... and i don't do my school work but everything else such as friends, etc, etc is great... then ON my meds, school is AMAZING, but everything else makes me want to pull the trigger, literally. i don't want to hear anything about like trying a different med because i've been on a cople and they all do this to me in a matter of ONE month, maybe even weeks!! and you guys seem fine doing this for years and years. i am just very confused with myself, i am not sure to take the "natural" alternative and just accept myself for who i am.... or whether to be miserable but at the same time do well in one thing--school.

I was having the exact same symptoms as you when I was on adderall and I was on vyvanse for a month while I didnt have insurance vyvanse took the drug out of adderall that worked the best and turned it into a "new pill" so I'm not surprised that you also had a bad reactions to vyvanse. I knowyou said you have tried different medications have you ever tried concerta it work great for me without all of the crazy angry side effects I was having with adderall.

I must admit to being in the same boat as you. I take concerta and well, don't really see what all the hullaboola is all about. I feel like* pewp* on it actually. I almost feel "drugged" and it's a draggy feeling.

I'll admit the side effects of ADHD meds alone would turn me off. Initally when I started taking medication, I HAD to eat some kind of carb otherwise my stomach would pay for it!

Maybe I got lucky, but I noticed the changes to my ADHD symptoms right away. I was more productive, I got more done in less time, my concentration was bang on...

ADHD meds are frustrating, no questions about it. But I do encourage you to keep finding that right dose and right med for you. Are you working with someone who specializes in ADHD? This is absolutely crucial, otherwise you're just working 'blind' so to speak.

By the way, who decided how much to increase your medication? I hope you didn't just take liberties with your medication and decided for yourself. Not that I would say you did this, but that's how i understood the post. Only doctors can determine how much to go up, and if you should be going up at all.

I had the same effects from Adderall as well. I could focus but I couldn't stand social interaction. I don't get that way with Dexedrine though.

I know you don't want to hear the different meds thing but you didn't give any of the methylphenidate meds a shot at all. Many people have no success with amphetamines but are greatly helped by methylphenidate (Concerta, Ritalin, Daytrana, etc) or dexmethylphenidate (Focalin).
Also, Dexedrine feel *completely* diffeerent than Adderall or Vyvanse for most people.

It can be frustrating and discouraging to try a new med and have it not be what you hoped or have negative side effect but that seriously doesn't mean they're all crap.

If you are miserable, why not give a fair shot to another med or two?

I gave up on psych meds and resigned myself to misery for a while too. I'm glad I reconsidered though. It took a long time for me to find the right meds and the right balance but it's *SO* worth it!

Also, I can't recall if you've mentioned this before or not but are you in therapy?

I didn't just pop my first ADD pill and *poof* everything was magically fixed. I had to go through three before I found the best one. I got discouraged for a while after Adderall because it "worked" but I still felt horrible. When I took a semester off, I went off them entirely. Then I did some research, considered all my options, and decided to give Dexedrine a shot. What's the worst that could happen? It wouldn't work? I might feel crappy for a few days? I could only end up right back where I was and there was a chance it would help so why not give it a go? I'm glad I did.

I did the same thing with my BP meds. I tried Depakote many years ago with so-so results. A couple times, actually. But I was never happy with it. So I gave up for years. No stibilizers for me, darn it. Then I finally realized it was worth giving something else a shot. I was miserable anyway so what did I have to lose? So I gave in and gave Lamictal a shot. I couldn't be happier with that decision.

I had also given up on therapy after many many tries and failure to connect or derive any real help from one after another. Even the one who finally diagnosed me w/ ADD just wasn't a good fit for me.
I mentioned to my GP that I was interested in finding out more about light therapy for SAD and he referred me to a therapist who might have some info on that and also happened to specialize in ADD (my GP is my psych med doc too). I was hesitant to make the appointment. Never would have made the call in the first place but he called me. So I set up an appointment. Then I freaked out and cancelled it because I always left therapy feeling worse than when I went in. But I said, hell what can it hurt? Maybe he'll **** me off for a bit and I just wouldn't go back. Turned out, this one seems to be a good fit! I never believed I'd find a therapist. Seriously. But it finally happened.

It's really really hard to be patient with stuff like this in the first place but I know it's a million times harder when you're in high school and dealing with those pressures and the pressures of being a teen. Exacerbates everything.
I know it doesn't feel like it but there really is hope if you hang in there and don't give up.


BTW, with Vyvanse, what do you mean by "stopped working" exactly? Just curious.

Some of the longer acting meds have less room for titrating in small amounts. Concerta would be one example (I'm not sure about Vyvanse). That's one reason I'm fond of IR meds. I can split them to adjust the dose only slightly without affecting the effectiveness of the pill's delivery system. These meds can be really touchy. For example with dex I've recently discovered that 10mg at once in the morning doesn't work as well as 7.5mg (& a magnesium spuuliment) when I get up and 2.5mg about an hour later (or an hour before I need to really concentrate, depends on what I have going on that day). Then I take 5-7.5mg (w/ magnesium again) 4hrs after the first morning dose. Depending on the length of my day and what time I took my first dose, I might take another 2.5-5mg 3 to 4hrs after that.
It may sound like a lot of trouble but it's what works best for me and I'm willing to deal with a little tweaking of meds and times and whatever to be the best me I can be. Give myself the best shot as functioning.

After years of misery... ups and downs... never feeling quite right... being way too influenced by/ feeling no control over my emotions, impulsivity, and such... being overly excited when I felt "good" then ending up disappointed when it didn't last... thinking I'd never really be ok and feeling really discouraged and down on myself, I realized yesterday that I felt OK. Not fabulous, not horrible, not overly emotional, but not flat... just really ok. It's a great feeling and I'm determined to do my best to keep it and do my best to do what's best for me.


As far as "natural" remedies, the only one that significantly improved my mental health was Sam-E. If you'd like to know more about my experiences with that, feel free to PM me.

Also I've had some success lately with some books that have helped me think about things differently and some self-hypnosis/guided meditation CDs and stuff. I was skeptacle of these things but gave 'em a shot anyway and have been pleasantly surprised.
It's really really important to learn to stop beating yourself up becuase that undermines any effort you make. Ask me how I know. Lol ;P

The main thing is not giving up. Not resigning yourself to a life of misery. Keep working on doing what's best for you. Self-improvement is a long and ongoing process. There are no real quick-fixes. It takes a combination of things and a lot of learning to approach things differently, which is hard. And it doesn't always happen the way you think it should or expect it to or on the timeframe you expect or want. You just gotta hang in there. The only way there's actually no hope is if you give up. As long as you choose not to give up, there's still hope.

Oh, I totally left out the most effective natural remedy. It sounds totally cheesey but eating right and exercising regularly does wonders. For me, eating frequently and focusing on getting enough protein and vegetables (a tough spot for me) makes a lot of difference.

Making sure you get all your vitamins/minerals/etc is really important as well.

Extra B-vitamins really seem to help me well. And I take fish-oil & flax oil. I don't know if it helps my ADD in particular but I know it helps my general health (physical and emotional) and definitely helps my skin too.

In reflection to your title, soccerloven, I doubt there is a single person alive that likes having to depend on a medication let alone loves it so try and understand that just because something doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesnt improve others quality of living significantly.

Do I love having a mental illness that I have to take medicine to manage?

About as much as a hole in the head.


Plus you have tried two meds, when there are more options available so maybe you should explore your options a little bit and see if that helps.

I don't really like my meds (concerta) either. But I need them to function properly at school. The <strong>negative</strong> that it has is that it sort of changes your personality. I am and have always been a very enthusiastic person but with meds I'm just so different, I know that is part of what the meds are supposed to do. But I still also like the enthusiastic side of me. And at times it can be very positive. On the other hand I also need the meds to make me a bit more controllable since without them I can be a bit too wild etc. and that tends to end up in getting me in bad situations.

i like my med, even with the side effects, because after 27 years of frustration after frustration, i am finally functioning how i want to function.

does it make me normal? no idea. but i finally have control over the things i didn't before. i finally have *choices*. it is amazingly freeing.

i don't want to be on medication. god no, and i was extremely resistant at first. but the relief, and the improvement in my daily life is simply wonderful. it took awhile, and alot of experimentation to find just the right med at just the right dose taken at just the right time, but it was worth it. I am worth it.

the meds aren't everything. i go to therapy, and i actively use the tools i learn in therapy in my every day life (i highly recommend the Mastering Your Adult ADHD system. my doc has one, and i have the workbook. marvelous). and sometimes, it's really dang hard, especially setting limits, setting tasks, sorting out time blocks, using my daily planner, and working on remembering things. if i didn't have therapy, i don't think the meds would really do a whole lot. i can't just take the adderall and suddenly feel like doing all my chores or writing a business report. i still have to force myself to do these things. but the difference is, i *can* force myself to do them. i have a choice.

and choice is simply fantastic!


i don't have any other conditions however, and despite my shortcomings, have generally had a pretty optimistic view of myself and the world. i think that may make a difference in my success. i also take care of myself with diet and regular cardio workouts.additionaly, i have a good support system in friends and family.

if i remember correctly, you are still in your teens? you've got alot to deal with, just being a teenager. there's crazy stuff going on in your body and brain right now that are going to affect your outcomes. being a teen is really really tough, even without all the add and other stuff added in. so, don't lose hope. things will be okay. be honest with yourself, with your docs, and with your support network, and allow yourself to just be. don't push yourself to be whatever you imagine perfect or normal is. i know your frustration is running really high right now, but just remember to breathe!

I don't really like my meds (concerta) either. But I need them to function properly at school. The negative that it has is that it sort of changes your personality. I am and have always been a very enthusiastic person but with meds I'm just so different, I know that is part of what the meds are supposed to do. But I still also like the enthusiastic side of me. And at times it can be very positive. On the other hand I also need the meds to make me a bit more controllable since without them I can be a bit too wild etc. and that tends to end up in getting me in bad situations.

I don't know... I did find that Adderall changed my personality a bit, in that it made me much less socially capable and a fwe other things but one thing I really like about the med I'm on now (Dexedrine) is that I still feel like "me." I don't feel that it really changes my personality at all, other than helping me be a lot more positive because I feel more capable and functional.

I felt similarly about antidepressants and such in the past. I didn't feel like myself. But I do with the Lamictal I take now. Me, only better able to handle day to day things.

As far as AD(H)D meds making one feel a change in personality... maybe the difference here has something to do with my not exibiting many hyperactive characteristics so the meds don't *outwardly* "calm me down" at the do for some who tend more toward hyperactivity.

i like my med, even with the side effects, because after 27 years of frustration after frustration, i am finally functioning how i want to function.

does it make me normal? no idea. but i finally have control over the things i didn't before. i finally have *choices*. it is amazingly freeing.[/qoute]

I agree about that feeling. I love feeling like I finaly have the option and ability to do things and function in ways I was unable to handle before.

[quote=supamook;532291]i don't want to be on medication. god no, and i was extremely resistant at first. but the relief, and the improvement in my daily life is simply wonderful. it took awhile, and alot of experimentation to find just the right med at just the right dose taken at just the right time, but it was worth it. I am worth it.

the meds aren't everything. i go to therapy, and i actively use the tools i learn in therapy in my every day life (i highly recommend the Mastering Your Adult ADHD system. my doc has one, and i have the workbook. marvelous). and sometimes, it's really dang hard, especially setting limits, setting tasks, sorting out time blocks, using my daily planner, and working on remembering things. if i didn't have therapy, i don't think the meds would really do a whole lot. i can't just take the adderall and suddenly feel like doing all my chores or writing a business report. i still have to force myself to do these things. but the difference is, i *can* force myself to do them. i have a choice.

and choice is simply fantastic!


Once again, I agree heartily. It's a wonderful feeling but it doesn't come from meds alone and I put a lot of hard work into the changes I have made and am making. But the meds help me be more able to handle it and have the

if i remember correctly, you are still in your teens? you've got alot to deal with, just being a teenager. there's crazy stuff going on in your body and brain right now that are going to affect your outcomes. being a teen is really really tough, even without all the add and other stuff added in. so, don't lose hope. things will be okay. be honest with yourself, with your docs, and with your support network, and allow yourself to just be. don't push yourself to be whatever you imagine perfect or normal is. i know your frustration is running really high right now, but just remember to breathe!

Yup, even without any other conditions.problems/etc, being a teenager is a really tumultuous and difficult time emotionally, mentally, and physically.
I know it's really hard but don't lose hope. And try to keep yourself as calm as possible. We ADDers are all too often "tossed about by every wind" in the first place and it's even harder to keep that from hapening when dealing with the stress of being a teen as well. But I promise, every little thing isn't a "make-or-break" as it seems and you will get through it. No one is perfect and no one can be perfect so it's important to try not to put that kind of unreasonable pressure on yourself and just do the best you can. You'll make it.

Hey,

I know that it can be frustrating feeling like you're not "the norm," but ADD/ADHD really isn't all that bad. Meds aren't even all that bad when you find the right ones and a good pdoc who's willing to work with you & listen.

Something you might miss in this forum is that, while meds are the most efficacious way to treat the symptoms of ADD, counseling can make a world of difference in terms of finding ways to compensate for some of our "better qualities."

Also, high school can be an immensely stressful time for us ADDers. Once you get past it, though, an entirely new world of opportunities becomes available for the taking. It's only a matter of what your goals are and your willingness to make changes in order to reach them.

Just a few more words of advice: Try to keep an open-mind when going through the tough times because it isn't until you're really challenged (or fail) that you learn ways of improving and moving forward.

Hang in there, it does get better. :)

i dont use any medications myself

dorm

I feel ya, man. I've had some very rocky experiences with adderall. It will seem great to finally feel yourself able to focus in at school, but then you notice yourself avoiding discussion and preferring isolation. I also tried ritalin but it made me feel sedated and didn't improve concentration. I took from this that it seems that the amphetamine branch of stimulants are more therapeutic in allowing me to focus. I have been reading into dexedrine and am inclined to switch to it for similar reasons as you said and also some bad physical effects I've experienced. It's tough as hell because you hear it's strong but don't really think about it because it's a prescription. Then you start taking it and you get improvement and are happy until you realize how strong they are. Just be persistent and remind yourself there will be times like this and you are just working towards the best solution. If after exhausting all options to no avail, then I think it would be time to call it quits with the meds. It is especially hard to have high school as your testing ground as to whether a med works because everything you do is critical.

I simply just do not understand.
Well I for one love taking my medication these days, but that is because I love the way it helps me.

That has not always been the case though for me, because I tried several duds before finally finding what worked best for me. Thank goodness I did not stop my quest to find the medication for me, or I would never have been able to type this post. I actually considered stopping my medication for good several times during my first 5 to 7 years of treatment due to me developing the incorrect assumption that these medications are probably all going to be duds like the other ones I have tried and not liked.

In a sense, the same is true with most of the foods that I now consider my favorite foods. As a kids, I was reluctant to try anything exotic, or anything that was too much different than the foods that I knew that I liked (at that time), and guess what? I ended up missing out on some pretty darn good food for a very, very long time. Then as I got older, and a little bit more adventurous, I started trying this food or that food, and to my surprise I found out that until I actually tasted an unknown food, that I really was horrible at guessing how well I would actually like it or not.

I have to admit that although my previous post on this thread came accross as if I wasn't one who likes meds in general, I have to say that I am satisfied with the relief that I get from dexedrine, I have side effects like the ones you describe, loss of appetite is prominent for me and it takes me 8 months to develop a tolerance to that effect and one day off of medication will bring it back with a vengence. Forcing oneself to eat can be disturbing and at times unsuccessful, but it slows my brain down, I talk in a straight line and I have control over both my impulses and my attention span and I personally like the drug for that reason.

Hey Soccerlovin,

I've had times of both hating and loving my medication and I've had times it definately didn't like me. What I've found through experience is that I can do pretty well in school and other kinds of responsibilities if I get enough exercise and watch what I eat (avoiding processed sugary foods). I recommend you take a look at Dr. Ratey's (Harvard psychiatrist/professor with ADD) new book Spark. He talks about how to make exercise work to help you ADD as well as depression, anxiety and such. I took his teleclass and he said that exercise can work kind of like of holistic dose of Adderall and Prozac combined for several hours afterwards (not unlike short acting Ritalin).

Take care!

I don't love my medication. I don't hate my medication. The Vyvanse works for me...it's that simple. Yes, there may be something that might work better, but for now I'm not going to cause waves in the calm waters. I have learned to work with the medication. I have to force myself to stop and eat when I'm not hungry, I have to take my vitamins, I have to sleep, I have to make sure I get plenty of fluids during the day.

Even with the Depakote...at first...I hated it; you can see the posts on that. Before I completely and utterly became non compliant I decided to change one thing to see if it would help. I decided to take it at night, so that I might avoid the sleepy catatonic drooley nauesous headache self ....I could not stand those side effects after months of being "chipper"(for the most part). So far, this is working...it's also only been one day.

I'm stubborn and I hate to change medications and I will always try to work with them instead of just giving up(even though I will post my frustration and say I'm going to give up...I won't); if that means I have to change a few habits...so be it. To me it's easier to change a habit than to introduce a new chemical with new side effects into my system every 2 weeks. (I say 2 weeks cause when I start a new med I have to see my pdoc 2 weeks later *shrugs*)